On her way outside, Jinsoul spots Yoojung and Doyeon waiting for her near the entrance. Cars and bikes are speeding out of the pristine driveway, the noise makes it hard for Jinsoul to focus, especially on the voice calling out behind her. Her elbow is grabbed and Jinsoul doesn’t even look who it is before pulling herself out of the grasp. 

It was probably Minho, who she never wanted to see again and not Sooyoung, who she was wanting to walk her home. Jinsoul was done with guys, she’d rather get a job then to ever touch one again. Or speak to in that matter.

From a distance, Jinsoul can see Yoojung raise her eyebrows dramatically. That’s when she turns around. Jinsoul can feel the tension leave her body when she realizes it’s Sooyoung, whose expression is hurt, but the concern overlays it. Jinsoul’s eyes soften in the slightest. But she continues on, hopefully with Sooyoung following behind, the blonde noticed the older girl was still clutching her side.

Yoojung smirks and crosses her arms, Jinsoul ignores it, since her friend was telling her to play nice. “Hey Soul, you okay?” Yoojung’s smirk turns into a smile and the blonde only gives a shrug. Sooyoung steps beside her and acknowledges the two in front of her with a short nod. 

“Some party huh.” Sooyoung mumbles out before letting out a nervous laugh. She tries to put her arm over Jinsoul but the blonde steps out of her reach. Doyeon and Yoojung snort at the awkward exchange before turning serious when Sooyoung looks at them for help. Yoojung slowly slides her thumb across , trying to warn Sooyoung to not bother Jinsoul at the moment, since she was clearly pissed off.

Doyeon speaks out through the awkwardness, “um I think there’s a train running soon, we should probably get there before it leaves.” Yoojung nods and pats on Doyeon’s back, she then goes to grab Jinsoul’s hand and squeezes. The blonde is looking off into the distance, eerily silent for someone who spends a lot of their time talking, but she does squeeze Yoojung’s hand back.

Sooyoung joins Doyeon in the front since it was the first time ever she didn’t really know how to handle the blonde. Sure, when Jinsoul was sweet and affectionate, it was dangerous to Sooyoung’s health. And when she was in her normal mood she loved to tease the blonde to make her even more pissed. But this...Jinsoul was hard to read, actually she couldn’t read her at all. Sooyoung was nothing but worried, trying to figure out what to do. 

Sooyoung has never cared about someone like this, but Jinsoul isn’t just somebody. 

Yoojung starts to walk too, but Jinsoul squeezes her hand tighter, pulling her back into her spot. The blonde’s face is steeled, but her eyes are glossy. “I wanna see if Xiaojun is okay.” Yoojung frowns, feeling bad for forgetting him in the first place. It just shows how good of a friend Jinsoul is. She’s always been even though she doesn’t seem like it.

The blonde has always looked out for them, but somehow, Yoojung doesn’t feel like she doesn’t look out for Jinsoul enough herself. It feels like hours before their tiny friend is being dragged out by Mark. Xiaojun has his arm around the other guy’s shoulders and his face has a bit of bruising. 

Jinsoul lets go of Yoojung’s hand to walk towards the two. The three of them watch as Jinsoul cups Xiaojun’s face, wiping any sweat away. Sooyoung turns away, not wanting to ease drop. But she can’t help that her heart skips at how caring Jinsoul can be. The blonde may seem rude and self-centered. But she cared more about the people around her than herself.

Mark speaks up as Xiaojun retells the brawl dramatically as Jinsoul quietly listens, “I better get this guy to the hospital, he might have a concussion.” 

The blonde sighs, “okay, thanks Marky.” Jinsoul pouts up at Xiaojun and he gives her a weird look, he starts to scream when Jinsoul kisses him on the forehead.

“Ewww stop it! You’re acting like I was at war!” Xiaojun whines as Jinsoul breaks a smile for the first time since the fight.

Patting on Xiaojun’s head she rolls her eyes, “I know you like boys but you don’t gotta be like that…call me when you get home.” Xiaojun narrows her eyes at her, trying to get her to go away but Jinsoul knows he loves her. Or he wouldn’t have punched her ex for her. Flicking his forehead she makes her way back over to the three awkwardly standing around. 

She knows Yoojung and Xiaojun don’t always get along, but she can see the concern in her other best friend's eyes. “He okay?”

Jinsoul shrugs, “yup, you know him, he’ll probably end partying again before the night is over.” Yoojung then takes her hand again and they begin to walk to the train station. Jinsoul doesn’t say anything after that. Only swinging her and Yoojung’s hands between each other. 

Doyeon and Sooyoung walk in front of them, talking seriously about God who knows what. Yoojung keeps her eyes on them but Jinsoul is too out of it now to pay attention, instead her gaze is somewhere out in the streets. It causes her to miss the way Sooyoung keeps glancing back at her, with a tinge of pink on her cheeks.

The blush gets deeper every time Yoojung catches her, wondering why this girl was looking at her best friend like that. Sooyoung even whines a bit when Doyeon elbows her side to . Sooyoung obviously likes Jinsoul in some sort of way, but Yoojung suddenly remembers what Jinsoul said at the party. How she seemed disappointed when she said that she didn’t think Sooyoung thought of her in that way.

More evidence that her best friend...is probably, most definitely gay. Or at least a little. The relationship she has with Sooyoung is like an elementary crush. Jinsoul pretends to hate her when she clearly likes her...a bit too much. Why she was mean to Sooyoung when the older girl wanted nothing to do with her. All the flirting coded as insults. It’s starting to make a lot of sense.

Yoojung’s never seen Jinsoul have a crush, the blonde rarely talks about boys. If she does, it’s usually what they did for her, or how annoying and smelly they are. Jinsoul was always bored talking about them, but with Sooyoung. Jinsoul would talk for hours, enough that Yoojung was the one that got bored. It’d always start out by Jinsoul complaining about Sooyoung, how she said this and that, getting on Jinsoul’s nerves. But then it’d spiral into admiration. 

