Sooyoung:

           It had been a long time since she had a minute to herself. Midterms were over for her. She figured if she wanted to read a book, the best time was now that she didn’t have to study for tests. She made sure to finish all her statistics homework before starting the book, though. She always seemed to struggle a little more with statistics.

Nestled in the corner of the library, on the third floor, one of the quiet floors, Sooyoung had found a couch by the window. When she saw the spot, she almost ran to it, to make sure no one else took it. It was behind some bookshelves with another small couch in front of it, a table in between.

While reading the book, she quickly realized her mind would divert back to what happened three days ago—on that weekend. Sooyoung hid her face in the book so no one, who passed, could see her bright smile at remembering the kiss. It was futile. Every time she was not preoccupied with homework, she would remember the kiss. Her forensic science class was a nightmare because she had his camera and just looking at the camera made her into a giggling mess. Taehyung, her Taehyung had kissed her. The more she thought about it, it was a very passionate and intimate kiss. It was breathtaking and she wanted to kiss him like that again. She stopped herself. It had been longer since she last saw Jin and she knew with their last face to face meeting she had given him hope. She felt bad, she felt like an abuser of his kindness. Every so often she would text Namjoon and ask if she really was a , to which the reply would be that she wasn't.

With three days passing, the last she had seen of Taehyung was also three days ago in their fateful encounter that was engraved in her brain. She couldn’t catch a break. She wanted to talk to him—ask him what was at the back of her mind due to his comment. Namjoon told her it was up to her to decide, but she didn’t want to decide whether Taehyung liked her or not. She wanted to know for sure. But he was like a ghost. She couldn’t catch a glimpse of him at all. No matter how hard she tried. She couldn’t catch him at his apartment or outside his classes—because she had them memorized. He was nowhere. Yet, the less she saw of him the more desperate she was getting. She wanted to see him. It was normal. To always want to see or be with the person you love.

Sooyoung pouted. The book long forgotten on the table in front of her. Where was he? He didn’t answer her text. He was like a ghost and was ghosting her. Every time her phone would notify her of a text incoming, she would get her hopes up, only to have it either be Seulgi, Jimin, Jungkook, or Jin. It was never Taehyung. Even Yeri would text her, not Taehyung.

Just the previous night she had spent at least an hour outside his doorstep, waiting for him to come home, but he didn’t. By the time she left, it was nearing midnight. She knew she should have called someone to walk her home, but she was feeling too dejected to even do that. Why didn’t he come home? She just wanted to see him because her heart yearned for him. Nothing happened as she went home. The whole walk she felt safe, as odd as that sounded.

Earlier that day she had spent it trying to find a way to talk to him. Only, she couldn’t find him anywhere once again and when she did see him from afar, he was with Irene and he looked happy. She couldn’t bring herself to disturb the bright smile that was on his face as he laughed along with Irene about something. Her brain was in a battle. Part of her told her to have just approached him. He wouldn’t ignore her. The other part still couldn’t believe Taehyung didn’t like Irene. Maybe there wouldn’t be another Jisoo but her, over Irene? It was like picking high quality meat and then eating the meat on sale.

Her petty insecurities were making her not even want to attempt to befriend Irene. She had told Jin she would. She had had countless conversations with her mirror self, that she would talk and befriend Irene. The most she got was helping her two days ago when the prettier woman dropped some papers. It was awkward. There was an air of dislike from both, but she tried, and she guessed Irene tried too.

Amid her thoughts—after picking the book back up and rereading a couple of pages due to being distracted, the stress and lack of sleep was making itself known. Sooyoung fell asleep on that couch in the corner of the library. It wasn’t the soundest of sleeps, but it was still enough for her to dream of seeing Taehyung approach her. The kiss was always on her mind, after all.

He had sat on the table, watching her sleep. Her dream had felt so realistic as she felt him move hair out of her face, mumbling words she couldn't fully comprehend or clearly hear. But his face looked sad and all she wanted was to hug him and tell him it was all okay. Yet, there was a smile on his lips as he watched her.

“Don’t walk home alone again, dummy.”

