C h a p t e r   34

A  e    S  o  o

It’s awkward...

VERY AWKWARD!

Why am I alone with these two?! And on top of that I can’t even break the silence because I can’t talk! This is where I’m supposed to talk! Where are you little ram?! Just please give my voice back! 

“What does it look like?” Luhan stops on his track and turns to me. As much as I wanted to talk I can’t Luhan.. “Use it.” I turn my head to the side in confusion and he chuckles. “Your power. Let me in your thoughts Ae Soo. I can hear it if I try.” Oh right! I can use that! Good thing Luhan’s here!! He smiles and I think he can hear the words inside my head so I describe what the little ram looked like. “I see. Okay then, let’s try to look for something like that.” I nod and smile in glee when I see Sehun staring at me. I wonder what’s wrong? “She’s wondering what’s wrong with you.” Luhan voiced out my thoughts for me.

“I don’t need you to tell me that. I perfectly know what that look means.” I gasp when Sehun grabs my hand all of a sudden and pulled me by his side. Is he mad? But why? I want to talk right now!! 

“Stop that. You’re making her worry.” I bumped to Sehun’s back when he suddenly stopped. Ouch.. my nose hurt.. “Are you okay Ae- what are you doing?!” Sehun pulled me again away from Luhan. 

I think I know now why he’s like this.. I turn to Luhan and smiled at him then told him to leave us for a while. He’s not that satisfied with it but he let us be. When we’re finally alone, I stepped in front of Sehun and peeked on his face. I hold his cheeks with both of my hands and smiled at him. 

“What? You think I can understand you now? I can’t, so stop staring at me like that.” I continue to stare and smile at him. I may not be able to talk right now but I want him to know that he’s the only one that I love and there’s no need for him to get jealous, though that’s just how he is and I love him for that. But as much as I want for him to understand how I feel, he’s too frustrated to do it. He takes a step back and releases my hold from him. “I’m sorry. I can’t understand or read your mind no matter how I try because I’m not like him. Let’s just find that ram and get your voice back.”

Walking ahead of me, I just stared at his back as he disappeared from my sight. I think what I may have done just know made the gravity of the situation even worse...

We continued searching and the sun is almost down when I finally caught sight of something familiar to me. The little ram!! I turn and I realize that I just unconsciously screamed that I saw the ram. I didn’t even made a sound. I sigh searching for Luhan or Sehun but I can’t find them. I turn back to the ram and see that he’s at the edge of the cliff. Oh, I have to get him now or I might lose sight of him again. Ah, I know! I walk slowly and sneaked behind him. If I just go carefully and grab him, I think it will be fine.

S e h u n

A ram does have a horn in it right? I grab my phone and searched for what a ram may look like just in case my memory is deceiving me because I haven’t got a sight of that little thing for three hours now! 

“Oh, so it looks like thi-“ My eyes widen when I saw a little ram in front of me. I must be running after it and scream in joy because I now have seen it but, Ae Soo’s there too. Only, they’re both approaching the end of the cliff. 

“AE SOO!!” I ran as fast as I could. She almost slip off the edge but I caught her. Before I knew it, we fell at the cliff and then down the the spring. “AE SOO?!! AE SOO WHERE ARE YOU?!” I scan my surroundings to look for Ae Soo when I feel a tug behind me. There she is... and she’s holding the stupid ram. I sigh in relief and my knees fail to support me. I hear her gasp and she holds me shoulders. Even if she can’t talk right now I can tell that I worried her. When I look up at her, she is looking worried so she holds my cheek. I grab her by her waist and held her close to me. “I’m starting to hate you in cliffs you know?”

“I’m sorry..” 

“Don’t be. At least you’re safe-“ my eyes widen. Did she just talk? When I release her, Ae Soo’s looking surprised as I am too. “Did you just talk Ae Soo?”

“I.. think so- oh my god. My voice is back!” I smile and pat her head.

“I guess it is.”

“My voice is back! Thank you little one!! Oh thank you so much!!” I’m glad she’s fine now. I watch her as she chuckle in glee and played with the ram. I’m really glad she’s okay... “Sehun?”

