I drum my fingers on the steering wheel thinking about what I'm doing here. Seriously what am I doing here? I'm not home to make friends, I'm not even home for that long. I run my hand down my face and groan tiredly. I'm just going to call and cancel because...well just because.

I grab my phone and go to her name. I stare at it as I try to think of why I'm canceling. I don't want to lie. I swallow and my throat feels a bit scratchy. I can tell her I'm coming down with something and I don't want her to be exposed. Yeah that works. I start the message and while I type a knock on my window breaks my concentration. I look up and see Jisoo smiling down at me. I smile weakly and delete the message.

"Hey, you made it." She redundantly states as I step out of the car. I'm caught off guard when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. I inhale sharply at the contact and breathe her in. She smells really good. She lets my tense body go and takes a step back. "Sorry I thought a hug would be okay, we could like high five or something next time." She tells me slightly embarrassed and I realize that I haven't said one word yet.

"No you're fine I just didn't expect one."

"Well expect the unexpected and whatnot." She responds airily, I snort because it's kind of corny. She laughs as well and shakes her head. "Yeah that was bad."

"Just a little bit, yeah." I nod my head in the direction of the food trucks. "Come on let's eat."

We walk in silence towards the aisle of food trucks. The streets winding down as families head back home to get ready for the new week ahead of them. Summer is fast approaching but the school year is still in. I wonder for a moment what Jisoo's status is and I'm grateful for the topic because I don't know how much longer we have before the silence becomes awkward.

"So what do you do when you're not stalking me?" I ask, turning to face her. I can see a smirk playing at her lips.

"Well stalking you takes up so much of my time that I don't really have time to do anything else." She says, finally allowing the smirk to appear.

"Sounds exhausting." I reply quickly, mirroring her face.

"Well, since I know what you do I guess its only fair that you know something about me." She shrugs as we reach a Korean food truck. I glance up, reading the name: 'Kogi BBQ.' Being overseas I've developed quite the palate. I've learned to not be a picky eater not that I ever was one but it's definitely gotten a variety of tastes since I first left home. Either eat what's in front of me or don't eat. More often than not the food has actually been pretty good.

"That seems fair. "

"Doesn't it though!" Jisoo exclaims excitedly and I laugh. It feels good actually, weirdly enough it feels natural...normal. I've been trying hard to be normal and the one time I'm not trying something normal happens. I feel a tiny bit lighter. It's making me feel a bit uncomfortable. As I have my internal freak out at how nice it feels to feel something, and decide whether or not I should feel guilty; Jisoo orders her food and pays. I look up and notice that she is holding two containers in her hand and two bottles of water.

"I ordered for you, your mind seemed a bit busy."

"Huh?"

I shake my head ridding it of the fog that's gathered and return to my lunch...date I guess. I'm not entirely sure what this is, if I'm being honest. Jisoo giggles as she motions her head towards an empty bench nearby.

"I looked at you after I ordered my food you seemed, I don't know, not here so I just chose something."

We sit down and she hands me a water bottle. She then holds both containers on both palms of her hands and holds it up in front of me.

"Pick." She orders and I'm a bit nervous because I don't know what's in either of these dishes. I look warily at the girl in front of me and she's just sporting this smile that's hard to describe but it feels like its inviting me to trust her.

"What if I don't like what I get?" I ask honestly, even if the possibility is slim, it's there. She just shrugs.

"Sometimes you just have to take a chance on what you don't know. You may turn out loving it, or it may even become your favorite thing in the world, so pick."

I stare at both white containers and sigh choosing the one in her right hand. She gives it to me and I open it. It turns out to be Bulgogi with a side of Pajori, I'm satisfied with my choice as I glance over at Jisoo's. She's smirking again.

"It's the same thing!" I shout out and she erupts into laughter.

"Yeah, but you didn't know that and you still took a chance." She smiles cheekily, wiggling her eyebrows before diving a fork into her food.

I savor the taste as I stuff a forkful of the beef into my mouth. I never knew food from a truck could be so good. But then again, I've been overseas for over two years now, just about anything would taste good at this point. I'm not one for complaining much.

"You're doing that thing again." Jisoo turns and says with a mouthful.

I swallow the food in my mouth before replying, "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full. I'm sure your mom has taught you that." I pop a brow and smirk.

She swallows and says, "Okay swallowing police." I scrunch my brows and make a face before we both chuckle. "That sounded a whole lot better in my head." She makes a horrified face.

"I'm sure it did." I nod, continuing to laugh at how horrible of a comeback that was.

"Can I ask you something personal?" She turns to face me, placing her box of food down next to her on the bench and wrapping her left leg underneath her right one.

"Sure." I mimic her actions.

"Is it as bad as they say? You know...over there?"