Why does she have to be so sweet? It’s gross. 

Jinsoul would always repeat that over the phone, if Yoojung were to guess, when Jinsoul talks about Sooyoung she probably looks like one of those lovesick girl’s in the movies. Feet hanging in the air, phone cord twirled around her finger, the fight to keep the grin off her face. Yoojung can just hear the smile in her best friend’s voice when she says ‘Oh that Sooyoung’ all dreamily. 

The blonde had it bad, but she kept it well hidden. 

But Yoojung could see right through her, Jinsoul had a crush. It was so obvious it was kinda funny. Yoojung guesses this is Jinsoul’s first, because the way the blonde acted, she was trying to deny it herself. 

Pulling Jinsoul’s hand to get her attention, Jinsoul’s gaze spins and lands on hers first, but quickly shoots to Sooyoung. Who was looking straight at her over her shoulder. Being caught by Jinsoul herself, Sooyoung’s entire face turns red with shock and she turns her head so quickly Yoojung wouldn’t doubt it hurt a bit.

Looking back at her best friend she can see the sparkle in her eye. 

Jinsoul clearly adored Sooyoung.

Maybe not in the way she adored Doyeon, but if this little cat and mouse game between them continued. The push and pull they had each other in. Yoojung was betting that it wouldn't take long for Jinsoul to fall in love. However, Sooyoung was a lot harder to read. Yoojung didn’t know her as well as Jinsoul, but by how adorably awkward Sooyoung gets around her. When any other time she comes off as aloof and too cool to care about anything. Yoojung would say that Sooyoung’s feelings are not too different from Jinsoul’s. 

~

The train back home is quiet, Yoojung leans into Doyeon as Sooyoung stands and holds onto the metro handles. Jinsoul is across from them resting her head back onto the window. Every now and then she’d huff after taking a peak at Sooyoung, who was now borderline sulking because of Jinsoul’s standoffish mood.

Doyeon glances around the train-car, realizing it’s empty besides the sleeping guy near the corner. Yoojung doesn’t have time to argue when her face is grabbed and her still tispy girlfriend tries to get fresh with her.

Sooyoung’s face is priceless, she looks at them with shock and turns to see Jinsoul’s reaction. But the blonde is picking at her nails casually, Sooyoung tries to warn them as if Jinsoul was someone they had to worry about.

Yoojung didn’t know Sooyoung was that clueless, she seemed smarter. 

“Okay both of you can stop now, it sounds like a wet balloon being through a vacuum.” Jinsoul groans out while glaring at them. Sooyoung’s mouth opens and closes, her gaze bumping between them. “What are you looking at freak?” Jinsoul gestures at Doyeon who was not pleased with her kisses being interrupted.

Yoojung can’t help but snort, the animosity between the two was friendly. But damn...sometimes Yoojung really thought they were gonna fight. “Jinsoul be nice to Doyeon, she's sensitive.” Her girlfriend takes offense but Yoojung shushes her with a single finger.  

“Well tell your girlfriend to stop being weird.” The blonde sighs while crossing her legs. Her chest was puffed out and she kept her gaze low. In full Jinsoul defense mode, not even an army could penetrate the steel wall the blonde had put around herself.

Doyeon grabs a piece of trash and wads it up before tossing it at Jinsoul’s head, making the blonde even more infuriated. “Be mean to Sooyoung, she likes it.” Sooyoung, who was playing the pacifist clams up. She looks sheepishly at Jinsoul, but the girl only had eyes for Doyeon. Yoojung was pretty sure Jinsoul was trying to telepathically rip her girlfriend’s face off. 

But when the blonde is unsuccessful and thinking way too hard about Sooyoung now. She stands up to go to the end of the train-car and away from the two idiots making fun of her and the one idiot who was giving her those eyes. Jinsoul grumbles, she turns her face away from them. She wasn’t giving into Sooyoung...no matter how cute she looked at the moment.

Shut up, do you hear yourself?  

“Boooo come on, we was just playing!” Yoojung shouts at her but Jinsoul only flips her off without turning back around, staring deep into her reflection she resists the urge to check and see if Sooyoung was still pouting up at her.

Jinsoul leans her head against the cool glass, trying to freeze her rapid thoughts. Why was her resolve already melting, she wanted none of them to see her vulnerable. But all she needed was someone to hold her. The only person she could think of is Sooyoung. Blinking at her reflection she wants to cry, it was so embarrassing. Get a grip Jinsoul… 

The rest of the train ride Jinsoul listens to their conversation from afar, with them occasionally calling out to her to come back to them. Jinsoul was stubborn however, she knew Yoojung was waiting for her to break. 

On the platform, Yoojung and Doyeon linger around, “you gonna be okay Soul?” Jinsoul shrugs at Yoojung’s question and the girl doesn’t make a move to leave.

So then Sooyoung speaks up, “I’ll walk her home.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes as the two lovebirds find safety in that and finally depart. Sooyoung shifts on her feet awkwardly and Jinsoul scoffs before walking in the direction of her neighborhood. 

The streets are eerily quiet, so the sound of Sooyoung’s footsteps behind her are comforting. Still knowing the girl is behind her puts the blonde on edge, so Jinsoul focuses on the roll of fog making its way through the city. How it takes away from the sharp light of the street lamps and shadows the occasional car driving by. 

Her heels click against the dampened pavement and she shivers every time there’s a breeze. She can hear Sooyoung mumble something behind her that turns into a borderline whine when she doesn’t react to it. Jinsoul only keeps her eyes on the blearing neon shop signs, using them as guidelines for a way home.

Passing by a 24-hour noodle shop, that’s sign was dangling loosely since it had a few broken hinges, she’s grabbed for what seems like the hundredth time tonight. Jinsoul doesn’t turn, she only drowns Sooyoung’s words out with the faint buzzing from above. 

But then Sooyoung’s voice cracks, “are you mad at me?” 

