I stare at the clock, knowing I have some place to be in less than an hour and I still have to pick up Jisoo. I thought I was ready for this but I kind of feel like I'm not. I don't know... with Mrs. Park revelation about Rose I guess I'm just a little scared of what may or may not happen tonight with the Kims. I know Jiwon wasn't in love with me or anything but hey you never know what kind of secrets your friends could have kept from you. I sigh, grabbing my phone from the dresser.

I'm surprised when Jisoo picks up on the first ring. We have barely talked these past couple of days. I've been sort of avoiding her. Well not really avoiding her, more so avoiding the inevitable conversation I have to have with her and soon. So I've been talking to her, but sparingly. "Are you outside because I don't see you?" I imagine her peeking out her window right now, looking for my car.

"No." I shake my head, standing from my bed. "I'm not. I can't do this Jisoo." I tell her as I begin to pace the length of my room from my door to window.

"What do you mean you can't do this?"

"I mean I can't go. I haven't seen them since the funeral." I stop pacing, letting a ton of thoughts filter into my head. "What if Jiwon has this big secret that he never told me too? What if he was like some kind of—"

"Lisa." Jisoo lightly chuckles. Hey! This is not funny! I am genuinely freaking out here. "First of all I need you to calm down." I can hear the smile in her voice. "Listen to me, you can do this. If you could get through your friend Rose's mom telling you the things she did, you can get through anything do you hear me?" I take a deep breath attempting to calm my nerves, letting my eyes close. "Plus I'll be there." She adds softly. I can't help the smile that appears at my lips. I don't know why but that did the trick. Her telling me that she'd be there, knowing that... I feel a whole lot better.

"Thank you." I tell her as my eyes flutter open. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Okay." We say our goodbyes and hang up. I grab my bag from the bed and head downstairs.

"Headed to the Kims?" My mom questions, turning around on the couch to look at me. Her, my dad and Lucas are watching a movie.

"Can I come?" Lucas asks, turning around on his knees as I answer my mom with a nod.

"Not this time buddy." I shake my head, walking over to ruffle his hair. "But how about you and I have a fun day together tomorrow?" I bend down to his level.

"Sure!" He shouts gleefully. "Can Jisoo come?" He asks, the question bringing an instant smile to my face.

"Sure." I nod. "I'll see if Jisoo can join us."

"Yay!" He shouts before turning around to watch his movie. I think they're watching Frozen.

"See you guys later." I wave to my family, kissing my brother on his head, and my mom and dad on their cheeks. "Jisoo and I are gonna go out after dinner so I'll be home late." I shout to no one in particular, but I guess for my mom's sanity because no matter how old I get I'll always be my mom's little girl.

"Can I just let it be known that I really like Jisoo!" My mom shouts to my retreating figure.

"Of course you do mother." I roll my eyes playfully as I yell back into the house. I open the door, a smile appearing on my lips as I close it behind me because as hard as it was to admit a couple weeks ago, it's not so hard anymore. I really like Jisoo too.

As Jisoo and I pull up in front of the Kim's I take a deep breath, preparing myself for what's about to happen.

"I'm here." Jisoo says softly, putting a comforting hand on my back. I close my eyes, relishing her touch. I nod slowly as I put the car in park and pull the keys from the ignition.

"And I'm grateful for that." I say, turning to look at her. She turns from me as she blushes and smiles tenderly. "Come on." I unlock the doors, getting out and walking around to the passenger side to open the door for her. She accepts my hand to help her out of the car, closing the door behind her and we head up to the Kim's front door. I knock softly, taking another deep breath. Jisoo slips her hand in mine, squeezing it gently, reassuring me of her presence. An unnecessary gesture though. I know she's here. She's always here.

"Lisa hello." Mrs. Kim answers the door with a smile. I watch as her eyes stray to Jisoo. "And who might this be?" She holds out a hand for Jisoo to shake.

