“And what about Detective Yoo?”

Jinah stilled, her fingers tightening around her notebook. She stared at the Commissioner, her skin crawling at the sound of Ayeon’s name out of his mouth. Nothing pained her more than these quarterly meetings. It shouldn't even be here, it should've been the Chief, but apparently being a lazy slag meant that you never had enough to report about, “I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”

“I hear she’s on leave…again.”

“She’s not on leave. She’s currently working off-campus.”

“Off-campus.” He repeated with a touch of reprehension.

She clenched her jaw, “Dr. Lee says she’s been making remarkable progress, she should be clear to return to the field anytime now.”

He chose to ignore her, “I don’t want the press spinning stories about our officers being unable to work out of their own precinct.”

Well what the do you want me to do about that? She wanted to snap, instead just remained stoic and nodded briskly, “Yes sir.”

“The press is quite taken with her, aren’t they?”

Jinah bit down on the inside of her cheek until she could taste blood. His tone shifted, he sounded like he was planning something like a rickety old lightbulb switched on over his head. She hated this, she made an effort so that Ayeon remained as low on their radars as possible, she kept her name out of meetings and dodged questions keenly, but this felt disgusting like a scheme was being plotted involving Ayeon but she couldn't figure out what it was. 

“The press has probably already moved on to the next shiny thing.” She kept her voice even.

The Commissioner said nothing and just gazed out the window, “And that reporter…is she still digging around?”

“No sir, my contacts have said that she actually no longer works with the paper, and seeing how the podcast is currently being reviewed, it seems that no one cares for it. She’s left us alone far as I can tell.”  

He clasped his hands behind his back, “For your sake and mine, let’s hope it stays that way.”

Jinah’s clenched her jaw and fought every urge to whip her file at his head, knocking the hair plugs straight out, “Yes, sir.”

“That’s all.”

Jinah stood for a second, stared at his back before flipping her middle finger at him and walking out.

-----

Ayeon couldn’t stop staring at Jinah and Soya.

There was something remarkable about their relationship. It was so strong like it would withstand anything that came its way. Beyond Soya’s bubbly nature and Jinah’s more skeptical one, they were both so in sync. The adoration for each other was unending like they would go to the end of the planet for each other. They trusted each other and would probably never hesitate to put their lives in each other’s hands.

She was at their house on the weekend, it was almost the only time they’d be more open with their affection when they weren’t at the precinct. Jinah was smiling at something that Soya was saying as she popped a wine bottle open, when Soya leaned closed, Jinah bumped their noses together, staring into Soya's eyes with a type of affection that didn't come cheap. Soya's lips parted as if it was she was falling in love for the first time before kissing Jinah sweetly on the mouth.

It was always the little things. Like the way Jinah would open their lunches, spooning them onto a plate and pulling out cutlery while Soya ranted about a ty day at work. Or like when Soya would say something small that would launch the both of them into a fit of laughter.

And it was the way they’d look at each other. Their eyes would just lock, and something would change, like there was something shared that only the two of them understood. She thought about how the two of the met. The pain, the fear, the trust, the reliance. The two of them had overcome so much to be where they were now. In love with nothing in their way.

But it never took long before the ugly thoughts crawled into Ayeon’s mind.

Her mom must’ve felt the exact same way, the love, the protection, as if she’d found her one true love. It all crumbled down around her, that man changed, he destroyed her. Ayeon stared hard at her two friends, what if one day she woke and one of them changed, one of them became controlling, poisonous, lecherous?

How would the other person know until it was too late?

Why risk falling in love when the pain can be irreversible?

“Ayeon?”

She flinched and looked up to see Jinah watching her, “Are you okay? Did you eat?"

She nodded and felt something unwind in her chest. No, Jinah and Soya were different, they were the exception and they were lucky. Ayeon had to be more worried about her self.

It seemed she was born under an unfortunate star.

-----

“I have a new question.”

