TW: blood imagery 

“Since we’re gonna be friends now we should set up some rules.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah, to make it easier on you.” 

It’s been a few weeks since the newly established friendship. Jinsoul doesn’t know where Sooyoung got that this was going to be hard on her. She was really good at being friends with people...well Jinsoul’s never wanted to sleep a ‘friend’ of hers this badly before, but that wasn’t the point. Sooyoung was underestimating her.

Sure, Jinsoul was painfully aware of the chemistry they had, but it wasn’t like she was gonna tear Sooyoung to shreds like a rabid dog. She had class and dignity. Of course she’d respected the boundaries they had agreed upon.

However, it was very strong chemistry they had. Like the kind where she’d put two substances together and it creates an explosion. The kind that a teacher would advise her not to try or she’d seriously get hurt. Jinsoul was like a blow torch and Sooyoung was a very flammable substance, it was bound to get messy and dangerous. 

But Jinsoul couldn’t help it, she really wanted to see what color the flame would change to if she were to react with Sooyoung. Maybe in moderation it wouldn’t explode. She wouldn’t burn Sooyoung up and in turn, her fire wouldn’t become uncontrollable. It was a risk Jinsoul was willing to take, she was itching to experiment with Sooyoung. 

However, Sooyoung’s put the warning label on herself. Multiple times, but Jinsoul’s never been the one to listen to rules. She doesn’t care if Sooyoung could hurt her. The blonde doesn’t believe in the playing it safe strategy because where was the fun in that? How would she ever learn anything without making mistakes.

She didn’t want Sooyoung to be a mistake though. Jinsoul wants to believe that Sooyoung would be a good choice. 

Hopefully the final choice.

For now though, Jinsoul will play by the rules until she gets bored enough. 

Rule Number One: No more teasing.

“I think it’s the reason why...we slipped up in the first place, I don’t like being teased. I don’t think you like it that much either.”

Sooyoung was right, Jinsoul was so pent up from all the teasing it was frustrating. Of course, it was hard not to toy with Sooyoung but Jinsoul has been good. She’s had to bite her lip to resist saying something tempting to the older girl. It’s taken a lot of strength and willpower to keep her thoughts to herself since she’s always been outspoken. 

However, just because the teasing had stopped didn’t mean the tension had gone away. Jinsoul still hears Sooyoung sigh when she flips her hair around, she still notices the older girl’s stare when she wears something revealing. Sooyoung still clenches her jaw whenever Jinsoul touches her. It’s there, but it’s not as obvious as before. To Jinsoul, the subtle flirting is just as bad. It makes her want to break the rules even more.

It’s very appealing, giving in that is, and she knows it’s just as hard for Sooyoung. Since, well Jinsoul knows she’s really hot, she’s a total babe. The blonde does feel slightly bad for Sooyoung and even impressed that she’s kept her hands to herself this long. Sooyoung’s got some serious control and Jinsoul’s never wanted to see someone to lose it so badly.

And if there’s anything that Jinsoul’s good at, it’s breaking someone. Whether it be their spirit or resolve. Both in which Sooyoung’s got a lot of. It’s a test for both of them. For Jinsoul, it’s her skill of seducing just about anyone she wants. Jinsoul knew how to get anyone at her feet begging for just a piece of her attention, drooling all over her and shattering their dreams when she rejected them. Jinsoul was the biggest flirt and she wasn’t ashamed of it. Sometimes, all she had to do was pout her lips and flutter her eyelashes and she’d have a brand new rack of shoes. With a flash of her teeth she’d have them wrapped around her finger. She loved rejecting guys after they’ve fallen for her. It gives her a rush of power and reminds her just how perfect she really is. 

With Sooyoung however, the game of playing hard to get was a challenge. Especially since they made an agreement to not tease each other. Sooyoung had a lot of patience and didn’t have trouble resisting any of Jinsoul’s hidden advances. It was hard to mess around with someone so charming and sweet too, everytime Jinsoul tried to say something cute, Sooyoung would just come back with something that knocked her off her feet. Sooyoung made her swoon just by looking at her and Jinsoul realizes that it was so easy to toy with people previously because she didn’t actually have feelings for them.

She has feelings for Sooyoung, so it makes her weak. Jinsoul hates it because she wants Sooyoung to be the one falling for her. Be the one begging at her feet because she can’t live without her. Crying and whining because she wants her so bad. But Jinsoul is in the same boat. She wants Sooyoung so badly she cries into her pillow at night until her eyes burn. So if she’d wanted to see where Sooyoung’s feelings stood, Jinsoul would have to reveal her own.

And she kinda wasn’t ready to do that. Not yet at least. Maybe. 

Rule Number Two: Can’t get jealous

“Since we’re only friends, you’re not allowed to get jealous.”

“How are you gonna say that when you’re the one who gets mad when I talk about boys.”

“I do not.”

“Whatever, practice what you preach .” 

This rule wasn’t a problem to Jinsoul, which was what pissed her off. Sooyoung was the one that clearly got jealous whenever she mentioned boys, even told Jinsoul she shouldn’t talk to them anymore since they were friends now. It was hypocritical but Jinsoul would follow the rule anyway, she’d just make sure to wipe the grimace off Sooyoung’s face whenever she mentioned talking to a guy by reminding her of the rule she made herself.

