Apparently Jinsoul’s idea of having fun was not the same as Sooyoung’s. The older girl had promised she would take her somewhere to cheer her up, like a date...a date that Jinsoul would imagine being much different from this. One with roses and a candle lit dinner, a limousine with champagne. Footsie under the table maybe...Sooyoung telling her she’s beautiful every minute while giving her that dreamy smile. 

The night would end with a long and heart stopping kiss and Sooyoung would pull out a box with a tiny pink bow, revealing those diamond earrings Jinsoul’s been praying for years- “Say ah.” Jinsoul’s nose is upturned, her lips in a scowl and arms crossed, really trying to sell the hint that she’s annoyed. But the sweet and steaming smell from the fork being held in front of her makes it more difficult to keep this whole ‘ I hate you’ act towards Sooyoung going. 

Jinsoul glares at the dangling piece of waffle coated in sugar, trying to telepathically make it disappear so she doesn’t give into Sooyoung’s poor attempt of spoiling her. Jinsoul’s eyes make their way to Sooyoung’s and well she thinks the girl has spent too much time around her, because Sooyoung has never pouted like that before.

Sooyoung’s clearly intimating her...either that or making fun of her so Jinsoul jerks the fork out of her hands, refusing to be fed. Chewing on the sweet treat, Jinsoul keeps her eyebrows knotted trying to pretend it’s not as good as it tastes. Sooyoung then takes her own bite, a bit too big for and Jinsoul slowly feels her resolve fade away when she sees the older girl’s cheeks puff up from all the food crammed inside. 

It’s cold, so they’re huddled together by the side of the street-cart that Sooyoung just had to stop at. Sooyoung chews slowly and quietly before swallowing with a grunt, “jesus christ I thought I was gonna choke.” 

Jinsoul can’t help but snort, the smile growing on her face in the matter of seconds. Maybe she really can’t stay mad at Sooyoung, not when she looks this cute all the time. “Well if you ate...you know like a normal human being that wouldn’t be a problem.” Sooyoung gives Jinsoul the side eye while preparing another bite for her. The blonde scoots a little closer, so that her shoulder is pressed against Sooyoung’s. 

This time Sooyoung doesn’t have to beg her to eat what’s offered and Jinsoul’s eyes go wide as she chomps down on the fork. Jinsoul hums happily and wraps her hands around Sooyoung’s upper arm, snuggling even closer to her. Maybe there’s no roses or candles, nor the limousine or champagne and the diamond earrings are nowhere to be found. But...she still had one wish come true. 

Sooyoung’s looking at her like she’s made of diamonds herself, “what is it?” Jinsoul asks quietly and Sooyoung freezes up at the question. The girl’s mouth is slightly open and Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung struggles to focus. For a few awkward seconds Sooyoung just stares at her before turning away. Jinsoul’s smile is wide and she presses closer, “babe...am I that pretty?” 

The tips of Sooyoung’s ears go red and she grumbles out, “oh you have no idea Jung Jinsoul.”

“I kind of do, with the way you won’t stop staring at me.” Sooyoung gently pushes her away then, causing Jinsoul to stumble back, laughing loudly as a few people look their way. To Jinsoul however, Sooyoung’s the only one around that matters. Bouncing back up to the now groveling girl Jinsoul teases out, “Now are you gonna stop drooling or what?”

Sooyoung glares at her before ducking her head down and Jinsoul really can’t stand it. Leaning up on her tiptoes she chases after Sooyoung’s lips with her own, Jinsoul craves it constantly, the taste and softness of the girl’s lips. But she’s rejected by the turn of Sooyoung’s cheek and Jinsoul droops with her now shattered confidence. Sooyoung’s breath comes out as a huff, hot against the cool air and it’s clearly a sign of frustration but Jinsoul’s not sure what kind.

“Kiss me.” Jinsoul asks, or really, whines. 

Sooyoung does nothing.

Jinsoul pushes her luck again and tilts her head on the way there, her eyes becoming heavy when she’s getting closer. Her lips don’t press against Sooyoung’s, but instead she smooches the back of the girl’s very cold hand. “Ugh what’s with you!” 

Sooyoung kept her at a distance, now the cold hand was pushing at her chest, “Not here there’s too many people around.”

“So? They’re not watching.” Jinsoul tries her best to get what she wants but Sooyoung simply shakes her head no and well, she gives up. There’s not much she can do when Sooyoung’s glaring at her so intensely, it’s a warning and Jinsoul’s not sure what.

Sooyoung’s still a mystery to her, after all this time, after all the hoops she’s jumped through just to get closer to her. Jinsoul’s still unsure what goes through Sooyoung’s head. She doesn’t know about her past, despite the few instances Sooyoung’s given her hints that she hasn’t had a good one. Jinsoul has no idea and she guesses she won’t know until Sooyoung’s ready to tell her. 

