Flipping through numerous records Jinsoul tries to find something that catches her eye. Chewing on her gum loudly, she scratches the back of her head when she comes up with nothing and moves onto the next rack of album covers. Today was hot, just an indication that summer was getting closer. 

She was sweating like crazy despite the record shop having decent air conditioning (doors open and box fans to push the hot air out). Her pink, oversized shirt had no sleeves and her legs were bare thanks to her white shorts. But still she felt like she had a full suit on with how sticky her skin was from the heat.

On the speakers above, Fleetwood mac plays, matching the shop owner who looked like he was stuck in the 70’s. Jinsoul bounces and rolls on her heels as she carefully scans through the rows of music. Softly singing along to the lyrics, she glances behind her to see her friend doing the same. 

It was a small shop, it was colorful with tiny wind chimes at the door, dingling every time the wind blew. Jinsoul scuffs against the carpet with red and orange triangles as a pattern as she makes her way over to Jiwoo. Leaning against the girl, Jinsoul lets her hand sneakily drift to the girl's , letting it comfortably sit there as she watches Jiwoo browse through the albums.

Jiwoo seems to not mind, they’ve gotten pretty close over the past month or so and the girl has gotten comfortable with Jinsoul’s groping. “You find anything?” Jiwoo mumbles and Jinsoul blinks out of the daze she was in. Glancing up from Jiwoo’s nimble hands on the plastic coverings, she meets the girl’s gaze and slows her chewing down. 

“Nope.” She pops her lips. Jiwoo then pulls a record out of thin air and slips it in between their faces. Jinsoul didn’t even realize their faces were that close until the record brushed across her nose. Pulling it out of Jiwoo’s hands, she’s amused to see the girl already smiling at her when she comes back into view after the face on the record was replaced with her own.

Taking her hand off Jiwoo’s , she grabs the record with both hands and turns to lean back onto the counter. Crossing one leg over the other she reads the details. “Never heard of her.” Jinsoul mumbles out, but the girl on the cover was gorgeous.

“I think you’ll like it, she’s got a nice tone.” Jiwoo explains as Jinsoul hums at her words. She usually liked pop music or funk. Tilting her head she flips it back over, Sade, Promise. Pushing herself off the counter with her hip she wobbles over to the turntable, where she could test out albums. 

Putting the record on she grabs the headphones to slip on. The first song plays and…

Jinsoul listens carefully, only one listen and she knew she’d become addicted to this singer's voice. It reminded her of someone else's, smooth and sultry. Taking the headphones off and slipping the record back into it’s home she holds it under her arm and returns to Jiwoo.

Jiwoo’s holding an album cover that Jinsoul’s all too familiar with, “oh Jiwoo you gotta get that.” 

The girl looks at her and then back, it’s Whitney Houston’s self titled. “Yeah?” 

Jinsoul nods and takes it out of her hands, “for sure, here I’ll buy it for you.” Jiwoo goes to protest but Jinsoul’s already walking towards the counter. The older man has a cigarette hanging out his mouth as he reads a book. He doesn’t even bother looking at Jinsoul as he rings her up, he does it so smoothly that Jinsoul knows he’s been doing this for years.

Kinda reminds her of someone else, and how good they are...damn. Why does Jinsoul keep thinking about her? Jinsoul has no idea why she’s relating everything back to Sooyoung, no matter how much the stretch is. Shaking her head she turns to see Jiwoo with a few more albums of her own. Waiting on the girl to pay Jinsoul spins around in the shop, dancing to the pop song now playing on the speakers.

Jiwoo turns around and wraps her hand around the blonde’s elbow and they walk out together, Jinsoul brushes her fingers across the wind chimes, hearing them dingle one more time. Making their way down the streets, Jinsoul winks at multiple boys, making the girl beside her gag and push her away. They laugh and play together as they head to Jiwoo’s. 

Jinsoul’s relieved to make it to Jiwoo’s, the sun was blistering today and the girl’s apartment was chilling. Groaning she goes to flop on the girl’s bed. Jiwoo’s place was small and cluttered. Her room was full of books, shelf after shelf of hardbacks and papers. In the corner was an old creaky table with a fizzy box TV on top of it. Around it were stacks of vcr tapes, opened and closed, cords all strung around them since Jiwoo was such a film freak.

Turning on the ceiling fan and a strobe ball, soon they both relax into the cool room, thank god Jiwoo had saved up for some air conditioning.

They listened to Whitney as Jinsoul laid upside down on the edge of Jiwoo’s bed and the girl laid below her on the floor. Jinsoul’s mind was racing with a million thoughts, but only one came to light. “You ever been in love?”

Jiwoo snorts, “why you asking something like that for?” Jinsoul shrugs even though Jiwoo can’t see her, the girl’s eyes are closed. It’s a prolonged silence until the girl answers, “yeah, I think I’ve been in love plenty of times.” 

Jinsoul starts to make fun of Jiwoo, laughing as she does so, “ewwww gross.” Flipping off the bed backwards, she goes to read the backs of the books on the shelves, she needs to stop thinking so hard, preoccupying her mind with other things. All she can think about is their last serious conversation.

“Come on Soul, you’ve never been in love?” Jinsoul shifts her lips side to side, brushing the tip of her finger across the spines of novels. No, Jinsoul doesn’t think she’s ever been in love. But she wants to be. God, does she want to be. 

Turning around, Jinsoul goes to sit on Jiwoo’s window seal. There was a long pillow sat there, perfect for lounging around with a perfect view of the city, only covered by a white, lacy curtain. “No not really.” Jiwoo glares at her from the floor and Jinsoul smirks, “what I’m being serious! No one’s ever given me the butterflies ya know...all that lovey dovey .” 

