Fire Escape - Foster the People

It was already dark outside when she decided to go to a local bar. She's having a hard time to let what happened earlier sink in. When she entered the place, she spotted an empty seat at the front bar. She walked a little too fast so no one can steal the seat from her. 

"Hey! What's up?" The bartender greeted Wheein with a big smile as the small woman sat on the bar stool. "Beer? Or anything that will smack you hard in no time?" The bartender squinted at Wheein as if she's trying to read the small woman's mind.

Wheein smiled at the bartender and said, "Beer, warm one please!". 

The bartender nodded and went to grab a glass and filled it with warm brewed beer. Before the bartender gave the pint of beer to Wheein, she asked her, "If you are that bothered about leaving, then stay a little bit longer until you feel better about it."

"Just give me the beer, Helga." Wheein pouted and blinked her eyes a couple of times at her

Helga placed the alcohol on the bar top in front of Wheein but didn't released her grip on the pint. Helga leaned on the bar top to get closer to the younger woman.

"Save that seat beside you. I'll asked Yvann to cover for me. You need to let whatever the hell it is out of your mind. I don't want you to end your night with a heavy heart."

Helga finally moved back and released her grip on the alcohol and headed at the back of the bar. Wheein can hear her talking to Yvann, Helga's brother. "Yvann! Get you out of that goddamn chair and cover for me! Watching that stupid game will do no good in our sales!"

Back at where Wheein is seating, the music playing is non-existent to her. All she hear is the sound of Hyejin's voice as she recalls the invitation she received from her. In her mind, she re-reads the words written in the email with her estranged friend's voice. She feels as if she's listening to a beautiful sad song. Her art breaks a little thinking how they grew apart. 

Wheein was brought back to reality when Helga nudged her. She didn't even realized that the bartender was sitting beside her.

"Tell me what's on your mind, hun." Helga gave Wheein a worried smile.

"Well, I received an email from someone important to me." Wheein took a sip of her warm beer. She looked back at Helga and added, "Or someone who used to be important." She smiled with sad eyes.

"An ex-lover?" Helga asked. "If that's an ex lover then I can't help you with that. I've never been in a relationship, like ever! In my thirty five years of existence I have never found myself in the arms of another person. Sad but I'm still hopeful." Helga chuckled as she spoke. It put a smile on Wheein's face.

"She's not an ex-lover." Wheein looked at the displayed bottles in front of her. "She's a childhood friend. We're like sisters. Inseparable." She laughed at the word 'inseparable' and looked down on her beer. "She invited me to her wedding." 

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Helga said worriedly.

"Don't be. I am actually happy for her. I'm not jealous or envious or anything at all. It's just..." Wheein took a deep breath and turned to look at Helga. "When I saw her name, everything came back."

"What do you mean?"

"I left Seoul becaue I want to leave everything behind. I wanted to start all over again in life. Also, I want to be out here interacting."

Helga was silently waiting to hear more from Wheein. This is the first time she saw her so vulnerable. It's something she never thought she's see from the young lady.

"I have no one there and I feel stuck so I roamed to different places, different provinces in Korea, to meet new people and discover new places. It helped me to get my mind off of things. I think I got addicted to it so when I already got nowhere new to go, I decided to try new places outside my country. It always feels good to be exposed on something new. I kept doing that for years and I successfully put my past at the back of my mind and never revisited it. I felt happy and free and growing, you know." She smiled.

"And then there is this email?" Helga asked.

"Yep and I was caught off guard. It felt like a tsunami of memories washed over me and it made me feel different feelings."

"Then why don't you go back and confront those feelings and settle things because to me it sounded like you were trying to escape from something or whatever it is that you are running away from." Helga straightforwardly said.

"Helga, what you said was was too much but I'd take it. I'm the problem, aren't I?" Wheein stared back at the displayed bottles on the wall-mounted rack.

"I guess" Helga sighed. "But I can't blame you." She poked Wheein's shoulders with her index finger so she can look at her. "We all wanted to runaway from where we are now. Escape is good from time to time but we all know that that's not the permanent solution to our undying problems."

Wheein nodded.

"Do you ever go back to the place you've been in throughout your travel?" Helga asked.

"No." Wheein shook her head from side to side like a little kid.

"Why?"

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of being forgotten." Wheein downed her drink in one go.

"What? Forgotten?" Helga held a very confused look.

"I don't know if I can explain it to you but I am just a passerby. At least for me." Wheein looked for Yvann whose fixing shots for the other constumers. She raised her hand and Yvann noticed her. When realised that Yvann was looking at her, she held the empty glass up with her other hand and gestured to get her another one. Yvann nodded and Wheein turned back to Helga. "Where was I?" She asked.

"Passerby." 

"Oh, yes." She paused for a second as she try to find the right words. "Hmm, I don't really leave that much impression to people. I'm not that remarkable. I mean, , am I making sense to you? Because I feel like I don't."

"I'm trying. Go on." Helga said as she waved her hand.

"Okay. I've been like that for most of my life. They won't remember me. Everytime I greet someone that I met they'll be like, 'Hey! I'm sorry. Who are you?' and even if I explain it to them who the I am, they still won't remember me." Wheein's voice was rising as she reached her last word.

"I understand you now but how can you be so sure? I mean the people here knows you and remember you well. I bet the people you've grown close to from other places remembers you." Helga said.

