Mina.

I ing hated you when I met you.

You questioned things that I wanted to forget, you made me doubt my own memory, my own pain and the relive things that lived in my nightmares. I never thought, in a million years, that I’d be so protective of you. That I’d worry so much about you. That when I see you, I feel an unreasonable amount of pride. That you’d be willing to trust your life in my hands.

And I’m sorry that I let you down.

If I could go back in time, I would be there at 8PM. I would’ve stood in front of you if someone tried to attack you. But I can’t go back in time. I can’t fix this and it’s terrifying. I’m losing control and I don’t know how to do any of it without your help. You were the strong one.

I will make it up to you. I promise.

Please be okay.

Ayeon stared at the note that she had typed out on her phone, she wasn’t the best with words, she had been putting off writing letters for a while now. She looked over at Mina’s figure, laying on the hospital bed in front of her.

The colour had returned to her face, the doctor said that she’s had no complications and has been recovering well. Johnny had said the night was uneventful. It didn’t make Ayeon feel any better, though.

“I brought food.”

She glanced over at the door where Jaehyun had entered from, his hair was stuffed into a beanie he had found in his car and bags swinging from his fingers. She looked back at her phone, the words she had written sounded empty and awkward.

“I’m not hungry.” She muttered.

He reached his fingers out and touched her shoulder gently, “You haven’t eaten for over 24 hours.”

“I’m not leaving her.” She said firmly.

His fingers moved to her hair, combing the knots out of it, “You’ll be sitting right here.”

She said nothing and just hugged her knees closer to her chest. He just continued to work through her strands, “I also bought you some clothes.”

“What?” She asked with a frown, finally tearing her gaze away from Mina to look at him.

He held out another bag, “It isn’t much, I found a thrift shop outside, grabbed you a sweater and some joggers. You need to get out of the dried blood.”

His fingers reached for her bandaged cheek but when her entire body seized, he let them fall on her shoulder, grazing over her shirt. She reached out, squeezing his hand as she stared at Mina. Falling asleep from crying too much had changed something in her relationship with Jaehyun. There was no more hesitation, there were no more cautionary touches. He was the only thing that was keeping her from going ballistic and losing her mind. She needed to hold onto him more than she could make sense of it. So, her hands and fingertips found him naturally.

“Thanks.” She whispered.

He brushed his thumb against her knuckles, running his other hand through her hair when she rested her head against his side. “Of course. Did you change your bandage, detective?”

 “Yeah.” She breathed out.

He crouched down next to her, meeting her eyes, wincing at the heartbreak and pain reflecting back at him, “You should put on the new clothes and then eat, detective.”

“Alright.” She muttered, pressing her hands against her face before standing, taking the bags from him. Just as she was walking away, he reached out, gripping her arm, making her face him.

He gave her a small smile, “You’re not alone in this and Mina’s going to be nagging you any day now.”

“That’s not working on me today.” She muttered.

His smile softened, “I’m here for you.” 

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” She breathed out, before ducking into the bathroom.

The first thing she did was peel the bandage back and wince at the sight. It was still red and tender, but the scar was still horrifying. Her face was still sore and moving too much, sent pain shooting up the side of her head.

It truly was grotesque. 

Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, she took her time to take off every piece of clothing on her that was caked in dried blood until she stood in her bra and underwear. She stared at herself, the exhaustion evident in every inch of her body. She grazed her fingers across the old bullet wound scar on her shoulder and the purpling bruise on her side from when Mina’s attacker kicked her. She looked down at her feet, old discoloration from her ballet days when she’d live and breath in pointe.

She was just made of bruises and scars.

“Hey, Jinah called, I’ve got your phone.” Jaehyun called from the other side of the door.

Not thinking, Ayeon swung the door open and stood in front of him in her plain bra and underwear. Jaehyun’s eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat before he dropped his eyes to the floor, holding her phone out. He was still trying to recover from her in that dress, he wasn’t ready for this. But she didn’t take it from him, instead, she reached a shaking hand out and gripped his arm.

“Look at me.” She whispered.

His chest rose in rapid beats before he slowly pulled his eyes up, locking strictly on her face, “You’re going to get cold.”

“I’m broken. I’m just…there’s no love on my body. It’s all just purple and blue.” Her voice cracking.

His opened his mouth but nothing came out as she stared at him challengingly. He finally moved down her face, his frown growing with every scar and every painful shade. He reached out, skimming his fingers against the bullet wound on her shoulder.

“This one is love for your teammate, who you took a bullet for to try and save him.” He muttered, as she watched his eyes, entranced.

