fifteen

Make It Count
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15.

 

The faint sound of birds chirping fills the sky, and the rhythm of my hair and dress flows behind obeys the colours of the wind – making the moment feels like a fairy tale. I look around and a park in which its trees have mostly turn to red-brownish with no people around comes to my sight. And just by that view, I know what is coming up next. Just as my prediction, a series of steps of someone, signified by the sound of dried leaves cracking almost quietly approaches from behind.

And though I was not looking, I know that person draws closer towards me, whether pouting or frowning because I did not care to turn to take a look at him.

Well, no wonder this happen again.

It’s almost the time of the year. The 10th anniversary of the darkest day in my life is coming.

“Would you at least look at me?”

There he is. The person that I long for the most, the voice that I wish I could hear again and again hitting my eardrums. And just by those seven words, I could feel my heart trembles from its spot, as if it could fall off my body anytime soon. However the warm liquid that is filling up at the corner of my eyes, the b tears, or whatever ones would call it – I hold it in.

“You look like you’re about to cry anytime soon,” he speaks as soon as we take our seat on the ground right by the empty field. Each eyes look far ahead, to the wide scenery that unrealistically doesn’t have an end. “Life’s hard, huh?”

Hearing that, I roll my eyes, pretentiously bitter for the question, “Thanks to you not being there, so yeah, it is.” He clucks his tongue as I chuckle faintly then shrugs, “But you know me. Cry? I don’t do those.”

“Because crying is for the weak?”

My head pivot to him with a look of fascination before my lips turn down in an approval frown, “You could guess what’s in my mind?”

“You said I know you well,” he brags then cheekily hisses, “But it’s not that you’re one who’s hard to read in the first place.”

“Dad…!”

“I’m so done talking to you,” he huffs, reminding me of the good old days. That is the exact sentence he has been giving me for the rest of my life. “But now seriously, who’s the punk that teaches you ‘crying is for the weak’?”

“Some antagonists in dramas, perhaps.”

“This kid, really.” He squints, annoyed, “Stop making those excuses, there are a lot more books or quotes that tell you otherwise. I’m more than sure that you knew it already.” I flinch as soon as he raise his knuckles to hit my head, then he sighs heavily before putting it down again, “You’re afraid that you’ll worry her, right?”

I nod a few times as I know by saying ‘her’, he means Mom.

And Dad disagrees with my answer right away as he tells, “You don’t have to. It’s not your job to stay tough for everyone,” he looks up at the sky, “Your mother is a lot stronger that you’d ever know, Eul. She’s the person I respect the most, and her strength is one of the whys.” I turn to peek at the man’s smile as he talks of the love of his life – a love that anchors even after death, the eternal kind of love. Dad takes in a deep breath before leans his body to the other side so that we are facing each other. “Besides, crying doesn’t make you any less strong. Sometimes we need to wash these eyes so that we could view life clearer than before.”

I blow a raspberry, cringing as I wonder where the heck that he got that kind of saying from.

He knows very well that I am mocking him, and so Dad stands up from where he was sitting. The man huffs, “Make fun of me all you want, kid. This might be the last time we’re meeting, anyway.”

Upon that, my laughter dies. The lips drop back to its place, my expression changes rather quickly into a sullen one, eyes almost glaring in disbelief, in dissatisfaction, “No way. Don’t say that.”

“My little girl has grown up so much, isn’t she? You used to be a cry baby back then.” He chuckles, raising his hand to pat my head but strongly, I back off.

“Dad, stop it.”

“I’m sorry that I left early. And I’m sorry that you’ve been hiding all your scars alone, just to keep your mom and brother. You shouldn’t do that though, you deserve to express your feelings too. They’ll surely understand, and at least, they’d know that it’s time to hold your hand instead of you holding theirs.” I swallow upon those words, they hit like a bullet on my chest. “I really wish I could spend more time with you. But I’ve done it all, I’d already say almost all of things I wished to tell you. You’re not going to need me anymore.”

I frown, I could veins popping in my eyes as I hold in the anger and resentment of the long sorrow, “Who told you so? I never say that. No one ever say that.” My throat hurts, choking up, “Why are you leaving again?”

“There are a lot of people who’s willing to take care of you. To stick by your side. You shouldn’t push them

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kyungfident
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Comments