As long as Sooyoung did anything she wanted, she didn’t have to talk to boys anymore. However, Jinsoul still did just to spite Sooyoung for making such a stupid rule. It was the most effective thing to get Sooyoung’s true feelings out too. Sooyoung’s strategy was being impassive to Jinsoul’s efforts to break her, but jealousy was Sooyoung’s weakness, and hiding it was not her strong suit. Jinsoul could read a poker face miles away, although Sooyoung had a good one.

Being this perfect has caused Jinsoul problems. But whenever someone gets jealous she’s always been thankful since it allowed her to get out of a relationship she never wanted in the first place. It seems like every guy thought they could have her. Everybody wanted her. It was the main reason she started being such a . Is so that they would leave her alone. She’d get unwanted advances all the time and saying no politely just wasn’t enough. So getting mean was the only way to get it through some guys heads that she wasn’t owned by anyone. 

That was the thing with Sooyoung however, because Jinsoul wanted her to want her. Not get away from her. She liked when Sooyoung got possessive. Jinsoul was respected and even though Sooyoung treated her like a prize sometimes, Jinsoul knew she wasn’t seen as an object. 

Jinsoul likes it when Sooyoung is jealous, but she’ll raise hell if she’s punished for the same thing. The blonde isn’t the jealous type, she knows her worth. She isn’t insecure about anything or anyone. Sooyoung can flirt with any girl she wants. Jinsoul knows that Sooyoung will never find anyone like her, she can climb to the tallest tree or go around the world and back. Jinsoul is that girl, she isn’t cocky, don't get her wrong, the blonde is just confident. No one will ever compare to her and Sooyoung can think all she wants.

Jinsoul will never get jealous. 

Rule Number three: Don’t catch feelings, if you have them, get rid of them.

“I know that the kiss probably didn’t mean anything, but if it did. I’m sorry.”

“I won’t forget it, that’s all I’ll say.” 

“Me neither, I don’t want to forget about it.” 

This rule bothered Jinsoul the most. Because she did have feelings for Sooyoung, and in no way did she want to get rid of them. She embraced them, it’s the first time she’s felt for someone like this. Felt like this at all. Jinsoul has gone through her whole life wondering what it’s like to be in love and now that she’s having a glimpse into what it’s like she doesn’t want to let go.

Even though it’s scary, even though it could break her. She doesn’t want to let go, it’s too good of a feeling. Jinsoul wants to show Sooyoung to the world and tell them how amazing this girl is. That she is the one that is giving Jinsoul’s first experience of love. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to let anyone know that she’s loved. Jinsoul doesn’t understand it, why wouldn’t anyone want someone to have feelings for them? She absolutely loved it when strangers and such adored her. It was like Sooyoung was afraid of it. Jinsoul didn’t want Sooyoung to be scared of her, so she kept her feelings in check. 

Jinsoul was so happy to find a connection to someone, but disappointed that Sooyoung didn’t want to meet her in the middle. She was willing to go all the way though. Sooyoung was worth it to Jinsoul. As long as the older girl allows her into her heart when she gets close enough, it should be okay. That was the only thing that was holding the blonde back, was if Sooyoung kept her out even if she went all in. 

So that’s why Jinsoul wants Sooyoung to be the first one to give into this silly game they’re playing with each other. If Sooyoung is the one who breaks first, the one who falls eventually, the one who can’t stand it anymore. Jinsoul can blame her if she gets heartbroken. The blonde knew if she was given the chance, she would never ever let Sooyoung go. She would keep her close until otherwise.

If Sooyoung was the one that made the first move, Jinsoul wouldn’t be the one at fault for her own heartbreak. Because deep down, Jinsoul knows if they started something, there was a chance of Sooyoung playing her like the lovefool she was. Jinsoul was too enamored to fight against it though.

Sooyoung’s her first love after all.

She wasn’t just going to give up that easy. Jinsoul wants to give it her all so she has no regrets if it doesn’t work out like the movies, if it doesn’t have the happy ending she dreams about. Then she’ll live with it. Sooyoung is her fantasy, but not all of them last forever. Jinsoul keeps reminding herself that. If she loves Sooyoung, she can’t get mad if the girl doesn’t love her back.

At this point she doesn’t care if she’s hurt. 

As long as she gets to be the one that almost had Sooyoung. The girl will just become the one that got away, the one that Sooyoung will never forget. And she’s fine with that. She’s perfectly fine with Sooyoung being her first love. Because she knows in that way, Sooyoung will always remember the love that Jinsoul tried to give her if it doesn’t work. 

That’s why Jinsoul made the bet.

“What if one of us breaks?”

“Breaks?”

“One of the rules, what if we break the rules then what.”

“I guess that’s that, we can’t help it.”

“Then let's make a deal, if one of us breaks, the first one to do so has to do what the other says.” 

Sooyoung looked deep into her eyes, there’s something there. It’s a longing Jinsoul’s never felt before and she knows this is more than just a deal. This is a promise.

“Okay, if you break first, you can’t be upset if I can’t give you what you want. If I can’t give you everything.”

“That’s fine.”

Jinsoul takes the deepest breath she can take.

“I’m prepared for that.” 