She could have sworn she heard him whisper that in her ear. Something was placed over her to keep her warm. She must have also dreamed the kiss she felt on the top of her head. She was sure it was all a dream because if Taehyung was to kiss her lips chastely again, she would have woken up. But it did happen in her dream. He chastely kissed her and whispered too quietly for her to hear.

The dream was realistic, she woke up to her fingers on her lips, with Seulgi and Yeri, who pulled up another couch, sitting across from her. She knew it was all a dream. She would have seen it as a dream. She really would have. Until Taehyung’s signature sandalwood and bergamot smell invaded her senses and she noticed one of his hoodies was draped over her like a blanket. It hadn’t been a dream. Her heart elated with the thought but also felt crushed because she wasn’t fully awake to talk to him, see him, or even touch him. How dare he steal a kiss while she was asleep? Her pout was back.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

“Hmmm, how did you find me?”

“Jimin told me you were in the library. I just looked around. Are you okay? You’ve been really quiet, and I feel like you haven’t been sleeping well.” Seulgi’s eyes showed concern. Even if they hadn’t shown concern, her tone gave it away.

Of course, she hadn’t been sleeping well. Every time she closed her eyes she would think back to the kiss and just lay awake in bed, touching her lips and smiling to herself. Then, wondering why she hadn’t seen him, how much she wanted to see him, how she really, really, wanted to confess and this time when they kiss—finally be a couple. She sighed exasperatedly. That was only going to happen if he did like her, but he wouldn’t kiss her and not like her, right?

“So, Jin kissed me. I told you that.” Seulgi and Yeri nodded. “When you left, during the party I didn’t leave with you.”

Seulgi immediately interrupted her. “I’m sorry! You should have seen the look on Jungkook’s face. We just took off, which reminds me...”

She shook her head, knowing what their next topic of conversation was going to be. “It’s okay. Actually, more like a thank you.” she bit her lip to fight the grin that wanted to be plastered on her face.

“I’ve noticed, Joy has been really happy lately. Is she getting delirious due to the lack of sleep?” Yeri spoke, eyeing her.

Sooyoung would have said something to Yeri about the incident. Although, it seemed as if she was dealing with everything well. It turned out Seulgi had spoken to her and Yeri was still slightly shaken from what happened—she seemed to be stronger than Sooyoung ever thought she would be. Yet, her mind was stuck on one thing and one thing one, which she voiced out.

“Taehyung kissed me.”

Yeri gasped, Seulgi glared at her.

“He what?!” Seulgi was almost shouting but kept it at a whisper, which was scarier.

“I worded it wrong, yeah. I mean, I dreamed he kissed me and now it’s stuck in my head.” she attempted to salvage the situation. She knew why Seulgi reacted the say she did. She had told her friend that she was ready to move on and give Jin a chance. She had spaced. Her heart was still in cloud nine and right now her mind was yelling at it to get back down to reality.

“Oh.” came the disappointed sound from Yeri.

Seulgi only glared at her. “You’re lying. I know you are. It explains that stupid smile you’ve had on your face. He did kiss you. Taehyung ing kissed you and you liked it.”

“Have you guys spoken lately? I haven’t seen Taehyung around, not since yesterday when I ran into him after I ...” Yeri spoke in her seat, squirming as she drifted off. Sooyoung sternly watched the younger one.

“Not even Jimin has really talked to him but I think he’s lying.” Seulgi crossed her arms but then uncrossed them to lean forward. “Okay, let’s say I’m not annoyed because I can’t help but think about poor Jin, how was it?”

Sooyoung watched both Seulgi and Yeri give her their full attention. She thought about what to say. “You know, Jin’s kiss was sweet. It’s like a kiss you would want. But—so I haven’t been 100% honest. This isn’t the first time I’ve kissed Tae.”

“Wow, Joy ... what?”

“Jungkook told me he also kissed you, briefly.” Yeri spoke, looking at anyone but her.

“Okay, I need to know all of this. What? Are you just going around kissing everyone? Have you kissed Jimin? Do you and Tae just meet up and kiss but then ignore each other? What is going on?!” Seulgi raised her voice, causing the people near them to shush them.

Sooyoung let a weak smile out. “Look, Jungkook kissed me and then the next day I told him I couldn’t see him as more than a friend. Sorry, Yeri.”

“What? I don’t care.” Yeri fidgeted, looking at her phone. “Is this story long, I don’t have time.”

