Your Story is Called What?!: ☠
Interesting enough, has drama and angst written all over it and appropriate for the story line. Good!

So this Thing Right Here...That's a Description and a Foreword...? You've Got to be Kidding Me!: ☠☠☠☠
Terrible description! It gives so, so much away!
As in I know that the girl will die, Kai will regret it...and all that .
Which is so cliche.
Not only that, you have some wrong grammar as well which could be a turn off to some potential readers and could work against you in bagging some prizes in the writing contest.
I strongly suggest you to revise your description, be creative, be mysterious, be neat. Besides, you can get away with just using a few lines. Trust me, you can do better.

I'm Ready To Stab Your Characters Now: ☠☠☠
Good characterization but not really great. You could work out more details to trigger more emotions in your readers.
On Jinmi: I somehow want more details on her sufferings regarding her illness. It would work better too if you showed her attempts to tell Kai about her secret.
These kind of scenes can help heighten the emotions of the readers when the time comes that Jinmi would be taken away from Kai.
On Kai: I honestly didn't feel that he's a truly loving boyfriend. Most people who are in love and have been with their partner for so long, can already distinguish if something's wrong with their other half and vice versa, right? Him calling her 'babe' or some other pet names is just a shallow part of love and doesn't really prove his love for her.
Good job on all that crying and him changing after Jinmi's death though, a believable reaction!

Are You Sure You Know What You're Doing?:  ☠☠☠☠
The plot was overly used and cliche. You didn't put in any twists to have made it stand out from everyone else's, nor did you write it in an exemplary way that would make most readers shed tears while or after reading your fic.

As I've mentioned before, details and proper scenes would have worked best for the genre you chose.
Scenes where they were just a normal couple and they were lovey-dovey then Jinmi experiencing some headaches and some more pains...Jinmi alone in a bathroom suddenly vomiting out blood. A flashback to a trip to a doctor where Jinmi first discovers she's sick. Kai debuting and having less time for her, them having less couple moments, her illness progressing to just more than the occasional headache and the hard coughs...
Do you get what I mean now?

Better Stay In School and Listen to that English Prof: ☠☠
I see some miniscule mistakes, some of the most obvious ones are in your description. WHICH IS REALLY, REALLY A MORTAL SIN. Go fix them now! You do know that the description/foreword is the first thing that your readers will scrutinize, right? You don't want to lose readers, do you?

I Can See Why You Like Writing Better Than Arts: ☠☠☠
Everything looks neat and proper, good poster but not spectacular.

*YAAAWNNNN* Meter: ☠☠☠☠
As I've mentioned before, I've read this type of stories so many times already and you really didn't bring anything new to the table...plus, you lacked details

so...try to improve on that at least.

VERDICT: ☠☠☠☠/☠☠☠☠☠