Jinsoul can’t be mad over something she’s been warned about over and over again. It’s like eating a dozen donuts everyday and getting pissed whenever they go straight to her tummy and thighs. Sooyoung told her, seriously. That she’s not a good lover. Emotionally that is, Sooyoung was sure to tell her that she was great in bed but Jinsoul wasn’t too impressed by that.

She could see it on Sooyoung’s face that she was trying to downplay just how serious it was. And already, Jinsoul knew that she had some sort of hold on Sooyoung’s heart. The older girl’s poker face wasn’t enough to hide the pure distraught on her features. Sooyoung didn’t want to hurt her, but didn’t know if she’d be able to avoid it. 

Jinsoul’s already a step ahead. Sooyoung has issues, she wants to solve them. She has the puzzle of Sooyoung’s heart started and she needs to find the middle piece. It’s only a matter of luck if Sooyoung gives her it. If not, all she can say is that she tried. And she can’t blame Sooyoung for warning her.

That’s why she can’t break first.

~~~~

With frustration comes desperation.

Jinsoul is standing outside of metal gates, picking at her nails, “y-you want to come in?” The blonde rolls her eyes, didn’t she just say that? What was it about guys and not listening? Sooyoung listens to her...

No, Sooyoung couldn’t be on her mind right now. “Yes Kai, I want to come in. Are you dumb or deaf?” Jinsoul yells into the speaker. She hasn’t been touched in months by anyone. Jinsoul has her needs, she likes to be wanted. Still she hasn’t lowered her standards this much in a long time.

“Um sure, I’ll open the gates.” The sound of his voice fizzles into static and Jinsoul blows a piece of her hair out of her face. Only a few minutes and she’s already annoyed. The fancy gates open and Jinsoul struts into them, the mansion in front of her is a bit too flashy for her taste, she likes the little home she lives in. Jinsoul rolls her eyes, stupid rich .

Her heels click onto the pavement and she adjusts her skirt a few times before reaching the door. She’s about to ring the bell but the door is already swinging open. Kai, who had his hair blown out, stands awkwardly in front of her. 

Jinsoul’s game plan was this. Get ed by somebody she trusts with her body while imagining it was Sooyoung. Boom satisfaction. She won’t be the one to break the rules by being too on edge.

However there was one problem. Jinsoul grimaces as she checks out Kai’s half body. She wants the opposite body of his. Slim, petite, a lil more of what she likes, soft. He’s marbled with muscle. He doesn't have and a nice or the hips to go with it, no curves or long smooth legs like a model. He’s not Sooyoung, no matter how hard Jinsoul tries to materialize the girl she’s craving in front of her.

His eyes aren't as beautiful as Sooyoung’s, his lips aren't thick enough, his nose isn’t as cute as Sooyoung’s that Jinsoul wants to kiss everytime the older girl smiles. “Hey,” His voice doesn’t have the same rasp.

“Hi,” Jinsoul will make it work though, for now. 

Kai steps to the side with a cute smile. Jinsoul rolls her eyes when the boy giggles, “finally changed your mind about round two blondie?”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Oooh feisty today huh.” 

He shuts the door behind them and instantly grabs onto her hips, Jinsoul pushes him off, “ugh you’re such a pig!” Kai looks utterly offended and Jinsoul can’t help but laugh in his face, “you don’t want to offer me anything to drink or something?” 

Kai crosses his arms over his bare chest, “I thought you were here to me?” 

“I am, but a girl can expect a little hospitality right?” Jinsoul sighs out while taking off her coat. Kai blinks at her before strodding off. The boy was a little too immature for her taste. But was easy to mess around with since he wasn’t the one that wanted to be tied down. Simply put it, he was perfect for the situation she was in.

Following him into the kitchen he pulls out a few bottles, “wine coolers? Anything else will make you sloppy.” 

Jinsoul sneers, “ you.” 

“A little impatient, yeah?” Kai grins mischievously, Jinsoul wasn’t no light weight. 

After a few drinks she’s loosened up, “first of all, you’re the only one that won’t be weird about this.” Jinsoul points in the boy's face, “second of all, the only reason I slept with you in the first place was so that I could get closer to your brother. Not because I wanted you in particular.” 

Kai narrows his eyes, “what’s so special about him anyways.” Jinsoul smiles at that, Kai was very jealous after she got with Minho weeks after they banged. Not because he had feelings or anything, no it was because he hated Minho with a passion. 

