She woke up feeling sick.

It happened again.

It had been so long since the last time that she had forgotten what it felt like. She forgot the panic, the hysteria, and the cluelessness.

She couldn’t remember the night before. 

She out.

She remembered when meeting Kyung Gyu, asking him questions and leaving his house, but as she laid in bed next to Jaehyun, she couldn’t remember how she’d gotten there or what she did once she came home.

“You’re awake.”

She turned over and looked at Jaehyun who was blinking heavily with sleep heavy in his eyes. “Morning.”

He smiled lazily before reaching out to brush her hair out of her face, “We still have to talk.”

“About what?” She rasped uneasily.

His smile faltered as confusion flashed in his eyes, “I’m not sure. Last night you came here and said that you were too tired but when we woke you wanted to talk to me. Don’t you remember?”

Her mind raced, she couldn’t remember any sort of conversation like that with him, “Yeah, right. It was just about Kyung Gyu.”

She began rambling, filling him in from the events of last night that she could remember, deflecting his questions, pretending that the fear of missing chunks of her memory wasn’t debilitating. She was careful to not mention going to see Kyung Gyu personally, just telling him that a ‘source’ had provided her with information about him.

He knew she was acting odd, she could see it in how his eyes narrowed like he was more focused on watching her face than he was on listening to her. “Are you good?”

“What do you mean?” She asked with a weak smile.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“I’m fin—I’m doing okay. Just a little distracted.” She said with an empty laugh.

He blinked at her, “With?”

“It’s not important.”

There was a beat of silence, “Who was this source, again?”

She shook her head, lying, “A confidential informant.”

She begged her mind to remember getting in bed with Jaehyun last night, talking to him, telling them they had to talk but it was just a big question mark.

“This is why you left last night?” He mumbled.

She hummed in response, looking over his shoulder, unable to hold his gaze. He was silent for a moment before leaning towards her, “You left to meet with a confidential informant before they even contacted you with information? You didn’t get a single call last night; how did you know they had something to tell you?”

She tensed, not expecting him to think about it that deeply, “I knew he had information through the grapevine, I went to him before he got spooked.”

“Is that why you went to see Taeil?” He asked with a tilt of her head.

“Why are you asking me so many questions?” She barked.

His eye twitched but he fell silent, working through his thoughts before speaking, “Because I think you’re hiding something and that worries me.”

“You don’t need to know every damn thought in my head!” She muttered, panic crawling up , she wanted to stop herself, she wanted to stop sounding angry, he didn’t do anything wrong. But how was he supposed to expect the truth when she didn’t even remember events from last night?

He stared at her, stunned, “What?”

“It’s none of your business what I do and do not choose to tell you.” She cracked. “So, stop asking.”

His lips parted as he watched her, he had never heard that tone from her before. His voice was low, and his words were slow like he was sounding them out as he spoke, “Why are we fighting?”

“Jaehyun…”

“Why are we fighting over this?” He repeated softly.

The urge to cry was so strong because she didn’t have an answer to that question, she didn’t know. She didn’t know why she was so prickly and why he was getting the brunt of it. He was never pushy or demanding, she knew this. She knew him better than this.

She didn’t want him to see her tear up, she didn’t want him to feel guilty, she instead chose to climb out of bed and walk to her bathroom. She turned the fan and tap on and allowed herself to cry for exactly 30 seconds, forcing everything out as quickly as possible before composing herself and walking back out.  She could feel him watching her as she began gathering her things, her hands shaking.

“Where are you going?” He asked quietly.

She didn’t look at him as she headed to his door, “I’m going to work. I’ll see you later.”

She left and she made sure to leave her heart behind as well.

-----

Mina sat across from Johnny in a small café down the street from Ayeon’s apartment. He was nervously glancing around, she had to drag him out of the house, convincing him that nothing would happen to her in broad daylight at a coffee shop.

She was only able to convince him when she pointed out how he could finally get a hit of caffeine that Ayeon’s cabinets lacked. He was flipping haphazardly through a book with her ankle trapped between his, she smiled down at her computer, she liked things between them. Their relationship was slow and new, but it was all things good.

She looked back to her laptop, scanning an article from over a year ago. She soaked the details up, she remembered watching the news unfold and hoping that one day she would be able to break a story that big.

She eyed the byline Chae Hyungwon, Senior Editor. She had seen his name come up often, he was always at the heart of the most ground-breaking stories. It was where she wanted to be one day. 