His hand ran down her side and she took a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering, unsure if it was out of pain or something else, as he traced the tense purple patch under her ribs. Her stomach flinched at how warm the tips of his finger felt against her chilling skin.

“This one is love for that young woman who you vowed to protect because believe it or not, you love Mina. Sh-She’s like your little sister, like family, and you take family very seriously.” His voice was wavering, and she wondered if she royally ed up, opening the door to him.

He stepped closer and her breath was shaky as he slid his foot, so it lined up next to hers, he had inadvertently brought their bodies as close to possible without touching. She was intoxicating in her proximity and he was certain that today would haunt his nightmares for a very long time.

“This one is for your love for dancing, love that was so strong that you put up with your father just to be able to do it.” He voice was so soft that it felt more like a caress.

He cupped the cheek that was covered up and met her gaze, “This one, is selfless. Ayeon, you are made of love. I--”

I love you.

“I hope you see that.” He whispered, scanning her eyes, swallowing his words that lodged in his throat.

He loved her.

He loved her.

. When did that happen?

She gripped his wrist and hissed at herself in her head, embarrassed at how insecure and vulnerable she had become. But she just stared at him silently until the door to Mina’s room opened, she nearly tripped over her feet to slam the bathroom door close.

Pressing her hand against her chest, she let out a long breath that came out more like a gasp that she had suppressed for years before shaking her head and pulled the sweater and pants on. When she stepped out, the doctor nodded at her and Jaehyun before leaving.

She looked at Jaehyun curiously who just nodded at Mina, “He said they’re keeping her sedated for a little while longer so that she can be up on her feet without irritating her wound.”

She nodded and picked up her phone that he had left on the couch, “Oh god, I need to call Jinah or So--”

“I already did. I got them up to date and told them not to come but they’re worried about your injuries.” He said. “How are you doing?”

Ayeon held her head in her hands, “I just need her to wake up. Once she wakes up, I can breathe.”

She looked up and watched him use a plastic cup to pour water into the little potted plant that he had given Johnny to place in Mina’s room. “It’s going to be the first thing she sees.” He declared.

Hours had passed and only a few words were shared in the room, but the knot in Ayeon’s heart unwound a fraction. Constantly staring at Mina had allowed Ayeon to realize that the girl really was alive, breathing and recovering. It began to feel real. And every now and then, when she’d hear Jaehyun cough or shuffle behind her, she felt balanced, like her feet had finally found their footing and were rooted to the ground.  

When the sun began to set, Ayeon looked over at Jaehyun who was curled up on the, one size too small, couch with a book and caught his eyes drooping as they fought back fatigue.

“You should go to sleep at the hotel.” She whispered. “It’s late.”

“Are you staying?” He asked, glancing past his book and up at her.

She nodded and he shifted to get more comfortable, “Then so am I.”

“You’re going to pass out and get a stiff neck like that.” She muttered.

He sat up and set his book down, “Then I dare you to keep me awake.”

“How?” She stood, moving to take the seat on the couch next to him.

He shrugged with a smile, “Tell me something so shocking that I won’t be able to fall asleep.”

She fell silent, staring straight ahead, but this time, she stared past Mina’s body and at the wall. He held his breath, thinking he pushed her too far, that he misspoke until she took a deep breath. She kept her eyes trained on the small abandoned spiderweb that clung to the corner of the ceiling.

“How about two truths and a li—”

“My father was abusive.”  

He froze, as she chewed in the inside of her lip, staring at the web as if she was solving a math problem, “I’m still not used to saying that. It sounds…weird to me, but it’s true.” 

She finally moved to look at him, but he just stared back at her, silent. She continued to ramble while Jaehyun listened silently to her recounting the very same tale she shared in therapy, but it felt different with him. He wasn’t psychoanalyzing her, and he wasn’t trying to piece her life together and although she relied on Dr. Lee’s sessions, this was a different kind of catharsis.

“I just…I don’t know, maybe that’s why I have this savior complex, maybe that’s why everything hurts ten times more. You spend 16 years watching your mom living under someone’s thumb unable to save her or stand up to him, it just shakes your faith in yourself. I feel like I need to prove that I can protect people, but I’ve failed over and over again. First my mom, then Soya, then Lucas and now Mina.”

She fisted the corner of her sweater, twisting it around her finger until it turned the tip blue, “I know…I know that this isn’t about me. I don’t know why I’m saying this now and I know that Mina getting hurt has nothing to do with me or my dad. I’m not the victim, here.”

“Except that you were a victim, Ayeon.” His voice was thick. “At one point in your life, you were a victim of your father’s, and I don’t think you ever got a chance to understand that feeling before you were