This is gonna be long my dudes....

I mark another X in my calendar. I stare at the month of September. Every day of the first two weeks have red X's. I drop the pen on my desk and fall back onto my bed. Seventy two days it's been since Lisa's left. Seventy two days of restless nights. I've gotten so used to sleeping next to her it's like I'm in a different time zone when she's not here. I don't sleep properly and when I do it's not for very long. I write her every day and she kept up pretty well while she was stationed in Newport but since she's gotten deployed her letters haven't been as frequent.

I sigh as loll my head to the other side. I'm staring at my upside down notebooks. There's fifteen stacked high on my night stand. They're all full. I have never written this much in... ever. Not even when I lost Jin. I swallow the lump in my throat as I think about him. I feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways before I met Lisa and I know she isn't gone forever but all the stuff I've been watching in the news has me feeling like I could lose her at any moment.

That reminds me. I push myself off my bed and quickly rush down the stairs. I hop over the back of the couch landing swiftly on the cushions. I reach for the remote and turn on the television. It's on the exact channel I've left it on.

Dalgom comes traipsing in and he hops onto the sofa next to me. I bury my fingers into his fur. It's mildly cathartic for me. This and making sure nothing happens to Lisa. One new channel isn't saying anything, so no news is good news, right? I hit up a different channel next and the news never has anything serious to say but I listen anyway. I put the volume up and grab my phone and scroll through the newsstand app I have on my phone. Just making sure I don't miss anything. I hear a throat clearing and I freeze mid-scroll.

"I thought we talked about this."

I slowly turned around and see my father. I force a cheeky smile he knows it's fake. I rarely give real ones these days.

"Hey dad, you're home early." His brow rises as he focuses his stern gaze on me. I roll my eyes. "Dad I'm just..."

"Jisoo this isn't healthy. I know you miss her..."

"It's not just that dad!" I'm caught off by the force in my voice. No one is getting it! I'm just making sure she's okay. That she's safe. It's not healthy but it's helping.

He comes further into the living room and turns off the television.

"You staring at the news is like you're expecting something bad to happen to her."

I look down and I notice my dog looking at me with his warm eyes. I don't have anything to say. I don't want anything bad to happen to her obviously. I love her so much. I just want her to be okay, I need to know she's okay.

"You need to get out of this house right now. When's the last time you went outside?" He asks me. I don't really want to tell the truth. When I got letters every day from Lisa I made sure to see all the people I've met through her. Jiwon's parents have had me over me over just to catch up several times, so have the Rose's parents. My parents and Lisa's parents have had weekly dinners so I see the Manobans then. I would sneak up to her room and lie in her bed. Inhale her scent, try my best to feel her as if she were right next to me. I'm going to sound uber creepy and say I've taken a few of her plain shirts. I've worn them because I feel closer to her. Good God I need help.

"When Jisoo?" I sigh and avoid the question because it's been eight days since I've really left the house. I don't mean to I've just been preoccupied with thinking about Lisa, watching news, writing.

"Dad I leave the house once a day." I say honestly because I do. I still visit my spot with Jin but that's during when no one is in the street. So I don't really interact with anyone. Also I spend the entire time talking to Jin about how much I miss Lisa.

"Besides going to your spot." He rebuttals knowingly. I'm saved by the doorbell and he smiles.

Oh no.

He walks out the room to answer the door. I'm in trouble.

"Dalgom, hide me." He gets up and jumps down on the ground. I go on all fours. I keep up with his slow place as he walks out of the living room and towards the stairs. His body is massive so he's a great cover.

"You better not even play that with me. Sorry Mr. Kim." She apologizes and I curse under my breath. I groan as I stand up and pat my very loyal dog against his ribs. He still stays by my side.

"Hey Jen, long time no see." I close my eyes as I berate myself for the choice of words.

"Damn straight! It's all your damn fault too. I'm sorry, again, Mr. Kim." She apologizes for her choice words and he just chuckles squeezing her shoulder gently.

"Just get her out of here." He orders. "Thanks for coming by."

I glare at him as he passes me. Betrayer. I shake my head and he places a kiss on my cheek.