“Daddy gives him more money doesn’t he? ‘Cause you wanna be in a boy band when he’s going to law school. He’s the model son while you’re the disappointment.” Jinsoul mocks him while downing the rest of her drink. Kai rolls his eyes and takes the bottle from her to throw away. Minho was for the money, if she picked Kai she wouldn’t have her beloved Triple Goose coat. “Of course I went with the one with deeper pockets, I gotta get my shopping done in some way, don’t I?

As he’s putting their bottles up he scoffs, “you didn’t have to be so mean about it.” 

Jinsoul her lips, “you know I don’t put up with bull Kai.” Standing up she struts over to him, making sure to put more sway to her hips, “that’s exactly why I broke up with your brother.” Jinsoul wraps her hands around the back of his neck, “and it’s why you need to shut up and take me upstairs.” 

Kai kisses her and Jinsoul finds that gagging is hard to resist. What was it with him and tasting so bad? Sooyoung tasted sweet and minty. Jinsoul’s mouth watered when she thought about it. His lips were too rough. It wasn’t nearly as gentle as Sooyoung. 

The thing about having with guys that Jinsoul hates is that she’s never in control. Yeah, she can say faster or harder. But ultimately as long as they’re going at it, the guy will finish no matter what...Jinsoul however is often left feeling quite bored and a little gross. The only time she feels in power is when she doesn’t let them finish, pushing them off right before they reach the peak. Somehow that was the best part.

It’s never satisfying and while Jinsoul’s had good lovers. There was always something missing, something that doesn’t feel complete when she actually finishes. It’s disappointing. 

But sometimes she has to swallow that pride just to get by, if not, she’d be incredibly lonely. Jinsoul can’t live without the attention. Can’t live without being wanted. She’s led upstairs and into Kai’s messy but large bedroom. The blonde sits on the edge of the bed and points at the boy's body. 

Jinsoul starts to feel a little sick in her stomach, “strip pretty boy.” Kai smiles at her and starts to take off his pants. As soon as she sees his junk she screams bloody murder, “YUCK PUT IT AWAY!” Kai tries to jerk his underwear back up but trips on his jeans. Jinsoul screeches even louder when the boy falls on top of her, “EW GET OFF ME!” 

Kai is shoved off forcibly and he’s up on the floor now while Jinsoul covers her eyes. She guesses the glimpse of his junk reminded her that this wasn’t Sooyoung for the final time. Jinsoul couldn’t go through with it, to Sooyoung, it wouldn’t be fair to do this.

Jinsoul peaks between her fingers that were covering her face, Kai was struggling to put his pants back on. Huffing and puffing as he does so, “a simple no would have enough...now I’m just embarrassed.” 

The blonde can’t help but giggle, “I’m sorry Kai.” The boy rolls over onto his after he gets his pants back over on his hips. He blows a piece of his hair out of his face, Jinsoul thinks it’s adorable how red he is. “You do have a cute though.” 

Kai rolls his eyes, “shut up Jung.” They stare at each other for a moment, then burst out into laughter. Jinsoul’s known Kai for a long time, longer than Minho. So she knows the boy doesn’t have any bad feelings towards her. After the laughter dies down she begins to twiddle her thumbs.

“I can’t do this, I, um.” For the first time, Jinsoul stutters in front of Kai. His smirk morphs into a frown, clearly concerned.

Jinsoul’s thankful when he reaches up to grab her knee. Kai was a jerk, but he was one of the good ones. “Hey, I understand. I’m actually glad you changed your mind.” 

Wait, what did that mean? “Are you saying I’m bad in bed?” Jinsoul was very aware of just how good she was. She wasn’t going to let some guy say she wasn’t. Plenty of times she’s been told she was the best they’ve ever had.

“No...that’s the problem. I’m kinda ing Xiaojun right now and it would make things weird, but hey how could I pass up on some good .” Jinsoul’s face slowly contorts to anger and Kai is the one to scream like a girl when she slaps him in the back of the head. Apparently Kai wasn’t as good as she thought. He was still that same player, Xiaojun was still that idiot.

Pulling on his hair she seethes, “you jerk! Why would you even agree to have with me when you know how he feels about you!” Kai is borderline whining as she scolds him.

Letting go she stands up to put her hands on her hips, waiting for the explanation, “I just told you I wouldn’t pass up-”

“Don’t finish that sentence if you wanna live.” 

Kai rubs at the back of his head, not daring to look up at Jinsoul, “I was joking, jeez get a sense of humor.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and flops back down onto his bed, “I have one, you’re just not as funny as you think you are.” Kai deflates, knowing he was wrong. That’s what he likes about Jinsoul, that she was so honest and real sometimes. The other thing about Jinsoul, was that she wore her emotions proudly, she was easy to read. Kai could tell something was bothering her. It’s why she’s here, Jinsoul never has sober unless she’s upset. 

