I roll over, glancing at the time on the clock on my nightstand. I smile, remembering the events of last night. Jisoo and I ended up in the park. We swung on the swings for a while before we walked down to the wishing well about both tossed in a coin. We didn't have to ask to know what the other wished for.

 

I close my eyes, taking it all in. I never imagined that I'd come home and bump into a girl as amazing as Jisoo. She's changing me... bringing me back to life in a sense. I don't think I've smiled, laughed or enjoyed myself this much since the beginning of senior year. My mind instantly taking me back to a place I wish it wouldn't.

 

"I'm dancing like a penguin Rose look!" Jiwon shouts over the music as he opens his stance wide, his feet pointing out and he moves from side to side. He looks ridiculous. Rose and I both laugh at him and in his drunken stupor he probably thinks he looks good.

 

"You're never gonna get a girl dancing like that!" Rose shouts. Jiwon stops dancing, moving closer to her.

 

"I don't want a girl, I want you." Jiwon slurs his words. Rose's breath hitches as my eyes go wide.

 

"What?" Rose seems to sober up a bit to ask.

 

"I want you Roseanne Park. Can't you tell?" Jiwon tries to balance himself as he declares his love for the girl he's liked for almost five years. I stand back, watching the scene unfold in front of me. Rose looks genuinely dumbfounded. It could be the amount of alcohol she's consumed or she might have really not known. But how could she not know how easy it is to fall in love with her? Her sassiness, her inability to lie to you even if she knows the truth will hurt your feelings. There's nothing about Rose that isn't loveable.

 

"Jiwon I-"

 

"Don't you dare tell me you don't feel it." I don't know why I'm subjecting myself to this right now. I should just leave. Just walk away. But I can't, something is keeping me rooted in this spot. I watch as Jiwon moves closer to her, I know what's about to happen. I know what he's going to do. He's going to kiss her and as much as I want to stop him right now I can't. I can't because she doesn't know. She doesn't know how I feel and that's my fault. But I can't watch this. I need to leave.

 

As Jiwon moves in for the kill I close my eyes, the sharp intake of breath hurting my chest. I can't be here, move Lisa. Walk away. Just go! I open my eyes, pulling myself away from them.

 

"Lisa wait!"I think I hear Rose shout, but that can't be, because right now her lips are being dominated by a set that aren't mine.

 

I shake my head, forcing the memory to stop. I can't go back there! I just got a little bit better. I bite my lip as I mull over a way to make sure my negative thoughts don't consume me. I reach over to my nightstand grabbing my phone. A small smile appears as the other line picks up.

 

"Good morning." Jisoo's voice fills my ears and every bad thought that I had just floats away.

 

"Morning." I reply as I sit up against my headboard. It's only seven-thirty in the morning but I can tell Jisoo's been up for some time by the tone of her voice.

 

"Why are you up so early?" She questions as I hear papers rustling in the background.

 

"I was gonna go for a run." That's not entirely a lie. Now that I'm up I am gonna go for a run.

 

"Ah ok going over hills and over dales, hitting those dusty trails?"

 

I erupt in laughter and shake my head at the wit on this girl. "Yeah rolling along with those caissons and such."

 

She laughs and I feel like I'm the funniest person in the world.

 

"Are you going to run around your spot or where you fell the other day?" She asks seriously and I grunt in embarrassment.

 

"Really you have to bring that up? Do I have to remind you about your freak out regarding my barely there scrape?"

 

She tuts and I have to bite my bottom lip to control the size of my smile, any larger and I fear my cheeks will tear from the inside out.

 

"Well next time I'll let you suffer." She says airily but I know that won't be the case should I never scrape anything. I answer her question after our little quip fest. She informs me on her morning and tells me how she went surfing this morning.

 

"I got a little beat up by the waves it's been some time since I've been out there. Took me a minute to get my legs back but once I did it felt good."

 

I smile for her because I can tell she's genuinely happy. I feel like I'm to her what she's been to me even though I haven't really done anything. In fact I feel a little bit selfish acting like I'm the only one who has lost someone close to them. I try to think of a way to repay Jisoo for all her generosity and sweetness. I'll make sure to ponder on that one because it's got to be something special.

 

"So do you?"

 

"Huh?"

 

I must've spaced out and she just giggles. "Want to learn to surf?"

 

"With the fish?!" I ask in horror.

 

"No don't worry I'll tell them not to come near you." She replies easily and we fall back into our banter.