Jinsoul still has a lot to learn about this...whole thing. Sure she’s dated plenty in the past but none have been as clammed up as Sooyoung and too...she wasn’t too interested in getting to know them. Jinsoul doesn’t know how to get close without being so invasive. 

Puffing up she goes to stand beside Sooyoung, a foot away, the last thing she wants to do is make the girl uncomfortable. Jinsoul would hate herself if she ran Sooyoung off by rushing this whole thing.

She doesn’t think her heart could handle that. 

“Why do you get so scared?” 

Her voice is quieter than before and she doesn’t dare to look at Sooyoung, afraid of what she might see. 

“Old habit.” Sooyoung replies, tiredly. “I don’t think you get it, how hard it is being with someone everyone thinks you’re not supposed to be with.” 

Jinsoul starts to realize that Sooyoung doesn’t know much about her either. They’re both so clueless and it’s created a blind spot neither of them knew about, at least until now. It might have been invisible at first but Jinsoul sees it in bold red now, almost mocking her and her naivety. 

She’s miles behind when she thought she was three steps forward. Jinsoul thought this was gonna be easy, but it seems Sooyoung was right when she warned her. It wasn’t going to be easy, not with so much that’s been left misunderstood between them. 

“You’re not the first girl I’ve liked this way Sooyoung, I know it’s not a cake walk.” Jinsoul mumbles out and she can feel those eyes, dark and serious, burning holes into the side of her head. “But the feelings I have for you are stronger than the fear of being caught.” 

Jinsoul then looks at Sooyoung and knows the girl sees the blind spot too, but at least they understand the little problem they have. Jinsoul isn’t scared of this, when Sooyoung’s terrified. “I’ve never been with someone who doesn’t want to keep me as a secret.” The words whispered out tears through Jinsoul’s heart. 

Shaking her head, Jinsoul inches her hand closer to Sooyoung’s and takes a single finger into her palm, squeezing it tightly. “I don’t want you to be my secret Sooyoung.” The girl blinks at her before glancing down at their hands, soon enough Jinsoul feels fingers interlaced with hers. “I want everyone to know how much I adore you.”

“You’re too good to me.” Sooyoung tells her with an honest voice. 

She only smiles, “and you deserve so much more.” 