“Hey Soul?” The blonde is staring at the wall and she hums, Kai takes it as an invitation to ask, “what’s really going on?” 

Jinsoul snorts, was she really that obvious? “Kai, could you maybe not be an for like five minutes and hear me out?”

The boy bounces up to his feet and plops down beside her. Jinsoul doesn’t even shove him away when he throws an arm over her shoulder, “tell me what’s on your mind. You know I don’t like it when my girl is upset.” 

Jinsoul picks at the hem of her skirt. She didn’t realize how strong her feelings for Sooyoung were until now. “I like someone. I like them so much I can’t stand it.” 

It’s silent for a few seconds, and then Kai starts to rant, “say what? Jung Jinsoul likes someone? Pinch me I must be dreaming!” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and pinches at his waist. He was just trying to make her feel better by acting goofy. “The so-called maneater actually caught feelings for someone, this is breaking news for everyone you know?”

“Kai.”

“I mean everyone thought you was some heartless gold digger, you know how rejoiced they’ll be when they find out you’re falling for some lame schmuck?” Jinsoul grimaces at the terms, it’s only a few of the names she’s been called. People couldn’t stand her perfection, so they tried to make her out to be a horrible person. But Kai’s got it all wrong, he doesn’t understand why Jinsoul never loved anyone before, doesn’t know why she used guys until she broke their heart. She was a femme fatale turned…idiot, she was absolute idiot for Sooyoung.

“Kai…”

“Who’s the lucky guy who stole my little Soul’s heart?” Jinsoul hates the word steal. Sooyoung isn’t stealing anything, Jinsoul’s giving it to her willingly unafraid of the consequences or chances of betrayal. She wants Sooyoung to have her heart.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath, Kai is smiling at her clearly excited, she hopes the energy is the same after she admits the twist, “it’s not a guy.”

Kai’s smile drops, only because he’s confused. Until it clicks, “oh .” Jinsoul cringes into herself when Kai takes his arm off his shoulder, “a girl?” Jinsoul closes her eyes and nods. “I ing knew it!” 

Opening her eyes she glares a hole through Kai’s head who was celebrating, “wait, hey! What do you mean you knew it!”

Kai stops his little hip dance to laugh in her face, “oh come on Jinsoul you hate dudes with a passion, you even screamed when you saw my weiner! It makes total sense that you’re into chicks!” Jinsoul scoffs, she couldn’t believe it was that obvious. “Hey, I don’t mind at all, if anything that just makes you one hundred times hotter.” 

Jinsoul narrows his eyes and Kai realizes his mistakes, “so you do wanna die huh?”

The boy falls down to his knees and bows, “I’m sorry I meant to say that it’s really beautiful that you’re in love with a girl.” Jinsoul blushes, her in love? Please she wasn’t that deep...yet. Her heart flutters at the mention of Sooyoung. God, maybe she did have it that bad. Kai raises back up, “in all seriousness, I’m happy for you Jinsoul. You gotta have a lot of guts to admit something like that.” 

“Thanks weirdo,” Jinsoul smiles, she was happy too, finally finding someone that makes her feel this way.

Kai leans back onto his elbows on the floor, “do I know her? Is she pretty? Oh man, does she treat you right because if she-” Jinsoul listens to the bombardment of questions before silencing him. 

“I want to be with her, for a very long time.” Jinsoul answers. It should cover all the questions he asked. Jinsoul’s never been a consistent lover, but with Sooyoung she wants to try. “But she...well, it’s complicated.”

“Oh...what kinda complicated.” Jinsoul thinks for a moment. Sooyoung’s still a mystery to her. “Hey, Soul, whatever it is you don’t have to tell me.” Jinsoul glances up from where she was staring into her hands, “but when have you ever given up on something?” 

Kai raises up on his feet and holds out his hand for Jinsoul to take, “why is it different now? Don’t you always get what you want?” Taking his hand she’s lifted up. Jinsoul didn’t realize she needed a hug until Kai was giving her one, “if she’s the one you want, you need to try your hardest to show her that.

Jinsoul sighs and hugs Kai back. She didn’t know that was what she needed to hear that. “I think I’m starting to fall for her.”

“Then make her catch you when you do.” Jinsoul bites her lip to avoid the tears building behind her eyes. That’s exactly what makes this so complicated. She doesn’t know if Sooyoung will be there when she does.

Jinsoul doesn’t know if Sooyoung wants her to fall at all.

But Kai is right about one thing.

Sooyoung will be hers.