The girl rolls her eyes as Jinsoul laughs, “so you’re telling me out of all the boys you’ve dated you’ve not loved one.” Jinsoul hums, she can’t really bring herself to say she has. Sure, she had feelings for some. It was a fleeting feeling, good, but not needed. They’re disposable just like everything else in the world. Jinsoul’s loved before, but not to where she couldn’t move on or live without them. 

She only dated them to use them for what’s in their pockets and for just a bit of attention. Not because she actually enjoyed their company or anything like that. So could she really call it love?

No, she couldn’t...she got too annoyed easily. It was too easy to cut them off in the end when it got serious. It was too easy pretending to be a so that they’d leave her alone. That couldn’t be love. Not what Jinsoul dreams about or what she sees in the movies. She saw herself as a hopeless romantic, but how could she be when she’s never been close to the feeling. 

Love had to exist right?

“Then what’s it like? Falling in love.” She asks carefully. Jinsoul has been in love before, but not with a person. She has that sweater that she loves, she wonders how intense it would be if she found the equivalent with a person.

Jiwoo raises up onto her elbow, “I don’t know, it’s different every time.” The girl looks down on the floor, searching for the right words. “It isn’t perfect, but it feels right.” Jinsoul is smiling, but it drops when she hears those words. “Being with that person, the first time you meet them, you think oh where have you been my whole life!” Jiwoo rambles on, talking from her own experiences. 

“Yeah?” She’s had that feeling...like she’s been searching for the right person and they just appear out of nowhere. She hates how the first person that pops in her mind is Sooyoung. Jinsoul clenches her jaw, as if she’d ever love that loser. As if Sooyoung would ever love someone like her…

The thing about Sooyoung is, well Jinsoul can’t pretend around her. No matter how much she wants to. Because it didn’t work. Sooyoung seemed to like every side of her, even the worst. 

Jinsoul leans her head back onto the window, the sun has made it warm, just like her chest has become from the touch of Jiwoo’s words. “Falling in love is weird, I think it’s between the want and need you feel from a person, or really when those two feelings become one. When those feelings become one, that when you want someone, you end up needing them as well just as bad.” Jiwoo explains as clearly as the spring day outside of the walls of this room. Jinsoul understands, that one feeling is easy to handle, when you want someone, but needing someone is when it becomes dangerous.

Taking a deep breath she admits one of her biggest secrets, “I think I almost fell in love once.” Jiwoo looks at her surprised, “but before I really needed them, I let them go.” 

They share a look and Jiwoo smiles, “maybe that’s a good thing. Wanting someone is the fun part, but when you need them, that’s when love hurts.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “and that’s why it’s for losers.” They laugh together and Jinsoul hops up to go lift Jiwoo to her feet, they dance to the song scratching on the turntables. As Jinsoul holds Jiwoo in her arms, she pulls the girl close, “Jiwoo promise me something.” The girl narrows her eyes, studying Jinsoul’s carefully.

“Never let me fall in love.”

