C h a p t e r   17

A  e    S  o  o

The moment Sehun stops talking, I’m frozen all over. I try to process what he said just now and the words you can see your mother replayed in my head. I know that he’ll be saying those words sooner or later but I refuse to accept it because I’m scared. I’m so scared to see the bond that I broke just because I was born. I’m crying right now and my tears are making it hard for me to see Sehun clearly but I know he’s looking at me. He’s trying to share the pain that I’m feeling right now.

“I want to see her but..I’m scared.” I feel his hands against my cheeks as he wipes the tears away from my eyes. He keeps doing it even though it’s useless.

“Why are you scared?”

I sob harder this time because it’s hard for me to let out the words out from my mouth. “I’m scared to see how happy my Dad is with Mom... I’m scared to see the bond that I destroyed because of my existence...” 

“Isn’t that more of a reason to see her?” I look at him in confusion. I don’t get where he’s going. “You need to see what you’re afraid of so you can face it. The more you face it, the higher the chances are of mending it.” His words immediately stopped me from crying. I don’t know what to say. He gives me a smile and kisses me quick. “You won’t be alone. I’m going to be here with you.”

He wipes the last tears my eyes had to shed for now and smiled. “Alright..” I reply and hold on to the flower. 

“Just close your eyes and hold on to my hand. Think what you really want to see and you’ll see it.” 

I did as he told me to and think about my Mom. I think about how Dad is when he was still with her. I think about what his reaction was when they first found out about me. And I also think about how he reacted when my Mom had me. Strands of colors appeared in front of me and Sehun. The strands of colors suddenly formed into a picture. A picture when there is a woman beside my Dad. He’s smiling so much and I’ve never seen him like this before. 

“Oh my god! How did you do that?!” The woman laughs hard as she watches Dad throw stones and it hops across the lake. “Show me!”

“I showed you thrice already.”

“Fourth time’s the charm.”

“I believe I heard that was supposed to be the third.”

“Oh just show me Se Jong!” Dad chuckles and grabs another stone. He faced sideways and throws the stone. They both watch as it hops on the water. 

“Okay, I’m going to do it again.” The woman grins. She faces sideways and throws the stone hard. I think she’s aiming for it to hop like Dad did it but it just sank as soon as it made contact with the water. “Ugh!” 

Dad breaks into a ball of laughter then grabs the woman beside him. “Just accept it Ae Ra. I can do this for a lifetime if you just want to watch rock hop across the water.”

Ae Ra.

He called him Ae Ra.

That woman is my mother. It’s Mom. So she looks like that. She’s so pretty. “Oh my god..It’s my Mom..” My knees weaken and Sehun holds me from behind as he supports me as I cry but doesn’t say anything. 

Mom and Dad sits at the edge of the rock as they let their feet touch the water. “It’s cold!” Mom giggles as she dips her feet in the water. I love Mom’s laugh. It makes everyone around her do too and it instantly takes my tears away. She sits in between Dad as they watch the sun come up. “Hey Se Jong.”

“Hm?”

“Why’d you marry me? Hyunjin’s pretty too. Is it because I’m a Gumiho? Or the fact that your family arranged for our marriage?”

Dad rests his head on hers and looked far. He’s holding her like he doesn’t want to let her go. “You know I don’t like how things are planned to me which is why I don’t listen to everything they say. But you, you’re one thing that I am thankful for. I hate spontaneity but you made me love it. I hate to be a happy go lucky person but you made me love one.” 

Mom chuckles. “Oh god, I just can’t get enough when you talk sooo cheesy.” 

Dad smiles. “I don’t know actually. I guess when I finally gave up that I can’t make my road to take as an heir, you helped me get back on my feet again. And the more I get to know you, the more I can see my life with you.”

His words make my Mom excited. She turns around and faces him. “And what’s that like?”

“Let’s see.” He holds her hand and plays with their fingers. “The moment I fell in love with you, I see myself marrying you, giving you this ring, then we’re sitting at the deck porch and watch the waters as we plan on what to do with our marriage. Then we’re going to have kids. I think I may want a boy first then a daughter because I want him to protect his sister if ever we’re not there for them. I want a daughter because I want her to be exactly just like you. Pretty and outgoing, elegant but carefree. Then we’ll watch them as we grow up. I think I’ll want us to go on a picnic near the lake.” Dad chuckles and continues. “Then maybe we’ll play with skipping stones again and they’ll be good at it. Then we’re going to grow old together. Yep. That would be great. We have a great future ahead.”

Mom smiled but I can see the sadness in her smile. I guess Dad’s too preoccupied with the future that he dreamt of that he didn’t notice Mom’s painful smile. She knows that Dad’s dream for the future is going to stop the moment Mom gives birth to me. Instead, Mom looks at her and holds his chin giving him a sweet long kiss. “I love it. Except for the skipping stones part. I wish just one of them would be bad at it so that our kid can console me if that happens.”