"Judas." I mutter angrily and he laughs. Nothing here is funny. I glare at my father as he disappears upstairs. I'm trying to burn holes into his back. I watch him until he's gone and turn my gaze back to Jennie. I sigh and throw my hands up in the air.

"Jen I'm not really in the mood..."

"I don't give a damn." She tells me with a bit of attitude. I walk to the front of the sofa and grab the remote again turning the news back on. Dalgom diligently drops himself by my feet. His company is a comfort. That, and watching the news even though my father has ordered me to leave the house. What dad doesn't know won't hurt him.

Jennie stands in front of my television and I growl a bit. She just crosses her arms over her chest and pops her hip out.

"Jen pretty sure your parents aren't glass makers." I tell her as I fall further back into the couch. I'm standing my ground...or sitting whichever you prefer. I just don't want to deal with anybody. I mean I know it's been some time since she's left but I'm still transitioning.

Jennie walks away from the television and joins me on the couch. My eyes are glued to the news, when I'm satisfied with the lack of reports on the goings-on I change the channel to another news station. Jennie is staring at me I don't need to look at her to know this I feel her eyes on me.

"Please stop staring at me." I request while I flip through channels. I don't know how but she manages to stare harder. I try my best to ignore her and I feel like I'm succeeding until she speaks.

"I know you're going through a tough time and I don't want to push you but you need to be pushed."

Damn her for being a good friend and caring. I groan and stand up reluctantly flipping the television off.

"Lead the way." I say through a grumble and she squeals with excitement grabbing my hand. I take a last look at Dalgom and he whimpers his sympathy for me. I silently agree with my pet as I allow my best friend to drag me out of my house, then to her car. I would protest to her dragging me the entire way but we both knew that as soon as she let's go I'd bolt back into the house.

"So where to?" My best friend asks me as she puts her car into gear.

I sigh heavily. "Take me to Afghanistan." I say seriously.

"Pretty sure I don't have enough gas to get you there. Even if I did I know I would endure the wrath that Lisa subtly showed me."

I glance at my best friend and she grips the steering wheel. My brows furrow in confusion.

"I'm only going to say this once and you better not dare repeat it." I smirk a bit waiting to hear what I already know. "Lisa scares me." She says in a rushed breath. I snort and she glares at me.

"No, no, no you can't scare me with those eyes, my girlfriend will just beat you up!" I say in excitement. She hits me and I'm quickly quiet. "That hurt."

"Don't repeat those words." She says and I zip my mouth shut. I'm still telling Lisa. I smirk as I look out the window, I'm not entirely sure what Jennie has planned for me but I know she means well. I don't really want to be going any place and she doesn't get the reaction that she's expecting. Maybe I'm being unfair. Lisa's not here that's true but it's not the end of the world...right? Then why does life feel so much emptier without her here. I contemplate that thought as Jennie talks about something random and I know right now I'm an awful best friend. I try to give her at least some of my attention because she's going out of her way to be there for me. The least I can do is show her I appreciate it.

Jennie manages to keep me out the entire day. Once I stopped moping it wasn't half bad. She made sure I did normal things like eat, go to the movies, a little bit of shopping. I bought another notebook, I'm running low on pages. It helped a bit, I wasn't filled with worry but my mind was still on Lisa. I still thought about how much I miss her, or how good she felt next to me.

I sigh as I step out of her car. "Thanks for today Jen, it really did help." She smiles and points at me. I roll my eyes as I look her in hers.

"I will not mention you being scared of Lisa." I back away from the car and watch as she drives away.

I enter the house and find my parents enjoying each others company as they clean up their dishes from what I'm assuming was dinner. I place my things on the counter and look at my father.

"Well, well, well look who managed to be outside for more than an hour and is able to live to tell the tale."

"Listen here old man..." I start trying my best to sound serious but my mother's snort throws me off. I place a hand on the counter and point a threatening finger at him. He tries to look at me with a hard gaze but cracks and ends up laughing along with his wife. I never could pull off the tough act. I walk around the island and give my father a hug. "Thanks dad." I say softly. Even though I rather just sleep every day away until Lisa gets back I know it's not possible. I tell my parents my goodnight informing them I'm going to call it an early night.