"That's the thing! I've grown close to them and I'm afraid that when I go back to the people I cherish, they have forgotten me already." Wheein grew frustrated.

"Then don't leave!" Helga said as she squeezed Wheein's shoulder.

"If I stay, things get pointless and my life feels like I'm headed nowhere. I don't want to be that person again. I don't want to be the one that watches and observes. I'm tired of watching people come and go. I'm tired of seeing things change. It's sickening me thinking about me getting stuck again."

The beer that Wheein ordered came. Yvann smiled at her and placed the new pint of beer in front of her. She drank until the glass is half empty.

"There's actually a bit of happiness in me after I read her email." She looked at Helga and added, "I am not forgotten."

"Then what's holding you back? Why don't you go home?"

Wheein emptied her glass and said, "First, my home is where I currently am. Second, There's a lot of things to consider."

Helga chuckled in frustration.

"You are just scared that if you go back, you might stay and get stuck again."

"I don't know." Wheein's starting to eat her words.

"I'm right. Always am. One thing's for sure though. You are drunk and you need to go home." Helga stood up and grabbed Wheein's arm. 

"Wait! I've got to pay!" Wheein said as she snuck her hand to the front pocket of her thick coat.

"I got it, young lady! It's on me! Just go home, okay?"

"Okay." Wheein surrendered.

Helga walked her out of the bar and exchanged their goodbyes.

***

Wheein was walking on her way home when suddenly she heard someone calling her.

"Jung Wheein!" Wheein stopped and looked around. She couldn't find anyone. She thought it just sounded like her name so she continued to walk.

"Jung Wheeeee-Innn!" Now, Wheein is sure that it is her name. She's just not sure who it is. She's just a new kid in the area and it surprised her that someone knew her. She stopped and looked around once more. It took her not that long to see a girl running from afar. She looked like she's been running for a long time. The unknown girl stopped and bent forward to lean her hands to her knees. She was catching her breath. Wheein decided to walk towards the girl and when she reached her, she took out a water bottle from her bag and handed it to her.

"Thanks!" Hyejin took the water bottle and stood straight. Wheein was just staring at the girl who is having a hard time catching her breath. The girl opened it and emptied the bottle. 

"How did you know me?" Wheein asked as the girl returned her water bottle.

"You are my classmate! How could you not know me?!" The girl grew frustrated.

"Oh, sorry." was the only thing that came out of Wheein.

"Ahn Hyejin" the girl extended her hand for Wheein to hold.

"What?" Wheein stared at the girl's hand.

"My name is Ahn Hyejin! Are you hungry or are you just stupid?" 

"Oh"

There was a long pause. Hyejin composed her self and Wheein is just looking at her quizzically.

"I like you, Jung Wheein! Let's be friends!" Hyejin took Wheein's hand and started to drag Wheein.

"Where are we going?" Wheein, surprised, asked as she let Hyejin drag her.

"Let's try the blue popsicle! I've been dying to try that ever since I saw it earlier on my way to school. It's the only thing I think about the whole day!"

"Wait! I don't have money!" Wheein pulled her hand away from Hyejin's grip.

"Don't worry! It's my treat. Consider this a gift from your new found friend!" Hyejin took Wheein's hand again and this time she doesn't have to drag her. Wheein voluntarily walked beside Hyejin while holding each other's hand.

"Thank you." Wheein shyly said to the other girl. It made Hyejin smile from ear to ear.

***

Wheein woke up from her sleep. Her head was throbbing hard that she felt dizzy. was dry and stomach felt funny.

"!" 

She felt something from . She's going to throw up. She sprinted to the bathroom and pour it all out. After her 15-minute battle in the bathroom, she washed clean and went to the kitchen. The whole apartment was dark but Wheein's memory is too sharp that even in the dark, she knows where to go. She took an empty cup and filled it with water. She emptied it and refilled it. She walked to her kitchen nook and opened her laptop. She blankly stared at it. What she dreamt was still hanging in her mind.

We really are inseparable after that day. She thought to herself and smiled.

She decided to re-read the email from Hyejin.

Sender: Ar. Ahn Hyejin ([email protected])
Subject: Wedding Invitation

Hey! I know this might be something that you would not expect but I've been thinking about you a lot ever since I started planning my wedding. Actually, I think about you more often than what flowers to use or what cake should I pick lol. I was trying my wedding dress earlier and that's when it hit me. I want you to be here in one of the most important moment of my life. Remember how we spent the whole weekend mapping out how I wanted my wedding to go. I was just 9 years old and all I could think about is my wedding day! You're just there watching me go crazy and helping me AND supporting me with my crazy antics! I remember every moment I spent with you even from the first day we became friends. Well, I kind of forced you to be my friend hehe. Remember how we laughed so hard when we saw each others mouth turn blue because of that stupid popsicle! When you get to be here, we should try that again!

I really wish you can be here at my wedding.

Things didn't go well with our relationship before and I wanted us to be okay again.

I really miss you, Jung Whee-In! Let's be friends again?

Wheein's heart ached and felt light at the same time. She was hurt because of how things went between them but also felt relieved because she felt important. The fact that someone from her past remembers her made her heart flutter.

She opened the PDF file. It was the virtual copy of the wedding invitation. It is in a month and she only have three days to confirm her attendance. 

She can't decided now. She needed to think about it more.

Maybe tomorrow I can decide.

She emptied the cup and went straight to bed.

This story is going to be a long one.