I squeeze her hand tight. “I’m glad I made it in time.. I’m glad I caught you before you fell in that cliff. I really am.” I feel her arms encircling around me and I hold her tight. “I’m really glad I did..”

“Mm. But even if you didn’t, I can fly now you know? So don’t you worry about me and the cliffs okay?” I chuckle and nod. But even though she can fly, I just have the cliffs to cross out for the million of things I worry about getting her hurt.

A  e    S  o  o

“Alright! Cheers!”

“Cheers!” We all said in unison. 

After finding the little ram and getting my voice back, the others caught up to us. They decided that it was worth celebrating so we headed to the nearest pub in the compound since we’re really not in the situation to go out if the Dragon clan’s vicinity. Everything is good but, I’m worried about Sehun. He’s been quiet ever since that incident when we fell on the cliff. I already told him that I’m okay. I wonder what’s wrong.

“Aren’t you drinking a little bit fast Sehun?” I watch from afar as Chanyeol tried to tell Sehun to do it moderately. I wonder what’s wrong? It’s making me uneasy..

“Something wrong?” I turn to my right seeing Luhan sit next to me. 

“Oh um, nothing. I’m alright.” I reply but I can tell my answer doesn’t satisfy him. 

“Okay.” His answer surprised me. Usually, he pry deeper until he’s satisfied but I guess it’s not that way. I turn back to where Sehun is but he’s gone.

“Oh? Where could he be?” I stand from my seat looking for Sehun and I find him sitting at the porch outside. “Sehun? Are you okay?” He doesn’t answer so I approached him and I think he’s quite drunk. He has his eyes closed as he leans on the wall behind him. “Sehun.. you’re drunk aren’t you?”

A smile grew on his face. “You really got your voice back. And it’s pretty. I’ve always missed that voice..”

“He is drunk. Too drunk. Geez this guy.”

“Oh, Chanyeol.” I smile seeing Chanyeol with a bottle of water on his hand. 

“Hey there Ae Soo. I brought him outside because he started mumbling things and I think he’s going to throw up.”

I chuckle. Sehun’s cute. “He must’ve got low tolerance on alcohol huh?”

“Well, yeah. It’s his first time drinking after all.”

I gasp. “He’s first? Whoa, I didn’t expect that.” We both laugh and watch Sehun chug the water down. 

“Ae Soo...” Sehun mumbles my name with his eyes still close but he opens his arms. 

“Hm?”

“I’m cold. Come here..” Chanyeol sighs but he has that smile of relief on his face. I flush getting embarrassed that Sehun just don’t mind publicly displaying his affection. This is a first. 

“I’ll get your jacket and put it on you so wait here okay?”

“Urgh.. no.. I want you.”

My eyes widen. The drunk Sehun really doesn’t have any shame huh? “Um, Sehun.. I think you’re drunk so let’s just go back ahead okay?”

“I want you... that’s why I asked you to marry me.” I freeze on my spot. Oh, so that’s why he got drunk. Because of that proposal. Why did I have to forget that of all things? His hand fell to mine then his eyes finally opened. “Do you not want to marry me?”

I know this question will come up sooner or later but I didn’t expect for it to occur now. “Is that why you drank today?” He didn’t answer and just stared at me while he squeezes my hand. “Sehun.”

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.. I get jealous, when you’re with other guys. I get anxious when you’re not around me because you might het hurt.. I get worried that one day you might disappear again. That’s why I want to marry you. I want to be with you Ae Soo. I don’t want you to smile because of other guys.. I don’t want you letting another guy into your head just because you can’t talk. And I especially don’t want you disappearing in front of me just because you’re hurt..” He looks at my hand and squeezes it again. “I hate all of that.”

I smile but at the same time feel bad for making him feel this way. I didn’t realize he’s feeling this way all this time. I reach out and pull him towards me, letting his head rest on my chest as I brush my hand behind him. Chanyeol gestured me that he’ll go to give us space so I nod and mouthed him a thank you. 

“It’s not like I don’t want to marry you Sehun. Believe me I want to marry you just as bad as you do. But, there are a lot of things going on inside my head right now and I don’t want to marry you because my life is a mess okay?” He moves back and looks at me. His eyes are a bit drowsy and I think that’s so cute but he’s still trying his best to be able to look at me. 