 

 

"Hey ma." I greet my mother as I take a seat on the stool. She places a smoothie in front of me before kissing me on the forehead.

 

I glance down at my smoothie. Confused at how my mother knew I was awake and to make me a smoothie. "How did you-"

 

"I heard you get up." She cuts me off and smiles as she walks around the counter.

 

"Someone's in a good mood." I smile at her, taking a sip of my smoothie.

 

"I'm always in a good mood." She shrugs, going back to putting up the groceries. "Going for a run?" I nod, continuing to sip my delicious beverage. "I'm cooking lamb chops and greens tonight, will you be eating?" She turns to look at me with a raised brow.

 

"Yes mom." I tell her, hopping off the stool with an eye roll. "I'll be home for dinner."

 

"Maybe you could invite your friend Jis—"

 

"Nope." I cut her off. That's not gonna happen. No way no how I'm going through that with my parents again. My mother chuckles as I step around her to place my now empty glass in the sink.

 

"Oh!" She pops up from a bag she was grabbing something from on the floor. I quirk a brow and wait for her to continue. "I saw Rose's mom at the grocery store this morning." My eyes go wide with alarm as my mother continues to tell me the story. "She told me that she could have sworn she saw you at the mall the other day but when she went to look for you she couldn't find you." I start to panic, taking short deep breaths. Please don't let my mom have told her I'm in town.

 

I grab my mother, spinning her around to face me. My eyes bore holes into hers as I ask the next and most important question. "Mom, please tell me you didn't say I was here!" I half shout, nearly giving my mother a heart attack.

 

"Well of course I did." She shrugs, confused at the way I'm freaking out right now. "Why wouldn't I?" She narrows her eyes at me, putting together the pieces of the puzzle. "Lalisa Manoban have you not been to see her since you've been in town?!" She raises her voice. Uh oh! I'm in trouble.

 

"I, I, I—I was gon-"

 

"What the hell Lisa?" My mother scolds me. I close my eyes as I take all this in. There's no avoiding this now. Rose's mom knows for sure that I'm in town, I have to go see her. "You go upstairs right now and put some clothes on to go visit that woman. You know you were like a daughter to her. How dare you not—"

 

"I gotta go mom." I cut her off mid sentence, backing out of the kitchen.

 

"Lisa you go upstairs and change."

 

"I'm going for a run." I tell her absentmindedly as I continue to walk backwards towards the door.

 

"Lisa!" My mom shouts, but I'm already out the door and in my car. I need to clear my head, to figure out what to do and the only thing that'll help me is running.

 

As my feet slam into the pavement I try to forget the fear I'm feeling. This isn't how I wanted things to turn out. Yes I hid from Rose's mom but I mean that's because I didn't know what to say. I still don't but now I'm being forced by my mother to do something I wasn't really ready to do. My time here isn't an eternity so I can't push things to the very last minute. It'd be rude if I dropped by during my last night and be like 'yeah sorry been here for like a month and half I just couldn't face you by the way how are things?' Yeah no, that doesn't work.

 

I exhale every time my left foot hits the ground. My mind races as I think of all the scenarios of Mrs. Park's reaction when she sees me. There's the one where she slaps me in the face because she's disappointed. Then there's the one where she cries, hugs, then holds me because she hasn't seen me in so long. Or there's the one where she just sits me down and tells me old stories about Rose. I really don't think I can handle the last one just yet. I've just come to terms with being able have any positive feelings without guilt suffocating the life out of me as a consequence.

 

I stop to catch my breath. I lean over placing my hand on my knees and shut my eyes tight and see my best friends mother's face appear before me. I grumble and lurch myself upright. I can't believe this happened! It's even worse now because it's going to be like I was hiding from her. Which I was, but that's not the point. The point is that my mother is an awful liar, like the absolute worst, why on earth would she divulge this information.

 

I duck under the branch and leap over logs effortlessly. I get small scrapes on my arm from the branches as I run faster and faster. The sound of the water is bringing me comfort. I'm almost there because I need to talk to them. I need to talk to her. I slow down once I reach the slope of boulders. I check my pulse and catch my breath. Once I control my heaving chest I inhale deeply and let out a huge scream. I scream until my throat hurts.

 

I rub my neck hoping that'll soothe the little bit of pain I've caused myself. I shake my head and undo my ponytail letting my hair fall down to my shoulders.

 

'Ooooh you're in trouble.' I drop to my knees as Rose's voice filers into my head. I grab some of the water from the creek and splash some on my face.