"This is Jisoo." I reply quickly as they shake hands.

"Well come in, come in girls." She waves us into the house. I let Jisoo inside first and she sweetly keeps her hand in mine leading me into a house that she's never been in before. She's a lot braver than I. Taking part of this dinner when she barely knows the people. She's here because I asked her to be.

"Thank you for having us over." I say as she leads us further into the house. I hear Mr. Kim in the kitchen and I smile as he sings along to Jason Mraz's Butterfly, that's playing through the stereo. Mrs. Kim giggles as she watches her husband dance around the kitchen. I pull my lips into my mouth as Mr. Kim does a spin and pulls Mrs. Kim to dance along with him.

He lifts wiggles his brows at Jisoo and I, we both giggle as his wife is swept into his arms.

"You have your own engaging style, and you've got the knack to vivify." He winks at us and whispers the next set of lyrics in her ear which Jisoo and I are both grateful for. "Come on Lis grab your woman and get over here."

My woman? Jisoo looks away for a minute clearly blushing extremely hard at the prospect of dancing with me. I don't normally do this but what the hell. I grab her hand pulling her close to me and we keep up with the beat easily. When the song slows down for a minute we sway side to side and she rests her cheek against mine. We don't have a lot of time to do the whole stare into each others eyes cutely before the tempo picks back up. I spin her around a couple times and pull her close to me again. The song changes and we stop. Mrs. Kim and Mr. Kim are kissing each other sweetly and it's nice to see that they're still very much in love. A lot of couples when they lose a child it tears families apart. I'm glad that everyone I've been associated with new and old have found a way to remain strong. I admire them greatly. Especially the girl that's standing beside me.

"They're so cute." Jisoo whispers into my ear. I feel a shiver run through me as her lips brush against the shell of my ear. I gulp down my nerves as I turn to face her and my nose brushes against her. She pulls back slightly and smirks. I mumble out a 'yeah' in agreement.

"Who's ready to eat?" Mr. Kim asks as he grabs a set of tongs from the drawer and points towards the deck. "We're having steak, right off the grill."

"Mmm, yum." Jisoo says eagerly. He points the tongs at her.

"That's the reaction I'm looking for. You can be my sous-chef." Mr. Kim has always been super friendly even if he never met a person. It used to embarrass Jiwon the older we got but I know that he really appreciated his father's enthusiasm for people and life.

Seeing everyone and expecting that I had to be all these things for people. It turns out I put all the pressure on myself. I only had to be here and nothing more. My presence is all they wanted. I'm not sure why I thought they'd want more. Why I thought they'd expected more.

Jisoo joins Mr. Kim in the backyard and Mrs. Kim comes around and wraps an arm around my shoulders. She gives me a gentle hug.

"It's so good to have you here sweetie."

"Sorry it took me so long."

"Better late than never." We share a soft smile and head out to join the rest of the dinner party.

An hour into dinner and things are going well. I'm not bursting into tears. I'm not hearing any confessions of reciprocated but never communicated feelings. Lastly I'm not feeling as if things are anything less than normal. Jisoo and I are sitting together, across from the Kims and Mr. Kim is retelling a story of how he and his wife went kayaking in Puerto Rico last year and a frog incident occurred causing them to tip over.

Mr. Kim is laughing heartily as he imitates his wife and the shriek she released as the frog nestled comfortably in her hair. She covers her face embarrassed, Jisoo and I are laughing lightly. Mrs. Kim gets annoyed and starts to hit her husband with a napkin.

"Awful, you know that?" He lifts his shoulders and smiles at his wife.

Then turns to Jisoo. "Jisoo the sous chef do you mind helping me bring out dessert?"

She just nods once and looks over at me as she stands. She tells me she'll be right back and I don't know what comes over me but I place a soft kiss on the top of her hand. She smiles and disappears into the kitchen. I start to help Mrs. Kimclean up.

"It's so good to see you so happy Lisa."