Jinsoul then tugs the girl closer to her and promises it, “so I’m gonna give it to you.” 

~~~~

“I look like a ing dork.” Jinsoul refers to the sneakers she’s wearing with her new dress. Sooyoung had her other clothes in her bag, refusing to give them back to the blonde.  

Sooyoung pulls her along by the fingers and Jinsoul would be swoon at the fact that she’s holding heads with her dream girl if she wasn’t out about her mismatched outfit. “Yeah, you do but isn’t that everyday?” 

Jinsoul stops, her sneakers scuffing onto the pavement. “Oh bite me Sooyoung.” The grin drops and Sooyoung goes to pull her hand away from Jinsoul’s. The blonde protests with a groan, clenching onto Sooyoung’s hand tighter. Getting to hold it took Jinsoul forever to convince Sooyoung to agree in the first place. “So you can pick on me and all that but I can’t defend myself?” A smile reappears on Sooyoung’s lips and Jinsoul realizes that she was just being teased all along. “Everybody is being so irky today, some guy called me a bimbo earlier and now you.” 

Sooyoung hums before replying, “I mean...” Jinsoul watches as Sooyoung brow raises suggestively, tired of being mocked, she starts to pull away but she’s tugged right back into her spot. “I was playing jeez can you chill out for a second.” 

Rolling her eyes, Jinsoul decides it isn’t worth her time to play into Sooyoung’s little game. The older girl thrived off riling her up. 

It’s late now and Jinsoul can tell she’s almost home by the familiarity of the empty streets they’re strolling lazily on. And well maybe she doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. 

Holding onto Sooyoung tighter she wishes she could make time stop so she could make this moment last forever. “Do you wanna come inside?” Sooyoung hums and only stares in the direction of her house which they were not approaching. The lights were still on and Jinsoul could see the shadow of her mom bouncing around in the living room, probably watching some gameshow. 

“Some other time.” Sooyoung swallows audibly, out of the nerves beginning to build, “I don’t do well with um...parents.” 

“They really like you.” 

Sooyoung smiles at that, even if it’s a bit forced, “I’m sure they do...if you take after them any.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the remark, how Sooyoung finds the energy to be confident even in moments that she’s feeling anxious. “I think your mom knows you have a crush on me, maybe you need to tone it down with the obsession.” The older girl teases all cocky like and Jinsoul wishes she didn’t find it so attractive.

Pulling on Sooyoung’s hand she brings them to a stop just a bit away from her home. Jinsoul slowly raises her arms and wraps them around Sooyoung’s shoulder’s. Locking her hands around her neck, she presses her body against Sooyoung and whispers to her, that they’re not so much as a secret to everyone. “Sooyoung.” Jinsoul stares up at her and starts to fall in love with the way Sooyoung stares back, “they know we’re sleeping together.” 

Sooyoung’s gentle smile, gazing so lovingly suddenly looks like she’s seen a ghost, “w-what..”

Jinsoul snorts at the girl’s panic, “I mean I know we’ve only slept together once, unless you count each time we-” Sooyoung cuts her off with a glare that was close to dangerous, “what I’m trying to say is that they know we’re not just a couple of besties. Especially my mom since you know, decided to be a prick multiple times and I couldn’t lie about what I was crying over.”

Sooyoung’s fear turns to concern, her lips that were in a straight line morphs into a pitiful frown. “I’m sorry I-”

Jinsoul leans up and presses a quick kiss to Sooyoung’s lips, shutting her up. Slightly pulling away she mumbles onto soft lips, “I know baby.” Sooyoung melts into her and Jinsoul loves the fact she has such an effect on the girl, how the simplest of words and gestures turn Sooyoung into mush in the palms of her hands. “That’s why I made a list of things you need to do to get my full forgiveness.”

Sooyoung quickly regains shape from where she was losing her form in Jinsoul’s intoxicating hold, “do what now.”

The blonde perks up, glad she can finally rant about her bitterness of being dumped multiple times including the night she and Sooyoung got it on numerous times only to be dismissed like some… “My list of things you need to do for my forgiveness.” 

“Like what?” Sooyoung blinks at her, confused. “Whatever you ask I’ll do it.” Jinsoul lips twitch into a sinister smile. 

“It’s not done yet, I’m still working on it.” 

“How long is this thing?”

Jinsoul giggles and raises up to smooch the clueless girl again. “Oh not too long just needs a few finishing touches.” Sooyoung leans into the kiss but narrows her eyes skeptically. No, the list was very lengthy and detailed. Jinsoul holds grudges pretty badly, and she’s also materialistic so she saw this as a golden opportunity.

However...it wasn’t a shopping list, Jinsoul may have one or two items of interest on there, no most of it was stuff she’d never ask for from any other person. It was a bucket list of everything she wanted to do with Sooyoung. 

With things she knew Sooyoung would hate. 

...and love.

“Can you give me a hint? Something that’s on the list.”

Jinsoul hums and thinks...the first one on the list doesn’t even really involve Sooyoung. Jinsoul wants to go shopping with her sisters or at least properly meet all of them. There was another one where Sooyoung had to take her back to the disco for a proper date since the last time she ditched her. Jinsoul knows the perfect one to tell Sooyoung but she knows she won’t be down for.

“You have to kiss me in front of everyone.” Sooyoung grimaces, “only when you’re comfortable.” Jinsoul reassures, she doesn’t want to pressure Sooyoung or anything.

Sooyoung sighs, “and when that takes forever?”

Jinsoul shakes her head, “I don’t think it will.” Then she takes a deep breath, pumping herself up with courage to say what’s on her mind, “when you’re in love with me...you won’t be afraid to kiss me.” Sooyoung’s cheeks tinge pink and her eyes are wide with what Jinsoul assumes is shock, “I mean, if you fall in love with me.”

She instantly regrets it and usually Jinsoul’s the one to talk without really thinking about it but this time she did think about it! Jinsoul has constantly thought about this. Sooyoung clears as her cheeks darken more, “It’s um...very possible if I’m being honest.” If not already true. Jinsoul’s heart clenches painfully and she thinks she may pass out. 

Leaning forward, Jinsoul presses her forehead against Sooyoung’s cheek, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. “Should we bet on it? Who falls first?” 

“We don’t do good with bets.” 

Jinsoul snorts, thinking back at the time they made rules and deals. All for them to fail miserably because she was so into Sooyoung, and she was liked just as much if not more. God sometimes she couldn’t stand it, how much she likes Sooyoung, she still can’t stand it. It’s almost annoying because Jinsoul’s never been this vulnerable with someone. “Yeah...but I feel like this one will be fun.” 

But she likes this feeling. Jinsoul likes the way Sooyoung could ruin her just as quickly as she could fall. “You fall for me first, you gotta kiss me in front of the whole world.” Jinsoul mumbles out and she gambles her heart once again. “If I fall well, I’ll let you decide.”

Sooyoung nods a bit dumbly, “I already know what I want.” Jinsoul wants to ask but she doesn’t want the excitement to fade in the slightest bit, so she only seals it with one last kiss. When Jinsoul breaks the kiss there’s a noise of protest but she knows if she stays she’ll stand out here all night chasing after Sooyoung’s lips. She’s never satisfied and only wants more and more, Jinsoul will never know if she’ll get enough

She stumbles away, Sooyoung’s eyes still closed but a smile on her face. 

“Goodnight loser.” 

Sooyoung opens her eyes before winking...and god Jinsoul thinks she’s already lost. The older girl walks backwards before turning to disappear into the night and Jinsoul’s left with a hole in her chest. Sooyoung was becoming something more than she ever imagined. Jinsoul has no idea what her life would be like now without her...she thinks it would be boring and lonely as it’s always been, but now that she knows what it’s like with Sooyoung she hates the thought of not being with her.

Bouncing up towards her home she pats on her coat, “for real....Jinsoul you ditz.” She totally forgot to give Sooyoung her coat back and to get her own clothes back. She hopes Sooyoung didn’t leave anything valuable.

Digging through the pockets she feels something folded up and something even thicker beside that. Jerking out a piece of paper she quickly flips it over to read.

Something to get you a pair of shoes for that dress. 

Jinsoul gasps and shoves her hand back into the pocket. It’s ten, twenty dollar bills all for her, Jinsoul’s never saw this much money. All that Sooyoung gave her. She doesn’t even remember when…

With the wad of cash still in hand, she doesn’t bother wasting any time picking up the phone and dialing it. It only rings a few times before she hears a sleepy hello.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“Yoojung, I think I’m in love.”