I clear my throat, unprepared for this questioned. No one has ever asked me this. Then again, I haven't really given anyone else the opportunity. I think this is the first time I've spent more than an hour with someone without making an excuse to leave.

"Yeah." I nod. It's the most simple and honest answer I could come up with.

"Then why are you so...normal?"

I stare at her, contemplating my answer. I'm far from normal, believe me. "I'm not." I shake my. I figured it's best to be honest with her. "I try to be, I want to be..." I trail off, looking down at my food. It's hard to be normal when you've seen the things I've seen, been through some of the things I've been through. Normal just isn't really a possibility. "I just don't know how."

I chuckle because I honestly believe that was funny, because when you think about it; does anyone really know how to be normal?

Jisoo makes this 'hmph' noise and I look at her curiously, as if at any moment she will reveal the secret of normalcy.

"We all have different definitions of normal..." She shrugs, picking up her food and eating it again.

"Yeah well..." I snort, shaking my head. "I'm pretty sure everyone else's definition is a hell of a lot different from mine."

She chews her food as she tilts her head from side to side contemplating my response. She cutely taps the fork to her lips and I chuckle.

"My comment isn't that wise to deserve such contemplation."

She breathes out a laugh and I just eat another forkful of my Korean BBQ.

"I was just trying to figure out why you think that you're definition is so far from everyone else's."

I glance at her and take a hefty swig of my water to buy me some time. I don't like the depth this conversation is going and I would really like to take the focus off me. I exhale heavily and squeeze my half empty water bottle. I'm anxious, I know she's waiting for me to give some sort of explanation but I honestly am not ready nor do I want to divulge such a confession. She senses that I'm uncomfortable and terribly segways into another topic.

"I write." I furrow my brows in confusion about how we got here.

"I read." I say slowly unclear if I'm supposed to one up her. She her lips and shakes her head as a smile splays across her face.

"I'm telling you the one thing, to make my stalking you less creepy."

"Ah right, my one bit of information on Jisoo..." I draw out the end of her name waiting for her to finish it. She glares at me playfully.

"Kim."

"Jisoo Kim the writer." She smiles like she likes the way it sounds.

"Lisa..." She does the same with my name the way I've done with hers and I rolls my eyes, chuckling softly.

"Manoban." I finish.

"Lisa Manoban the hero." She giggles at her title and the smile I wore earlier quickly fades away. I'm not a hero. Not in the least bit.

I close up the container and readjust my water bottle so I can hold both in the same hand. I stand up, I'm suddenly uncomfortable and my first instinct is to go. I look down at her and she's just shaking her head. I can't help but ask.

"What?"

"Should I bother?" I'm obviously confused so she clarifies. "Taking a chance?" She stands up and tosses out her trash in the nearby bin. "I'm not asking you to put everything out on the table. I'm here...just being here; trying to get to know you. I just want to—"

"Why?" I shrug. "I'm no one special, I'm just... me." I turn and toss my trash in the bin closest to my side of the bench.

"I know." She chuckles lightly, nodding as she glances down at the ground. "I'm just trying to get to know you... this you. Will you let me?" She asks, finally looking up at me.

I don't know what to say. I haven't talked to anyone on this level in four years. Not even my platoon buddies. I mean we talked to kill time or sometimes because we had no other choice but mostly I kept to myself and until now that's been okay. But here is this girl, trying to get to know me... the real me and I don't know if I'm ready to show her, mostly because I'm not really sure who I am.

"I don't know." I reply honestly. I don't want to get her hopes up. She sighs, glancing towards the parking lot. "I'm sorry." I say for some unknown reason.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I don't know." I shrug, because I really don't know. I just felt like something needed to be said in that moment and sorry was all I could come up with. "How much do I owe you for lunch?" I dig into my pocket, pulling out my wallet.

"No worries." She waves me off. "It's on me."

"No." I shake my head, pulling out a twenty dollar bill. "I insist." I hold the money out, hoping she wouldn't make a big deal and just take it.

"Seriously Lisa, it's really not a problem, I like getting to buy you lunch. I mean, how often do you get to say you bought a hero lunch?" She smiles and I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips.

"I wish you would stop doing that." I say as I put the twenty back in my wallet and stuff it back into my pocket.

"What?" She asks, confused.

"Calling me a hero."

"But you—"

"I'm not." I cut her off, my tone a little more abrasive than I intended. The look on her face tells me she's caught off guard too.

"Okay." She says softly. "I won't say it again." I drop my head and watch as she kicks up some dirt under her feet. "I guess I should get going I've got some things to write and you probably got some things to read and whatnot." I lift my head to gauge her expression, I really can't tell with this girl sometimes. She gives me a small smile before turning to look at the parking lot again. "I'm gonna go." She thumbs towards the cars. "I had a really good time today Lisa. Best Sunday I've had in a while. I really hope we can do it again." She lets her statement hang in the air, waiting for me to either shoot down her idea or validate it.