I head back to my room, look at the calendar, and cross tomorrow's day with an X. It's not here yet but I'm ready for it to be over. I fall back against my pillows and look at my promise ring. I know she'll keep her word. She always has and I know that she'd fight anything rather than let me down. I'd do the same for her. I snuggle into my pillow and stare at the ring. I close my eyes and all I see is her smile.

–

I rub my eyes as I wake up to hit my alarm. I hit the switch on my bedside lamp and let my vision adjust to the light. I've been doing better at getting up in the morning. I pull my covers off of me. I head straight for my calendar. It's the most exciting time and yet depressing time for me. I get to flip to a new month. It's a bittersweet feeling, getting rid of an old month and start a new one. I've managed to make through September and here comes October in all its glory.

I glance over September and all the red Xs that are in each box. I graze my fingers over a particular date. The twenty-seventh. I sigh as I remember my conversation with Lisa over Skype. We got to talk for forty minutes, that's a record. She tries her best to talk to me as much, and as long as possible. I admire her effort. I'm sure it can't be easy. The connection wasn't the greatest given her location but it's better than nothing.

I throw my hair up in a pony tail and quietly open my bedroom door. Dalgom follows me out and we head down the stairs, grabbing my surf board on my way out the door. I get into my car my surfboard properly loaded, Dalgom by my side and back out of the driveway. The sun still not up as I drive through the dimly lit streets thinking about my girlfriend.

It's been four days since I've last seen her and I'm not sure when I will be able to again. Her smile, her laugh, the way she her lips after she talks for a long while. I smirk at the memory. My mind used to be filled with memories of Jin but now thoughts of Lisa linger. It's due to the anticipation of being able to see her again opposed to knowing that I never will. I'm ready for her to be back. I'm ready for her to stay. I reach the beach and gather up my things. Dalgom stays on shore obediently and watches me as I run into the water. I giggle as I think of Lisa and her fear of the ocean as a child. Ever since her mother told me that story I think of it every time I step out here.

I float in the water idly. The smell of the ocean is bringing me back to days with my brother. I quickly let my mind wander to Lisa. I've been doing well with seeing everyone. I manage to get everyone in at least once a week. I set up schedule so that way I'm distracted enough but not too much where I'd miss a chance to talk with Lisa in case she does get to call again. I don't want to be bombarded with people as quickly as they make the day go. Sometimes I just want to think about her and be allowed to be sad that she's not here. Everyone keeps telling me not to be, that she'll be back. I know she will, but doesn't mean I don't miss her.

"I miss her so much Jin."

I see him paddle closer to me and smile.

"I can see why you do, she's a hottie."

"Right?" I ask with a laugh.

"Totally get it...but you know..." I imagine him saying all this and I know already.

"I know I have to be strong for everyone, that she didn't just leave me and it's better that I have them than be completely alone."

"See you don't even need me to tell you. You already get it."

I sigh and kick up some water. "I hate that you know me so well sometimes."

"Meh you love me. Let's catch this wave." I see him nod behind me. I lie flat and start to paddle. I catch the wave and ride it well. Ride it the way he's taught me. I let it carry me towards the shore and I'll let the love I have for her carry me the rest of the time that she's not here. I can do this. We can do this. I grab my board and walk the shallow waters with new determination.

I won't let the sadness in response to her absence get me down. She believes I'm strong when reality she's the reason I am that way. I haven't been that strong since Jin, I got by but with her I'm living and I'm disrespecting her if I live my life any other way. She'll be back and I've got to keep that in mind. She'll always come back to me.

–

I finish jotting down the last word of my letter to Lisa. I've reached the last day of the first week of October. That's another week down. Only eleven more to go. It's been two weeks since I've received my last letter from Lisa. It's hard not getting them every other day like I did when she first left. The distance is greater and I'm doing my best to remind myself of that. I'm keeping myself in check so I don't get frustrated with her because it's definitely not her fault.