“Then why did you say no? You could’ve just told me.”

“How? I don’t want to hurt your feelings because you seem to be looking forward for my answer that time. But I think I made it worse huh?”

“Ae Soo..”

I smile and rest my forehead with his. “Can I also tell you another thing?” He nods. I’m still unsure if I should tell this at his current state but I might as well do. “Are you sure you really want to marry me? Even though we might not have kids in the future.”

I guess what I said just now made him a but sober that it made him able to sit up straight. “Is that what’s bothering you when I asked you to marry me?” I give him an uneasy smile and nod. “Oh god. Ae Soo no, I’m still willing to marry you even if we don’t have kids!”

“Then, what if-“ I stop myself from asking the next question. Because if I do, I might break us both. It’s just a what if anyway so I just smile and release a breath. “Okay then. I’ll marry you.”

He stares at me for a while then his eyes slowly started to widen. “Come again?”

I laugh and held his cheek. “I said, okay. I’ll marry you Sehun.” I stare at him waiting for his reaction when he’s cheeks are slowly turning red. Whoa, I.. didn’t expect that.

“Oh... uh, okay. T..Thanks.” 

“M..Mm.” I guess we both realized what happened that it made us both embarrassed. Sehun clears his throat and stands. 

“He..Here.” 

“Uh yeah.. thanks!” I grab the hand that he offered to me and he pulled me up but I think he pulled me too much that it made me stumble on his chest. My hand accidentally landed right where I can feel his heartbeat and it’s beating so fast. I look up to him then to his chest. Can he even breathe properly?! “Uh, Sehun, are you-“

He takes my hand then looks away. He then starts walking without even looking at me. I guess he realized what I just felt his heartbeat and got embarrassed.. well this is embarrassing because both of us aren’t saying anything! Is that how usually proposals go? The guy asks then the girl says yes and then they’re off back to normal? But I don’t think this is normal! We kept on stuttering on our words earlier and now we’re too agitated to even say anything.. oh no, what should I do? At this rate, “....here.”

“Huh?” When I snapped back out of my thoughts, we’re back home and inside my room. 

“I said we’re here.” 

“Oh.” Oh, we’re back. Since when? Was I too preoccupied of my thoughts? “Um.. okay.”

“Mm...” I wait for him to leave but he’s not leaving. When my eyes reached Sehun’s face, he’s even redder than earlier. Seeing him this embarrassed is making me feel like a mirror of his emotions. I then feel him squeeze my hand and I think I just need a breather. “Ae Soo...”

“Y..Yeah?”

“What are we doing?”

“I..I don’t know..” we’re not moving and just standing at the middle of the room but I can feel it.

Our hands are hot.

I stare at Sehun’s hand that’s holding mine and it made my heart beat even faster. Then, I look at Sehun and he’s biting his lower lip then releases a breath. “I should uh.. go. I might..” he choked on his words then clears his throat again. “Well, goodnight.” The moment he releases my hand made me feel empty. I don’t know why but I just do. Before I knew it, I am holding on to him. “Wah- Ae Soo?!”

“I.. don’t want you to go.”

“No. Please don’t say that Ae Soo. I really am having a hard time too so-“

“It’s okay.” He was silent for a while and I felt his body tensed up. “Sehun?” He steps away from me again then faces me with one hand on his mouth. His eyes slowly met mine. 

“I’m asking you again, are you sure? It’s been a long time after all.”

“M..Mm.” He swallowed and then releases and breath. “Sehun?”

“Close your eyes.”

“Huh-“ I choked on my breath when he takes a step towards me. Then another.. and then another until my back bumped on the wall. He places one hand on the side of my head then the other on my waist pulling me close to him. 

“Are you okay with me doing it with your eyes open?” He said with a low voice as he lean close slowly. I don’t know why but my eyes won’t close and I’m just standing and staring as he leans close to kiss me. “Ae Soo.”

“Hm?”

“I love you.” After he says those eight letter word his lips brushes mine as he kisses me. My eyes started to close and I feel his lips brush mine that made my knees weaken. “Hold on to me.” Him whispering those on my ear with a low voice made me even weaker and now I’m panting. 

“S..Sehun..”

