*Youngjae’s POV*

Queen Yoon, Bora, and my mother stood outside to send us off. Everyone was in a bad mood except for King Jung.

Only Jaejoong and I stayed out to say goodbye to everyone while King Jung and Daehyun remained in the carriage they were now going to share.

“It was nice seeing you again Youngjae.” Queen Yoon squeezed me. A soft smile grew on my lips, her presence was overly comfortable and calming. “Feel free to visit whenever you want. Afterall, we’re family now.” She beamed. I nodded and bowed before moving onto my mother.

“Goodbye my son. I will see you soon.” She gently kissed my cheek. All I could do was not. I was afraid to speak, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I’d break down and cry in her arms. And I didn’t want to do that. I smiled at her and gave her a final farewell hug.

Bora studied me carefully when I approached her last. I bowed in greeting. “Are you okay?” She finally asked. “You seem less energetic than yesterday.” She pointed out. I nodded. However, she wasn’t convinced. “If you’re fine, then say it.” She challenged. My eyes slightly widened but accepted the challenge. “I’m fine.” I forced another smile.

She folded her arms, “Do I need to tell Kikwang?”

“No.” I nearly panicked. “I’m just going to miss everyone. It happened all too fast.” I pouted. I hated lying.

The princess bought it and smiled, “Don’t worry. We’ll see each other next month. But write me if you ever miss me.” She winked, pinching my cheek. I only nodded, bowed one more time and climbed into the second carriage.

Jaejoong was already in the carriage, staring out the window. He muttered a hello as I took my seat across from him. I looked out the window waiting for us to leave. It was silent in the carriage, the atmosphere heavy. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I was afraid to upset him.

We didn’t leave until another few minutes later. I waved to my mother until we were beyond the palace walls.

I glanced every no and then to Jaejoong. His demeanor was down and less friendly than usual. He didn’t look angry, rather he looked sad and hurt. My heart sunk at this. I felt terrible. He looked so hurt the other night. He was taken by surprise. We all were.

And Daehyun. I couldn’t imagine how he felt. He loved Queen Jung. He didn’t talk about her much, but whenever he did his love was prominent. He always lit up at the thought of her. I couldn’t imagine the feeling of being told that I wasn’t my mother’s son but instead of someone I hate for years. He looked beyond hurt. He looked betrayed. I had never seen that expression from him…and it scared me.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should’ve told him. But Jaejoong would’ve been upset. But now Jaejoong is upset now and Daehyun is upset. Everything was going fine. Everyone was happy. But now everyone is hurting.

Maybe if we hadn’t gone to the wedding none of this would’ve happened. If we hadn’t gone to the Earth Kingdom everything would’ve been the same. This is my fault.

My eyes burned in realization. If I hadn’t wanted to see Kikwang, everyone would’ve been happy. “I’m sorry.” I apologized, tears filled the wells of my eyes. Jaejoong looked at me a bit surprised at my sudden apology. “I’m sorry that all of this happened. I’m sorry for making everyone unhappy.” Tears streamed down my cheek.

Jaejoong’s eyes widened, “Youngjae. What are you talking about? You did nothing wrong.” He said in shock. I shook my head. “this is my fault. If we hadn’t gone to the Earth Kingdom, none of this would’ve happened. We went because of me and now everyone is hurt.” My bottom lip quivered.

Jaejoong sat there in disbelief. “Y-Youngjae, that’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have gone. Now you’re hurt. Daehyun is hurt. He’s mad at you and King Jung. A-And I made things worse. You guys were supposed to be happy. A-And Sunghak is going to find out and it’s going to be a big mess. I’m sorry Jaejoong. I ruined everything.” I busted into tears. Now there’s no way Jaejoong and King Jung can be together. Daehyun and Sunghak will hate them for it. And I hurt Daehyun, and now he hates me.

Why am I so useless? I do nothing but make things harder for everyone.

“Youngjae.” Jaejoong sighed. “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. None of this is your fault. The blame is on King Jung and I. You were unfortunately thrown into the mix again.” He said. “But if I wasn’t thrown in everything would’ve been better.” I argued.

“Youngjae, it’s unfair for you to blame yourself. You were hurt too.” He said.

I cried harder at the thought. He was right.

I was scared when Daehyun got angry with me. But I had no right to be hurt.

Jaejoong noticed this and let out another sigh. He stood up and sat down in the space next to me. He rested his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay.” He said calmly. “I didn’t mean to make him upset.” I cried. “He was nice to me and all I did was make him mad.”

“You did nothing wrong. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have told you such sensitive information. That’s too big of a secret for me to expect you to keep.” He rubbed my back gently. I opened my mouth to protest but was cut off by a series of coughs.

I coughed into my sleeve, unable to stop. “Youngjae?” Jaejoong said concerned. I whimpered in pain, the coughs were much harder this time.

I leaned back in the cushioned seat when the coughing stopped.

“Y-Youngjae…” Jaejoong said in disbelief. He looked at me with wide eyes, staring at my arm. I looked down at my sleeve. I froze. There was blood on my sleeve.