Jinsoul hates the sound of it so she forces herself to face Sooyoung who looked like she’d be kicked over and over again. 

It’s my fault she looks this tired. 

“No, I’m not mad.” Jinsoul says casually. She wasn’t exactly mad at Sooyoung, she was mad at herself. For bringing her to that stupid party and putting her in that situation. But she also didn’t like the way Sooyoung was treating her so fragile, when in the past, Sooyoung could care less about her feelings.

Sooyoung face twitches, “then why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” Jinsoul pretends to be clueless and she can tell by the way Sooyoung’s jaw tightens she doesn't appreciate it. 

“Like you don’t want me around you.” 

Jinsoul takes a deep breath, “doesn’t feel too good does it.” She knows she shouldn’t be so defensive right now. And throwing up the way Sooyoung used to treat her was petty. But Jinsoul felt a little jaded, when Sooyoung was like this towards her for almost a month it was okay. Now, it was like the world was ending when it was Sooyoung on her side.

Sooyoung throws back her head and lets out a short laugh but Jinsoul knows she found the remark anything else but funny. “I thought we were over this.”  

“We are…” Jinsoul whispers and tries to say something else but the words don’t come. Because all she can see is Sooyoung still clutching her side. The older girl isn’t trying to be obvious, but the way she’s hugging the jean jacket around her body Jinsoul can’t help but focus solely on that.

Sooyoung was hurting and all she was doing was being a brat.

Jinsoul’s coping was arguing, that’s the way she avoided most other feelings. Was replacing them with anger. Like all the feelings she had with Sooyoung in the start, the neglect, the longing, how Sooyoung made her heart flutter. She pushed them away with a drive of vengeance and rivalry. 

“No no no don’t cry.” Jinsoul didn’t even realize her face was scrunching up along with her lip beginning to quiver. Before she knows it, the arms that Sooyoung was using to hug herself come to wrap around her. 

Jinsoul pushes her away, “stop it you idiot I’ll actually cry if you do that!”

Sooyoung holds her hands up and away from her as Jinsoul takes deep breaths trying to calm herself down. The blonde was shaking and Sooyoung simply raised a brow. “It’s okay to cry you know.” 

“I’m not some .” Jinsoul groans, “...all my friends got hurt, you got hurt because of that stupid .” She rushes out and Sooyoung takes a breath of relief. Starting to understand why Jinsoul was so upset. “I could handle it, but everyone rushed to help me because they didn’t think I could. So now everyone got hurt because they thought I’m some poor weak girl th-.”

“We didn’t protect you because we thought you weren’t strong enough.” Sooyoung interrupts her and when Jinsoul locks eyes with soft ones, the older girl continues, “we did it because we care about you. At least I do, and I think your friends do too.” 

Jinsoul feels the lump in , “you care about me?”

“A lot...I care about you so much Jinsoul.” Sooyoung doesn’t expect the water works, but Jinsoul instantly bursts into tears. She doesn’t even have time to react when Jinsoul clings onto her for dear life. Wailing like a baby. Sooyoung malfunctions at first, never prepared for the warmth that envelops her when Jinsoul is this close. She pats on the blonde’s head, while the other hovers around Jinsoul’s heaving back. “Trust me, I know you were perfectly capable of turning that guy into a pulp, you’re the strongest girl I’ve met.” 

Jinsoul pulls back and Sooyoung gives her that same soft smile, that she’s known from the beginning, “but how could you expect me to just stand by and let you get hurt more than you should.” 

The blonde sniffles, “but I’m the one that’s supposed to take care of you guys, after all that he said...I should have been protecting all of you.”  

“Well, I’d be a pretty ty friend if that wasn’t mutual, I’m sure everyone else feels the same.” Sooyoung replies and Jinsoul laughs for the first time since they left. 

Jinsoul leans into Sooyoung, feeling more tired than before, “you are a good friend no matter what you do,” the blonde pulls back, all her elaborate makeup has either run down her face, or smudged. “But you give terrible hugs.”

She thinks back when Xiaojun made them hug for the first time, Sooyoung still gave the same...awkward and cringy, embraces. It made Jinsoul want to curl up in a ball. The older girl rubs the back of her head sheepishly, “hehe sorry.” Jinsoul kinda wants to die from the second hand embarrassment, however, she appreciates how sincere the girl in front of her is. “You wanna know what’ll make you feel better?” 

The blonde raises a skeptical brow and Sooyoung smiles, “noodles!” Jinsoul’s cheeks warm at how cutely Sooyoung said the word but she hides it by glancing at the shop they were standing in front of, it was almost completely empty except for the young woman half-way asleep on the counter. Before she can give an answer however Sooyoung’s pulling her in.

The warmth is what hits Jinsoul first, then it’s the smell. It’s nothing but comforting and she finds herself glad that Sooyoung made the decision for them. Sitting down in a corner table, the only spot with a bit of privacy, Jinsoul preoccupies herself by staring out the window. It’s slightly fogged, since the outside air is cool and damp compared to the shops.

The smell from earlier gets stronger and soon, Jinsoul hears the clink of a tray being sat down in front of her. She doesn’t make a move to stop staring out into the night. Where some couples were heading home together, and loners were wandering the streets trying to find something to do. 

But Sooyoung doesn’t seem to mind her emotional absence, the girl across from her silently eats as she gives room to Jinsoul to wind down. However, after Sooyoung’s finished her bowl and Jinsoul’s barely touched hers, the older girl breaks the almost impenetrable silence. “As much as I don’t like it when you open that mouth of yours...I think I hate it more when you don’t talk at all.” Sooyoung says with a slight tease to her voice, “tell me what’s on your mind.”

Jinsoul rests her elbows onto the small table they were sharing. Still in a trance almost, she was sure Sooyoung could hear the cogs turning in her head. Jinsoul twirls a lone strand of blonde hair around her finger, “what’s it like needing someone?” 