I sit in the back of the coffee shop I met her at the one morning she called me. The day we searched for her spot. I sit back and stare at the table we sat at. I replace the bodies that occupied the table with images of us. I smile as I see us idly chatting. I look away from the couple trying my best not to bring attention to myself. I break a piece of the blueberry muffin I purchased and reread the letter I wrote to her. I can't help but wonder if she eats anything that reminds her of me. I nibble on my bottom lip as I flip over the page of my letter and ask her that very question. Satisfied with my letter, I gather up my things and leave the coffee shop, dropping the letter into the closest mailbox. I head home knowing for sure that the house will be empty. I still watch the news making sure not to hear anything that involves Lisa's unit. It's easier to do without my parents telling me to stop torturing myself. It's not torture though...it's reassurance.

–

My mother knocks on the door and I can tell she's excited. I think that it's cute that both Lisa and my parents have a friend within each other. It makes being together so much easier. Lucas opens the door and he's getting so big. I know Lisa is missing him like crazy and that she hates she's missing him growing up.

"Jisoo!" I laugh as he crashes into my legs. I ruffle his hair, this year he doesn't mind so much. He's growing it out. The fuller it is the better. He grabs my hand and drags me off to show me a new game that he just got. I get lost in spending time with him and enjoy this little boy's company. Lisa's not around but Lucas is definitely the next best thing.

Dinner comes and goes leaving us all more than satisfied. Mr. M is rubbing his stomach, his belly a lot harder than when we started. I giggle as he groans happily from all the food. Lucas runs off to play a game and I'm left with the adults. Mrs. M brings out dessert and it's my favorite. I wonder if she did that on purpose not really caring though as she cuts me a large piece of bread pudding. I'm trying not to bounce too much with excitement and though very full, I dig in.

"Oh Jisoo I've got something for you." Mr. M states as he gets up. My mouth is too full to ask what and I watch as he gets up and disappears for a second. My spoon is still in my mouth and everyone is watching me. I feel like a fool right now. It's probably more awkward to take the spoon out now.

Lisa's father comes back and hands me folded up papers. I know right away what it is. I quickly remove the spoon from my mouth and unfold the pages.

"They came in the same envelope as ours. Don't worry we didn't read it. We saw it was for you and closed it right back up."

"Thank you." I say as my eyes quickly scan her handwriting. I feel my heart melt and I'm anxious to read.

"You can take your dessert into the other room and read that now if you'd like." Mrs. M tells me and I smile shyly. I stand up grab my plate and my letters and walk out of the dining room. I park myself in the armchair in the den and take another bite of my dessert before I read.

Dear Jisoo,

I'm sorry that my letters are not as frequent as when I was back in Newport. It's harder here and I'm trying to get as many out to you as possible. So you'll have your own set as well as some that I'll send with my parents. I miss you so much beautiful. You have no idea. I've received your letters, of course and it's so nice to imagine your voice while I read them. I'm counting down the days. I see you every night in my dreams, and I think about you all day. I'm being safe don't worry. I hope you're not still watching the news every second of the day. I promised you I'd be careful. I'm being super cautious I've got a gorgeous girl to get back to...

I read all her letters at least twice. They were so comforting and made me feel so much better. This week has been one of the harder ones but I know that she's thinking about me. Knowing I'm on her mind is making a huge difference. I take another bite of bread pudding and reread the letters for a third time.

–

I walk through the mall, flipping through the fresh set of pages that I had installed into the notebook Lisa got me. I smile as I see blank pages and think about how soon I'll be back to refill it. I hear someone call my name and I stop in my tracks to see Jiwon's mother. I giggle as she quickly scurries towards me.

She pulls into a big hug and I groan a little at the pressure and she pulls away quickly. A slew of apologies leave . I pat her arm.

"It's fine Mrs. K."

"How are you sweetie? It's so nice to see you."

I laugh softly at her greeting. I saw her a few days ago but it's nice to know that I leave such an impression to receive such a greeting. Even though I've been to see everyone at least once a week, it's still nice whenever I see them out. I know visiting them often is something Lisa would have done. I'm doing it as her proxy, until she can join me again that is.

"It's good to see you as well, what brings you to the mall?" She lifts her handful of bags and smile as she shakes her shoulders.

"There was a sale and I needed to buy my husband some dress shirts. You?"

I lift my notebook in air. "Refilling pages." I answer and she just nods. "Are you free to grab some lunch I was just about to get something."

"I'd love to!" She loops her arms with mine and we walk toward the food court.