“Youngjae.” Jaejoong spoke firmly. I looked at him. There was worry in his eyes, but his demeanor was stern. “How long has this been going on?”

“E-Ever since we got to the Earth Kingdom.” I confessed. There was no use in hiding it anymore. He looked surprised by this. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He questioned. “I didn’t want to worry you. You looked happy.” I said, wiping my tears away. “Have you been coughing up blood like this?” “No. This is the first time.”

Jaejoong sighed, “Youngjae, don’t worry about anyone else. Please take care of yourself first.” He said.

I didn’t say anything.

“Youngjae, promise me that you will focus on your health first. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to you.” He urged.

“I promise.” I gave in.

“Good. Now how do you feel?” He questioned getting straight to business. “My throat hurts.” I began. “Have your coughs always been this harsh?” “Yes. And I’ve been feeling a little nauseous and sometimes I feel like I’m going to vomit, especially when I eat.” I explained.

Jaejoong raised an eyebrow at this. He felt my neck and forehead with the back of his hand. “Your skin is cold.” He noted. “I feel fine. I don’t feel cold.” I told him. He nodded, “We’ll keep a close eye on your temperature. Let me know if you start to feel cold, or warm, or anything else.” He instructed. I could tell that he was suspicious about something, but I nodded anyway. “I’m going to stop the carriage and give you your medicine.” He said opening the window behind the drivers.

We stopped a few times during the trip. We stopped at a few desolate markets where Jaejoong and Kyungsoo bought new herbal medicines for me to take with my old medicines. However, none of them made me feel any better, it only soothed the pain for a few hours until my coughing started up again. This worried Jaejoong. He constantly asked how I was feeling. If I felt cold or hot. If I felt nauseous. If I had to use the restroom, which I did a few times.

I didn’t feel sick. I mostly felt nauseous and need to vomit a few times, and the coughing hurt a lot. But that was it.

Honestly, none of it felt as bad as the guilt and shame that I kept inside. I wanted to make it up to Daehyun. I wanted to at least apologize. But I know he probably doesn’t want to see me. Not once did he step out the carriage. Not even during our longer breaks.

I always watched out the window for him, but he never came out. However, whenever Jaejoong stepped out, King Jung also came out of their carriage. King Jung would always try to speak to Jaejoong, but Jaejoong pushed him away and avoided him each time. And to my surprise, every time Jaejoong pushed him away he looked hurt and returned to his carriage.

Jaejoong was pained being in the fire king’s presence. This made my heart sink further. Wheenever he wasn’t worrying about me, Jaejoong would sit there and think deeply to himself. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was he was thinking, but I didn’t dare to ask. I didn’t dare to ask him anymore questions.

We arrived at the fire kingdom in the middle of the night. Sunghak stood at the entrance of the palace, his hands folded behind his back. He greeted King Jung who stepped out first.

I waited inside the carriage, watching out the window. I was afraid to bump into Daehyun and make him angrier.

Sure, enough the fire prince stepped out the carriage. His hair was a mess and his clothes somewhat disheveled. He stormed into the palace, not even acknowledging his brother who greeted him. Sunghak looked at King Jung who only sighed and went into the castle. Still somewhat confused, the crowned prince followed the two inside.

“Your highness.”

I turned to see Yoseob standing at the carriage door. He gave me a small smile. “Jaejoong has instructed that I take you to the baths immediately.” He informed. “he-,” I looked around and saw that Jaejoong was no longer in the carriage. “Yeh.” I nodded and climbed down, out the carriage and followed him and Kyungsoo inside the castle.

They led me to the hot springs where a bath was already prepared. There were new soaps and oils placed in the bath. According to Kyungsoo, they were stronger and should cleanse any germs from the outside that may be causing me to cough and vomit.

I bathed for a couple of hours before changing into my night clothes. Jaejoong waited for me in my room, sending Kyungsoo and Yoseob away. “I have some procedures I want to go through to make sure everything is okay with your body.” He explained. Despite the warm smile on his face, it was obvious that he was exhausted. He’d been thinking hard for the past few days. And the incident the other night took a toll on him.

“I’m kind of tired. Can we do it another time?” I yawned. He seemed reluctant but gave in. “Okay.” He smiled, “I guess it is kind of late.

“Thank you.” I thanked, climbing into the comfort of y bed. “Good Night Youngjae.” Jaejoong said. “Good night.”

-

I overslept the next morning and didn’t wake up until Yoseob came in with my breakfast. Kyungsoo later came in and gave me my medicine. Afterwards I took another bath and returned to my room. Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to do anything. I wasn’t interested in going out. I didn’t want to look for any new books in the library. I didn’t want to leave my room. I didn’t want to do anything.

It was such an empty feeling.

I didn’t like it.

Yoseob stayed with me throughout the day, suggesting different things to do. He taught me a couple of fire kingdom board games, which were actually pretty fun. He even told me a little bit about his life before serving as a servant here. Apparently, he’d lived his whole life in the palace. His mother was a servant and his father was a knight. His parents were together long before King Jung put