Dr. Lee had gotten used to Ayeon arriving with questions. She wasn’t one to share, the exception about her dad not included, she would ask questions.

That’s how she would share.

“Shoot.” Dr. Lee said as she repositioned her glasses.

“Why do people fall in love?”

Dr. Lee paused, turning the question over in her head, searching for an answer herself. “Why did this come up?”

“I was just thinking about Soya and Jinah. How they met and fell in love. It turned out really well for them but what if it didn’t. After everything they’ve been through, why would they risk that? Why bother?”

Dr. Lee couldn’t move, stunned at the anger and animosity, “People often don’t choose to fall in love. It happens, sometimes quickly, sometimes over time.”

“So…you can’t stop it?”

She shook her head, “You can’t stop falling love but that doesn’t ever mean that you must act on it.”

“So…it’s a choice?”

It was dawning on Dr. Lee that romance and love were things that Ayeon never experienced in a natural way. It was never something she spoke about with her mom or father. Her father wasn’t exactly welcoming, and her mother probably had her own feelings that hindered her view on romance.

“It is a choice how we act on our feelings and how we reciprocate them. But it isn’t always a choice who we fall for or why we fall for them.”

Ayeon mulled her words over, “So why do people choose to act on it? Even if they’re in love. Why would they choose to give everything in their heart to someone who could throw it all away? You can’t…love isn’t guaranteed. It can fade.”

“You’re right. Absolutely right.” Dr. Lee admitted, “Love is not an easy thing Ayeon, there is a lot of risk and a lot of unknowns. People choose to be in relationships because they met someone who they believe is worth it. Worth trying with because there might be a chance that they’re the one that will last.”

Ayeon frowned, trying to make sense of it, “And if it doesn’t work…”

“Then you might have a broken heart for a while but eventually you piece it back together and try again.”

It was slowly making sense. “Hoping that it would stick?”

“Yeah.” Dr. Lee said with a nod.

“And you keep doing it until it does?”

She shrugged, “Some people do.”

“Can someone’s heart survive after being broken that many times?” Ayeon asked, curiously.

“You’d be surprised at how strong it is.” Dr. Lee said softly, “It takes an incredible type of bravery to give your heart to someone.”

“That…that sounds stupid.”

Dr. Lee couldn’t control the bubble of laughter that came out , “That’s true. It does. But bigger the risk, bigger the reward, some would say.”

“So, there’s no way in knowing if you’d be hurt by someone?”

There it was.

“Well, sometimes there are signs or patterns. Sometimes it’s in the way your friends might tell you that a guy looks sketchy or your gut will scream warning signs. Sometimes there are no visible signs. It’s terrifying, but there are good people in the world, Ayeon. People who love honestly, happily and healthily.”

Ayeon chewed on the inside of her cheek, “If we’re luckily enough, I suppose.”

“How have the letters been going?” Dr. Lee asked. 

Ayeon nodded, still distracted, “I’ve written one to Soya and one to Jinah. But those were pretty easy letters to write.”

“Who would you consider hard to write to?”

“Lu-Lucas.” She cleared .

Dr. Lee sighed quietly, “It’s good that you’re starting easy, work your way up. You’re doing really well, Ayeon. Just keep at your own pace. Even if you’ve run out of easy people to write to, just keep writing until you’re ready to write to someone more difficult.”

Ayeon nodded uneasily but knew it was for the best, “Okay.”

"Ayeon, have you ever been in love?" Dr. Lee asked. 

She shook her head, "I've never really dated. I've hooked up with a few guys, just a one-night thing but never anything more. I never had breakfast or went on dates...I-I that isn't normal, is it?" She whispered the last part like she was ashamed. 

"Everyone is different. Some of us feel more comfortable in long term relationships, some of us don't. There is no norm."

Ayeon looked at her hands, "But how do I know what I like when I've never been in a long-term relationship?"

"Why haven't you tried before?" 

Ayeon slowly curled her fingers into her palm, digging in with her nails, "My mom said