My country is under restrictional movement order and the office that I'm working for internship is now on 'working from home' mode so guess what I've been doing at home? This! Btw, take care and stay safe from the virus <3

22.

“Actually, Jinyoung and I…kind of know about this earlier than anyone else.”

I find myself slumping in my seat as Jisoo tells everything that happened before; of Jinyoung knew on Shixun’s whereabouts as the respective companies they are working for are collaborating on a project here in this country, and they thought Shixun didn’t tell me anything on his presence here was to surprise me – in a pleasant way, unlike what actually happened – and shockingly, Shixun came to meet them a few days after we broke up.

Apparently the guy confessed everything that he did and…cried.

Shixun cried.

A sight that even I have never seen before. It sounds surreal that everything turns out to be this way, it is almost ridiculous that it actually happened to me – as I have always imagine a simple life but where the hell that things gone wrong and my life starts to act like a roller-coaster ride?

Why am I so bothered for someone who broke my heart?

“Noona.” I was snapped back to the reality as soon as the person called me out, and right after I slowly turn my head towards him whose eyes on the road as he is driving, the guy glances, “You seemed off since a little while ago. Did something happened?”

My eyes stays on him, somehow drowning in the vision I see – but it was quickly replaced by the jolt as his hand reaches for mine, holding it tight before resting our clasping hands on the arm rests between us. It feels more than fluttering as I am astounded how did he stays calm driving the car – eyes focusing on the road while making my heart jumping out of its place.

“I hope this could help you to feel better.”

And that is the exact time where my heart melts, I could actually feel it thawing from inside. For a moment, my gaze stays at the point where we are connected, appreciating the size of his hand that perfectly fits mine before tearing the look away, trails up to his face.

“Jongdae.”

“Hm.”

“Can we go home a little late? I want to bring you somewhere,” my head turns to look outside the window, catching a sight of every trees that is filled with brown and red leaves and a few that has fallen ones around them, “To meet someone.”

Slowly, Jongdae and I walk down on that reddish-brown path that is partly covered with dried leaves, passing by a few groups of people along the way, enjoying the sceneries and silent walk though we are together, hands clutching – memories running along in my mind. In this space, I could see that one person everywhere. Each corner of this area have been painted with things that all of us had done together.

“I never know this place exists,” Jongdae speaks, sounds mesmerized by the sight that he is having right at the moment.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” And so my steps halt at the same old spot, the big old tree that is placed far from other people, right in front of it is the lake that my family used to have a picnic sometimes. My gaze tears from the ground to the man beside me which made our eyes meet, those pair of orbs are looking at me as gentle as his touch when he grazes the hair that falls on my face back behind my ears. A thin smile rises, I turn my body to face the tree, pointing on the ground. “This is where Dad is. We buried his ashes here, under this tree.”

No words were heard from the guy, I expect him to be taken aback by the abrupt statement – definitely not seeing a hug coming from the back. “You must’ve been missing him all this while,” he whispers slowly right by my ears – empathizing – we are so close to each other that I could hear every breath that he takes.

My eyes squeezes shut, feeling the arms that neatly wrapped around my shoulders. Jongdae feels so warm and his hug already feels familiar for me. One hand of mine trails to tug his built arms, pressing my fingers on it, “So much. I still can’t believe that he’s no longer with us.”

“You guys must’ve been so happy back then.”

“More than anyone,” I beam, reminiscing the good old days. “And I wish you two could meet each other. Dad was a really great person,” I breathe then turns myself around so that I face the guy, “Just like you. If he’s still here, I think he’d really favour you.”

Jongdae’s cheekbones protruding more than usual as he supresses a laugh upon that, making me puzzled before my hand slaps his arm lightly, whining, “I’m being serious here, Kim Jongdae..!”

“I know, I’m so sorry.” He pulls away, takes a few steps back then crouches to continue giggling. Though I show an offended expression, I don’t think I feel that way at the moment. Strangely, I am actually amused – for no definite reason, only by watching him tittering like this – right before he tilts his head up again, sheepishly beaming, “But I don’t think your dad would be happy to see me hugging her precious daughter like what I did just now.”

“You might be true about that,” I giggle, then joins the guy down, sitting on the ground. My eyes roll, “He was so overprotective that it could get annoying sometimes.”

“Definitely Dad’s little girl, weren’t you?”

“Always,” I shake my head in disbelief as I reminded of the past whilst Jongdae considerately places his coat on my lap, covering my lower parts from getting exposed. His eyes are focusing on me, arms hugging his own knees. “He refused the idea of me studying abroad at first, but since I wanted it so bad, my old guy gives in.”

“Parents are like that, I guess. They tend to put your happiness,” Jongdae beams then raises one hand up to the highest level he could get whilst his eyes stays on me, “, over everything.”

“But you could say that I am more than fortunate for at least, I had tons of memories with Dad. Though I wish we could do some more,” the latter part comes in murmurs underneath my breath before I continue, “Unlike Haneul…who was only four back then.”

“Then it must be really hard for him.”

“It really was that sometimes I wonder how we actually survived all those things. And even Haneul always tell us that it is okay for him, because he still have me and Mom,” My eyes wander around trying to wash away the b tears, but failed to conceal my cracking voice, “I still feel really sorry for him. He didn’t get the chance to have a father figure in his childhood, maybe he could only remember a thing or two about Dad.”

Jongdae keeps his lips sealed, all he do next is gently pulling me near him until my head neatly lands on his shoulder.

And I do not care enough to hold it any longer, I let my tears flow down my cheeks, expressing my regrets, “I promised him to be there on his first day of school, to attend every events that involved him so that he won’t feel lonely on those days.” Then I shrug, pursing my lips on each other tightly, “But I turned them into empty promises, I still live far from my famil