Dad laughs and kisses Mom again. “Even if they’re both good at it and they’ll laugh at you, I will still be there to kiss you and take your embarrassment away.” 

I shut my eyes closed as I sink on the ground. It’s so hard to watch. They’re just too perfect. Too happy. 

“Ae Soo, you can’t stop. You have to look.” Sehun kisses the back of my head and helps me up again. When I open my eyes, we’re at the different picture. And in this picture, I’m there with them.

“So? What was it?” Mom leaves the bathroom with Dad sitting at the bed with his hands pressed together. She’s frowning. Dad stands up and hugs her tight. “It’s okay. We can always try again.” In the midst of Dad trying to comfort her, she suddenly started laughing so he releases her and looks at Mom with a confused face. “Ae Ra?”

“I gotcha! I’m pregnant!” Dad processed Mom’s words for a minute and then carries her in joy as he spins Mom around.

“I’m going to be a Father?!”

“Yes! You’re going to be a Dad!!!!”

“Damn I love you!” He chuckles and kisses Mom in repeat as she giggles. 

I feel Sehun hold me tight as he squeezes my shoulders, giving me courage to continue watching all of this. But my eyes failed me as it shut close as I cry again. I’m happy and devastated at the same time. Dad was happy when he knew that I’m going to be coming to their lives.. so happy and I broke that happiness for him. When I open my eyes again, it’s starting. I just wished I didn’t close my eyes. I just want to see them happy forever. 

“Did you just said what I didn’t wish you said?” Mom holds Dad’s hand but he refuses to look at her.

“We have to let her go Ae Ra. You can’t give birth to that!”

Mom started crying. She’s holding on to her stomach likes she doesn’t want the child inside to hear what Dad is saying. “Look at me.” She whispered and holds on to Dad’s cheeks as they both cry. “You’re going to be a Dad Se Jong. You have a future planned for us right? We can’t do that without our child.”

“I have that planned with you not for that kid!” Dad holds he hand this time. “We can be happy without a child Ae Ra. We’re happy now. We can be for the rest of our lives! We can let go of our responsibilities as heirs of this ing clan of ours!”

Mom cries harder and shuts her eyes closed as she cries. “This child is yours.. I want to bear your child Se Jong. I want to be the mother of your child. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“I don’t want it if it means losing you.” Dad walks out of the room leaving Mom crying all alone. She’s holding on to her stomach as she did. 

“No.. Mom!” I run close to her and was hoping that I can at least touch her but no, my attempts are just futile. So I just stayed beside her as we both cry. “Mom.. don’t cry.. please... Mom... I’m right here.. please look at me.. M..om..” I’m crying hard in front of her and it’s so painful. My eyelids are getting heavy but I don’t want to close them yet. I want to watch Mom as she holds me even though I’m still inside her. 

“I’m sorry Ae Soo. That’s just your Dad worrying okay? He loves you so much so it’s okay. I know he’ll take care of you even though Mommy’s not beside you.. You are my sweet little angel Ae Soo. Mommy will let you see how amazing this world is so there’s no need to worry okay? You’ll let Daddy be happy with you right? Make him happy for me okay?” Mom holds her tummy tight and forced a smile even though she’s crying hard as I am. “You’re the love of my life honey. Mommy will always watch over you and love you.” I don’t think I’m breathing right now because it’s so hard to do so. I know I have one more thing to see but I don’t think I can. I gasp for air and hold on to Sehun. 

“M..Make it stop. I don’t think I can see any more. PLEASE STOP IT!” Sehun holds me close and I watch him burn the flower along with Mom’s illusion as she cries holding her stomach. “I can’t cry anymore.. I don’t want to cry anymore! Make me stop Sehun.. make.. uhmf!” I bit on to my arm as I try to distract myself with the pain I am feeling right now. Sehun grabs my arm away from me and kisses me. His kiss is slow and he’s holding me tight. When he thinks I’m out of breath, he releases me and I sob on his chest.

“I ruined it.. the perfect future that Dad wanted to have.. I ruined it for them..”

“Ae Soo, look at me.” He holds my cheeks making me look at him. “You didn’t ruin anything. It was not your fault. Your Mom wanted you. Your Dad wanted you. They didn’t want anyone out of the picture. You were there from the start. But it was your Mom’s fate and it was inevitable.” I feel his hand shake as he talks and I know he’s scared that what we just saw may happen to us too. “And I’m not letting that happen to us either. I’m going to find a way where we can be happy with our children Ae Soo. You’re going to be a Mom. An amazing Mom in the future like how amazing your Mom is and I’m going to make you hold our child and we will watch them grow up Ae Soo. I will make that happen.”