“Yes?” What’s happening right now? It seems like today’s different from any other day. When he lowers to kiss my neck, I gasped for a breath and moaned. “Did that felt good?”

I feel my cheeks burning from embarrassment right now. “Don’t ask..”

 He chuckles and pulled me even closer. “Why?”

“Ah... Mngh..” My body shivered when his hand slowly went under my shirt as he touches me.

“I love it better when you’re in a dress. It makes everything easier.” I felt my bra getting unhooked and it made me gasp. What’s happening right now? It’s not like this is our first time doing it.. Sehun seemed to realize what I’m thinking and smiled. “You feel it too? Like everything’s different when I touch you right now?” I nod. “Me too. Let me kiss you again.” He leans again for a kiss. My hands unconsciously reach for the hem of his shirt as I take it off him. When he leans again, he’s kissing me with much hunger and I can taste the beer that he drank earlier that it made me smile. “What?”

“Won’t I get drunk with this? I still can taste the alcohol in you.”

He chuckles then kisses me quick. “Then get drunk with me.” I chuckle and placed my arms on his neck as we kiss. His hands slowly crawl from my waist to my legs then he carries me to the bed. He crawls on top of me then stares at me for a while. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“It is different...” he mumbles then his hand meets my neck then lowers to kiss me again. “It’s different because it’s been a long time since I touched you like this.”

I smile and hugged him tight. He rests his head on my chest then I feel him hug me back. And then, I feel something. He’s crying. “Sehun.” I sit up looking at him then he smiles as he touches my cheek. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head then pulls me towards his chest as I feel him hold me tight. Something’s wrong and he’s not telling me. I want to know but I don’t want to push him on telling me so I just hug him back. “I just.. I’m scared that what if something happens again? I don’t think I can take anymore of it. One moment that you’re gone, you’re in danger. Your life is in danger. There’s a time that I thought you’re dead. What if that prophecy really is true? What if me being around you just causes you to be in danger?”

I’m also at the verge of crying now but I push myself to be strong. Because if I break right now, nothing can pull us up again. “So? What will you do? Will you leave my side?”

He shakes his head. “No. I won’t ever leave your side. If that really is true then I’m going to try my best to save you every single time.”

I smile then wipe his tears. “There you have it.” I kiss his forehead. “Even if you don’t, I’ll go and chase you everywhere you go anyway.” He chuckles. I caused Sehun to be anxious. I know he is because he’s secretly taking pills whenever I am not around. He says he’s sad but I wonder why he’s not telling me about it? “Can I also ask you one more thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Sehun, what have I missed?” His expression changed for a while but then it softened.

“You knew huh?” I don’t answer and just smiled warmly at him. I don’t want to push him to tell me but I want to try. If we’re going to spend our lives together, I want to be that someone who he can trusts. He pulled me towards him and hugs me as he talks. “It was Chanyeol hyung who told me to go. He has a friend who works as a psychiatrist. But you know that we can’t go to hospitals right? So he just asked him a favor to meet me. It’s just a while after I met you again. The day when I break through the barrier. He told me that I might have an anxiety disorder. When I got back home, I can’t seem to sleep without knowing that you’re fine. That maybe something happened to you or if you’re hurt. Chanyeol hyung noticed the change in me so he told me to meet his friend so I did. He told me that I have to accept that what’s making me sick is that thought that you’re away and I have to stop thinking that you’re in trouble. But you know what? I can’t accept that I’m sick because I can’t stop the thought that one day you might be really in danger. That your life is in danger and it’s my fault.”

I chanted Don’t cry Ae Soo. Be strong. in my head a lot of times as I listen to Sehun but it didn’t work. It’s too much for me to handle and it’s very painful. Everything is clear now and I don’t know what to say. Instead, I face him and gave him a kiss. He then rested his head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry... I really am..”

“It’s okay Ae Soo. This is why I don’t want to tell you because you’re going to blame yourself. But don’t okay? It’s not because of you.”

I know he’s only saying that to be nice but I already know the truth. He’s sick and it’s because of me. “Still, I’m sorry..” he gives me a warm smile and kisses me on my temple. “I won’t go away. I promise you that.”

That’s what I’ve said but we didn’t know that my promise will be broken sooner than we expected.