We grab some Korean BBQ and I'm quickly brought to Lisa and I's first "lunch date". I don't know where all that bravery came from in all the words I spoke to her. Especially, since I was a blubbering mess when I first met her. I listen attentively as Mrs. K tells me stories about Lisa, Jiwon and Rose.

I know they have no idea about the connection between my brother's death and their kids. It's best that, that is something Lisa and I decided to keep between ourselves. It's not like revealing this bit of information will bring anyone back. I quickly forgave because life's too short. Holding a grudge against people that weren't even here to feel the wrath of it was a waste of time. Even if they were I still wouldn't. I don't want to waste time being angry. If all the tragedy I was surrounded by has taught me anything, it's to live life to the fullest. I laugh at myself because I spent so much time being sad that Lisa isn't here. However I am getting by and I know that when she comes back we'll be stronger than ever. Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder, as cliché as that phrase is, it holds a lot of truth.

I finish my lunch with Mrs. K and promise her that I will stop by her place again soon. She promises to give my best to her husband and with another tight hug we go our separate ways.

–

I don't mean to come here but sometimes I feel a pull to a certain place and I can't help but go there. Sometimes I go because Lisa will mention missing them and even though I'm sure they know, I make it a point to deliver the message. I know that if I weren't able to go and talk to Jin she'd make the trip for me.

I move the branches, the sound of the creek fill my ears. I get to her spot and just take a seat. I open my notebook and start to write. From all the stories I've heard about her I imagine that Rose isn't too fond my presence here. I can imagine that she's acting a little sassy to my being here.

"I'm just here to let you know that she's been thinking about you guys. I'm not trying to invade you guys' spot. I promise."

Lisa always mentioned that Jiwon was the friendlier one between the two of them. I can feel him thanking me. I just nod and finish writing my thought. I've been working on memoirs, sending out query letters to literary agents. The process is lengthy because I can go for a long time without hearing from anyone. It's just another distraction from the amount of time I have left before my girlfriend comes home.

My mind focuses on my ring finger and I smile because I can feel her again. I look up and imagine her. All the pictures I've seen of her whenever I visit the Park's it's easy to see her. I'm sure she's got more attitude than Jennie.

"I really love her Rose." I say into the air.

"You better, or I'd haunt you." I imagine she'd say something along those lines.

I run my thumb over the band. "I would expect nothing less. She promised Jin that she'd take care of me so I make the same promise to you. I know how precious she is, I will treat her like the rarity that she is."

I feel a bit of peace within me and I know that she's said her peace. I close up my journal and stand up. I tell them bye and leave Lisa's spot. I head home and I go right to the television. It's later in the day and I know my mother will pop in a scold me. I don't care though. I haven't heard from Lisa for some time now and I'm a bit worried.

"Jisoo?"My mother calls from the kitchen and stare at the television for a minute making sure not to hear anything. I rush over to her and I hear her on the phone.

I furrow my brows as she laughs at whoever she's speaking to on the other line. Why do parents call you when they don't want to speak to you right away? I lift my arms and urge her to explain why she pulled me away from my task of making sure Lisa isn't hurt.

"Yes she's right here hold on. You've must've sensed her she literally walked into the house a few seconds ago."

My confusion breaks as soon as my mother says that. I rush over to her and eagerly grab the phone from her. She grips it and points to her cheek. I groan and greet my mother with a kiss on the cheek. She shouts a thank you as I grab the phone and rush out of the kitchen and back into the living room.

"Hi baby!" I practically shout in excitement. I drop onto the sofa and Dalgom jumps up and gets comfortable on me. Usually his heavy body is crushing, but I'm too excited to hear from Lisa to care how heavy my pup is.

She laughs and I feel my insides melt. "How is my beautiful girl doing?"

"Ugh, terrible I miss you so much." I tell her honestly, she laughs softly.

"I miss you too. I managed to get some phone time at our base out here so of course I called you. I'm glad I caught you I know we haven't spoken in a while."

"Me too. I've been thinking about you so much."

"Good, exactly how I like it. How is everyone?"

"Good, they miss you obviously. I've been keeping up with everyone." I turn the volume down the sounds of ammunition fills the silent air.

"Jisoo..." My girlfriend says in a warning tone. I sigh.