Don’t let me make the same mistake you made.

~~~~

Sooyoung isn't sure how she got into this position, well she knows how...first she called Seola, talked a few minutes and with some suggestive words in a lowered and hushed voice, the woman was huffing out that she’d be coming over.  

She doesn’t know why she called Seola, that’s the real question. Why she thought it was a good idea to tell the woman she missed her and how she wishes she was there to hold her. Which right now was exactly what Seola was doing. Except the woman’s touch was a lot rougher than it used to be or at least of what Sooyoung remembers. It was a little painful and definitely possessive. 

Seola was trying to bruise her on purpose with bites and clinging hands, in hopes of erasing any other woman’s touch that might have been on Sooyoung’s body since the last time they did this. Seola wants Sooyoung in a way she can’t have her. Sooyoung’s made it clear plenty of times, she’ll never want to be someones, for someone to think they own a part of her.  

Be it her loyalty or trust, Sooyoung hates when a lover of hers gets controlling or jealous. She hates when they say ‘you're mine.’

Because Sooyoung is nobody’s.

Feelings get too complicated with labels and claiming another’s heart. That’s when it gets annoying for Sooyoung, when she ends up hurting someone even though she warned them of the exact thing they get their heart-broken over. Because Sooyoung doesn’t like hurting anyone, she just can’t do it. She can’t trust anyone these days. Sooyoung blames her issues on commitment, her fear of change and getting her own heart broken. Of how dangerous it is to be with someone.

But she doesn’t have to try hard, she never gets attached. It’s easy for her to cut someone off after they’ve started to catch something more than just an attraction. It’s such a burden when she has to deal with someone's heart.

Kissing Seola now reminds her how she does care for this woman. But she doesn’t love her, she’ll never be able to. Seola gave Sooyoung her heart without asking and now the younger woman is dealing with the consequences. Seola thinks she owns Sooyoung, that’s her biggest mistake yet. 

However, Sooyoung does hate being alone. But this a new type of loneliness, one that a quick with someone she’s comfortable with won’t fix. No, because Sooyoung only thinks of one person while Seola sneaks her hands beneath the waistband of her shorts. How this person has created a whole new feeling of loneliness in Sooyoung’s already hollowed out chest. It's the worst, because it frustrates Sooyoung. 

That she’s the one getting attached. 

That she can’t fix it herself, that she has to rely on that girl to make it better.

Because she hasn’t called...despite their promise or deal or whatever they called it. Sooyoung feels extra lonely because it’s all she’s been waiting for and it hasn’t happened. 

And Seola’s touch that used to be fire is now lukewarm so she pushes her off, “stop Seola.” She breaks their lips apart to breathe out, at first the woman on top doesn’t listen but when she realizes Sooyoung is grumbling beneath her and she’s not as wet as she usually is, Seola rolls off with a pant or two.

“Sorry, used to when you said stop it just meant you were gonna .” Sooyoung slightly blushes at her ex’s words. But Seola is beginning to understand this isn’t a reconnection, but more of a closure between them. Sooyoung’s become bored, as she always does. With how the new has worn off and now all that lingers is Seola’s feelings to be more than just this.

But a new fire has started in Sooyoung’s chest, hotter than it ever has been. “Can we just talk?” Sooyoung doesn’t want her to leave, because then she’ll be left with these thoughts. How she’s bitter that Jinsoul hasn’t called her once, or that she’s worried that the blonde really didn’t remember her number. Hell, she’s still mad she doesn’t have Jinsoul’s.

It’s like she’s the one being played and Sooyoung can’t stand it. She can’t stand that she’s not the one in control, that she’s being beaten at her own game. 

Sooyoung blames her obsession with the blonde on those facts alone...except deep down she knows it’s much more than that.

“Since when do you ever want to just talk Sooyoung.” Seola’s right, it’s always been about . But not tonight. She needs someone to stop her from needing Jinsoul. Sooyoung vowed to not get into Jinsoul, but the girl was like a quicksand. Once she got stuck and struggled, the deeper she sunk in. 

She promises to herself that she’ll destroy this attraction. The only reason she has it is because Jinsoul’s like no other girl she’s had before, when then it was easy, but the blonde is hard to play with and beautiful and has a sweetness to her…

Sooyoung groans and covers her face, it’s addicting, Jinsoul is so addicting, like a new candy and Sooyoung’s got quite the sweet tooth. All she wants is more and more of Jinsoul, getting through the sour exterior until she’s hit the honeyed core. Sooyoung convinces herself it’s because it’s new, that'll wear off soon. Sooyoung convinces herself that if she falls into old habits, Jinsoul would be just like the rest of them, and her feelings would never bloom. At least she won’t have to hurt Jinsoul. 

And that’s the other thing that’s different. For the first time, Sooyoung’s worried about ruining it. Because she doesn’t want to lose Jinsoul when in the past she didn’t care if she ended up making someone hate her. She won’t play Jinsoul because the blonde has been nothing but good to her.

She doesn’t want to hurt Jinsoul.

Then again, it’s been hard. When Jinsoul’s that perfect. She haunts Sooyoung, constantly on her mind. It’s proven a challenge to get rid of this infatuation she has with the blonde. Just as it would be a challenge to get Jinsoul to fall for her. It’s a double edged sword and for the first time, Sooyoung’s not being selfish and letting herself be the one that gets stuck with the blade.

“If we’re not gonna and get back together than what I am still doing here.” Sooyoung snorts and the clouded thoughts of blonde and perfect brown eyes fade with the irritation that Seola is in fact, still a . 

Sooyoung turns to her side as Seola pulls her discarded shirt back on, “when were we ever together? I’m pretty sure I said no to all the times you asked me to be your girlfriend.” 

Seola’s shoulder’s slump but then they shake with laughter, “you’re right. I’m the idiot thinking that there’s still a chance.” There’s a sadness to the tone and Sooyoung realizes she’s fully broken this woman. “I just missed you and part of me was hoping it’d be different. That you’d be different.”

Sooyoung sighs when Seola turns back to her, glossy eyes stare into hers. Swallowing the lump down she asks, “do you hate me?”

It doesn’t take a second for the woman to reply, “no, not at all. I wouldn’t have fallen for you if you weren’t the way you are.” Sooyoung feels a bit of a tug at her heart. Sure, being confessed to her makes her a bit high, but the annoying swirl in her tummy is stronger. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t ask me to love you. In fact you begged me not to, it’s my mistake for not listening.” 

She did, she remembers exactly when she told Seola to not fall for her. They had slept together a few times, but one time too many. Because along the line, Sooyoung knew by the way the woman gazed at her, she thought they were making love...when it was only for Sooyoung. After, when Seola tried to hold her, Sooyoung had pushed her off and voiced that it had gone too far.

“I’m sorry.” Sooyoung apologizes, it’s not entirely empty, she does feel for Seola for sticking around this long.

The woman smiles, “it’s okay..” Sooyoung turns away from her, pushing down her shirt that had ridden up from Seola’s rough hands. “I don’t regret it, I feel like in some way I got to know you more than anyone else has ever.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes, if that’s what Seola wants to believe then so be it. The woman was probably saying that for her own benefit, so that she doesn’t think loving Sooyoung was in vain. 

“Right, and what do you know about me?” Huffing out she ignores the heavy hand that snakes back around her waist, pushing up to scratch at her scar. 

For some reason, that scares Sooyoung. Seola’s seen her scar, deep and nasty as it is. She’s asked plenty of times even though she’s only got a steely stare in return. Sooyoung doesn’t speak of it, and hates when lovers point it out. That’s when Sooyoung grew tired of Seola, as soon as she asked about it. Funny thing was, she asked the first time she saw it and their relationship was doomed from the beginning. 

“That you’re protecting something deep down inside, you don’t want anyone to love you in fear of them knowing. So that’s why you act like you’re a bad person...why you pushed me away from the beginning. You pretend that you like breaking hearts to save your own.” Sooyoung listens to the words carefully and her lips at the truth trapped in them. “I couldn’t help but fall though, you’re bad at pretending Sooyoung. But I know I’m not the one you’ll be real with.” 

Seola pulls away then, the dip of the mattress bounces up and Sooyoung sinks into her covers as she watches her ex-lover go. “You don’t want me to love you, so I’ll listen.” Sooyoung wants to shove her out the door. She doesn’t like that smirk on Seola’s face, the woman probably thinks Sooyoung’s afraid of falling for her.

No, it isn’t her who she’s afraid of. Seola was the one who Sooyoung used for a distraction. Locking the door as she leaves, Sooyoung drags herself back to her room and flops down on the bed.

Looking at her phone she sighs.

Seola’s not the one she’s afraid of. She hasn’t been afraid since...

And now, Jinsoul’s the one who Sooyoung fears.