I haven’t made any good decisions with my life but I think I just did. It was a good decision to face my fate and let Sehun take me as his bride. He’s the greatest guy that I’ve ever met and I will love him until my last breath.

S  e  h  u  n

Ae Soo looks broken the moment she stopped crying and I'm the one who made her feel that way. I watch her as she sleep peacefully in my arms. I help her change before she goes to bed and it's so hard watching her look so listless after that crying. I feel so sorry for making her feel that way but I wanted her to see how much her Mom loves her and it turns out that her Dad loves her too. He loves her so much that hatred grew within. I pull the covers up for us and kissed her forehead. I notice that there's no water on her room and I know she's going to need it when she wakes up. I carefully pull my arms away from her head where she's lying down and headed out to get some water for Ae Soo. On my way back, I ran into the last person I wanted to see right now. Her father.

"Good evening." I say.

"Good evening." He replied duplicating my greeting. I'm even frustrated right now that he didn't even made an effort to think of something to add on that reply of his. He seem to notice my heavy stare. "It looks like you have something you wanted to say to me."

"I am not the type of person who regrets his decisions and actions but I guess I am regretting one right now. I should've hit you with that arrow when I first aimed it." What I am saying seem to have picked his interest because he's facing me right now instead of the moonlight. "I hate you for putting Ae Soo in a hard state right now but I can't help but to understand your position. You loved her Mother so much that you even chose to push away your very own child. I hate that I get you! I hate that there might be chances that I can't make Ae Soo hold our own child! I hate that there might be a possibility that I end up not having our child! But one thing's for sure. I am sure as hell won't end up like you." 

I walk across him but his voice made me stop on my tracks. "I don't know what you did, but it's rude to step on someone else's past kid."

I give him a laugh. "I didn't step on just someone else's past. I just want to help Ae Soo face her future head on and that I won't let her face that alone."

A  e    S  o  o

I wake up feeling refreshed and tired at the same time. This is so ironic on so many levels. When I turn to my right, I see Sehun fast asleep with one of his arm around me. He got a glass of water ready for me just in case I wake up. I smile at his sweetness but I hold back on touching him because I don't want to wake him up. It's still early and by the looks of him, he tried to stay awake just in case I wake up but he didn't make it. 

"Thank you." I whisper. I had the urge to take a walk outside so I carefully got off the bed without waking him up. I know I'm supposed to go on a stroll but I ended up going to my father's room. It's still five in the morning and I don't even know why I am here this early. My hand moves to a fist, attempting to make a knock when the door opens. I gasp in surprise but our eyes met. He doesn't seem to be surprised seeing me. "Oh, um.."

"What do you want?" The moment I heard his deep dark voice, all the memories that I saw last night became incredibly vivid again. He was once so happy. He was once so perfect with Mom. But, I did this to him. I broke him. "If you just went here early in the morning to annoy me with those tears, then shall I cut you off?"

His rudeness is still the same but I wonder why it doesn't affect me now? Is it because I know what he's like in the past? How soft hearted he is? How much he smiles warmly whenever he looks at Mom? "I actually, um... I saw it. Mom and You. In the past.." My voice is starting to shake. Just me saying Mom out loud makes me want to tear up. "I know I am not supposed to say it but I want to.." I force a smile and look at him even though I can't see him clearly with these tears on my eyes. "She was so so so pretty Dad. And her laugh, it was amazing. Like it's making everything alright just by watching her being happy.."

"Shut up."

I ignore his words and I know he's getting angry at me. "It was so perfect. Looking at you both was so perfect Dad. And I understand why you hated me-"

"I SAID SHUT IT YOU INSOLENT KID!!" He raises his hand and slapped me on my cheek until I am on the ground but I still don't stop. I hear footsteps coming. It's Uncle and the others. They started to hold Dad back and I can see bloodlust from his eyes. 

"You loved her so much Dad and I ruined that happiness for you." I look at him and see sadness in his eyes. When I bit my lip I can taste my own blood. "I'm sorry for that.."

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP! I'LL KILL YOU SO YOU WOULD-"

"I KNOW THAT!" My sudden rise of voice surprised everyone. "I know that.. But I'm not giving up on you just yet.. When you walked away from her that night, she was talking to me.. As if she knows I can hear all of her words Dad.." I gather up all my courage to look again even though my whole body is shaking in fear. "I won't leave you alone.. Not until I see you happy again. If that time comes, then I'll let you kill me Dad."

He looks at me wide-eyed and I smile at him. When I turn, I see Sehun looking at me and he smiled. He walks closer grabbing my hand and pulled me with him until we're back at my room. He comes back with a first aid kit on his hands and started tending my wounds. "You look amazing back there." He says while staring at my bottom lip. "You look beautiful and you're the bravest person I know." I smile nodding and throw my arms around him as I break in tears. "You did well Yang Ae Soo. I'm sure your mother is smiling right now."