Just then, Heechul finally realized that his professor was crying. He was crying in his arms.

"Why can't I do something right?"

It was almost five minutes and all Heechul did was lying on the bed, squeezed between his professor's buff arms. His mind had wandered further and further, swimming among so many questions. Yet, voicing out even only one of them, he couldn't. Not, when he had to soothe the pain he'd never known that made Jungsoo cry quietly while clinging onto him. He could only gasp or hold his breath when Jungsoo tightened his hold probably to seek more human contact to calm his nerves. Heechul wasn't familiar with any of this but what he knew for sure was that Jungsoo had loosened the tight knot tying him from freeing his emotions.

"I'm here."

It was all Heechul had been saying all this long because, honestly, he didn't know what he should say for his professor to feel better or if the older would ever be better by his words. He lacked in encouraging vocabularies moreover when he had no idea what made the man holding him seemed to be very depressed.

"I'm here, Prof. Park," Heechul repeated because that was all he could offer to assure Jungsoo that he had someone here to share his pain with. It was just then Jungsoo finally released his hug and lied quietly beside him. 

What made Heechul's heart beat faster was the fact that his professor didn't let his hand go. Jungsoo was still holding his hand, clutching it as if his life depended on it. Even when he finally began to talk with his hoarse voice, a tone lower and almost inaudible.

"I never thought I had any problems with my emotions. When I was happy, I'd show it. I'd be all smiley, you probably don't want to imagine."

Jungsoo laughed a bit and Heechul only listened, attentively.

"If I was sad and I wanted to cry, then I'd cry."

Heechul was still clueless about what his professor intended to say but he was patient tonight.

"But... It all changed after my wife made me realize that a man should never let his emotions show up."

For Heechul, that was ridiculous but he didn't want to judge so fast.

"I knew it was my fault. When I found her kissing that man, I shouldn't have shown my emotions. I— I shouldn't have..."

Jungsoo gripped Heechul's hand strongly when the image of his wife making out with that bastard crystal clear behind his closed eyelids. The day he realized that he had lost everything.

"Prof. Park."

"I shouldn't have cried that day."

"You're so pathetic, Park Jungsoo! I want a divorce!"

His tears fell anew and he quickly wiped them off when his wife's words jabbed his ears. He wasn't pathetic. He was not.

"You may stop, Prof. Park. It's okay."

But when Heechul suddenly threw his arm across his torso and hugged him gently, his barricade of pride was beaten harshly. He wasn't familiar with feeling— that he was embraced warmly even when he cried like a fool, a pathetic fool. But Heechul did that. Heechul was still here like he claimed to be. 

He was here for him to be vulnerable to.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Heechul didn't know how but he ended up standing in front of the room Jungsoo told him not to mess up with while the older was trying to unlock it. A while ago, Jungsoo got up and pulled him along to go out of the master bedroom only to walk across the kitchen to the forbidden room; he simply couldn't say no.

He heard a click and noticed that his professor was looking at him, motioning to follow him inside. He was a little wary at first but Jungsoo dismissed all his hesitation by grabbing his hand and guiding him to go in.

The first thing welcomed him was the darkness before Jungsoo flicked the lamp on and the musty air added by the dust around the room filled his nose. The room had no bed except for a baby crib and a small nursery table beside it. What drew his eyes was the drawer—it was not so tall but quite big— and what was on top of it. A big wedding photo of his professor and a woman, a very beautiful woman, looking all happy like a living fairy tale couple.

The dust was too thick—was what Heechul told himself when he found himself struggling to breathe. No, it was not definitely because of the sudden pang of heaviness inside his heart that choked him. 

No.

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