Finally bringing her stare back into reality, she notices that Sooyoung was also staring out into the streets, maybe to try and find what Jinsoul was so fixed on. Sooyoung’s expression is puzzled at first, as the glow of light reflects from the window onto her feature. But then it relaxes, “it’s good, when they’re there...but scary the moment they're not.” Jinsoul’s fingers twitch to reach out to Sooyoung, “I try not to let myself be that vulnerable.” 

“So you understand?” Jinsoul blurts out without really explaining. Sooyoung meets her gaze, slipping in a mint while urging Jinsoul to continue by narrowing her eyes. “I don’t want to come off as weak Sooyoung, because if I’m not strong enough to take care of myself in a world like this, how can I put that burden on someone else.” 

Jinsoul looks down at her bowl of noodles, probably lukewarm by now. “I’m tired of people treating me like this, but I can’t count on anyone to always be there for me when something goes wrong. My family, my friends...you.” The blonde’s never needed anyone, not now, not ever. Jinsoul’s spent too many years building the thick skin and will she has now, when used too she was broken down quite easily. She needs everyone else to know that too. That she can live comfortably alone.

However, Sooyoung seems to know how to break through to her without trying. And that’s what scares Jinsoul the most. She wants Sooyoung to be there when she feels this bad. “So how can I make the people who wanna hurt me stop if I’m not the one doing it, if I’m just hiding behind somebody else. If I have to depend on other people, will people ever see me more than just some…”

“Don’t.” Sooyoung warns her, as if she knows what Jinsoul’s about to call herself. The blonde has been called many things in the past. But the worst is when people question her capability to take care of herself...for doing things on her own. People have accused her of ing her way to the top of her class, they laugh at her credibility. Most of all, people see her as nothing but a smart mouth with no brain to match it. See her as nothing but trouble. 

Like it wasn’t just her and her alone that’s got her where she’s at. As if there’s always been someone else there helping her climb up, but she’s done it all by herself. Created this image of herself so people like Jinhyeong won’t mess with her. Still, somehow these things still happen to her. 

How can anyone prove that she’s capable but herself. What Jinhyeong said at that party, is probably what everyone thought about her. She didn’t have the chance to tell the truth, the reason he resents her. Is because he was the one that depended on her, and Jinsoul never needed him at all.

But everyone felt sorry for her, because it seemed like she was the one hurting. 

“For once, I just want to be respected.” Jinsoul mumbles out sadly. She’s thankful that Sooyoung took the time to really see her. The blonde has some sort of respect for the girl. Sooyoung was everything that she imagined, but then so much more. 

“I’ve never met someone as headstrong as you.” Sooyoung replies in an honest voice, she leans over the table so that their conversation is only between them even though no one was around. But Sooyoung wanted to make Jinsoul feel like it was really just them in the entire world. “I understand you know, about not being taken seriously. I’ve worked hard for a long time to get where I am, and it feels like you’re the only person who can make that change. It takes patience, and a lot of confidence even when it seems like it’s hopeless to consider trying.” 

Sooyoung gives her a comforting smile and Jinsoul sees the reminisce of hurt in the black eyes she’s come to adore, “But it’s nice to have support. It almost broke me...not having anyone.” Scratching the wood beneath her finger tips, Jinsoul can’t help but grit her teeth. Knowing that Sooyoung has probably gone through worse than her. She instantly realizes the point Sooyoung’s trying to make, “It feels like you have to do it alone, but you don’t Jinsoul. It isn't a weakness to lean on someone other than yourself.” 

“I’m sorry Sooyoung.” Jinsoul says a bit guilty, the way she was thinking was selfish and a bit prideful. Sure, she relied on her friends to make her happy, but to never take care of her. 

Sooyoung is the one that reaches out, her hand feels heavy in Jinsoul’s own. The blonde can’t help but think how perfectly they fit together. “I know you’ll do great things in your life no matter what other people think of you. Jinsoul, you’re amazing and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel any different than that.” Jinsoul’s eyes swell up again with tears, Sooyoung wasn’t just good with words, it was that she actually meant them “...just gotta work on that attitude.”

Jinsoul’s face drops, Sooyoung may be the most considerate person she knows, but she really knew how to dumb down a serious conversation. “Hey...watch it .” Sooyoung’s previous smile widens into something mischievous, but Jinsoul’s next words makes it drop in an instant, “I know you like it.” 

Sooyoung pulls her hand back and huffs as she crosses her arms. Jinsoul giggles at the older girl as she grumbles out, “eat your food barbie, I didn’t pay for you to let it go to waste.” Jinsoul happily starts to chow down right after she gives her thanks to Sooyoung.