~~~~

Sooyoung glances at the girl in her bed. She’s already sleeping, her blonde hair splayed out overcross the pillow. Sooyoung can’t stand to look at her long enough. It isn’t the right shade of yellow, that girl’s hair. It isn't silky nor golden. 

It’s not Jinsoul.

Wrapping a robe over her body she steps out onto the balcony of her apartment. Sooyoung’s met with the night’s cold air and she stumbles over to an old flower pot. Shuffling through the dead plant she pulls out her cigarettes.

Not all habits die hard she guesses, shoving one between her lips she lights the tip and inhales. Sooyoung just can’t quit. No matter how hard she tries…

She just can’t erase the scars. 

~~~~

The streets were a bit muggy from the rain earlier. Meaning Jinsoul was spending her time dodging potholes and puddles. She was following Sooyoung again, they had fought at the arcade just an hour ago and well, Jinsoul wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. 

It wasn’t a serious fight, Jinsoul was just being a sore loser and Sooyoung was a bit grouchy from work. The older girl had packed her bags and left without a word. Jinsoul hated when Sooyoung would try to ghost her, ignoring her no matter how many times she called out her name.

“Stupid freaking .” Jinsoul mutters under her breath as she trails after Sooyoung. She can’t keep a close eye on the back of the girl’s head and keep her leather boots clean. Jinsoul was so pissed, and at the same time couldn’t help it. “Thinks she can just dump me whenever.”

Sooyoung’s pretending she doesn’t exist right now and it absolutely kills her. She was drawn to Sooyoung like a moth to a flame. Jinsoul’s too afraid to get close right now though, the heat might consume her.

Stopping at a puddle she watches it ripple, Sooyoung was storming through them while she carefully stepped over them. The red glow mesmerizes Jinsoul, she waits for color that was disrupted by Sooyoung’s steps to form back into the lettering it previously was. The water calms and Jinsoul reads the sign above backwards since it was mirrored from the reflection. 

Do not enter.

Glancing up she’s surprised Sooyoung hasn’t left her in the dust. The older girl is standing there with her bag thrown over her shoulder. One hand in the pocket of her worn out jeans, the other flicking a metal lighter on and off. It’s a warning it’s self. She shouldn’t force her way into Sooyoung’s heart. 

She should wait until Sooyoung gives her the green light.

The sign that was reflected in the rain puddle is right above Sooyoung’s head. The red glow emphasizes the intensity of the older girl’s stare, it’s fierce and chilling at the same time. Jinsoul’s never been so attracted to something that could potentially hurt her. 

Around them, the city continues to spur to life. Voices from every direction going wherever to party the rest of the night. Sirens whip around here and there, racing to scenes of misfortune. The soft buzz of the few signs around them. 

All Jinsoul can focus on is the rhythm between Sooyoung’s fingers. How she keeps flicking that lighter on and off. It’s a force of habit of Sooyoung’s when she gets nervous. Jinsoul wonders what she’s done to make Sooyoung uneasy.

Jinsoul walks around the puddle that was still reflecting the sign. Sooyoung waits for her at the alleyway filled with darkness. “Are you gonna keep following me?” 

Sooyoung’s voice is on edge so Jinsoul shrugs, “yup, if you keep ignoring me I will.”

“You’re a borderline stalker you know?” Stepping right up to Sooyoung she stares right up into the eyes that were trying to kill her. 

Jinsoul bites her lip, “I don’t care.” Rolling her head away she tries to distract herself by watching a group of teenagers walking the streets, “I didn’t say you could leave the arcade yet.”

“Oh so I have to have your permission.” Sooyoung mocks.

“Yes, in fact you do.” Jinsoul doesn’t care where Sooyoung goes, she’ll be right behind her. It’s been like that from the beginning. She can’t leave Sooyoung alone. Jinsoul’s never satisfied and it just makes it worse when Sooyoung doesn’t give her the attention that she wants. Like right now, when she wishes Sooyoung would have stayed at the arcade and argued with her instead of walking away. Sooyoung makes her blood boil in the best possible way and Jinsoul simply can’t get enough.

Whether they’re fighting or kissing each other until they run out of breath. Jinsoul wants to be around Sooyoung. 

Sooyoung is so mean however.. Jinsoul knows she’s in a bad mood when the older girl doesn’t even get angry. When all she feels is that icy tension oozing from the older girl’s aura, it’s scary yet alluring. Sooyoung doesn’t want to entertain her right now but Jinsoul’s not up for going home without a show. 

Jinsoul doesn’t expect Sooyoung to be the one that breaks the ice, “Jinsoul, it’s getting harder.” It isn’t like they’ve been in this boat before. Their contrasting ego’s clash, Sooyoung goes mute, she leaves Jinsoul still ranting behind. Jinsoul follows her home until Sooyoung either tells her off or walks into her building without saying goodnight.

“What is?” Ignoring me? Jinsoul knows that Sooyoung could really push her away if she wanted to, but the older girl doesn’t.

Sooyoung her lips and Jinsoul doesn’t hide the way she glances at them, “trying not to kiss you.” The blonde’s next breath doesn’t help the tightness in her chest. Looking up into Sooyoung’s eyes she knows her pupils must be as blown as the older girl’s. “So make it easy for me.” Jinsoul reaches to touch Sooyoung, but trembling hands stop her. Jinsoul wants to tell her it’s okay to give in. To promise Sooyoung that she isn’t afraid of this. “And stop doing things that make me want to.” Sooyoung’s jaw clenches as she murmurs out the words.

Jinsoul can feel the heat radiating off of Sooyoung’s body. Almost...I’m almost there. Jinsoul’s gotta hand it to herself. If she can do this to a cold-hearted player, then she can do just about anything. 

The blonde raises up on her tip-toes and presses a kiss to Sooyoung’s warm cheek. The older girl leans into it and Jinsoul almost forgets she’s supposed to be playing hard to get, “goodnight Sooyoung.” 

She doesn’t even acknowledge what Sooyoung said to her, knowing it will kill the girl even more. Sooyoung’s the type that hates when things aren’t handed to her. Jinsoul wants her to work for this.

Like she needs it.

Jinsoul leaves Sooyoung behind in the cold night. Slack jawed and wide eyed, craving more than just one tiny kiss. Jinsoul wasn’t the one being played anymore.

It was Sooyoung.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s on edge. 

There’s something about Jung Jinsoul that drives her absolutely crazy. That girl is going to kill her one way or another. Jinsoul pushes her buttons and can’t help but love every second of it. The blonde knows what she’s doing to her. 

Jinsoul’s not clueless and that’s what’s so dangerous about her. 

It isn’t easy resisting something she craves so bad. Jinsoul’s showing her just what she’s missing out on, what she could have if she simply gave in. The blonde is making one hell of a case and the temptation is almost impossible to ignore now, Sooyoung can’t stand it. 

If Sooyoung isn’t careful.

She’ll tip over the edge.

Looking at the girl above her, she squints, the drunk goggles aren't good enough tonight. This girl looks nothing like Jinsoul, not like anyone could compare to that girl anyways...but Sooyoung had to try right? “Can I call you Jinsoul? Is that okay?”

The girl above her who was stripping her shirt off raises a brow, “huh?”

Yeah she’s not Jinsoul. Nobody is Jinsoul to Sooyoung. “I’m gonna call you Jinsoul.” 

Sooyoung closes her eyes then and pretends that life isn’t so complicated. Jinsoul asks her to be her lover and she says yes. But it isn’t that simple. There’s that part where Jinsoul could turn around and stab her in the back when Sooyoung was her weakest. When she was so in love with the blonde she wouldn’t think twice before forgiving Jinsoul for ripping her heart out.

Oh Sooyoung’s so scared. 

She’s scared of this feeling Jinsoul gives her, it’s the best she’s ever had. The girl above her kisses around her s and Sooyoung sighs, running her fingers through dark hair. “You can call me whatever you like baby, if it helps you finish.” Sooyoung squeezes her eyes shut tighter, this girl’s voice was nothing like Jinsoul’s. The girl kisses lower and lower. Sooyoung can’t help but whine at the sensation of lips against her.

Sooyoung loses herself in the fantasy. 