"Yeah." I nod, returning a smile, because truthfully no matter how intense things got today, I still had fun. The most fun I've had in a while actually.

"Cool." She smiles, taking her keys from her pocket. "Later, Lisa." She gives me another toothy smile before strutting off towards her car.

I watch her as she leaves and I back away towards my own car. I drive home thinking about Jisoo's request to get to know me. If I let that happen what exactly do I show? I intend on driving home but somehow detour towards the cemetery again. Whenever I had to make a decision about something I'd go to my friends. Friends that were no longer around. Rose would just make the choice for me, while Jiwon would help me weigh my options and then they'd both bicker on what I should do. It'd turn into a show for me and make the decision less stressful.

I get out of my car and walk down the path towards the last place they'll ever be and I take a seat in between both of them. I think about how this would look if a stranger were to walk by. Completely morbid I'm sure, but right now I can't let that get to me. I sigh, remembering something I wish I could forget.

–

"Jiwon you're a lousy drinker, maybe you should slow down." I tell my friend as he readies himself to toss the ping pong ball into another cup.

"I'm good, Lis." He yells over the music and screaming teenagers.

"He's good." Rose adds. "Plus we're whooping their asses!" She points a finger at Jackson and Joy.

"Beginners luck." Jackson smacks his teeth as Jiwon gets his ball in yet another cup.

"Whooo." Him and Rose yell, throwing their hands up in the air.

"." Joy mumbles, picking up the cup and drinking it's contents. "Who's idea was it again to use tequila?" She asks, contorting her face in horror as she swallows the clear liquid. "Ah! It burns." She adds, slamming the plastic red cup onto the ping pong table.

"It adds to the fun." Jackson shoulder bumps his partner. "Some cups have beer and some have tequila."

"You're just trying to get the girls wasted faster so they'll sleep with you." Rose quips. Jackson's eyes pop open wide as he tosses a ping pong ball at Rose.

"Shut it, Park." He chuckles as she tosses a ball back at him. I watch as Jiwon head drops, watching the scene unfold before him. It was no secret that Jackson had a thing for Rose and an even bigger non secret was the thing Jiwon had for Rose. The only person who couldn't see Jiwon's love for her was Rose. Luckily, no one knew my secret. The secret I've kept buried for years.

–

"I miss you both so much." I say as I feel the tears falling freely. "I don't know how to be here. To be here and attempt to be happy without you." I sigh, shutting my eyes tightly. Sometimes when I concentrate hard enough I can hear their voices. Rose telling me what to do and Jiwon helping me weigh the options. "What do I do?"

"Lisa?" I look up to see Mrs. Kim standing over me.

I quickly wipe my face, standing up. "Mrs. Kim. Um... hi." Yeah that's all I've got. I've been avoiding this moment for years now.

"How are you?" She asks, a small smile playing at her lips.

How am I? How am I? She's standing in a graveyard, next to her dead son's body and she wants to know how I am?

"I'm here." I shrug. I groan, realizing how stupid of an answer that was. Of course she knows you're here dumb , you're standing right in front of her. "What I mean is, I'm just... I'm trying to-"

"I know." She nods, finally letting her lips curl up into a smile. "You don't have to avoid us Lisa, we're not angry with you." She shakes her head and I drop mine to look at the ground. I don't know what to say to that. "We're not." Mrs. Kim says, lifting my head by my chin. "We're happy that you're here." She nods. "We're happy that your parents didn't have to go through what we did. I'm glad that you weren't in that car. We just..." She closes her eyes, releasing a heavy sigh. I feel like this is something she's wanted to get off her chest for a while but I guess I haven't really given her the chance. "We'd like it if you stopped by more often, you know, when you're in town." She smiles. I nod quickly, not knowing what else to do. "You can come in, you don't have to sit in the car."

So that was Mrs. Kim all those times watching me from the window. I sigh a little disappointed. I know that Jiwon's gone but I don't know. I felt some glimmer of hope or something imagining him watching me from his window each time I drove away.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good." She smiles and nods once as she bends down to place a bouquet of flowers on both Rose and Jiwon's graves. "My husband and I would love to have you over for dinner one day this week if you're available." She says as she backs up to look at me.

"I'd love to." I force a smile, only because I'm imagining how awkward this dinner is going to be. What do I say to them? How do I act?

"Good. Friday sound good?"

"That's great." I nod. She leans forward, kissing my cheek and hugging me before turning and leaving the graveyard. I turn around, flopping back down on the ground. "Your mom just invited me to dinner Jiwon." I turn to look at his headstone. "What the heck am I gonna wear?"