"I know..."

"I told you stop doing that. Everything is okay. Trust me my unit is being extremely cautious and we are all watching each others backs. We are trained babe..."

"I know but..."

"What did I promise you?"

"That you'd come back."

"Have I let you down before?"

I know I don't have to answer but I know she's asking more for my benefit than for hers. I groan and she coaxes an answer out of me.

"No you've never let me down before."

"And I won't now." I hear someone shout in the distance 'she's a machine!' and Lisa laughs. I smile knowing that she's a little closer to her platoon buddies. "Zip it James!" She playfully threatens and I hear him fake a terrified whimper. "Sorry babe."

"It's fine. Was that one of your platoon buddies you were telling me about in your letters?"

"Yeah that's Zach James, he's a trip. He's such a character, has the energy of a two year old and never winds down. Always talks when everyone wants to sleep."

I laugh as she tells me more about her friends. It feels good to hear her voice and I easily get lost in our conversation. It only lasts about twenty minutes but it's the best conversation I've had with her in a long time. We reluctantly say our goodbyes, say I love you about ten times and then the line goes dead.

I sigh as I drop the phone on my chest. I miss her already it's only been ten seconds. I drop my head to side and watch the television. The news still playing and I listen to my girlfriend and turn it to something that isn't the news. I rub Dalgom's head, the action enjoyable for both him and myself.

"Only eight more weeks boy. You think we can do it?" I ask seriously and he gives me a gruff bark and I grunt in agreement. "Yeah I don't think so either."

I finish typing the newest chapter of my memoir. I'm trying my hand at humor, not the easiest thing to make people laugh. I'm not feeling very comedic lately. I pick up my phone that's sitting next to my laptop and flip through my pictures of Lisa and I. I smile as I see a picture of me and her at her 'see you later' going away party. I can't help but think that we're the cutest damn couple to ever walk this earth. I'm taken out of my thoughts when I hear a knock at my door. I turn to see Mrs. M poking her head in.

"Hi!" I say in surprise and rush over to her, greeting her with a hug. She holds me tightly then groans once she pulls from the embrace. I'm glad she's here but then my heart drops...did something happen.

"Nothing is wrong Jisoo." She tells me quickly. She must've seen the unnecessary worry on my face. I'm scared that I will forever live in fear that something will happen to my girlfriend. I'm going to have to talk to her about that because I know that's not a way she'd want me to live.

I release a sigh of relief and she smiles.

"I'm sorry I just..."

She waves a dismissive hand. "When she first left every time the phone rang my heart stopped. It's only been a few months you're doing fine."

I breath out a laugh of disbelief. "Doesn't feel like it."

"I hope it's okay I stopped by..." I cut her off not needing her to explain. I'm glad she's here. I offer her a seat and she grabs a seat at my desk while I sit on my bed and we just share stories about Lisa. Her more than me and I am absorbing every minute of it. It feels good to laugh. It feels good to hear a laugh that reminds me of Lisa. The time passes quickly and I'm grateful that the day is almost over. She checks her time and stands up. I don't want her to go because this is the closest I'm getting to seeing Lisa that isn't a screen or a picture.

"How've you been?" I ask her sincerely. I remember Lisa telling me about how Lucas told her how upset she was when Lisa left the last time. She just sighs and nods.

"I'm hanging in there. It's hard not having her around and I try to maintain a brave face but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about her."

We share a look and I finally realize that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Obviously it's for different reasons but Mrs. M gets it. We both know we can't spend every waking moment worrying but there are times when it's all we do. She's probably feeling that way right now which is why she's here. Just to vent and share a worry with someone that won't tell her not to.

"I know what you mean but I spoke to her a few days ago. She seems well."

"Does she?" She asks hopeful, her attitude perks up a bit and I'm glad I was able to ease her mind even if it was for just a moment. "I'm happy to hear that." She nods as if she's ridding all the worry from her mind. She seems satisfied with the thoughts her mind focuses on because she changes the subject, asking me about my writing. It feels nice to have a normal conversation. It's light and I feel a little closer to Lisa since I'm talking with her mother.

We talk comfortably for a little over an hour before she stands up and heads for the door.