But she’s isn’t just grateful for the food. 

~~~~

Jinsoul is content with walking forever if it was with Sooyoung. Resting her head against the older girl’s shoulder, she cradles Sooyoung’s arm in between her own. The only sound is the shuffle of their feet and the occasional happy sigh that Jinsoul lets out. She has her eyes closed, so she’s not really sure if Sooyoung’s going the right way, but it doesn’t matter. 

Any place Sooyoung takes them would be fine, because Jinsoul would be happy just being with her. But she was getting pretty sleepy and keeping her eyes closed was starting to become a problem. Cracking them open she sees the familiar cherry blossoms that were in late bloom, she’s close to home. 

She doesn’t want the night to end just yet though. 

“Did you get hurt earlier?” Jinsoul whispers through the comfortable silence, suddenly remembering how Sooyoung’s clenched her side throughout the night. Sooyoung awkwardly shifts her eyes away, ever since they left the noodle shop the girl’s been acting weird.

But really, Jinsoul was starting to realize just how weird Sooyoung was, she hid a lot of it under that mask of hers. Sooyoung was starting to prove herself just as shy as she was smooth. It’s what Jinsoul found most admiring about her. “What are you talking about?” Sooyoung stutters out and Jinsoul pulls away from where she was hugging the older girl’s arm to her chest.

“Really? So you’re just,” Jinsoul pretends to hold her side in pain and in her breath before slapping both her hands to her thighs, “for nothing?” Sooyoung lifts her brow incredulously and Jinsoul drives her fist into the girl’s side. Sooyoung whines out in pain, Jinsoul had barely punched her so she knows her friend is already hurt. 

“See.” Jinsoul crosses her arms, knowing she proved her point. 

“You punched me of course it hurt.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as Sooyoung’s eyes tear up and she holds her wounded body, “boo hoo poor baby.” Jinsoul rolls her fists against her cheek, mocking Sooyoung. The older girl flips her off, the first time she’s seen Sooyoung act remotely childish. “Are you gonna tell me the truth or not?” Sooyoung doesn’t bother answering as she stares to her left. So Jinsoul goes to jab her again.

But Sooyoung stops her and glares at her, “fine I got hurt so what..”

Jinsoul smiles with victory, but it doesn’t help with the guilty feeling in her stomach. “How?”

Sooyoung pushes her assaulting fist away, “you saw how people were acting, someone bumped into me and I hit the corner of the counter, it’s fine though.” The blonde takes a step closer to Sooyoung and grabs at her jacket to open it up and look but she’s pushed away as soon as she tries, “what are you doing?”

Jinsoul blinked at the sudden defense, Sooyoung was wary of her. “Checking if you’re okay?” Jinsoul says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world but when she reaches out again, Sooyoung keeps her at bay. Jinsoul grumbles impatiently, “what is your deal jesus it’s not like I’m stripping you .” 

Looking up into the soft black eyes she realizes why Sooyoung is being so guarded. Her eyes are pleading for something, Sooyoung doesn’t want her to see the scar. She’s not just peeking behind Sooyoung’s jacket and it’s a lot more than just stripping her . It must be a sensitive memory for Sooyoung to feel this vulnerable. 

Jinsoul rolls her hands around to hold Sooyoung’s, “you can trust me you know?” Sooyoung chews her lip and allows Jinsoul the freedom to do whatever. Peeling away her jacket is like breaking down the barrier, and Jinsoul stares at the left side of Sooyoung’s ribcage. What she saw in the mirror before was nothing compared to the nasty mark she saw now.

It was clear Sooyoung lost a bit of her flesh and skin with whatever injury it was. The white and ragged mark stretches long but not very wide. It starts underneath her and crawls almost to her back. Sooyoung didn’t want her to see it, so Jinsoul doesn’t. Instead she focuses on the already blue bruise underneath it. 

She brushes her fingertips over the bruise, avoiding the scar at all costs. “It must have hurt.” Jinsoul mumbles while caressing the warm skin, liking the way Sooyoung’s muscles tense under her touch. Her body was just as gorgeous as her face. 

“It did,” Sooyoung answers and Jinsoul looks up. The challenging stare the girl is giving her is easy to understand. Sooyoung was speaking for both the bruise and scar, but the longing gaze she was giving was also saying aren't you gonna ask about it? 

Jinsoul wouldn’t, because she can tell Sooyoung doesn’t want her to. The girl was trusting her enough to even see it, so Jinsoul wouldn’t jeopardize that. Sooyoung is definitely relieved when Jinsoul doesn’t even dare to, “you want me to kiss it better?” A deep brush crawls on the older girl’s features and she covers herself up while forcing Jinsoul’s hand away. Sooyoung grumbles something under her breath, clearly embarrassed as the blonde laughs at how well her teasing worked. 

Sooyoung goes to lean up against the wall, pouting up at how much of an effect Jinsoul had on her. The blonde only skips around, pleading in an innocent voice, “oh Sooyoungie don’t get mad I was just playing!” Jinsoul doesn’t even understand why Sooyoung got so rigid at that, maybe it was because she knew Jinsoul was just teasing her.

Not that she would actually kiss it better. 

Crawling right up to Sooyoung she slips her hand underneath her jacket again at first the older girl squirms and tries to resist but Jinsoul only whispers, “I’m not gonna look, I promise, let me just make it feel better.” Sooyoung grasps onto her elbow as Jinsoul rubs at the tender spot, goosebumps rise. And the warmth of her hand does take the soreness out of Sooyoung’s ribs. 

Sooyoung’s stare is unreadable but deep. And Jinsoul can’t help but let herself fall into it. Behind them, the trees sway with the midnight breeze. It’s cold, but the closeness of Sooyoung’s body keeps the shivers at bay. Jinsoul likes the way Sooyoung’s features glow eternal under the moonlight. How pale petals that were behind schedule flicker and sway behind her. It makes Jinsoul question if this is even real.

If this girl was real.

Because it didn’t seem possible for someone to be this beautiful. 

Sooyoung is as pretty in the dark as she is in the daylight. Somehow, the light reflects on her features differently. While the sun radiates Sooyoung in confidence. The moon casts a shadow that leaves Sooyoung exposed. Jinsoul appreciates both, because it may be another side of Sooyoung she hasn’t seen. But it’s still Sooyoung.

“Thanks…” Sooyoung tells her and breaks the stare they were sharing to shift her eyes to the side. Slowly, Jinsoul pulls her hand away since the grip on her elbow squeezes tighter. She could tell Sooyoung was starting to get uncomfortable.