~~~~

What Jinsoul can’t understand is why the hell is she so nervous. Pulling her mirror out of her hand bag one last time she checks her makeup and lip gloss. After adjusting her abnormally large red earrings she turns to Xiaojun, “is my perfume too much?” 

The boy who’s applying body glitter to his chest glares at her, “hmm let me think...NO!” Jinsoul cringes when he screams at her, clearly aggravated. “It’s fine, just like it was five minutes ago when you asked, and when you asked-”

“Okay I get it!” Jinsoul groans out and rolls her eyes. “,” she says as an afterthought. She just wanted to be perfect tonight. No particular reason, maybe because it was the first time they were all going out together in a long time. Doyeon, Yoojung, and Xiaojun. Apparently, Kai had started banging some rich housewife and her husband was out of the country this weekend. And of course to impress the boy, she had allowed him to throw a party.

Kai had invited all of them. They were allowed to have a plus one since Kai had invited at least a hundred people. He was pretty popular, even more so than his brother Minho. Which was a part of why Jinsoul was nervous about tonight. She didn’t want to deal with her ex who was bound to say something to her. Kai warned her that Minho had been thinking of asking her to get back together. 

Yoojung mumbles, “When is she supposed to be here?” Jinsoul’s reminded of the real reason she’s nervous. The real reason she put on her best outfit and her expensive perfume. Why she styled her hair for hours with the  excessive use of aquanet and made her skin glow with body glitter. The reason she shaved from head to toe and didn’t eat the entire day. 

She doesn’t know why she did all this…Jinsoul had on a tiny black dress on with thigh slits cut deep. It was a thin material and she had wrapped it to her body with a red belt around the waist. To keep herself from freezing to death she wore sheer tights and long black gloves. The only thing covering her decently was the large red leather jacket over her shoulders.

It’s entirely too extra, but any less she would have been self-conscious. Jinsoul is aggravated because for once in her life she wasn’t dressing solely for herself.

“Was supposed to be here like twenty mintutes ago.” Doyeon says casually. 

Jinsoul feels bad for making her friends wait on her plus one when they were ready to go. “You guys can go on, I’ll wait for her.” See the thing is, Sooyoung wasn’t the first person Jinsoul asked to go to the party with her. Her first choice was Hyun-min, Haseul and Hye-lin. Or who she called Triple H, but of course she knew what the answer was. They hated parties. Apparently Jiwoo does too...and so does Jungeun.

So she was left with her last choice (or really who she wanted to ask from the start but got too shy), Sooyoung who loved parties. Jinsoul was a little too relieved when Sooyoung said yes, and realized that she didn’t ask Sooyoung in the beginning was because she was too afraid of rejection.

Jinsoul still couldn’t even bring herself to call Sooyoung despite their deal. Because the thought of hearing Sooyoung’s voice over the phone made her stomach turn. Since when did she get so shy?

Xiaojun tilts his head, “you sure Soul? We don’t mind waiting.” The boy didn’t like going to places without Jinsoul. They always had fun together and kept each other out of . Jinsoul shakes her head. 

“No I promise, I invited her, not you guys.” The three of them linger, not wanting to leave Jinsoul alone in case Sooyoung doesn’t show up. They’d hate to leave what will make the party fun behind. “Go! I’ll be fine...I’ll catch up with you all later.”

Reluctantly the three start to head to the party. Leaving Jinsoul by herself on the corner of the street. It was almost dark, maybe another ten minutes the sun would be set. She glances around and hates how nauseous she’s become, but underneath the turmoil Jinsoul can’t help but be excited. 

It’s worse when the distraction of her friends leaves. She’s left alone with her heavy thoughts and doubts. What if Sooyoung’s a no show? Jinsoul thinks if she was stood up she’d rather just go home and cry herself to sleep.

Jinsoul groans at herself. Yeah ing right. Like she’d let the absence of Sooyoung ruin her night. She’ll give the older girl ten more minutes, and then she’ll race to catch up to her friends to have a good night with them. Because she could always rely on them to not disappoint her.

But then nine minutes pass…

Jinsoul can’t believe how much it bothers her. Usually she doesn’t care about like this but Sooyoung has torn right through her. Maybe it was because Jinsoul put in all this effort for her. Or that she trusted that she’d come. 

About to turn and forget about the empty feeling in her chest she hears a faint voice, “JINSOUL!” It’s in the distance, like a scream. Looking around she groans when she sees Sooyoung racing towards her. Jinsoul doesn’t know whether to be relieved or aggravated. Sooyoung is here, she was sprinting to get here.

Jinsoul crosses her arms and doesn’t allow the older girl to see to pure amusement and joy that she feels to see Sooyoung out of breath and right in front of her. Sooyoung looks good, as always. So good and Jinsoul begins to think that it was worth the wait. Jinsoul grinds her teeth as Sooyoung slows to a stop in front of her, bending down to rest her hands on her knees and to catch her breath. 

Sooyoung is air and reaches up to hold onto her but Jinsoul steps back, still bitter. The older girl’s hand waves in front of her trying to find something to grab onto. “You’re late freak.” Sooyoung laughs at the insult, still trying to find leverage. 

“I know, I got caught up at work and tried to get ready as fast as I could.” Jinsoul should take the girl’s excuse into consideration. She did run here...Sooyoung raises up to hold her shoulder and Jinsoul pushes the hand off with a grimace.

Sooyoung seems to be offended that Jinsoul won’t let her touch her, “will you stop? Your hand is all sweaty and gross.” Sooyoung keeps trying to lay her hand on her shoulder so Jinsoul grabs one of the grubby fingers and holds it at a distance.

Jinsoul finally makes eye contact with Sooyoung and all the air escapes from her longs. She knows she saw Sooyoung just a few days ago, but Jinsoul missed those soft black eyes. The ones staring straight through her right now. “Don’t tell me you’re mad at me princess.” 