~~~~

Doyeon’s apartment is small and a bit empty, Jinsoul doesn’t choose to sit on the kitchen counter but she has to. The only other place to sit is at the folding table that has a single stool that Jinsoul’s not so sure that’s safe. 

She swings her feet up and down, watching Doyeon cook some extravagant dish that she’s never heard of. “Ay, beanstalk.” 

“No.”

Jinsoul pouts up, it’s been like this ever since she got here. When she first barged in Doyeon was finishing some pottery up...only for Jinsoul to start screaming out nonsense, eventually messing her up. Now after an hour and Yoojung still nowhere to be found things have gotten a little awkward. 

Doyeon doesn’t like her that much or that’s what she’s trying to play at, Jinsoul really knows she’s loved dearly by the girl who rarely smiles. However when Jinsoul opens Doyeon shuts her up just as quickly if not instantaneously. 

“I only wanna talk I’m gonna die of boredom soon.” Jinsoul whines leaning over to nose about the vegetables Doyeon’s chopping up. Her face scrunches up at the site, Jinsoul hates vegetables of any sort and she knows Yoojung does too if not more than she does. “How do you make her eat that ?”

Doyeon rolls her eyes, annoyed and wishing that Jinsoul would go away. The blonde was like a little fly buzzing about. “Because I make it taste good.” 

Jinsoul hums and resists the urge to gag, “sure, whatever you say.” Doyeon glares at her and the blonde would feel a bit bad about being such a pesk right now but she thinks the older girl deserves it. 

The kitchen goes back to silence and soon Jinsoul begins to sigh and groan. Doyeon chops more aggressively with every annoying noise that comes from Jinsoul. Bringing down the knife with more force than necessary she turns to Jinsoul, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m bored!” Doyeon stares into doe eyes, all glassy with upturned brows for added effect. 

Shaking herself out of it she goes back to her vegetables. Jung Jinsoul was too cute for her own good. “Go home then.” The blonde sighs sadly once again and Doyeon can’t focus. Laying the knife down, regaining her composure she tries to not think of throwing Jinsoul out the door. “Okay what, you clearly got something to say.”

Jinsoul smiles before squealing like a teenage girl that’s just seen her crush. Doyeon blushes slightly because she can’t stand this girl nor the gossip she loves to talk about. That was Yoojung’s job. But Jinsoul...is annoyingly pretty and Doyeon can’t help but roll her eyes at the site of the blonde kicking her feet against the counter. 

“What was Sooyoung like when you knew her?”

“Oh god not this again Jinsoul I thought I told you to stay away from her!” Doyeon scolds and Jinsoul deflate into nothing. She thinks she’ll just ignore it and go back to cooking but the sight of Jinsoul on the verge of crying does a number on her heart. “Fine, jesus, uh she was kinda the same except she’s a lot more arrogant these days. She’s always been cocky but never vocal about it.” 

Doyeon can barely remember the underclassman really. She only talked to Sooyoung a few times. Sooyoung had this attitude though as if she was untouchable and she was at that time. She still is...except by a certain blonde’s grubby hands. Doyeon still doesn’t understand the mix of Sooyoung and Jinsoul and why they like each other so much.