"Thank you...believe me it took a long time to get here."

"I don't doubt that. It's hard for parents but it's hard for siblings as well and Jiwon always saw you as his sister;  and we always see you as our daughter. I'm sure Rose's mom said the same to you." I just blush and nod as we grab the plates and silverware. "We want for you what we wanted for our own children. I love seeing that smile again."

"She does that with ease." I say as we walk further into the house.

"You smile the way Jiwon smiled when he looked at Rose." She says as she starts to wipe down the glass table with her napkin. I trip up and drop the knives. I apologize quickly and she dismisses the accident.

I gather everything and place them on the pile of plates. She continues the conversation as if I never made a mess at all. It's proving a bit difficult to hear.

"He was so smitten over her, did you know?"

I just shake my head no. I honestly didn't, at least not to the extent of love. I didn't know until the night he told her. She throws the napkin over her shoulder and grabs the glasses we drank from. My silence causes her to persist with a topic I was hoping wouldn't come up.

"He never said anything to me of course, but you know when your kids are developing feelings. At least he's with the one he loves now for eternity." She stands quiet for a minute while she thinks of her son. She exhales slowly and nods. "Well as I was saying I'm happy you found someone that makes you happy. You deserve it."

I whisper out a thanks and follow her into the house. We have dessert in the house, the change of scenery extremely welcomed on my part as the backyard now reminds me of the conversation I just had with Mrs. Kim.

Jiwon's with who he loved for all of eternity... with a girl that loved me. Is he better off not knowing how she felt? I found this new set of guilt because I know how she felt and he never will. He'll never know that the love he wanted was meant for me. All the things he wanted from her was reserved for me and he never knew the truth. He'll never know the truth. I'm barely there as we eat dessert. I laugh when I hear laughter but I let Mr. Kim and Mrs. Kim do most of the talking and attempt to listen. I feel warmth in my hand and Jisoo's bringing me back to reality. She's rescuing me from my masochistic thoughts and her eyes are melting the security walls I was attempting to put up because again I feel like this is all my fault.

"Thank you so much for dinner." She says reading my eyes, knowing that I'm ready to leave.

"Oh do you have to leave already?" Mrs. Kim asks as she stands up along with us.

"Unfortunately." I say, Jisoo's initiation of our departure giving me the courage to speak up. "I have to get Jisoo back home and we still have one more stop to make before I do so."

"Well it was an extreme pleasure. Please do come again soon." Mr. Kim looks at me sternly and I slowly bow my head.

"Promise I won't disappear again."

Mrs. Kim pulls me into a tight hug and Mr. Kim, Jisoo. We switch hug partners then are led towards the front door. We share our thanks one last time before we exit the house.

"Thank you." I say in exasperation when I look at Jisoo.

She just nods and laces our fingers together. "Want to talk about it?"

"Yeah." I say without a fight because this back and forth of emotions is exhausting and it'll only hinder any progress that can come.

I drive us to the pier and we walk hand in hand. The area is surprisingly almost empty given the nice weather. I tell Jisoo what Mrs. Kim told me in the backyard about Jisoo and she's listening attentively like always and I'm falling for this girl with every word she soaks in. We stop and lean against the banister once we reach the end of the dock. She's looking at me and waiting for me to finish up the rest of what I'm feeling.

"I just don't know how to absorb all this guilt and come to terms with this secret."

"Why do you need to feel guilty?"

"Because she loved me and not him."

"Do you mind if I ask you a hard question?" I just nod though I am a bit nervous about what she's going to ask. "If they weren't gone and she told you how she felt would you not be with her to spare Jiwon's feelings?"

My chest constricts at the thought. I look out to the water and contemplate. I breathe out my answer and I feel her hand on my back in support.