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Jinsoul snaps, continuing to hold Sooyoung’s finger as if it was something dead and toxic. Jinsoul pushes it away from her and turns to start walking, pretending not to care if Sooyoung follows her or not. But she does...she cares a lot. So much she almost stops to turn when she doesn’t hear footsteps behind her.

But then she does, as Sooyoung jogs to catch up to her. The force of a body bumps into her back as Sooyoung throws an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into her side. Jinsoul doesn’t like that her heart drops at how perfectly she fits into Sooyoung’s side and how right it feels when Sooyoung wraps her arm around her. So she pushes her away with a harsh shove, “ew get off me!”

Jinsoul shudders in disgust, even though it was the best feeling she’s had all day having Sooyoung pressed against her. Jinsoul tries to pretend her head isn’t in the clouds thinking about how this night is going to go. She’s gonna spend it all with Sooyoung. She couldn’t be more excited...or nervous.

Sooyoung wobbles away, laughing at how stubborn the blonde is. The older girl steps back next to her, Jinsoul notices she’s put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. While her steps are short and powerful, Sooyoung’s strides are long and lazy as if she doesn’t have to try to keep up with her. 

Jinsoul’s heels click loudly on the pavement as Sooyoung’s sneakers scuff in comparison. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” Sooyoung asks in a teasing voice.

“No.” Jinsoul huffs. 

Sooyoung smiles anyways, “you’re a liiiar~” The older girl sings out before tossing her arm back around the blonde’s shoulder. Jinsoul allows it this time but doesn’t lean into her side. She crosses her arms as Sooyoung awkwardly drapes over her. The taller girl brings her face closer, near Jinsoul’s ear that slowly flushes with color as a hot breath runs over it, “you have no idea how happy I am to see you.” 

Jinsoul fights the smile that breaks onto her face with a hard bite to her bottom lip. She hopes Sooyoung doesn’t catch it. But by the way the older girl is staring down at her lips when Jinsoul side glances her, she knows Sooyoung doesn’t believe her tough act. 

But Jinsoul is persistent, rolling her eyes at the knowing smirk that grows on Sooyoung’s face. Turning her face away from Sooyoung's, she uncrosses her arms to grab one of Sooyoung’s fingers again, carefully lifting it with the hand to slide it off her shoulder. Once the heat of Sooyoung’s touch is off of her, Jinsoul can concentrate again on not falling for the girl’s irresistible charm , “if you don’t stop touching me....” Jinsoul warns. 

Sooyoung only takes it as a challenge, “oh so you’re gonna be like that huh? What happened to us not pretending anymore?” 

“I only pretended to hate you...never over the fact that you annoy the outta me.” Jinsoul says with an innocence to her voice. “Baby this isn’t me being fake, you’re naturally obnoxious and in turn it naturally irks me.” Sooyoung clenches her jaw, but in a way that Jinsoul knows it’s because she can’t stand the way she calls her baby. So sweet with an underlying poison. 

Jinsoul does think Sooyoung’s stupid. Stupidly cute. Especially the way she pouts up after Jinsoul’s warning. But she isn’t faking it. It’s extremely annoying how easily the girl gets under her skin.

But she could never hate Sooyoung. Not with a face like that. And that’s the reason she calls her baby when the rest of her friends receive babe...because Sooyoung’s a bit too adorable and it tugs at Jinsoul’s heart strings. Jinsoul won’t be an idiot though. She won’t turn into some sap, melting at Sooyoung’s sweetness. No, she’s got a lot more dignity than that. She’d rather be caught dead than swooning over Sooyoung, or acting the way it corresponds to what she feels inside.

Jinsoul knows she’s won when Sooyoung finally shuts up. Only walking beside her with a mopey expression. Jinsoul walks a bit looser, less tense than before once she starts to relax in Sooyoung’s presence. But then she starts to miss the warmth of Sooyoung’s body against hers. “I waited forever for you. I didn’t think you were coming.” She admits, not wanting the silence between them anymore.

Sooyoung glances at her and steps a little closer to dodge the other people on the sidewalk. “Yeah? How long.”

“Forever...I just told you.” Sooyoung glares at her so Jinsoul clears . “Like forty minutes or whatever.” 

The girl takes one more step closer to her, and not to dodge sidewalk traffic this time. The blonde lets herself smile, “what can I do to make it up?” 

Jinsoul pretends to think, squinting one eye closed as she leans her head back. “Hmm you can start by apologizing.” 

Sooyoung giggles, “and after that?” Jinsoul glares at her, of course Sooyoung wouldn’t apologize just to get on her nerves. 

“You could at least tell me that I look nice.” Really she’s a bit disappointed that Sooyoung hasn’t said anything. She had expectations for when the older girl first saw her. That her jaw would drop and her eyes would crawl over her. That Sooyoung’s face would turn pink and her words would stutter out. But no, Sooyoung hasn’t even made an attempt at telling her how good she looks.

But of course, Sooyoung knows exactly how to fix it. “Are you sure? It’ll take all night long for me to finish telling you how good you look.” Jinsoul stops in the middle of the pavement. As Sooyoung faces her, the world doesn’t stop around them even though it feels like it. People continue to pass by them, but the bubble around them freezes as Sooyoung mumbles out, “there’s not enough words to describe how beautiful you are.” 

There’s something with the way that Sooyoung draws her in with that smooth voice. That makes Jinsoul want to get as close as possible to her and forget that there’s an entire world around them, it didn’t matter to Jinsoul, since Sooyoung was becoming the center of hers.

“Maybe you can tell me a few.” Jinsoul’s eager to hear just a bit of what’s going through Sooyoung’s mind. Her heart is in . She’s been told she’s beautiful all her life, but none of those times compares to how Sooyoung looks at her. The older girl’s stare is more convincing than when she’s ever being told. 