Then again, Doyeon still can’t figure out why Yoojung ended up falling for her either.  

Sooyoung was reserved and did everything in this calculated manner that just seemed effortless. Doyeon thought she was cool in her own way. But kinda weird with how withdrawn she was. 

Doyeon explains all of this, for what little she knew about Sooyoung to Jinsoul and the blonde eagerly listens as if she didn’t know Sooyoung already likes the back of her hand. “She hit on me once.” If there’s one thing that Jinsoul gets right about Sooyoung, it’s that smile. One of the best Doyeon’s ever seen beside Yoojung’s. 

Sooyoung was a charmer for sure and the way she flirted was subtle yet confident. It didn’t leave Doyeon irked or creeped out like most times others have tried laying it on her, but instead flattered. “What’d you say?” Jinsoul asks her quietly and she can tell how curious the blonde is. 

“I thanked her.” It wasn’t awkward when she shot down Sooyoung, the girl took the rejection surprisingly well. “Because one, I was with Yoojung...kind of, two she’s not my type.” She and Sooyoung studied together a few times after that and Doyeon learned just how quiet the girl really was. 

Jinsoul hums, “aweeee babe that’s so sweet, look at you being loyal to Yoojung.” Jinsoul coos out and Doyeon’s cheeks darken, “as you should because if not I would have buried you a long time ago.” 

“Uh huh sure you would have.” 

Doyeon would never admit this but she was scared of Jinsoul sometimes. She was scarier than Yoojung. “Mhmm and I still haven’t been thanked for convincing Yoojung to go back to your sorry that last time, did you forget?” 

Jinsoul’s staring a hole through her, waiting patiently for yet another thank you. Doyeon’s told her a hundred times by now but the blonde is never satisfied. “Thank you.”

“Nope not good enough. Say the full thing.”

Doyeon groans and tilts her head back, her embarrassment high as the ceiling, “thank you Jinsoul for convincing Yoojung to get back with my sorry after I was mean to her.” Jinsoul laughs which makes it worse, her pain was the blonde’s enjoyment.

She watches Jinsoul wipe some stray tears away, still giggling like the menace she is. “You know, she didn’t even tell me you two we’re together back then either, she was still calling you her roommate. I mean I connected the dots and all because jeez she was pretty upset over just a roommate.” Jinsoul’s only joking at the moment but it makes Doyeon sick at the thought of Yoojung being upset. “Was it hard with Yoojung at first? Being together?”

Jinsoul leaned back onto the counter, slowly turning serious. Doyeon lives in the past for seconds and regrets the memories as soon as they form. “It was, neither of us was really ready for what we wanted.” Doyeon had already gone through so much and Yoojung was scared of experiencing anything bad that could happen. Together they were always walking on eggshells, they still do. But they’ve learned with time when to hide and when they can relax, still Doyeon can tell when Yoojung gets scared. “You remember last year right? What happened?” 

Jinsoul nods, a sadness in her eyes. Doyeon may or may not have gotten in a violent fight, and she may or may not know how to fight. There was this guy that kept harassing Yoojung, he knew, Doyeon doesn’t know how he knew but he did. Everyday he’d say horrible things to Yoojung about it.

She couldn’t just do nothing.

“I got to the point where I don’t care, I love Yoojung more than anything else and now I don’t want anything to be different, it’s...nothing would be right without her.” Doyeon explains seriously. 

Jinsoul is oddly silent and Doyeon glances at her, the blonde is in deep thought. Chewing at her lip and gazing down at the floor. “Do...do you think me and Sooyoung would work out? If we tried?”  

Doyeon sighs and has the idea where Jinsoul was going with this. The exact reason she didn’t want Jinsoul to get involved with Sooyoung, sure she was a good friend and all, but a terrible lover. “Sooyoung’s always been down low, no one knows and I think she wants to keep it that way.” Doyeon then gives Sooyoung the benefit of the doubt, “I mean that’s before she met you though, I never saw Sooyoung being willing to be with someone seriously. It’s too risky ya know but...she really seems to like you.” 

She hates taking up for Sooyoung kind of, well until she saw the glimmer of hope in Jinsoul’s eyes. Doyeon knows Sooyoung’s not all that bad. “I don’t trust her and you gotta know there’s a chance that she might run from whatever you two got going on, she’s good at forgetting.” The blonde looks entirely too sad for Doyeon’s liking so she tries to cheer her up, “but I think you’d be impossible to forget Jinsoul.”

“Oh Doyeon…”

Suddenly there’s a pair of arms wrapped around Doyeon, squeezing the life out of her. Jinsoul’s never hugged her before. They’ve always had a grudge against each other, Doyeon thinking the blonde was irritating (adorably so) and Jinsoul being Yoojung’s best friend was bound to be a rivalry. But...it’s a nice hug and Doyeon pats Jinsoul’s back. “Can you like, let go now.” 

