Heavenbound - Mt. Wolf

Struggling to fight the cold through her thick blanket, Wheein opened her eyes and her disappointment grew when she realised that it is still dark. She looked at her digital clock beside her bed and from what it shows, the sun is about to rise in no time. The coldness of her feet gave her a hard time going back to sleep. Her annoyance woke her entire system up and felt an incredible hunger. Before she stood up and leave her room, she stretched her body with all her might and and let out a big yawn. 

She headed to the kitchen coutertop and made herself a coffee. While waiting for her coffee to be done, she opened the fridge hoping to find something she can eat. Fortunately, there are two slices of leftover pizza from yesterday. She took it and re-heated in on the microwave. The sound of the coffeemaker and microwave never sounded so good for the young lady. She dug into the pocket of her robe only to find it empty.

I must've left my phone on the bed. She thought.

She stood up to gather her stuff from the bedroom. She grabbed her iPad planning to do some sketching to warm her up for work, her phone that she forgot to bring earlier, and an energizer (a polaroid picture of her and Ggomo). Wheein went back to the kitchen and laid all her things on the table. She sat there for a couple more minutes and KLINK! 

Wheein stood up and walked to where the microwave is. Just as she opened it, the noise from the coffee maker's out which means her coffee's done.

After she got settled on the chair, she started to dig in.

"Ggomo, you want pizza?" Wheein, now, looking at their photo and talking to it as if her feline friend will answer. "Oh, you do? Okay!" Wheein assumed and pointed her half eaten pizza to the photo and said, "Eat, buddy." She smiled at the photo then laughed to herself.

Living alone can really pull some strings in your mind, eh? She thought to herself.

After she's done with her morning routine, it hit her when she saw what date is today.

"! Hyejin!"

She almost dropped her phone when she took it from the table then browsed her email. She looked at it carefully and found that there's no new email from her estranged friend but there's a new one from someone she don't know. The subject is a bit lame but obviously related to Hyejin's Wedding. 

Sender: Solar Kim ([email protected])
Subject: Hyejinie's College Buddy Here!

Why can't she just email me personally? Why does it have to be someone else? She must be busy or maybe she just invited me because she just wanted to be nice?

Wheein brushed away those thoughts and opened the email.

Hi! My name is Solar Kim and I am Hyejin's maid of honor. I don't really know where to start but she really wanted you to be on her wedding day. She mentioned you to me before, back in college, but while we are working on her wedding, she mentions you a lot and I kind of dug deeper by asking questions about you and I asked her if she reached out to you. She said she sent you an invitation but there hasn't been any response so, uhm, I don't know. We may be asking for too much but it'd be really great if you can come. If not, just don't reply at all. She's still not sure if she has the right email address and so am I lol. Maybe I'm writing to no one at all. I hope you'd get this email.

Aaaand if you do, please don't tell her that I did this. I don't want her to think that I'm pushing things too much and sticking my nose to things I shouldn't which I clearly did. I just want her to be happy on her wedding day.

Have a great day, Wheein!

She stared at the phone screen and most of it didn't really sunk in. 

'Hyejin's maid of honor'? Why do I feel jealous? I shouldn't be because I have no right to be jealous! The is wrong with me? She really wanted me to be on her wedding day? Ugh! I don't know... ! This is messing me up. God must really hate me, huh?

She stood up and decided to clean her apartment to get this thing off of her mind. She switched on the radio and started cleaning with washing the mug and plate she used earlier. She's almost done and her mind is still stuck on that stupid wedding. The DJ started talking and interviewing someone. After all the blabbering, the DJ sets in the next song and to her surprise it was Should I Stay Or Should I Go? by The Clash.

"What a ing coincidence!" She laughed her frustration out. 

After all the cleaning, she took a bath. She put on some thick clothes because she believed that if she stayed one more hour inside the apartment, she'll lose her mind. She went out to the park and read a book there but nothing really goes into her mind. She put it back in her messenger bag and looked around. There are lovers walking side by side and some are sitting on the grass, making out. There are families enjoying their picnic. A father was guiding a toddler as it walked on the grass. Everyone's smiling at the toddler. Then, there are two girls not far from her. They are laughing together. They shared one huge lollipop. Disgusting but sweet. Then she remembered the time where she and Hyejin use to eat different snacks and rate them whether they are good or not. 

***

"Ohh this looks delicious! Wheein-ah, here!" Hyejin broke the two rainbow colored gummies in two. She gave the other half to Wheein.

Wheein remembered the rice cake that she kept in her bag before she went to school. She fished in out in her bag and hand in to Hyejin.

