Ripped: Slender
☠I'll Rip Your Story to Bits.☠ Reviews && Fanfic Help [Closed]
Title: Slender
Author: Sam_Temple
Reviewer: dubumints
Status: Picked-up and credited.
Posted: 12.12.12
Your Story is Called What?!: ☠
I like it. Only a few fanfics can actually get away with using one-word titles, and for that to happen, you need to use strong, unique, and catchy words that would be enough to garner attention.
And you did just that.
I like it. Only a few fanfics can actually get away with using one-word titles, and for that to happen, you need to use strong, unique, and catchy words that would be enough to garner attention.
And you did just that.
So this Thing Right Here...That's a Description and a Foreword...? You've Got to be Kidding Me!: ☠☠☠
The description was so-so. It was okay, not very inviting, and ho-hum. But one thing did caught my attention: your trigger warning. I know it was supposed to be a caution for the readers who may not be able to handle those kind of topics, but it also has the ooh effect that made me go on and read more.
The snippet in the foreword was excellent. I like it! You chose the right one to cut, just please change your x border into something else. It's a bit unsightly. Otherwise though, I have nothing else to complaint about.
I'm Ready To Stab Your Characters Now: ☠☠
Great characterization, most especially on Jong Dae. You described his emotions accurately and his struggles were put into light ever so precisely. Suho and Kris' characters were commendable as well. So is observant little Sehun.
You didn't give much roles to the others but that's fine since you wouldn't want to crowd your twoshot with too much characters. It would just be clutter-y if you did that.
Are You Sure You Know What You're Doing?: ☠☠☠
The plot wasn't really new, and I've seen tons of eating disorder fics here in AFF. I guess what made yours a little bit better was your knowledge on the subject. I like that you were able to incorporate reality into your fiction and the emotions that comes along with it. Okay, actually, you lacked a little in the emotions department. I don't know if it was just me but I really didn't feel much for Chen throughout the whole ordeal.
Can I ask something though? Why did you use Chen? I think some other members were more fit to be the main. Like Minseok. Especially with his chubby cheeks and his love for steamed buns? He could've easily been the target of such jokes. Not that Bao Zi is fat! It's just that his cheeks are so...pinchable. <3
Hm, what else? Oh, the ending. The ending felt a little rushed to me. It felt like Chen was persuaded quickly by Minseok when they've only talked once (especially since Suho and Kris has been doing this to him almost all the time in-between the storyline.) Maybe a little more time for mulling and reflecting would've made the flow much more smooth.
Better Stay In School and Listen to that English Prof: ☠
What can I say? You're making it hard to get mad. Almost perfect grammar! A few missing articles (The, A, etc) and the like, but nothing major.
I Can See Why You Like Writing Better Than Arts: ☠☠☠
Poster is perfect! But no other effort was made to improve the overall appearance of fic.
*YAAAWNNNN* Meter: ☠☠☠
Good enough, but as I've mentioned before, it felt like it lacked emotion. It really didn't trigger worry, sympathy, shock, or pity in me. But I did read the other readers' comments...so I guess it was just me.
VERDICT: ☠☠ /☠☠☠☠☠
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