Jinsoul’s crying, just a little bit. Doyeon hears the cute sniffles and sees that the girl’s shoulders are trembling. “Shut up you love me.”

Even though she rolls her eyes, Doyeon can’t keep the smile off her face. “Yeah, I guess I do.” Jinsoul pulls back then, eyes all puffy. “All I’m saying is Sooyoung has one chance to up with you...or-”

“Or what? Doyeon you can’t fight.” Doyeon takes full offense at the jab and shoves Jinsoul off of her, so much for being nice to her for once. “I’m playing jeez you don’t even have to worry she’s really trying you know.” Jinsoul rambles quietly and knudges her fist against Doyeon’s arm. 

Jinsoul reminds her of Yoojung sometimes. Having so much faith in things that could easily fail. But maybe Doyeon should have some faith too. It’s the reason she’s still with the love of her life now. Because Yoojung believed in her and Jinsoul did too for whatever reason.

She owes Jinsoul for a lot. One day she’ll get around to it. 

Going back to her vegetables, Doyeon picks up the knife and thinks that she could start today. Being nice to Jinsoul is the least she could do and this vendetta they have has gotten a bit old. “You wanna help?” Glancing over to the blonde and seeing that smile…

Doyeon thinks she’s made the right choice.

~~~~

A few weeks later 

“And that’s why trickle-down economics is...a bunch of bologna.” Jinsoul finishes off quietly, her eyes scanning hesitantly over the projector screen. Her hands are all sweaty which is a rarity and she’s incredibly nervous. “Ugh they’re totally gonna make fun of me!” Jinsoul spins on her heels, it’s her fourth time doing the mock run of her analysis of modern economics.

She looks for her voice of reason, her boost of confidence in the form of a very exhausted single audience member. Sooyoung is chewing on her gum, obnoxiously as always and it’s a bit of a distraction to Jinsoul. The older girl is in deep thought, her eyebrows scrunched to the middle and her fingers padding along with the column of . It’s a habit of Sooyoung’s that Jinsoul’s noticed, something she does whenever she’s anxious or actually using her brain for once. 

“Since when do you care if someone’s making fun of you?” It’s a genuine question yet it still gives Jinsoul a migraine. Tilting her head back she sighs a bit dramatically before leaning back onto the brick wall besides the screen. Since it’s night out now, the room is shrouded in darkness, the only light source is from the small projector.

It illuminates the room in a foggy light since it’s so dusty in here and Jinsoul would probably be complaining if she wasn’t torn about her grade. Sooyoung is sitting beside the projector on some old cushioned chair and is controlling the slides and such. Legs crossed and back straight, she’s posed like she’s about to model for some high fashion magazine and Jinsoul would be lying if she said she wasn’t distracted. 

“I mean I don’t care but…” 

Jinsoul kinda did care. Of course she’s never been the girl to give two cents about anyone’s opinion about her, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be ridiculed and laughed at in front of all her peers. She wanted to succeed, she wanted to impress and most of all she wanted the same amount of respect everyone else gets.

But because she’s a woman in this profession dominated by men she’s uneasy. Jinsoul’s fought for so long to get where she is, but she knows some things can’t be accomplished by just being as clever as she is. It’s unfair but she knows nothing can be done about it.

That’s why she idolizes Sooyoung so much, not only does she admire the older girl romantically but she saw her someone to look up to and thought so highly of her and her accomplishments. Groaning out of frustration, Jinsoul begins to drag herself across the room to where Sooyoung’s sitting. Her arms limp and swing, she’s on the verge of having a mini tantrum. 

Straight-laced, void of any emotion. Jinsoul wonders why she’s so attracted to a woman the total opposite of her. Sooyoung hums, acknowledging her words but doesn’t say anything. 

Jinsoul makes it all the way up to the older girl and glances down. Sooyoung’s gold-rimmed glasses glare from the reflection of light at this angle so Jinsoul reaches up to carefully grab the edges of them. Shifting the pair of lenses off, she’s met with a cold stare and although it chills her to the bone it doesn’t drive her away. Not like it used to, when Jinsoul would feel molten lava in her veins at Sooyoung’s presence since she was so infuriating but a single glare felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped over her. 

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers between her own for a few seconds before slowly narrowing, “but what? You don’t care but?” Sooyoung asks in a condescending way and it does nothing to help Jinsoul, it only confuses her more. 

The glasses are still in Jinsoul’s hand, clenched hard enough to cause the lenses to fog up from the heat of her palm. Jinsoul sits them off to the side before she ends up crushing them. “You know what it's like! No matter how hard I try or well I do, they’ll still find a way to mock me.” Jinsoul whines begging to pout up at Sooyoung who’s expression hasn’t changed in the slightest.