"Thanks for the gummies! Oh, my grandma made me this. It's really good!" Hyejin took it and smelled it with so much curiousity in her eyes.

"This looks suspicious but you know what I just figured out about old people?" Hyejin leaned nearer to Wheein as if she's sharing her a top secret information.

"What?" Wheein leaned in closer.

"They make great foods. Rice cake is one of them." Hyejin whispered.

"I know, Hyejinie. I know." Wheein nodded in ageement. They were both serious for a while but Wheein broke in laughter first.

***

Good times... Wheein thought.

She stood up and grabbed her bag. She hung it on her right shoulder and held the strap with one hand. She fished out her phone from the pocket of her thick coat and opened it. The wallpaper is Ggomo. She can't help but shed a tear. This is the kind of moment which she always shared with the late cat. She missed her buddy so much. She tucked her earphones on her ears and played a song that she dedicated not only to her late feline friend but to all of the people she lost. Heavenbound by Mt. Wolf was now playing on her phone. 

Songs like the one she's listening to right now comforts her well and it doesn't make her sadder than she is now. Litsening to sad songs when she's feeling down helps her to acknoledge what she feels more and understands the feeling in positive light. As she embraces it, it becomes easier for her to be okay again. Hopeful again. 

It's better to feel sad than feel nothing at all. She once said to a friend.

She started to walk outside the park and towards her place. She went to the rooftop of her apartment and sat at one of the metal folding chairs, the kind that you see from a wrestling show.

It's a good thing that no one's there. She's alone and it's good. It'll help her clear her mind and think. Until memories from the past involuntarily visits her and this time she helped her mind dig more instead of trying to bury it.

She took her iPad and started to sketch her view as she reminisce. 

***

"Happy Birthday, Jung Wheein!"

Hyejin has been waiting for Wheein to come out of her house. The celebrant was surpised from what she saw. It was Hyejin and her dad inside their car.

"Hurry up!" Hyejin shouted. Mr. Ahn was waving at her to come inside their car.

Wheein, confused, ran towards to the car.

"Hello, Mr. Ahn!" She bowed her head as a  sign of respect then she turned to her bestfriend. "What?"

"It's you birthday!" Hyejin said with a big smile on her face.

"Yes, I know." Wheein tilted her head, still confused. "But why?"

"What?" Hyejin's smile faded.

"I mean thank you for the greeting but you could've just called and greet me over the phone." Wheein smiled.

"That's lame! Get in the car! Dad's bringing us to the park. We need to celebrate!" Hyejin's smile came back.

"Thank you but I can't." Wheein's smiling but her eyes aren't anymore. "I've got to do somethings. Just have a great time for me okay? We'll celebrate tomorrow at school. Sounds good?" Wheein patted Hyejin's head.

"What?! Why?" Hyejin shook her head from left to right then frowned.

"I just need to do something today. Something came up. I really sorry Hyejinie."

"Can I drop by tonight?" Hyejin pouted. She knows why just by hearing her friend's voice shake. She can also see every bit of frustration in her eyes. She understands.

"Yes, you can." Wheein smiled.

Hyejin turned to her dad and asked, "Can I?" and her father nodded.

-

There was a knock on the door in Wheein's house. The birthday girl ran to the door with excitement. She knows it was Hyejin because she can hear her said goodbye to her dad.

"Hyejin-ah!" Wheein jumped up and down and hugged her friend.

"Oh! I didn't expect that but, yeah. Happy birthday, Jung Wheein!" She returned Wheein's hug by tightening it.

Just as they pulled apart, Hyejin raised her hand holding a small cooler. Wheein's eyes grew large and gasped in surprise. She knows what's inside.
"Popsicles?" She asked.

"Uh-huh! And not just blue! Dad bought the red ones too!" The two giggle in excitement.

"Let's go to my room!" Wheein dragged her friend to her small room.

They sat on the floor and opened the cooler to grab their popsicle.

"Hyejin, thank you so much for this. You made me really happy today." She leaned her head to Hyejin's shoulder and the other reciprocated by holding Wheein's hand.

"You deserve this. You deserve all the best things in life, Wheein-ah."

They ate their cold sweets while talking about the most random things. When they finished all the blue ones, they started to eat the red ones. It made their tongue purple and it amazes Hyejin so much.

"Wheein-ah, I didn't know that if you mix blue with red the result will be violet!" Hyejin realised with all seriousness. "Wow! Just, wow!"

Wheein broke in laughter which she recieved a smack on her shoulder from Hyejin. It doesn't matter to her because it was funny and right now, she's happy.

It was one of the best birthdays she ever had.

***

"Hyejin-ah, he cheated on me."

"I'll go there." 