"Thank you so much for spending time with me." She says and my eyes go wide because I should be thanking her. I don't know how today would've ended if I spent them the way I usually do. Staring at the news, writing my sadness down, and wishing my girlfriend were back already.

"Thank you." I tell her sincerely and she embraces me again. I walk her down the stairs and to the front door.

"My place for dinner on Friday?"

I smile wide and nod eagerly. "That will be awesome." She nods and waves goodbye . I watch as she gets into her car and drives away.

 

Lucas holds onto Dalgom's leash loosely as we walk the pier. I haven't spent time with Lucas for a while now so I'm hanging with him for the day. We've already gone to the beach where we both skim boarded while Dalgom ran alongside us. He holds my hand and squeezes it softly. I look down at him and smiles at me.

"So how you been Jisoo?"

"Uh..." Really? I mean Lisa's warned me about him and I've been surprised by his genius when it comes to emotions before but he doesn't need to check on me. "I'm alright bud thanks for asking, how've you been?"

He sighs slightly annoyed. "No, no Jisoo. I want to know how you've been with Lisa being gone and everything. She told me in my letters to take care of you while she's gone. So you know I'm just asking because I'm here to listen."

I laugh more out of shock than the fact that it's funny. I don't know what to do with this kid. He's a bit scary sometimes.

"I've been good, honest. I miss your sister very much but I know she'll be home soon."

"Yeah she will, she promised and you know Lisa always keeps her promise." I see him glance quickly at my ring as my hand swings forward while I walk.

I smirk because he probably knows what this means more than either Lisa or I do. I know it means that she's mine forever. We're still young and neither of us is going anywhere so there's no need to rush this. I like the rate at which we're moving.

"She most certainly does." I agree and shake his arm playfully, he laughs and swings my arm in response.

"You know Jisoo you're a really cool big sister. I'm glad you and Lisa are together because now I have two awesome big sisters."

I get a little choked up and as quickly as it was here it's gone as Lucas runs a little ahead of me with Dalgom to watch a magician do some street magic. It was always just understood that the Lisa's family saw me as part of their one but that was when Lisa was here. It's even better to hear such things when your connection to them isn't here. It makes it more real. Which in turns makes Lisa and I even more real. I catch up to Lucas and Dalgom. I look down at them and enjoy how natural this feels even if my girlfriend doesn't come back for another few weeks.

I pick Lucas up from his booster seat. He fell asleep on the drive home. A tuckered child is always a good sign that the day went well. I carefully close the door leaving Dalgom inside not planning on staying too long. I ring the bell and Mr. M opens up. I smile and he greets me with an awkward hug, Lucas in the middle. He grabs his son and I quickly leave tired from the day. I send Mrs. m my love and head home.

Dalgom rushes into the house and drops on his bed in the living room. I breathe out a laugh and do the same on the sofa.

"I feel ya bud." He whimpers and rolls on his back getting more comfortable. My parents aren't home so I make use of their absence as I get my daily dose of reassurance. I flip through one station, nothing. I flip to the next station and I'm pleased to hear nothing again. Another day passes where I can rest easy knowing that she's okay.

–

I drag my hand through the water to stall as I tube ride the wave. I remember the first time I caught one of these. Extremely hard to do an even when you get it one time it isn't a guarantee that you'll catch another. I break out of the wave, carve it then pump my way across it. I ride the white water and slip into the water. I grab my board and run through the waves. I dig my board into the sand and drop down next to Dalgom grabbing my towel and drying my hair.

"Did you see me Dalgomie? Pretty awesome huh, that's my sixth tube ride." He just barks and I laugh rubbing his fur.

I sniffle, the sea water making my nose a bit runny. I wipe my face and watch the rest of the sunrise. I'm trying to let my excitement about grabbing the rare wave take over the sadness that I've been feeling. I haven't heard from Lisa in over two and a half weeks. She comes home in three. It's possible that there is a lot of stuff for her to do before she gets discharged but I would like to have heard something. I've asked everyone else and they haven't heard from her either. I've sent letters, messages through Skype, even dropped a note into the care packages that Mrs. M sends. Nothing. I've been watching the news as per usual and thank God haven't heard anything. I'm still holding tight to the cliché phrase that's gotten me through the last several months. No news means good news.