~~~~

Jinsoul is swinging her feet in the air, writing in her diary. On the tv, reruns of Jem and the holograms are playing and Jinsoul hums along to the music. Jinsoul’s incredibly bored, she’s all prepared for her next D&D match. She’s painted her nails to perfection. She’s done her facial. She’s got her hair in rollers and well...there isn’t much left to do.

So for now, she’s just writing in her diary.

Ha Sooyoung is so stupid...stupidly cute.

Jinsoul giggles at herself as she doodles Sooyoung’s face into the pages. Flipping her diary shut she raises up in her bed and stretches, squeaking whenever her back and muscles pop. Jinsoul’s content, she’s always been, but right now it’s different. Maybe it’s because she’s so love sick. Jungeun did say there was a new glow to her...while Jinsoul was usually gorgeous she was extra stunning lately. 

Shifting off her bed she flips around her room, she could always have a little solo dance session. Or she could practice her makeup. There was just literally nothing to do, “ugh I’m so freaking bored!” Jinsoul groans out into the ambience of noise. 

The blonde waits for something to happen, but it doesn’t. Nothing happens like it magically does in the movies. She’s still bored without to do. 

Flopping down to the floor she shifts through tv channels. She stops on a particular one, Jinsoul crawls up to the screen and holds both sides with trembling hands. Even though her tv was old...and there were shifts of static through it every second, what was on the screen was nothing but perfection.

It was her favorite rising pop-star, Yukika. Jinsoul pouts up, the television was so fuzzy. Bopping the top of it a few times it doesn’t help at all with the quality. “How can she be this perfect?” Pressing her face almost to the screen she watches the girl’s music video intently. It’s over way too soon and Jinsoul wishes she could just slip through the screen and be right there in front of Yukika.

The song fades out and another voice stutters into the speakers, “if you want to hear more of Soul Lady tune in live! To 107.5 Block-Creative!” Scrambling to her radio she quickly turns to the appropriate station, she squeals when she hears it’s her favorite song playing.

Laying down on her floor she closes her eyes, letting her mind play various scenarios of her and Sooyoung. The music playing just made the fantasizing more dreamy. Jinsoul doesn’t know how long it’s been, but she’s interrupted by the phone ringing. 

Not bothering to open her eyes she stretches from where she was laying to grab the land-line of her night stand. Her phone was pink and littered with stickers. Putting the phone up to her ear she twirls the cord around her finger. “Hiiii Jinsoul speaking,” the blonde sing-songs out, not really knowing who was calling her but she wouldn’t doubt if it was Jiwoo or Yoojung.

“Hey princess.”

Jinsoul’s eyes snap open at the velvety voice. Jumping up to stand she squeaks out, “Sooyoung!?” 

“That’s my name, don't wear it out.”

The blonde actually laughs at that, Jinsoul can’t believe how much of a loser she’s become because of this girl. “God that was so lame.” 

She squeezes the phone hearing Sooyoung’s giggles, “yeah yeah, if it was so lame then why’d you laugh?”

Rolling her eyes Jinsoul has to bite the smile off her lips, “because I felt bad, you must have used all your brain power for that one.” Sooyoung softly groans at the reply and Jinsoul wishes she could record the noise.

“Oh whatever...if you’re gonna be like that I guess you don’t wanna go out tomorrow night.” 

Jinsoul freezes. Go out? As in like a date? Sooyoung wants to take her out on a date? “Wait really you wanna take me out?”

“Just you and me.” 

So it is a date...kind of. Jinsoul knows neither of them will acknowledge it as one but a girl can dream right? She wonders if Sooyoung dreams about this stuff as well. “Ha Sooyoung...are you trying to get fresh with me?” Jinsoul teases, ignoring the rules that Sooyoung made. She just wants to make sure if Sooyoung’s being serious about this or not. If she’s reading too much into this because of her feelings.

Sooyoung basically rambles out, “what? No no, um I mean if you-no it’s I just want to do something nice for you that’s all. I…” 

“Aww babe! That’s so sweet of you, I’d love to go out!” Jinsoul coos into the speaker, cutting off Sooyoung’s embarrassing stumble of words. She hears a breathless sigh over the line. She wonders if Sooyoung’s heart is pumping as hard as hers is. 

Sooyoung’s tone is not as confident as before, but endearing nonetheless, “really? I mean of course, that’s great!” Sooyoung clears to deepen it, her voice so high-pitched, “Great yeah perfect.” Jinsoul smiles at the awkwardness. 

“Did you think I’d say no?”