Fifteen minutes later, she heard a knock on her dorm room. She was all set to go out with her friend. Hyejin can't stay inside because there are other students who are already sleeping. She went out of her room and when she saw her friend, all the tears that she held back gushed out of her eyes. Hyejin's not used to a 'crying Wheein'. She doesn't know what to do or say to make it better but she knows that Wheein needed her right now.

They went outside and walked around the almost empty street.

They didn't talked that much but later that night, Wheein managed to tell her friend what happened.

***

She didn't know why Hyejin asked her to ditch school and go to the park with her. She just followed and waited outside Hyejin's dorm.

After walking and messing around in the park, they got hungry so Hyejin bought the two of them lots of foods. That's when Wheein asked Hyejin what's the reason behind all this.

"Let's finish this first, okay?" Hyejin said. 

Hyejin ate too much but Wheein is too bothered to eat. Hyejin noticed it but didn't say anything. Things might get a lot messier.

They went to a different park and sat on one of the benches quietly.

"Wheein-ah, I'm leaving." Hyejin's voice was shaking.

"Oh" Was the only word that came out of Wheein's mouth. She wasn't surprised at all. Her face doesn't show any sign of sadness, or anger, or anything at all. She looked suddenly empty. And this? This is something Hyejin hasn't witnessed in their 11 years of friendship.

Hyejin haven't left but they already felt distant.

"I got a full scholarship in Seoul."

"Where?"

"Sungkyunkwan"

"Oh, nice." Wheein smiled and looked down to the ground.

"Hey," Hyejin wrapped her arms around Wheein.

"You'll call right?" Wheein asked.

"Yes, of course! And I'll be come back here as often as I can!"  Hyejin hugged her friend tighter.

"Don't feel bad. I'm happy for you! I actually saw this coming." Wheein hugged her friend back and whispered to Hyejin's ear, "I'd understand if you can't call or visit here, or even leave a text message. Just don't forget about me, okay?" She rubbed both of her palms at Hyejin's back. "And I know you'll do great there." They pulled back and stared at each others eyes. Hyejin's are red and swollen but there's no tears in Wheein's eyes. It still looks empty.

--

First few months was great. They talked on the phone three time a week and Hyejin goes home once a month. 

They didn't notice that they are already growing apart. Wheein was busy trying to earn some money. She stopped going to college. Hyejin's studies got plentier and harder. 

The difference is Wheein remembers everything about Hyejinie but the younger girl forgot Wheein's birthday. 

Wheein went to Seoul so she could surpise Hyejin and spend her birthday with the younger. She texted Hyejin what she's doing and Hyejin said that she's at her dorm working on her plates. Wheein brought a cooler filled with popsicles. Now, there's orange and green. She's excited and nervous at the same time. She's excited to see her friend but she's also anxious because they haven't talked for a while and they feel so distant now but Wheein is still hopeful. It's only Hyejin that she's got and her cat Ggomo.

She got in Hyejin's dorm and knocked on her door. She knows the direction because Hyejin used to bring her here. She kept knocking but no one answers.

"Hey, looking for Hyejin?" A girl taller than her asked her. She's extraordinarily beautiful. 

"A-are you the new room-roommate? I'm her friend from Jeonju." Wheein asked.

"Yes, I am and she told me earlier that she'll go to a friend's party? She said she'll be out all night." 

"Oh, she told me that she's doing some things for school." Wheein felt her knees weakened but she fought it. Hyejin lied.

The new roommate saw the shock from Wheein's face.

It must've beed heartwrenching to expereince such and he went straight from Jeonju for nothing, the roomate thought to herself.

"I'll go now. Thank you, Miss?" Wheein held her hand out.

"Seulgi. And you are?" Seulgi shook Wheein's hand.

"Wheein. But don't tell her that I came. It'll be better if we'll just keep this between us." Wheein let go of her and and bowed. "Thank you again."

Before Seulgi can say her goodbye, Wheein already walked away.

***
 

The reason behind their separation is very clear. Hyejin was slowly drifting away because she's growing to wonderful woman that she is now. She clearly understands why but she didn't know how.

Wheein felt alone and abandoned that day but the feeling was washed away after she gave herself a reason why it happed. There are a lot of maybes but they all end in the same place--a part of her was forgotten by the most important person in her life but this doesn't have to be the reason why everything has to stop. She have to move on and live her life well.

It wasn't easy for her. Hyejin was the first one who truly cared for her and loved her. She was more than a family to Wheein and she loves Hyejin. The younger girl had done so much for her and, maybe, going back wouldn't be such a bad thing at all. 

I guess it's also time for me to make peace with everyone and everything I left there.