Sooyoung gazes into her eyes, “perfect.” Jinsoul in a breath as Sooyoung’s gaze travels down torturously slow.  Jinsoul thinks she’s being eaten alive by that glint in Sooyoung’s eyes as they flicker back up and to her own. “So perfect it might get me in trouble.” Her tummy twists at the words, but with an iron will she begins to walk again. Leaving Sooyoung behind for the older girl to bite her lip and softly groan.

Jinsoul smirks when the older girl quickly catches back up to her. The blonde struts and flicks her hair back in Sooyoung’s face in a glamorous way, “please I don’t need you to drool over me. I already know I look amazing.” Jinsoul turns slightly to wink at Sooyoung, who only sighs in return trying to swipe a stray piece of blonde hair from her face.

“Then why’d you ask me?”

“Because I wanted to see how easy it would be to make you admit that you’re obsessed with me.” Jinsoul mocks, “if you ask me...it was a piece of cake.” Sooyoung frowns at her, clearly not happy in being tricked into looking like she was a love-struck fool. 

Sooyoung argues, “or maybe you secretly love it when I tell you how pretty you are.” Sooyoung sneaks an arm around her waist, almost posessively. “That you care about what I think of you.”

“Ugh as if.” Jinsoul twists out of Sooyoung’s hold and whines, “I don’t need you to tell me I’m perfect Sooyoung, I already know I am. Like I’d ever care about what you think of me.” She lies just a little bit. Sure she cares about what Sooyoung thinks of her...but if Sooyoung didn’t like her it wouldn’t be a big deal. Or if she didn’t think she was pretty or perfect. No big deal at all.

She’d just cry about it. Just a little bit.

“Oh I know that...I never said my opinion mattered. But are you sure it doesn’t have a little bit to do with the fact that you love it when I admire you?” Sooyoung asks her to try to save herself from being made a mockery by Jinsoul.

The blonde only laughs lightly and Sooyoung gets stuck on her smile. It’s so bright and it warms Sooyoung’s chest to an impossible temperature. Jinsoul shakes her head ‘no’ while cheesing at Sooyoung, “nuh uh.” 

Jinsoul’s messing with her and she hates how Sooyoung starts to sulk, but it’s too good of a victory to give in. The blonde knows Sooyoung doesn’t really think she’s that vain. She’s told plenty of times how insecure she is.

Sooyoung soon smiles again, that soft one that pulls at her lips. “You know blondie, I don’t get you sometimes.” Jinsoul is walking in front of her, but when a strand of her hair is pulled she winces and matches Sooyoung’s pace to draw back her fist. But Sooyoung steps away from her before she’s hit, “one second you’re begging for my attention and-”

“I do not beg!”

The older girl ignores her, continuing to talk after she’s interrupted, “and the next you act like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pushes at Sooyoung’s shoulder, “because you’re weird.” She huffs as Sooyoung’s brow raises, clearly not buying it. “If you were normal it wouldn’t be a problem.” Yeah, it’s because Jinsoul knows Sooyoung’s secret that she gets so hot under the girl’s stare. The reason her heart flutters at her words. If Sooyoung was ‘normal’ Jinsoul wouldn’t have all these weird scenarios running through her head.

Damn you Jiwoo.

But something tells Jinsoul that even if Jiwoo didn’t spill the beans, she’d still feel this way around Sooyoung. It seemed this connection they had was inevitable. 

It’s just...having Sooyoung’s attention is addicting in all the ways it shouldn’t be. And if Sooyoung was normal, Jinsoul wouldn’t be able to have an ounce of hope for the fantasies that live in her head. She wishes Sooyoung was normal.

So she could crush the lingering thoughts with a hammer of disappointment.

But no. Sooyoung is, well, Sooyoung. And there’s just the slightest chance that- Jinsoul stops herself from getting too far ahead. She doesn’t actually hope that Sooyoung likes her like that. 

Sooyoung sighs softly, “I have a feeling that you wouldn’t like me as much if I was just normal.” Jinsoul’s not for sure what Sooyoung means, but she isn’t given time to think about it as the older girl darts into an alleyway.

“Wait, where are you going! The party is this way!” Jinsoul screams as Sooyoung disappears into the darkness.

The older girl’s voice calls back, “short cut!”

Jinsoul weighs her options, she could just go on without Sooyoung. Or she could follow the girl. But she wouldn’t hear the end of it if she got lost on the way or worse, Sooyoung appeared without her. Bouncing on her heels in a little temper tantrum, Jinsoul groans up towards the dark clouds of the night. 

After she’s done huffing and puffing, she jogs the best as she can in her heels to catch up to Sooyoung who was secretly waiting on her at the end of the alleyway.

This girl was gonna kill Jinsoul. The cause of death?