“Maybe, but I was hoping you wouldn’t. I don’t know if I could bounce back from a heartbreak like that.” 

Jinsoul clenches at the fabric of her night gown. God, Sooyoung could be such a sweet-talker sometimes she couldn’t handle it. “I’ll make sure to wear something real pretty for you.” Jinsoul realizes they’re full on flirting now but she doesn’t care. She wants Sooyoung to know how much she likes her. Wants her to know that she tries just for her.

“That shouldn’t be too hard, you’re always pretty.” 

“Shut up…” The connection of their laughs fill the speakers. Jinsoul cheeks are fully red now, her shaky hand twisting strands of her hair between her fingers.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Sooyoung asks.

“Can’t wait...you better not be late.” 

“Or what?”

“Just don’t be, okay?” Jinsoul groans out, although she’s got a -eating grin on her face.

“I’m twisting ya blondie, I wouldn't be late for anything.”

Jinsoul sighs at that, glad she wouldn’t have to use her claws on Sooyoung. They share their good nights and Sooyoung’s the first to hang up. As soon as she does Jinsoul holds the phone to her chest and starts to run in place. 

Bounce all the way around her room she squeals out like a schoolgirl, “NO FREAKING WAY!!!”

Ha Sooyoung just totally asked her out.

Jinsoul had butterflies galore in her tummy. She spins around and gets all tangled up in her phone cord but doesn’t care. All she can think about is how bad her crush is on Sooyoung. She finally feels like a normal girl. 

“Oh my gosh I have to pick something cute out!” Jinsoul trips on her way to her closet, before rummaging through it in a panicked state.

She’s never been so excited.

~~~~

Sooyoung’s first kiss was with a boy. She doesn’t know why she’s thinking about it right now. She’d rather be gagged with a spoon than to ever kiss but a girl ever again.

It was at that moment she realized she wasn’t exactly normal. 

Wasn’t like it was a bad kiss, just not what she wanted. When she closed her eyes she imagined this girl in her class.

Sooyoung remembers leaning forward...already scrunching her nose up. She was 14, pressured to get her first kiss in since all her friends had. All they talked about boys and Sooyoung was annoyed most of the time. She just didn’t understand why, until she kissed him. Sooyoung knew then why she felt uneasy when her friends talked about boys. Because all she thought about was girls. 

This time though, the memory is different. 

Much different.

When Sooyoung presses her lips to his, they’re plump, warm. Her features relax and she leans into the kiss. She realizes it’s not a memory, she never leaned in, she pulled away quickly and ran away.

Now she’s throwing her arms around his shoulders and holding him close. The hair she tangles her hands in is soft, almost silky. The body she’s wrapped around is smaller than she remembers to be.

She’s dreaming.

The kiss is freakishly similar to one she’s had before. Sooyoung tilts her head and smiles into it. Nothing but happiness forces its way into her veins. She lets it, Sooyoung willingly leaves her chest wide open for anyone to take the heart that once belonged to her. 

Pulling away, her heart catches in . “Sooyoung, it’s so cute.” 

Sooyoung wants to pass out. Since when was Jung Jinsoul her first kiss? In the sun, the blonde’s eyes are like dark honey. Her touch is warmer than the air around them. Sooyoung doesn’t know what this feeling is, why she wants to cling to Jinsoul like she was her only chance at life. 

She just knows she never wants it to stop.

“What’s cute?”

Jinsoul laughs and it’s Sooyoung’s favorite melody. She starts to laugh too because Jinsoul makes her feel like an idiot. Makes her forget about all the bad things in the world because the blonde is so perfect. 

She’s what heaven must be like. “How much you love me, it’s cute.” Without her, it’s like hell. Without Jinsoul, it’s nothing but pure torture. Sooyoung only wants it to be them, their own little place where no one else could come, where they only had to speak in whispers. After all, Sooyoung only wanted Jinsoul. Only needed her and that look she always gave, just for her. Those eyes that glowed just for her.

Sooyoung feels something wet on her tummy, she can’t take her eyes off Jinsoul though. She doesn’t want to miss a second of her. Jinsoul’s just too beautiful to look away from.

The blonde’s features are bright, her smile is shining. They quickly darken in concern, “Sooyoung?” She’s forced to look down, when she does her scar is reopened...or no, it’s a fresh cut. Deeper than it had ever been. Jinsoul tries to stop the blood spilling out but she can’t, Sooyoung pushes her away before she can even try.

Sooyoung wakes up gasping for air. Immediately touching her scar and relieved to find it’s sealed. Sinking back into her pillow she sighs, this bed is just too big for her.

She wants someone to hold her.

Actually not just someone, she knows exactly whose arms she wishes she was in right now. A certain blonde with the ability to make her smile in an instant. The girl who was adorable even when she was being a literal demon. Jung Jinsoul, who Sooyoung was absolutely smitten for.

The dream she had was just what she was afraid of. Sooyoung was so scared of falling for her because she can’t control it. The last time she let feelings out of her grasp and the responsibility of someone else she ended up with a wound she couldn’t scrub away.

Jinsoul was different though.

She felt safe.

~~~~

You guys I’m so afraid of ruining this story! So please hang on with me okay... no one throw tomatoes at me.

Weekly updates are back, I’m almost done writing this story! Depending on how I want to end it…

Lots of love~ Hope you all enjoy reading!