38.

“Eul.”

She hums, at the same time snuggling on her mother’s cheeks, enjoying the familiar scent – her definition of home.

“When the incident happened, do you blame the kid?”

The mother could feel her daughter’s body tensing upon the gravely question – causing a long pause filled by the white noise of the night, including Haneul’s rustling the blanket as he tosses in his deep sleep.

“I did.” She whispers timidly, “Once.”

​​​​

“So you…shut me out for a week.” His lips quiver as they pressed onto each other, brows twitching, “And then you show up, out of nowhere,” eyes pooled with tears, “…for this? This? …is your conclusion?” Jongdae gulps, swallowing the pain that is lumping in his throat. It saddened him that Ga Eul is again, throwing herself under the rock – trying to carry the load all by her own, thinking that she is saving everyone. And when now things are essentially because of him, it doubles his agony.

He wanted to scream to the top of his lungs, to whatever force that wrote their fate to be this way, wishing that he could erase one’s memory, getting rid of the past that keep stabbing their hearts.

His gaze once more lands on the lady – only for them to stray away again for the sight is shattering his world. 

Ga Eul is trying so hard to put out an act, not realizing that he sees her trembling hands under the glass table.

“Is it…because of me? Because of what happened in the past?” Once more he reaches for those cold hands, squeezing them lightly, “If it’s because of that, you know I won’t–” whining, “–you know I won’t care about it, right?”

“But for how long would you ignore it?”

The silent space then filled with the lady’s sigh before one side of her lips stretches upward, mocking no one but herself, “How can you be so sure, that you’d never blame me for it? Even just for one second?” She grits her teeth, taking a breather in between, “You wouldn’t be able to ignore it, and I’d never forgive myself. We’ll both suffer in the end. This is our fate, after all. Our twisted fate.” Her lips pursed, hand moves in one swing to wipe the b tears before it could fall on her cheeks. Her clavicle line shows up as she struggles to take another deep breath, “There’s no way for us to be happy if we’re together.”

Their gaze finally meets each other, this time neither of them are afraid of showing eyes reek with tears, face with misery.

And out of sudden Jongdae’s lips part wide, scoffing, “Wow you sound so confident I almost believed it.” Inside, his tongue pushes the back of his teeth whilst his head tilts upward, holding back the waterworks. He is at loss of words though there is a ton of them in his head.

All he wants to do now is to disappear, as childish as it sounds.

“Is that the only way?” His gaze pierces into the other’s eyes. “Breaking up…is that the only way? If we don’t see each other anymore, it’ll change everything?”

She fails to come out with any response to that question.

“Ga Eul, this relationship involves two people. You don’t get to decide alone. If you do it like this, I couldn’t help thinking that you don’t want to work this out.”

“I want this to work out.” Realizes that she answers it almost too immediately, the lady recoils. “I deadly want us, but I just–,” eyes shedding more tears, slowly gives up.

"Then why do you..."

“I can’t find a way!"

“That’s because you did it alone…!” Jongdae could hear his thumping heartbeat, bloods boiling up to his head. “You always tried to figure things out by your own. Always the hero, thinking that you could save everyone in every situation. But what did you actually do? You shut me out, you shut the world out, you didn’t even–”

The words cut out in an instant as he meets those eyes once more, striking straight into his heart. His eyes then quivers, chewing the lower lips.

“You should go home.” His fingers runs through his hair, “I don’t think I could talk like this.”

“Say it.”

“Forget it,” he gets up, swiftly fetches the key that he left on the counter and strides towards the back door – ditching the lady behind as she calls his name repeatedly while catching up to his pace.

“You must’ve a lot to say, since you always hold everything back. Then just say it!”

His steps quicken with each call, stacking the lady’s frustration as she is being completely ignored by the other.

“What are you being so cautious for now? I ruined your life anyway. I’m the bad one.”

The frosty wind blows right through Jongdae’s spine as he has his jacket off, leaving only an oversized shirt and a tee underneath however none of it bothers him. He is already infuriated enough that his head feels like burning to crisp anytime soon.

“Go! Curse me!”

With that, Jongdae pivots – finally facing the lady before sweeps his arm around her waist in one swift move, hand holding the back of her head as his lips plunges right onto hers. Eyes squeezes shut, cheeks damp with tears reflecting his aching heart. “Nonsense.”, is what he wanted to shout on Ga Eul’s face – for how mean she has been to him and herself. For her to doubt his faith on their relationship and himself, for her to continuously torture herself over their entangled past.

In times like this, he wishes that Ga Eul is one selfish woman who cares about nobody but herself.

To pay no heed on that damned so-called fate.

Thus he pours his heart content through that long, passionate moment between them – sensing the punches on his c