Stumbling beside Sooyoung, Jinsoul takes one last look at the girl and begins to walk the rest of the way to her house. Sooyoung starts to follow after her and this time they don’t walk side by side, Jinsoul leads the front while the older girl shadows her. Jinsoul calls out, loud enough for her to hear, “you don’t really trust me do you?” 

Sooyoung was still too guarded, “I don’t trust anyone, but I feel like I can with you.” 

“Then try it.” Jinsoul dares her, she knows something is on Sooyoung’s mind and she has a good idea what it is. Probably has to do with her other friends face...as gross as it is, Jinsoul doesn’t care. The shock on Sooyoung’s face when she saw that Jinsoul could care less was telling enough. 

Although Jinsoul felt bad that Sooyoung was afraid to tell her obviously, she was pissed that the girl thought she was that stupid. Anyone with eyes could look at Doyeon and Yoojung could tell, and a blind person could tell with Xiaojun. Maybe Sooyoung thought she was one of those girls that accepted guys, but were weirded out by the thought of another girl liking them. 

“Did you, or um, how long have you known?” See? Jinsoul wanted to pat herself on the back for being so smart. Sooyoung was dying to know. 

However, Jinsoul wants to pull it out of Sooyoung. She wants the girl to feel safe around her, like she doesn’t have to be afraid and beat around the bush. “Known what?”

“You know..” Sooyoung draws out nervously. 

“Spit it out already.” 

Jinsoul turns to Sooyoung afraid and whatever string of confidence the older girl leaves at the meet of their eyes. But through the nervousness, Sooyoung stutters out, “about Yoojung and Doyeon.” 

“What about them?” Jinsoul crosses her arms while the nerves fade into irritation in Sooyoung’s features. The blonde giggles and punches at Sooyoung’s arm for being so impatient, “you mean the big elephant in the room? That they’re ing?” A blush takes the color of Sooyoung’s face since she wasn’t prepared for how blunt Jinsoul could be. Something twists in Jinsoul’s stomach when she watches Sooyoung take a deep breath through her nose, “I’ve known in my gut for a while.”

Sooyoung shoves her hands in the pocket, trying to seem casual but Jinsoul could tell how tense the girl was. “And you don’t care?” Jinsoul darts her eyes to the ground where Sooyoung is scuffing her shoes against the pavement. 

“Nope, why should I?” Jinsoul says cautiously, before raising her eyes to give Sooyoung a questionable look.

“It’s just...not everyone is accepting of that, uh lifestyle.”

“Are you saying you’re not?”

Sooyoung jerks her hands out of her pockets at a lightning speed, shaking them frantically, “Oh no I am!” Jinsoul smirks as she gets closer and closer to cracking Sooyoung’s defense. The girl was a bit too quick to tell her that, “I’m very, yeah, accepting.” 

Jinsoul flicks her hand out to check her nails, “Good, I don’t know if I could still be friends with you if you weren’t.” Sooyoung shoulders slump in relief but as Jinsoul turns to leave, pretending that the conversation is over, the girl tenses back up. Jinsoul is grabbed and pulled back. 

Sooyoung is definitely wary of telling her, unsure of how to. Jinsoul watches the girl’s throat bob up and down. “I have something to tell you.” Jinsoul tries to come off indifferent, as if she doesn’t already know. 

“All ears babe.”

Sooyoung blushes at the pet name, but she takes a deep breath. Preparing herself almost, “I’ve kinda been lying to you.” Sooyoung raised her hands up to fold underneath her chin. Jinsoul found it adorable, how this once stone cold girl was shaking in front of her just as much as the trees behind them. When Jinsoul first met her, Sooyoung didn’t seem afraid of anything.

My god , Jinsoul thinks, can she just tell me already? “I know.” Sooyoung was talking in circles. Yoojung and Xiao Jun came out to her in seconds. But it felt like hours with Sooyoung and Jinsoul was about to say it herself. 

Sooyoung blinks, “You know?”

“It’s kinda obvious.”  

“It is?” The older girl’s voice pitches higher with each word.

Jinsoul nods, playing dumb. “Yeah, you definitely cheat while playing at the arcade.” 

The fear on Sooyoung’s face melts and it’s replaced with irritation, “No Jinsoul-” 

The blonde also deadpans, “I’m joking, idiot.” If Sooyoung was this unsure about telling her, then it wasn’t the right time. But then again, Jinsoul was dying to hear Sooyoung say it, “You don’t like boys do you?” 

Sooyoung looks like she’s been shot with the way she leans back onto the wall with a thump. Jinsoul scrunches her nose up. And she was the dramatic one? Sooyoung's gone limp, from either shock or relief. Jinsoul watches closely as Sooyoung tilts her face up towards the sky, “There’s no hiding from you, is there.” 

When the girl looks back down it’s like a different person, Sooyoung must have reestablished her defense after the deep breath she took. Jinsoul matches the calm smile on the girl’s face. Sooyoung may be an expert at pretending, but Jinsoul is getting better at reading the once mysterious girl, “ I’ve told you before I’m smarter than the average blonde.”

Sooyoung tilts her head, her eyes are a bit darker than before. “I lied about having a boyfriend. I was actually meeting a woman I had been sleeping with that one time we ran into each other.” Jinsoul forces herself to swallow after goes dry. Just the thought of Sooyoung with another girl...was interesting to say the least. Joining Sooyoung on the wall, she ignores the almost predatory stare she’s receiving.

Jinsoul presses her tongue across her teeth, taking a quick breath, “Sooo that’s it? That’s the big secret.” Turning her gaze towards Sooyoung she almost regrets it, Jinsoul out of habit bites down on her lip since that’s where Sooyoung’s eyes are fixed. 

Although she was caught, Sooyoung makes no move to stop staring at them. Jinsoul’s whole mouth goes dry. She’s thirsty but she’s not sure what for. “You don’t mind?” Jinsoul crosses her arms, they’ve already got over that hump. But a part of her knows that’s not what Sooyoung’s asking.

What Sooyoung’s really asking is, you don’t mind if I end up liking you more than just a friend right?  

There’s clearly something between them. Jinsoul will never acknowledge it. Out loud that is. Because she doesn’t need to. The tension between them is nothing but the still lingering rivalry. Nothing more, the reason Sooyoung wanted Jinsoul to have a problem with it, is so that she wouldn’t feel bad for being so attracted to the blonde. It would ruin any chance of hope of them becoming more.

It would help them both get over the annoying tingling that erupts when they lock eyes. Or the unexplainable warmth whenever they end up touching. But that's the thing, Jinsoul has no problem with it. If anything, she wanted this more than anything. “I don’t mind with Yoojung and that freakazoid. So why should it be different with you?”

Sooyoung finally pulls away, “I dunno.” Jinsoul blinks, not even noticing how close their faces had gotten during the moment. “But if it does make you uncomfortable I’d understand if you didn’t want to-”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if i was you.” Jinsoul snaps, she doesn’t know why Sooyoung is still being so persistent.