Jinsoul scrunches her nose up, fighting back tears and goes to cry about it more, but Sooyoung stops her with a tug on her hands and whispered words, “and you’ll put them in their place if they do, just like you always do, just like you did with me multiple times...that I’m still thankful for.” Jinsoul turns her face away and bites her lip, feeling overwhelmed all of the sudden. “I didn’t take you seriously and you showed me exactly why I should have never done that. So what’s the problem now?” 

“Well yeah, duh, but even if I humble those s doesn’t mean I won’t fail.” Jinsoul explains, of course she wasn’t gonna let them get under her skin, Jinsoul knows how smart she is and won’t let anyone tell or make her feel any different. She knows her worth and has worked for it her whole life. Doesn’t mean she’s being rewarded for it though. 

Sooyoung tugs on her hands again and brings them to her lips, kissing the palms of them affectionately. “I won’t let you fail, I promise.” Jinsoul still refuses to look at Sooyoung, afraid of the intensity in her eyes. 

Although they made the deal weeks ago, Jinsoul was afraid of falling too fast...she didn’t want to be the one to lose either. But when Sooyoung was this thoughtful it was near impossible not to fall in love just a little bit. “I don’t understand how you did it, got to where you are without giving up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be successful.” Jinsoul admits because she knows how annoying and sadistic some of these dweebs can be, just by playing in the arcade with them as long as she has. Actually working with them however? She’d rather be gagged with a spoon. 

Sooyoung sighs, “it wasn’t easy, I pretended a lot, being confident, bulletproof and all but...sometimes it got to me.” Jinsoul can relate, even though she consistently labeled herself strong-willed and capable of anything if she put the work in, many times she ended up lost and unsure. But was so stubborn she remained independent, refusing to ask for help from anyone. “I think it was because I was driven by the passion I had for it, one of the only things that I enjoyed doing.” 

The older girl then stands up and the sudden proximity makes Jinsoul’s heart leap to . Sooyoung pushes past her and begins to stare at the projector screen and the blonde swears she can hear the cogs and gears of Sooyoung’s mind working. “I lost my passion a while ago though, I was kinda in a dark place, I had no motivation. Felt like I was steering in the wrong direction without any sense of a solution.” 

Jinsoul traces the outline of Sooyoung's silhouette, and then the shadow it casts onto the screen. Sooyoung wore a form fitting turtleneck with a skirt just as tight, her hair in soft curls, now long enough to sit prettily on her shoulders. Jinsoul’s breath shortens just by watching her and she forces herself to look away.

Sooyoung turns to her, hair bouncing in the foggy light. “Then I met you and remembered why I loved doing what I do.” It has to be illegal, no one should be allowed to be as beautiful as Sooyoung is. Especially with that much poise. “Watching you play, how excited you get, all that fun you’d have...it was contagious, it reminded me of what I’ve missed.” 

Sooyoung faces away again and mumbles out, “you made me fall in love again.” Sooyoung’s talking about games of course, making them, playing them. But the way she says it makes Jinsoul foolishly believe there’s something more to those words. There has to be some fine print, hidden behind the surface of Sooyoung’s walls. That says what exactly needs to hear, what all she’s still unsure about. 

Jinsoul stares at the back of Sooyoung’s head. Tilted slightly to the side, her shoulders rolling up and down with each slow breath she takes. Jinsoul wishes she could see Sooyoung’s face at this moment, and maybe it wouldn’t be a mystery.

If Sooyoung was in love with her too.

“You’re so special Jinsoul because you don’t have to pretend that you are. I mean I’ve never met someone so unapologetically honest about their feelings. It’s why I…” Jinsoul steps closer, reaching out to Sooyoung, “you’ll be successful no matter what, especially with how smart you are. Don’t ever doubt yourself when you was the one who saved me from it.” 

Before she can grab Sooyoung the girl is already turning around. When they’re only inches apart Jinsoul quietly asks, “do you really think that about me?” She didn't really know what was going on in Sooyoung’s head all that time ago. Jinsoul wouldn’t have ever guessed she had a part in Sooyoung’s recovered passion for the thing she loved doing most. Sooyoung’s attitude towards her wasn’t entirely friendly at first and Jinsoul had to admit it was strange that the older girl still searched for her despite their differences. The blonde was unsure why Sooyoung kept showing up in her life like a stray bullet always managing to pierce her heart.

Maybe she pierced Sooyoung’s heart as well.