Heart attack.

~~~~

Yoojung was holding two drinks in her hand as she watched her girlfriend take shot after shot after shot. She was playing a drinking game with some guy she didn’t know the name of, but the longer she stood there, the more she got bored.

Doyeon finishes as the guy hurls over to throw up all over the beautiful tile flooring. Yoojung felt a little bad about being here, this house was gorgeous and abstract. The living room was even prettier than the wood and marble kitchen. Her girlfriend struggles to make it over to where she’s sitting on the kitchen counter but when she does, Yoojung realizes just how drunk Doyeon is.

“Baby I won.” Yoojung leans away from Doyeon’s lips and shakes her head tightly. Her girlfriend seems a bit confused at first but then remembers where they are and quickly backs away from where she had shuffled in between Yoojung’s legs. 

Doyeon pouts up at first, leaning onto the counter with her elbows but after Yoojung hands her drink and whispers in her ear to wait until they get home, a smile shortly replaces the pout. 

Yoojung sighs deeply, she wishes she could be more open with Doyeon. But after taking a quick glance around the kitchen, catching some bad stares, she knows it would only continue to be a dream. 

The double doors to the kitchen burst open and Yoojung can’t help but squeal when she sees her best friend forcing her way inside. Linked onto her elbow, is none other than Sooyoung. While Jinsoul seems a bit pissed about the crowd, Sooyoung looks like a deer stuck in headlights. It wouldn’t surprise Yoojung if the older girl only came to this party for Jinsoul. 

The blonde searches the kitchen and when their eyes meet, Jinsoul drags Sooyoung over by the elbow. Hopping off the counter and shoving the drinks into Doyeon’s hands, she jumps into Jinsoul’s arms. They bounce in a circle while screaming as Doyeon and Sooyoung acknowledge each other awkwardly.

“Drink?” Doyeon asks Sooyoung and holds a cup up. Sooyoung is about to decline, but thinks she’ll need something to calm her nerves. She didn’t do good in crowds. Settling beside Doyeon she chugs the drink given to her in one go, but almost chokes on it when the intoxicated girl mumbles, “thought you didn’t do relationships.”  

Sooyoung feels heat rise to her cheeks, Doyeon was obviously referring to Jinsoul, “it isn’t like that.” She mutters out a little too panicky. 

The two in front of them are oblivious to the conversation they’re having. Jinsoul and Yoojung talk a mile a minute, as the blonde catches up on what’s already happened at the party. “Then what’s it like Sooyoung? It isn’t like you to be friendly.” 

Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “what...is it that hard to wrap your mind around it.”

“Yeah, you don’t like having friends unless you’re ing them.” Sooyoung glares at Doyeon who only smirks, “ah I’m just ing with you, loosen up.” Doyeon snickers while knocking her elbow into Sooyoung’s shoulder as the shorter girl grumbles and sits her cup to the side.

Jinsoul tries to keep up with Yoojung, it’s clear the girl is tipsy and her lover is just as bad. She wishes she knew what those two were talking about. Because Sooyoung was blushing a dark red and staring holes through her. Jinsoul shivered under the deep gaze. “Oh I almost forgot, Minho is here. He’s already been looking for you.” 

The blonde groans as a lump catches in . Great, just what she needed. Jinsoul would try her best to avoid him tonight. All she needed to do was keep to her friends and not drink that much.

Turning her head, she meets Sooyoung’s stare. It’s dark, and Jinsoul doesn’t like how it makes her stomach turn. So she quickly faces Yoojung again. “Is she being an ? I can get Doyeon to set her straight.” Jinsoul blinks and tries to not laugh. Yeah right, like Doyeon’s teddy bear persona could scare Sooyoung. Which permitting, they both had mean looks, but were soft and mushy on the inside.

“No she’s fine. Just...I don’t know, she makes me nervous.” Yoojung raises a brow, “I mean look at her Yoojung, she’s overwhelmingly pretty.” Jinsoul breaks out into a whine when Yoojung’s eyes widen and she realizes what she just admitted. First of all, Jinsoul never gets nervous. Second of all, she just said that Sooyoung (her mortal enemy) is so pretty, the blond can’t stand it. 

Yoojung is about to say something stupid, so before she does Jinsoul forces her hand over , “don’t, please pretend I wasn’t a total loser just then and help me get drinks.” Jinsoul stares at the numerous bottles and first makes what she wants, then wings it when making Sooyoung’s.

It isn’t until she’s walking back she gets a full glimpse at Sooyoung’s appearance. The girl is wearing matching jeans and jacket with sherpa lining. Underneath the jacket is where Jinsoul stares harder, since most of Sooyoung’s tummy is exposed. Her silk shirt was knotted between her s and the multiple necklaces that Sooyoung’s wearing hangs low. 

Jinsoul hums satisfied as she continues to check the girl out. Sooyoung’s talking to Doyeon when both Yoojung and Jinsoul return. The blonde shoves the drink into Sooyoung’s hand and the girl pauses in her conversation to stare at her. Sooyoung’s eyes travel to the cup, “you made me a drink?” 

Downing her own Jinsoul only gives her a thumbs up, of course Sooyoung hands it back to her. “Sorry, I don’t really drink, I’ve already had enough.” Jinsoul glares at her as the drink she made with special care and love is dangling in front of her face.

“C’mon don’t be a .” Jinsoul fights the laugh that’s rumbling in her chest when Sooyoung narrows her eyes dangerously. 

Yoojung and Doyeon watch as the two beside them go from giving each other heart eyes to going at each other’s throats. It’s a bit entertaining, how Jinsoul gets easily pissed at Sooyoung and how the older girl knows exactly what to say to get the blonde riled up. 

But then Jinsoul rolls her eyes and flips her teased hair, “you know what, forget it. Ugh you’re so boring Sooyoung I’m gonna go find someone who wants to have fun!” Jinsoul flips her off as she struts away and Sooyoung only frowns before turning to the two who were plastered.

Jinsoul walked through the crowd, everyone was dancing in the living room. It made Jinsoul kinda sad because this house was gorgeous. The carpet was all kinds of messed up, and the mini bar in the middle had been drowned in beer in liquor as people danced on the counters and into the lower leveled center. 

Near where she walked in at, was a series of full length mirrors with elegant drapes and outside a fountain poured in front of the house. There was some sort of spiral staircase but the column between was an aquarium. Whoever owned this place was gonna be mad to see it destroyed. The angled couch with blue cushions had been torn apart and flipped over. 