She finishes anyway. “If you didn’t want to be my friend anymore.” Sooyoung says it all in one breath, fiddling with her fingers. 

Jinsoul is slightly pissed off, “Bye.” She walks off, leaving Sooyoung behind to sulk. It isn’t seconds later before she turns right back around to grab the girl’s hand in her own and starts to drag her down the street. Glaring at Sooyoung she puts an edge to her voice, “I told you I don’t care, so stop acting like that.” Her house comes into view, “it’s like you’re wanting me to be a bad person.”

“It’s not that it’s...it’s just in the past telling people isn’t that easy.” Sooyoung’s hand is shaking, so Jinsoul squeezes it reassuringly.  

Leaning in close Jinsoul grabs the side of Sooyoung’s face and pulls it towards her lips. Pressing them against the girl’s cheek, she savors the burst of emotion in her chest. It’s just a simple cheek kiss, but the way Sooyoung’s face lights up with the stretch of her smile makes it more significant than any other kiss Jinsoul’s ever had. “Well you don’t have to worry with me.” Jinsoul’s lips still ghost over the impossible softness of Sooyoung’s cheek, but she pulls away when the urge to kiss her again comes to mind. “Thanks for telling me.” Jinsoul says and then in a quieter voice mumbles, “and trusting me.” 

If Jinsoul gave into her urges, she’d be kissing Sooyoung all over. Coming into the front of her house, Jinsoul prepares herself for the inevitable goodbye. Jinsoul didn’t want to, because Sooyoung wasn’t even trying to hide the pure joy on her face now. 

Sooyoung is rubbing at her cheek, where Jinsoul kissed with a dorkish grin playing on her lips, “Can I tell you another secret?” The blonde was internally screaming, if Sooyoung’s charm was difficult to handle. Her genuine happiness was impossible. 

Jinsoul tries to drown the dangerous feelings, “...I already know you’re a total freak you don’t have to tell me.”

Sooyoung’s smile only grows, if anything, the insult made her more giddy, “I think you’re perfect.” 

The blonde wants to be appalled, but she was flattered. Anyone else could say that to her and she’d want to run them over with a truck with how cheesy that statement was. But with the way Sooyoung was staring into her eyes...Jinsoul actually believed her.  The blonde didn’t doubt that Sooyoung thought she was perfect. “Okay, that’s no secret.” She says disgusted and as if it’s not the most obvious thing in the world.

Sooyoung’s smile drops in a second. “Shut up I’m being serious.” Jinsoul brows raise but then Sooyoung grabs both her hands and pulls her close. “Whenever I’m around you...I.” Jinsoul reels her head back, afraid for what is about to come out of Sooyoung’s mouth and how it’s going to make her feel.

Please don’t confess 

Please don’t confess 

Please don’t c...please tell me you like me as much as I like you.  

Jinsoul eyes gloss over at the last thought, “It feels right Jinsoul and I wanna know how good it can get with you. It’s no secret, how much I appreciate you.” Jinsoul’s heart thumps in her chest. She wonders if Sooyoung can hear it over the multiple crickets chirping in the night. Probably, because the sound had her going deaf. 

It feels right , Jinsoul looks down at their joined hands and back up at Sooyoung. She’d hate to see her face right now. Jinsoul felt like doing something really dumb right now, but she decided not too when the cold breeze of the wind reminds her how warm she is just from Sooyoung’s gaze. 

It’s that stupid Sooyoung does. When she says those impossibly endearing things in tense moments. Jinsoul was never prepared, she’d never be prepared for how it makes her feel when Sooyoung is honest with her. Sooyoung’s been this way from the beginning, always knocking her off her feet when she thinks her heels are cemented to the ground. “You make it really hard to hate you when you say things like that.” 

Jinsoul chews at her lips, Sooyoung’s not supposed to be this nice. She’s supposed to be cold hearted, selfish, arrogant. Jinsoul’s supposed to hate her. Their first meeting was supposed to be their last. It wasn’t her plan to become friends with the person that was destined to be her enemy. You weren't supposed to like me after I was a to you. No one ever likes me after that. You weren't supposed to actually care about me when I asked you to.  

But here we are.  

With you looking at me like you love me. 

“And I hate you Sooyoung.” Jinsoul whispers. More to herself than Sooyoung. She can’t fight what she wants, what she’s beginning to need. Reaching around Sooyoung’s waist she buries herself into an embrace she doesn’t want to ever end. Sooyoung hugs back properly this time and Jinsoul doesn't think she’s ever fit this perfect into someone’s arms, “I hate you.” She whispers into the crook of Sooyoung’s throat, imprinting the words there for the girl to remember. 

Somehow, Sooyoung presses them together tighter than before.

Jinsoul’s spent a lot of her life not getting what she wanted, and now that she got something so easily. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She realizes she’s never wanted to be Sooyoung’s rival, no matter how much the girl annoyed her. Jinsoul just wanted Sooyoung to care about her. And it was overwhelming that she did. 

Sooyoung gave her hints that she’s cared all along, by returning again and again after their clashes. But tonight was just a slap in the face for how clueless Jinsoul was. 

It isn’t until Jinsoul’s inside her home with the door locked when she allows herself to breathe. The blonde drinks the air in like gulps and clutches at her chest, bundling the fabric of her dress between her clenched fingers. Leaning her head back onto the door she let’s the biggest smile form on her lips. 

Rushing up the stairs she hopes to get one last look of Sooyoung, it took strength to even leave the older girl standing on the street as Jinsoul retired into her home. She waved as Sooyoung waved back, that same lazy look on the girl’s face as always.

Turning on her bedroom light she rushes to her window. Peaking through the blinds she squints to try and find the silhouette of her friend. But sadly there was none. Jinsoul frowns with disappointment. She’ll just replay the night over and over again in her head until she falls asleep, so she’ll remember it forever. Beginning to undress she sighs out dreamily, “What am I going to do with you Ha Sooyoung…” 

Down the street, Sooyoung watches the shadow of Jinsoul’s figure reflect against the window. The yellow light shines bright in the darkness, and Sooyoung’s heart lodges in as she watches Jinsoul brush out her hair. “ What are you doing to me Jinsoul?” Sooyoung says with fear in her voice and forces herself to turn when Jinsoul’s reflection starts to pull off layers of clothes. 

Sooyoung knows when she gets home, she’ll have to forget this night ever happened.