Now that bullet was lodged in Jinsoul’s chest and she knew it was too deep to dig out. “Of course I do, I think the world of you.” Sooyoung tells her and Jinsoul averts her gaze to the floor. Jinsoul never had anyone that adores her. Countless others have admired her but no one does like Sooyoung. Jinsoul’s only been praised for her looks and sense of style or that she didn’t care about her reputation. Sooyoung admires it all however, the worst parts of her and the secrets she keeps from the world.  

How sometimes she’s still weak regardless of the strength she brags about. That she’s insecure even if she drips in confidence. Sooyoung admires that she needs reassurance even if all she does is preach about her independence that she don’t need nobody else. 

Sooyoung grasps Jinsoul’s chin, tilting her head up so that her eyes aren't glued to the floor anymore. Her thumb presses into her cheek while the rest of her hand is wrapped tightly around her jaw. “That’s why you should believe in yourself in the way I do.” Jinsoul knees slightly buckle underneath her but she has no chance of falling forward because Sooyoung’s already got an arm secured around her waist. “I’m not gonna let you fail Jinsoul.”

Jinsoul leans into her, pressing her palms to Sooyoung’s shoulders, “I’m gonna fail sometime or another.” Jinsoul knows Sooyoung can’t help her with everything, but the thought is what matters.

“Well if you do...I’ll be right there with you.” Jinsoul trusts her, she trusts Sooyoung still after all those times that she’s been given chances to doubt this. But those words stick to her heart. Sooyoung’s thumb moves past her cheek and right below her lips. Jinsoul kisses the pad of it and watches how Sooyoung’s stare lingers on her lips for far too long. Sooyoung drags her thumb across Jinsoul’s bottom lip, edging the blonde to part them ever so slightly. 

Seconds stretch longer and Sooyoung leans forward. Jinsoul thinks of this kiss as some sort of a seal to the promise Sooyoung just made. I’ll be right there with you. Jinsoul hopes so, because she can’t imagine Sooyoung anywhere else but by her side. 

Sooyoung’s hand on her waist clenches onto the fabric there and Jinsoul squeezes the girl’s shoulders as she starts to lean in too. The warmth is suffocating and with Sooyoung’s grasp still on her jaw pulling her closer. When her lips are almost pressed against Sooyoung's, the momentum stops, “you wanna go out for drinks?”

Jinsoul is left wobbling in her spot when Sooyoung breaks away from her in a flash. Her brain is fizzling out as her out of body moment continues. The blonde has no idea what’s happening, all she knows is that one second she was about to have the sweetest kiss ever and the next she’s left hanging. “Really Sooyoung! You’re such a tease!”

“What? You seemed stressed at all, maybe a few will help your nerves.” Sooyoung is across the room, slipping on her coat and picking up her glasses where Jinsoul left them. Jinsoul’s features are all contorted into anger now, she doesn’t like to be teased. Especially about something she wants so badly. Sooyoung smirks, knowing exactly what she’s done and the frustration she’s caused. Turning off the projector and gathering Jinsoul’s things Sooyoung struts arrogantly over to the steaming blonde. 

When Sooyoung gets closer, catching the pout on her face she begins to coo, “awe baby you’re so cute when you're mad.” The older girl then pinches her cheek gently, embarrassing Jinsoul even more. 

“Oh shut up!” Jinsoul whines before leaving Sooyoung in the dust. 

Sooyoung chases her all the way out. Jinsoul’s smile stretches as Sooyoung calls out her name over and over again. Outside, Sooyoung grabs her playfully, spinning her around. Jinsoul’s laughing at the silliness of it all while Sooyoung slips her hand into hers. 

Jinsoul glances down, something burning inside her when she sees her fingers interlaced with Sooyoung’s. She remembers back when Sooyoung was afraid to hold her hand. When the girl would try to pull away and Jinsoul could feel the nerves just by the tremble of Sooyoung’s fingers.

But Sooyoung’s grip is tight now, it’s warm and secure. 

It isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. 

Jinsoul realizes this as she’s being dragged down the street by Sooyoung who’s talking a mile a minute. Used to it was like tooth and nail to get a word out of her pretty mouth. Now Jinsoul Sooyoung’s person. The one she can talk to about anything. She’s learning how to navigate Sooyoung now. Slowly, she’s filling in the blindspots.

She’ll know how to love Sooyoung if she takes the time to do it right. 

~~~~

Hi, I want to formally apologize for another horrible chapter. I am very sorry.  But I *promise* to make the last three very excellent. Yass three more chapters I’m afraid and I want to make them super freaking good so it may take a little while...so I’ll ask for patience politely! 

Anyways I hope you all enjoy! As always lots of love mwah <3

Also! I’m up for suggestions like anything you all would like to see...I’m thinking about making the rest of the chapters in Yves POV