Jinsoul shakes her head and makes her way to the center of where everyone’s dancing. Quickly losing herself to music she forgets she’s supposed to be looking out for someone. She’s dancing with some girl when she feels rough calloused hands grab onto her hips. Jinsoul tenses up and turns around, groaning when she sees that smile. 

“Hey baby.” 

“Minho get the off me!”

Jinsoul pushes against his chest but he pulls her closer while laughing, clearly drunk off his . Minho’s not a bad guy so Jinsoul gives in and dances with him. He tries to pull them front to front but Jinsoul keeps him at bay and rocks side to side with him. She can’t help but snort when he tries to wiggle his hips ily. 

Maybe she missed him a little bit. 

He was funny, but not as attractive as he used to be. He leans forward, “I miss you.” Jinsoul grimaces and almost breaks her back with how far she jerks away. Okay, she didn’t really miss him after all. Because she gags at the smell that comes from his breath.

She pushes at his shoulders and glares up at him, “you smell like rotten cheese and you’re lactose intolerant explain to me how that even happens.” He pouts up at her and Jinsoul feels icky, “you know what, no. Get off me for real.” Jinsoul was starting to get angry. She wanted to have fun, and the groping hands on her was not fun. The hands were too big and rough. 

“Baby please don’t be mean to me!” Minho starts to whine and Jinsoul looks at him like he’s grown a toe on his forehead. 

Smacking at his shoulder she lowers her voice, “if you aren't off me in five seconds I’m kicking you in the nuts.” He stares at her all sad but there’s no intention of letting her go. Jinsoul prepares her knee but Minho suddenly turns since someone taps his shoulder. Someone else grabs Jinsoul by the waist and drags her away, the hands a lot softer...more delicate. The way Jinsoul likes it. Minho turns back around to see his hands empty, and the pretty blonde nowhere to be found.

Jinsoul looks up at Sooyoung who was carefully observing her, “you okay?” Jinsoul takes a deep breath, their faces were so close since the crowd was pushing them together. Her breath smelled like mint and Jinsoul didn’t mind being so close, really...she wanted to be closer. Close enough to taste the mint.

She nods her head and backs away, “yeah just dance I wanna forget that happened.” 

But Sooyoung steps back into the space that Jinsoul created and stares down into her eyes longingly, “okay, I’ll make you forget about him.” Jinsoul has to force herself to move after Sooyoung says that. There was something about the tone Sooyoung used that froze her on the spot. 

Thankfully the more they dance the more they drift apart. Sooyoung keeps her word and soon, Jinsoul forgets about Minho entirely. By the time a few songs have passed she’s laughing and smiling at every move Sooyoung does. The older girl is surprisingly great at dancing. She’s fluid and the way she rocks her hips has Jinsoul staring. The blonde doesn’t think she’s had this much fun in forever.

Leaning forward she raises her voice over the music, “you’re decent for someone who sits on her all day!” Sooyoung opens , offended and flips her off before turning around. Jinsoul doesn’t take the view of Sooyoung’s backside for granted. Those jeans fit Sooyoung just right and Jinsoul had to fight the urge to not reach out and touch with an iron will.

Since Sooyoung was ignoring her now Jinsoul sways to the beat. There was a weird theme to all the songs being played. Don’t wanna fall in love...Don’t let me be the one...tell it to my heart? Whoever was in charge of the music was clearly bitter at a lover. What was even weirder was Jinsoul felt a bit affected by the song’s lyrics when she usually wasn’t. 

Sooyoung was still facing away from her, currently dancing with some random girl. Jinsoul tries to not let it bother her, dancing with some guys next to her. Sooyoung glances behind her shoulder and since Jinsoul was staring hole’s through the girl’s head they lock eyes. Jinsoul blows steam when Sooyoung winks and turns away from her.

She hates being ignored. And she’s a way better dancer than the girl Sooyoung’s with. Jinsoul was the one she came with, so this is just rude. Not being able to stand it anymore she pushes a guy off her and grabs Sooyoung by the elbow to spin her back around to face her. Jinsoul pulls her closer by cupping the back of Sooyoung’s neck and grumbles out, “pay attention to me.” What she meant to say was ‘dance with me’...but Jinsoul got a little too carried away.

Sooyoung’s eyes darken and they drag down her face to her lips. The blonde ignores it and continues to dance. 

On target by the Jones girls start to play and Jinsoul pulls Sooyoung into a rhythm with her. They rock back and forth. Sooyoung shimmies her shoulders in contrast to her own and their feet never fumbled over each other. They're good partners when it comes to dancing but anything else they seemed to clash. Sooyoung pulls back and grabs her hand to twirl her. Jinsoul spins on her heel and squeaks when Sooyoung tugs her back so they’re pressed front to front. 

Jinsoul clings onto Sooyoung’s shoulders for balance and she gasps when a hand squeezes at her waist. She can’t stop staring into Sooyoung’s eyes. The blonde wants to stay like this forever. 

Sooyoung has that teasing smirk and Jinsoul already knows the fun is over, “was someone getting jealous?”

Jinsoul groans and pulls Sooyoung down by the collar of her jacket to whisper harshly into her ear, “ off.” Pushing Sooyoung back she starts to force herself through the crowd. She doesn’t catch the way Sooyoung’s face turns red.

The blonde doesn’t like how Sooyoung makes her hot in more ways than one. She can’t stand being close to her much longer so she needs to find somewhere to cool down. Jinsoul can’t breathe when Sooyoung’s around.

And she’s starting to realize why.

For a while, ever since Jiwoo had told her. Jinsoul has been trying to bury these contrasting thoughts. Sooyoung doesn’t want her like that, she wouldn’t play her like that. It’s obvious. They’ll only ever be friends. Jinsoul doesn’t know why she can’t get her mind to wrap around that idea.

She can’t wrap her mind around how Sooyoung’s right.

She was jealous.

Because she wants Sooyoung all to herself.

~~~~

So...to be continued for next chapter teehee. Anyways what I was trying to show in the first two scenes is that yvesoul are the same kinda lovers. Bad with commitment don’t really feel for nobody. But have different takes on love. Sooyoung has experienced it but clearly doesn’t like it while Jinsoul has never felt like that but really wants to fall in love! 

Well I hope everyone enjoys and as always thanks for reading! 

Spoiler: no kissing