~~~~

Jinsoul’s eyes are definitely Sooyoung’s favorite thing to draw. Well, maybe they’re just her favorite thing entirely. She knows she should probably be working on the game she’s supposed to have developed by the end of the summer. But currently she was too engrossed in perfecting her memory of a certain blonde. 

Although Sooyoung is doing everything she can to get Jinsoul out of her head, the blonde has successfully rooted herself into the forefront of Sooyoung’s priorities. Sooyoung’s sketch book is filled with pages and pages of Jinsoul’s portrait. It’s the only thing she can do without going crazy with the thought of Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung finishes the pair of eyes that belong to the blonde, outlining them to make them more cat-like. Sooyoung stares at her work, wishing they were the real thing. Many times, she’s caught herself almost swooning when she’d meet Jinsoul’s gaze. Her eyes were more than just pretty. If time allowed it, she would stare into them forever.

Everything about Jinsoul was seriously pretty, but it was hard to say that about the blonde. Because pretty wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough to describe Jinsoul to her credit. Sooyoung used to think no one could ever peek to perfection. But if there was one person who could.

It would be Jinsoul.

Yeah, Jinsoul’s eyes are her favorite. Sooyoung concluded within a minute, it was the way they sparkled when Jinsoul was listening to her, how they’d shake when she was pouting, how they’d scrunch up when the blonde would smile at something silly she’s said. Everything about those eyes...Sooyoung wants to frame them, but wouldn’t that be weird? Well she already had a sketchbook filled with Jinsoul, so why not take it a step further? Sooyoung will have to stop by the hardware store later to- “Hey boss?” 

Sooyoung narrows her eyes, “what Haechan?” She hates being interrupted mid-thought, especially about Jinsoul. But maybe Sooyoung needed to stop day-dreaming about something impossible and start focusing on the reality.

Haechan raises his brow and leans over her desk to see what she was drawing, Sooyoung possessively flops over the sketches, not wanting to share Jinsoul’s beauty with anyone else. Holding her body over the desk and hiding any cracks in her defense with her arms the boy groans with curiosity, “hey lemme see!”

“No, go do your work.” 

“But I’m bored and you never told us what to do today.”

Sooyoung’s about to chew his out for being lazy, but she realizes she didn’t give an order. She came straight in and got her charcoals and continued to obsess over Jinsoul. The blonde had been in her dreams, from the second she woke up and now here. “Oh...sorry, um let’s just do some clean up today. Don’t some of the move controls need to be polished? Let’s add some animation maybe..” Haechan hums and leaves with a knowing smirk on his face.

Scoffing Sooyoung looks down at her table, an off day was okay. They’ve been working hard for a long time. “Now where was I…” Sooyoung mumbles off, and then when she thinks she’s ready to do something productive her face turns red when she remembers Jinsoul’s smile. Giggling, Sooyoung clears as soon as it begins. Maybe she was a bit weird.

But Jinsoul was just so…

Leaning back into her chair Sooyoung props her feet onto her desk, making sure her drawings are out of the way of course. She wouldn’t want to mess those up. Closing her eyes she allows herself to drown in her day-dreams. A smile starts to grow when she doesn’t fight it anymore.

Jinsoul was unlike any girl she’s ever met. She was an it girl, personality, looks, everything. A girl that shouldn’t even bother with someone like her. The kinda girl anyone could fall in love with. But Jinsoul thought she was the cool one...Sooyoung wanted to scream. How could someone as amazing as Jinsoul look up to her. 

The blonde may have...some sort of attitude. But Sooyoung guesses it’s from years of not being seen as a real person and just a girl with a pretty smile. However, Jinsoul wasn’t judging and she knew how to respect someone as long as she was taken seriously back. Sooyoung hates herself for making that mistake at the beginning.

Jinsoul should have never kept chasing after her, but Sooyoung was more than grateful. Someone like Jinsoul should be surrounded by the best of the best and well, Sooyoung didn’t feel close to being good enough for the blonde to admire her this much. It was overwhelming, dangerous maybe. But Sooyoung was addicted. 

She could not mess this up, she was lucky enough that Jinsoul even noticed her. Jinsoul was a girl that people would fight for her attention, to have other girls either jealous or wanting to be her. But Sooyoung somehow managed to get Jinsoul wrapped around her finger.

They had something that Sooyoung was sure she’d never find again. 

Sooyoung’s broken out of her spell when there’s a shuffle of shoes into her office, “Haechan, I told you to work.”

She’s only met with silence, but as soon as Sooyoung hears that voice she darts up from her chair. “Is that how you talk to your employees?” Sooyoung gasps, she wasn’t ever prepared to hear it again.

Clenching her fists and standing up straight, she instantly feels a pull in her tummy. She hates how that smirk still has an effect on her.

“Yubin.”

~~~~

Soooo I Hope everyone likes this chapter! Kinda pointless...but I dew like writing teehee

Anyways next chapter will be filler kinda and we will have a big reveal but not really however I am excited for the upcoming chapters! 

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting I appreciate it so so much! Lots of love muah!