Sighing, she pulled up the forum chat and sat up straighter when she noticed LuckyStar88’s username highlighted in green. They were online.

 [User1340ac92] I looked up cases about businessmen in the last few years. I found one big one. CEO Kim, but what does that matter? There’s no crossover.

[LuckyStar88] There’s no. They both have sons. Sons they’re willing to do anything for.

She switched back to the article, skimming it with her eyes. His son was currently being observed at a psychiatric ward. She moved back to the browser, fingers flying over the keys.

[User1340ac92] You think this is some nepotism case? The interim is pulling strings to save his son?

[LuckyStar88] Yeah

[User1340ac92] There’s no record of a son. He has no children

[LuckyStar88] That we know of.

[User1340ac92] Well, how do we find this information?

[LuckyStar88] No clue. Dig, I guess.

Mina chewed on the inside of her lip, thinking back to what Ayeon had said about one name on the list and it having to do with the Commissioner. Ayeon had gathered her and Jinah, Soya was trapped at work, and dispelled a wealth of information about the Commissioner and Kyung Gyu. They didn’t know how she knew so much because she kept avoiding questions about that.

She opened the list of names before scanning each name, her finger stopped at the name Lee Dong Jae that she had highlighted when Ayeon couldn’t find it in the database.

It could be him.

He could be the son and that could explain why he didn’t appear in any searches. She turned back to her conversation and typed out another message.

[User1340ac92] How do you know so much?  Who are you? I want to meet you.

[LuckyStar88] If I wanted to reveal myself, it would’ve happened already.

[User1340ac92] What does that mean?

[LuckyStar88] Means I have my reasons.

-----

Ayeon couldn’t tell if the day was long because time was just ticking by slowly or if it was because every minute of her day was spent fixating on the chunk of time missing from her memory. She had even gone as far as pulling out a small notebook and tracking her blackouts down.

There was no pattern, no link between her blackout, nothing to help her better understand what the was going on with her. It freaked her out that therapy wasn’t working because that meant she had no solution.

Was she really going to live her life going from day to day not knowing when her memory would lapse on her?

The fixation helped keep her mind away from Jaehyun and the numbness in at the recollection of walking away from him.

She dragged her body into her room after work and stilled when she found Jaehyun passed out, curled under her blankets like he was put on this earth for the sole purpose to live in her bed. She stepped closer in awe of the way his lips parted with steady breaths and his hair curled lazily over his brow. That disturbingly painful rock grew in as she basked in him. Suddenly, the fatigue in her body evaporated.

He was phenomenal.

Regret filled her body when she thought back to walking out on him, leaving him alone when all he wanted was to make sure she was safe. When all he wanted was the truth, which shouldn’t have been so hard to do. She hated the ugliness that crept out of her when she snapped at him.

Swallowing painfully, she moved into her closet, pulling her jacket off and tossing it to the ground before staring at her wardrobe. She was ripped from her thoughts when she felt warm fingertips brush the sides of her waist where her tank top had ridden up.

She let out a sharp and audible breath and turned before colliding into Jaehyun’s chest. The warmth was searing, still wrapped up in the heat of being tucked under blankets for hours.

“You’re up.” She stated plainly.

He didn’t smile but he pulled her in, keeping his eyes pinned on her, “Hi.”

She gulped, “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I talked to you like that last night. I was wrong.”

“Okay.” He mumbled before kissing her.

He had this way. This way of slamming her off her equilibrium by doing the smallest things. In the way he held her, how he could sense her in a room, how when he saw her, he would light up. Light up. It threw her off.

She wondered if he knew the power he had.

If he knew how steady on her feet she normally was and how he would be the one to trip her up just by saying her name. He kissed her slowly, lazy, taking his time with her, moving his hands down her back in a way that had her sighing against his mouth. He was perfection.

He pulled away with a slow drag of her lip between his teeth, “Remember what we agreed on when it came to not running away? Talking to each other when things got hard?”

“Right.” She said softly, panting. She dropped her forehead against the curve of his shoulder, “, I’m sorry. It was just easier to run. I shouldn’t have.”

His fingers danced down her spine and she shivered as he pulled her against him, “We’ll just keep trying at it. If you want to keep things to yourself, you can. Just be safe. That’s all I need. And I want you to know that I would never judge you for whatever you needed to do to get your job d