 

"I know Rose. Trust me I'm well aware of how much trouble I'm in." I say out loud to her even though she isn't really here. This feels like some sort of Charlie St. Cloud type of , but its helping. I hear her laugh and I grit my teeth. "It's really not funny."

 

'It is a little bit though because you hid and everything.'

 

"And busted my don't forget that." She hmphs then her teeth.

 

'Serves you right tryna hide from mi madre. It's the same as hiding from your own mother, Lis.'

 

"Please lay the guilt on thicker feels nice. I thought I came here to talk to you to feel better?"

 

I hear her her teeth and I sit down, Indian style. It feels a little warmer than before and I chalk it up to the inner fire that Rose always had in her. She's close.

 

'You come here to talk to me. The me you know, so don't go making up who you know I'm not.'

 

I just nod as her sassy tone echoes through my mind. "So what do I do? What do I say to her? I've just been running this whole time Rose and I can't even imagine how she feels. I didn't even think of anyone else when I ran. How do I talk to her?"

 

'The same way you talk to me. There's a piece of me in you and she needs to see you more than you need to see her. Just go, I'm always with you. You don't have to be scared.'

 

I open my eyes and sigh. I don't know if I'm ready for this but I don't think I have much of a choice. I groan as I stand and get ready for this debacle of a reunion. I pace a boulder, as I try to buck up the courage to face a parent who lost their child. She comes to mind easily, I'm not sure if it's because I've been thinking about her a lot lately or if she's just the perfect candidate to talk to. It's possible that it's both.

 

I jog back to my car using this time as my cool down and I feel a lot better than when my mother told me earlier. Anxiety is still floating within me but I think after this talk with Jisoo it'll finally subside. I sit in my car and scroll through all the missed calls from my mother. She's sent some texts as well but I don't bother to read them. I go to my recent calls and press her name. It doesn't ring for long and I can't help but wonder if she's this eager for any other caller. I hope not. Is that bad?

 

"Twice in one day. You better stop it or I might start thinking you actually like having me around."

 

I smirk. "We can't have that now, can we?"

 

"Most certainly not, I think we'll chalk it up to possible short term memory loss and you just think this is the first time we are speaking today."

 

My shoulders shake as a laugh echoes through my chest. "That sounds perfect."

 

We sit quietly for a couple of seconds and I hear noise in the background. She shushes someone and I quickly feel bad.

 

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" All this time we've been spending together I forgot that she does have other people in her life. She's been so amazing at being there that I didn't think to realize that she was leaving others to be with me.

 

"No you're fine, just Jennie being...Jennie."

 

Meeting the shorter girl once and with her leaving the impression she left on me, that's all I need to understand the situation. She's being questioned on our status. What is our status? Is it anything, can it be? Especially with me leaving in a few weeks.

 

"I didn't mean to..." She cuts me off by saying my name in a tone that's authoritative. In that way that's warning me not to finish that sentence or I'm in trouble. I sigh and just let it go the best I can, even if I do feel a bit bad. "I just needed some advice, we don't have to meet up or anything we can just talk now if that's okay."

 

"No meeting up? Now you're short term memory loss is really kicking in because you don't realize that I haven't seen you in a really long time. It's probably best that we do because you may forget what I look like, we can't take that chance."

 

I smile widely at her exaggerated excuse to see me and I am eager to see her as well, possibly more.

 

"Tell Jennie I'm sorry for stealing you..."

 

I hear a 'you better be' and I'm genuinely scared of this girl. I gulp grateful that there is a lot of distance between us so she can't see the terror in my eyes. I don't think all my army training could save me from Jennie. I force out a fake laugh hoping that will restore the indestructible persona that Jisoo thinks I have.

 

"Should we meet up at your place?" She asks and I'm a bit hesitant to say yes especially with my mom as hostile as she is. I feel like a kid again, despite that I am grown mothers have a way of instilling fear in their children. It's sad really.

 

"How about lunch, I still owe you a couple of meals. I can pick you up."

 

"Yeah I'd like that." She breaths out and I can hear the smile in her voice. I did that! That makes me smile.

 

"Good, I'll see you in a couple hours? Text me your address."

 

We reluctantly get off the line and I head home with Rose's mom on my mind but the worry I feel slips away as I look forward to my lunch with Jisoo.

 

I drop my keys on the table by the door and tiredly climb the stairs.

 

"Lisa is that you!"

 

"No it's a figment of your imagination." I shout as I find new energy to race up to my bathroom and avoid my mother.