Dalgom  my face and I laugh pushing his furry face away from mine.

"Dalgom you're not supposed to like the salt off my face you're gonna get sick." I giggle as he ignores me and playfully jumps on me. I love that about dogs, they always sense when their person is down. I hug him and he sniffs my face.

"I know Dalgom, I gotta stop worrying. I'm trying buddy, I'm trying. Let's get some food huh?" I ask as I stand and he barks. I grab my board, head back to my car and try to think about all the happy things I'm going to do with Lisa when she gets home in a few weeks.

I open the door and Dalgom runs inside headed straight for the kitchen l. I place my board down and head into the kitchen. My flip flops hit my feet and the silence in the air. I see my parents cuddling in the kitchen. I playfully scrunch my face.

"Gross guys get a room."

My dad laughs and lifts his face so I can kiss his cheek. I do so then do the same to my mom. I pour food into Dalgom's bowl and he digs in happily. I grab a glass of juice and head towards the living room.

"Jisoo no news!" My mother shouts.

"Okay." I shout over my shoulder as I walk through the hall and into the living room turning on the television and it opens to the channel I left it on last night. I'm about to change it but hold for a moment as I see a shot of a collapsed building and debris. I turn the volume up, knowing my parent's will tell me to turn it, but I don't care I need to hear about this. The channel changes the picture to a group of people having a candlelight vigil with the subtitle. 'Family holds a candlelight vigil for fallen soldiers in Afghanistan.' My heart stops as the newscaster begins talking.

"That's just hard to watch Sally." The caster says to his cohort who just nods her head. "A raid gone wrong a couple of weeks ago and our news team has just been able to get into the area and surveillance the damage. From what we've been told here is that, there were a few different units acting under order from an anonymous tip that there was certain activity which involved a potential threat to the country and unfortunately it was a set up and a suicide bomber took down the building with some soldiers still inside."

My heart races as I wait to hear any mention of anything involving Lisa's unit. My mouth goes dry as I hear more details about the casualty. I send up a silent prayer begging that this isn't close to home. It can't be. She promised.

"This is shocking news John." The female caster adds with a head nod. "Clearly a deliberate attack on the soldiers. Like you said there were a few different units involved and sadly quite a few causalities because of this. We're now going to take you guys back out to the candlelight vigil being held in Springfield, Missouri as we display the names of the fallen soldiers across the bottom of the screen here. We will be gathering more information on this event and fill you all in as we find out. Here we go..." She says as the screen goes back to the group of people standing outside holding candles for their fallen loved ones.

I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves as I see both my parents and my dog come up behind me. I silently thank them for not making me turn off the T.V and for being here for support. I search the bottom of the screen, praying that Lisa's name doesn't cross it as a family member of a soldier talks.

"He was as loving as they get. Never a bad word to say about anyone. He only joined because he wanted to follow in his father and grandfathers footsteps." The woman chokes up as she talks about her son. I keep my eyes focused on the names flashing across the bottom of the screen. There's so many..."He was a good boy. He fought hard for this country and I'm sure he died with as much integrity as he lived with." The woman pauses, clearly getting choked up. But I can't pay her any mind right now. I have to keep my eyes focused on the names. I've memorized every name Lisa has mentioned in past conversations. I'm searching for anyone she's ever talked about. "But I guess the only solace we can find in this heart wrenching time is that we know that our son is coming home so we can give him a proper burial. Some families are not able to do this at this time. We understand that some soldiers are still unaccounted for and we just want to send a prayer out to all the families still waiting to know... we are with you." I glance up at the woman, as the final names display across the screen. I haven't seen Lisa's or anyone that was in her unit. Thank God.

"I'm sure the families out there are very appreciative." The reporter says to the woman who nods.

"God bless you all and God bless my son, Sergeant Zachery James. You will forever be in our hearts." I stop scanning just as the name flashes across the screen in unison with the woman's words. I know him... I know that name. Lisa has talked to me about him. He's in her unit and he's...

I feel myself break. I see the man on the TV lips moving but I hear nothing. I can't move, I can't breathe, and right now. I'm pretty sure everything within me has shattered much like the glass of juice that goes crashing to the floor.