“Oh, you! Stop avoiding the poor guy. You ghosted him the day after he saved your and now, you’re avoiding him. I feel bad for Kookie, he keeps third wheeling me and Jimin.” Seulgi glanced and turned her full attention to the younger one who recoiled in her seat. “But anyway, Joy. Speak.”

“Jungkook kissed me and then I left but I came back because I had forgotten Tae’s camera in the chemistry lab. When I went back out, this guy was asking for me. I pretended to not know Tae because he asked for him too. He was—someone from my past and didn’t recognize me. I was scared, I needed an escape and Tae just happened to be there. I lied saying he was my boyfriend and I knew I needed to sell the point so ... I kissed him.”

“Was this before or after Jin?” Seulgi raised her brow.

“Before,” she barely mumbled, covering her face with Taehyung’s hoodie.

“Joy!”

“Look, this was when he told me I couldn’t be around him because I was a hindrance to him and Irene. I was hurt. You and Jimin just got together. I needed to move on. So, yeah. I’m a horrible person but Jin was there and I did, I did want to give him a chance. It’s just that ...”

“Why did Taehyung kiss you that night?” Yeri asked, looking thrilled at her dilemma.

“I don’t know. He just did. That guy, the one I feared from my past was there again and I don’t know how Tae happened to be there, but he was. I swear, I don’t know. He just was. He asked me if I really would have just kissed anyone and I said no but I don’t think he heard me, and he cut me off mid rant. He kissed me. Then told me to never kiss anyone like he had and that he would kiss me again and he did. That’s why I can’t sleep. It’s all I can think about. Taehyung bloody kissed me, and he said he wouldn’t kiss a friend like that, but I just can’t help but to think of Irene.”

She finished and Seulgi kept closing and opening before mumbling a “damn” and sitting back in her seat. Yeri looked too excited hearing all of this. The younger one was enjoying it too much.

“Why does Irene call Taehyung, V? I overheard her talking to Jennie on the way here.” Yeri looked at her, waiting for an answer she didn’t know. Sooyoung had noticed too, but didn’t think too much of it.

“I’m not sure.”

“Who calls him V?”

“It’s an old nickname he would use every so often. Mainly to people he didn’t fully know or wanted to sound more mysterious to. They’ve been talking for a good amount of time now, so I think it may be just a habit now.” she replied, not confident with her own answer.

“Or maybe he’s still not comfortable around her to let her call him Taehyung. I think the moment she ever calls him Tae, is when we can all know for sure they’re close. It’s mainly you guys who call him that. Almost setting the rest of us apart.”

“I find it cute. You guys calling him Tae and how some of us call Jungkook, Kookie...” Yeri drifted off in her words, a slight tinge of pink surfacing on her face.

“For god’s sake woman, stop ignoring the guy! He’s doesn’t even smile anymore. I heard he skipped his last two boxing classes. I’m not even sure he eats because you’re ignoring him!”

Sooyoung felt relieved with the subject of conversation switching from her to Yeri. She had noted that Yeri seemed to make up excuses for not meeting with Jungkook when before they used to study every day—something he had complained to her about. She figured after the party the avoiding would have ended but it only seemed to increase. Yeri would go to chemistry class to sit in the back, sneaking in and out before anyone noticed. She only noticed because she happened to be stretching yesterday and found out that was what she was doing. Jungkook even wandered the library and found her twice, asking if she had seen Yeri. Luckily for Yeri, at that time Sooyoung had in fact not seen her.

“It’s not ignoring when you’re trying to set boundaries for yourself. We started off as strangers who kind of disliked each other and then became friends. I was spending way too much time with him. He’s not slow at chemistry anymore so it’s not needed. Besides, I don’t know how to face him after everything that happened. So, I’m mad and confused because lately my heart races at the thought of him and I know it’s an excuse because I like him. I also know he doesn’t like me.”

Sooyoung threw a look to Seulgi. Had no one told Yeri how on Sunday night, after Yeri refused to let him into her apartment to check up on her, that Jungkook ended up drinking and getting drunk? It didn’t seem like it. Jungkook just kept saying how he misses Yeri and how he’s happy nothing happened, but he should have been there to stop anything from having hap