 

"Lisa!"

 

Her voice grows fainter the farther I get. I quickly strip off my sweaty clothes and jump into the shower. I let the water fall onto my head and run down my face. Both my hands fastened to the tiled wall keeping me upright. I yelp as I hear my door slam open and my mother shout my full name.

 

"Mom I'm in the shower!"

 

"Good so you can't run away." I growl annoyed with this situation I've been trapped in. "Lisa how could you not have seen her mother yet? You've seen Jiwon's."

 

She's not yelling like she was earlier which is a welcomed change because I couldn't deal with it earlier. I explain to her how I saw Jiwon's mother on accident. I wasn't trying to prolong my visits to my departed best friends' parents. I just wasn't ready but it's all being upon me in one week so I'm going to have to take it one day at a time. At least I don't have to do it alone. She listens diligently and chimes in every so often with a grunt or a 'hmm'.

 

"So yeah I'm sorry I haven't seen her but I'm going today after my lunch with Jisoo."

 

"Lunch with Jisoo?" Intrigue laces her voice and I really just want to finish my shower.

 

"Mom, get out please." I say politely as I can with the rude request.

 

"Fine." She huffs out and I hear the door close. I mumble out a thank you and proceed with getting ready.

 

I finish up my shower and sneak into my room to get ready. Maybe I can escape without my mom seeing me again. I really don't feel like discussing this thing with Jisoo with her right now. I know she's going to have a million questions. When I'm done getting dressed I grab my bag and open my bedroom door slowly so it won't make a sound. I turn to close it even slower. I head down the stairs. Maybe I will be able to do this. I creep down the stairs as stealthily as possible, when I reach the table in the foyer I grab my keys and turn to leave.

 

"Ah!" I scream as my mother stares at me. She's standing in front of the door giving me this creepy look. "When did you... how did you even...where did you come from?!" I settle on.

 

"Were you trying to sneak out without talking to me about your lunch date with Jisoo?" She asks, quirking a brow.

 

I choke out a laugh, shaking my head. "No." I fiddle with my keys, avoiding her gaze. "But could you be any creepier right now?" I mirror her face.

 

"Don't try to change the subject." She gives me a stern face.

 

"I wasn't aware that we'd started a conversation about anything in particular." I shake my head and shrug, pursing my lips.

 

"Is something serious happening between the two of you Lisa, is there something I—"

 

"No mom." I cut her off, side stepping her to get to the door. "I'll see you later." I kiss her on the cheek before heading out the door.

 

I pull up to Jisoo's house where she's waiting outside for me.

 

"Hey." She smiles as she climbs into my car.

 

"Hey." I return a smile. I don't know what it is about this girl but every time I see her I feel... freer; lighter. Like everything that has weighed me down in the past doesn't really matter anymore. There's no guilt or feelings of regret. With her I'm just... me.

 

"So where are we going?" She asks, buckling her seat belt.

 

"Another one of my favorite spots." I say as I put the car in drive.

 

 

 

"This place is cool." Jisoo smiles, looking around the restaurant Eureka! Burger. It's one of my favorite places to eat.

 

"Rose, Jiwon and I used to come here all the time." I smile as I watch a group of teenagers occupy the booth in the back we sat in. We came here most of the time during lunch break and pretty much every day after school, just for the milkshakes.

 

The mention of Rose's reminds me why I asked Jisoo here. I watch as the brunette across from takes in her surroundings, she's cute.

 

"Thanks for introducing me to all these great places."

 

I shrug nonchalantly. Truthfully if it were anyone else I might steer clear from any place that would give me the slightest remembrance of my friends. With her though I don't mind, and sharing the experience is even better than I always imagine it to be. She smiles and takes a sip of her drink. I've quickly gotten used to her enjoyment of food and have practiced to be as appreciative of it as she is.

 

"So what did you want to talk about?" She asks once she's done, setting her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her clasped hands. Straight to business with this one I see. I scratch my eyebrow as I think about how to start this conversation.

 

"Well remember the other day when you found me hiding behind the Lara Croft cut out." She breathes out a little laugh and fights her smile. I know she's trying to be serious for me but the situation was pretty ridiculous now that I think about it. "Yeah so I was hiding from Rose's mom." Jisoo nods once as she takes in the bit of information. I take her silence as an opportunity to explain further. "So she didn't know I was in town. I've been meaning to go see her but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I've just been avoiding this and now it's caught up with me."

 

"How do you mean?"