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nadwifeygd
#1
Chapter 38: my heart hurtSsss both of them feel responsible for that incident but in the end, gaeul be the one to cut it out.... i hope they can get back together after they healed from the bad memories
baekroses_
#2
Chapter 36: Awww it's broke my heart reading this ㅠㅡㅠ.
Jongdae must not expected the reaction.
Thanks for this wonderful chapter
Bubbleblue1994
#3
Chapter 35: I'm crying so hard right now.
I thought it'd like Jongdae predicted. Where he'll be the one who'll beg for forgiveness and Gaeul will hate him because he's the brother.
BUT I DIDN'T EXPECTED GAEUL TO BLAME HERSELF LIKE THIS. This is so heartbreaking. Like so heartbreaking. They're both good people, but why fate being like this to them.
I understand why Gaeul blame herself, if only she wasn't hesitating for too long, maybe she can come and talk to Hwan and maybe Hwan would still be here. But it's not her fault too. She lost someone precious to her, she needs times to adjusting well to the new life without her father. I hope she won't blame herself anymore.
I read this chapter twice, at first I was kinda mad at Jongdae to let go of her hand, because his actions made it looked like he agreed that if she came earlier, his brother would still alive, and he wouldn't be all alone in this world now. But maybe, he's just too shocked as well. Maybe he suddenly wondered why he didn't think of this scenario before. It's kinda selfish of him. But I still appreciate how he quickly realized it and tried to wait for her even tho in the end he left without saying goodbye.
In the end, he left and she wasn't dare to show up too. I feel so bad for them. When they see each other again later, I hope they'll be fine. I hope, they're not two people who lived in regret and pain anymore. Please, be happy later. :')
Is it selfish of me if I say I still want them to be together? Maybe after both healed? :')
Author-nim, do you know Writer Lee? The one who wrote the script for Reply Series and Hospital Playlist? I think the way you write this story kinda reminds me of her. You don't necessarily need a villain to create a conflict and in your story. The story focused on the main characters, both are good people, with good heart. It doesn't have to be love triangle to make the story more interesting. You don't have this complicated mysterious or anything in this story, yet you successfully captured every emotions sooooo well. I really admire you. ㅠ.ㅠ
Thank you so much for the update! See you! Take care! ♥
nadwifeygd
#4
Chapter 34: im scared what will happen later aaaaa what a fateful moment. sooner or later, gaeul will know the truth and it depends o her whether she wants to accept jongdae or not..... i hope she wont abandon jongdae bcs she still has her mother and brother but jongdae only has baekhyun and her as his family :(
baekroses_
#5
Chapter 34: Uuuuu what a cliffhanger there ㅎㅎ. So it looks like Gaeul's mom already know the story. Aaaa Jongdae so brave to do that and i hope the result will be good. Im curious what will happen next if Gaeul know the story,what will happen with their relay then.. thanks for the update and i looking forward for the next one
Bubbleblue1994
#6
Chapter 34: Woahhhhhhh my mind goes blank ㅠ.ㅠ
I wanted to wrote a really long comment about Jongdae met Mr. Lee, probably told her the truth and asked her permission to date Gaeul. But what's with the last part? Did Gaeul ever tried to look for the kid that her father helped? Did she found Jongdae's house because of that? I think she thought Jongdae was the one who's her father help ㅠ.ㅠ
Whatever it is, I want her to listen to Jongdae first. Her reaction kinda scares me ㅠ.ㅠ
Thank you for the update! See you! Take care! ♥
Bubbleblue1994
#7
Chapter 33: Hehehe. I'm actually kinda happy when Jongdae said he gets lonely at home. It means he's used to Gaeul's presence now. He lived alone for years, so staying alone at home shouldn't be that lonely for him. But maybe because Gaeul always with him most of the time now, he suddenly feel lonely when she's not around.
Oh god. My heart. This is so lovely. Too muvh fluff to handle. Hehehe. But I like it. Especially now that Jongdae is starting to opening up. And the way Gaeul treated him was so sweet.
Eh? Hhhmm what kind of secret that Jongdae hide? Seems like Gaeul is kinda mad (?)
Thank you for the update!!! Hope you're doing well. See you! Take care!
baekroses_
#8
Chapter 33: The fluff on this chap was killing me ㅠㅠㅠ that's too adorable to handle. Thanks for the update and looking forward for jongdae's secret.
Bubbleblue1994
#9
Chapter 32: So, the woman was cheating on Shixun too? That's karma. Tch. Why he tried to meet Gaeul again? Maybe he thought she'll consider going back to him? LOL. At least, this time he came to talk when he's sober.
I agreed with Gaeul. I don't think Shixun still loves her. Or maybe he do, but his heart isn't entirely hers anymore. Maybe he loves Gaeul and that woman at the same time? Or maybe he loves that woman? But he's used to have Gaeul beside him, that's why he came back? I know in relationship sometimes just love isn't enough. There will be time when you got bored of your partner, or you feel suffocated and want to escape the relationship for a while. But it doesn't give you rights to cheat on them. If you do, maybe you're actually falling out of love.
I'm glad seeing them talk about this. We need a proper closure, right? Hehehe.
Okay. So, when's the wedding date? LOL
Thank you for the update! I didn't knew I need this chapter. Shixun was once a big part of Gaeul's life, so it's nice to see them officially moved on and had a proper goodbye. See you! Take care!
Bubbleblue1994
#10
Chapter 31: Jongdae is so fcking sweet. Oh god. He's the sweetest ever. I swear. His confessions was simple yet so genuine. And when he realized how he made she feels all these times with his actions, I hope he realized that he's worth that much. That there's someone who treasure him a lot. Who's always patiently waiting for him to make a move. You're so loved by people around you, Jongdae.
Baek and Gaeul's relationship is kinda cute sometimes. Not in romantic way, but more like siblings/ friendly way. I love how Baek just casually called Gaeul 'big sis'. Hehehe.
Okay. Now what Shixun? You're just here to apologize and leave, right? Please, Gaeul already happy. No more drama, drama king. Tch.
Thank you for the update! See you soon! Take care!