"It's alright that you said no Lisa, but the fact is that you had a choice depending on the circumstance but the circumstance changed before you were able to make that choice. You don't have to feel bad for choices that you didn't get to make. You have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and know that if the situation were different you'd do what was right. Things happen and we control so little, you do the best you can with what's given to you. You don't have to feel guilty."

I look at her and her brows are raised slightly as she awaits my response to her words of wisdom. I say nothing though. I've talked enough. I take a step closer to her, placing my hand softly against her cheek. She buries it into my palm and exhales. I pull her closer to me, the task effortless as she leans forward.

I stare into her eyes, my mind flooding with thoughts. It's going to happen. The way my heart is pounding out of chest and the soft smile she's giving me is confirming it. I close my eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. I hear Jisoo chuckle and I open my eyes. She nods her head and I know what she's telling me.

I tilt my head to the side and prepare for my first kiss. Not just with Jisoo but with anyone I've had feelings for. Our lips touch and my mouth melts against hers as she kisses back. It's sweet and calm, just like the girl I'm kissing. I never thought I'd find someone that I could share this moment with.

I feel her grip my hips as she kisses harder, pressing her face closer to mine. I smile as I bring her body closer to mine. I wasn't aware that there was still space between us but now I'm sure there isn't.

We break apart reluctantly and I just lean my forehead against hers. We're both breathing heavily, puffs of air hit my lips as she stays close to me. I give her quick peck before stepping back. I'm not sure if I was any good or not. At least I wasn't until she solidifies my confidence.

"Wow."

I laugh a little because she totally stole my line.

"Yeah." Is all I manage to say. She giggles and comes closer to lean into me. "One more time?" I ask redundantly and she just grips my blouse and pulls me into her our lips colliding together without any damage.

I pull up in front of her house and we sit in the car for a minute. I don't want her to go and I hope she doesn't want me to leave. The thought of leaving her is starting to become physically painful. I have to tell her but I don't want to ruin our night though. It's a lose, lose situation regardless. The longer I wait the harder it'll be. The time I do want to tell her though are nights where our time together has been absolutely amazing.

"Thanks for coming again."

"Anything for you." She says with a shrug.

"Do you have plans tomorrow, pretty much all day?" I ask a little shyly because really I'm starting to think that she's blowing everyone off for me.

"Wow all day?" She asks with obvious excitement in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm taking Luke out and he wanted to see you and I was hoping to take you on that date that I promised you."

"Both of those sound extremely amazing, count me in."

"Are you sure?" She leans over the console and steals a kiss. I lay my hand on the back of her neck to keep her there because this is becoming my new addiction. Kissing her, feeling her in a way I've never felt anyone before. She feels wonderful.

"Positive." She answers against my lips before stealing another one. She groans as she pulls away. "If I don't get out this car right now, I'll stay attacking your lips all night."

"I'm sorry, what about that statement is supposed to make me tell you to get out?" She giggles and I stare at her. "I'm serious." I say with a laugh.

The laugh probably took away from my seriousness but I can't help but smile when I'm around her. She leans over one more time and kisses me again. I feel the bottom of my stomach start to warm up and I keep her there longer. I like the way this feels, my heart racing, this euphoria of how I feel about her consuming everything within me. I'm trying to show her that in my kiss and I think she's trying to show me the same thing. She bites my bottom lip and it pinches a bit but I like it. I run my tongue to graze her top lip and she moans. The pit of my stomach gets hotter and she pulls away.

"No seriously I have to go." She's breathing heavily. "Like you're setting my body on fire right now." She grips the handle, staring at me as if she's deciding whether or not she should actually leave. She scans my face and shakes her head. "Yeah no, goodnight!" She says in a rush and I laugh. I shout goodnight and watch as she walks towards her house. She throws a wave behind her and I smile.

As I put the car in drive and pull away from the curb I can't help but smile thinking about the girl that's done more for me then she'll ever know. She's opened my world; my heart and showed me what it's like to live again. This amazing girl... the one I'm one hundred percent sure I'm falling for.