 

She leans back in her chair and rests her arms on either armrest. The way her hair is falling over her shoulders adds to her beauty. I take her in and I have to will myself not to stare for too long. I see her cheeks rise slightly as she smiles at obvious interest. I shake myself out of it and come back to the conversation.

 

"Well my mom didn't know I hadn't gone to see either of my friend's parents and she bumped into Rose's mom..."

 

She cuts me off with a long 'oh' as she pieces the rest together. I my lips subconsciously as she leans forward again and the neck of her shirt drops a little. Lisa focus!

 

"Well I mean it that she had to find out that way but you lost someone too. You have to face certain things on your own time."

 

"Yeah I get that, but given the situation I shouldn't stay away much longer."

 

"Right." She agrees. "So when do you plan on seeing her?"

 

"Today."

 

Her eyes shoot open in shock at my response. I really don't think staying away longer will be helpful. It's a rip off the band-aid situation this week. It just all the band-aids are on the same giant wound.

 

"Wow, okay. Do you...you know, want me to come with you?"

 

"You don't have..."

 

She places a gentle hand on the one that I have lying lazily on the table. I look down and feel the warmth that is Jisoo in the soft touch. I flip my hand over and we connect hands. I look her in the eyes.

 

"Do you want me to?" She stresses 'want' and I didn't even expect the desire of her presence to be there but once she offered it was definitely something that I wanted.

 

"Please."

 

She nods once and squeezes my hand. 'Okay' is all she says and I know that she won't be an overwhelming presence. She always seems to know what to do without really thinking about it. Her attentiveness is second nature and she's always tending to me I question what it is I do for her.

 

"So do you know what you're going to say?"

 

"Haven't the slightest. What do you say to a parent that loses their child?"

 

I see her glance away for a second and I think I made her think of her own parents. I hope that I didn't make her feel some type of way just now. That's the last thing I want to do is associate anything negative when it comes to our relationship...relationship?

 

"Well my parents...it's hard. I honestly don't even know, each parent handles it differently. My mom cried for what felt like months. I'm not entirely sure I was in a state myself where I could recognize time. We each went to counseling as a family and separately but once we slowly came to terms with it we started communicating again. The key is stop trying to act normal when the old normal is gone. You have to transform with the new and know that it's okay to talk about the person you lost. It's even better to listen when the other person wants to talk about them."

 

I look at her as she explains and she blushes a little. "You're amazing."

 

She bites her bottom lip and mumbles out a thank you. We are interrupted by the arrival of our food and once our plates are placed in front of us we get back to each other. Having heard the advice that she's given me I'm ready to move forward and enjoy my time with her.

 

After lunch we took a small walk around the shopping center it's located in. To Jisoo it was a casual walk but I was really trying to prod her interest as we passed stores so I could see what a good gift for her would be. It helped a little as I narrowed down my decisions on what to buy her. Now we are sitting a block away from Rose's house in my car and I'm gripping my steering wheel trying to slow my heart rate down. I have to calm down because I know Rose is with me and so is Jisoo.

 

"You can do this Lis. I'll be in the car the whole time if you need me."

 

"That's like human torture or something you can't sit in the car in this heat. You'll catch heat or something." I rush out the words in one long sentence not really making sense but she understands because she's giggling.

 

"Okay I'll sit on the hood of the car or something. Or you can just crack the window open for me so I can get some air."

 

I snort and realize that her teasing is helping me calm down. I look at her and she smiles cheekily. I just nod and pull away from the curb that I parked by driving the last block and stopping in front of a house I haven't been to in years. We both exit the car and Jisoo just leans against the closed door.

 

"You sure you're going to be okay out here? I could always take you home." I offer and she shakes her head no, pulling a pen and pocket sized notebook from her back pocket.

 

"I've got my writing to keep my company. Now go." She points at the house with the objects in her hand and I slowly make my way up the walkway to the front door.

 

My hands are shaking as I raise them to knock on the door. I'm not even sure if anyone is home. If no one answers after ten seconds of knocking I'm leaving. I knock softly and count to ten. Nothing. I turn and grab my chest.

 

"Ah!" What is it with people and doors and scaring me today! She raises her eyebrows and I sigh. I notice her hand reach up and ring the doorbell.

 

"Nice try." She says as she makes her way back to the car.

 

I watch her leave and I'm brought back to the sounds of the door unlocking. I take a deep breath and see an older version of Rose, only a few difference in features, open the door.

 

"Hi."