Jisoo's POV

"Jisoo." My father's gruff voice pulls me from my thoughts. How did we get here? I've been so out of it that I didn't even notice the fact that we're all the way home. I turn to look at him, twirling the necklace Lisa gave me between my fingers. I didn't even realize I was doing that. I drop the necklace and squeeze my eyes in attempt to press the thoughts out of my head. I sigh heavily and rest my head against the back of the seat. We're in the driveway but none of us are moving. I feel their eyes on me and I know they are waiting for me to say something, anything. The thing is I don't even know what to say. Truthfully I'm not even sure what's happening right now. I'm hurt but I don't know exactly what for. I'm trying to piece together my emotions and logically come up with some valid reason why I'm as distraught as I am.

"Jisoo do you want to tell us what happened back there, honey?" My mother chimes in. I look up, examining my parents' faces. They look concerned and the way Dalgom is gently nudging his head into my arm, he's trying to comfort me with his furry body and any other time I'd appreciate it but right now I just want to be left alone. I feel myself slowly descending to the place that I left so quickly when Lisa entered my life. I forget that my family is waiting for me speak so I give them an honest answer to their difficult question.

"Not really." I shake my head, opening the car door to exit. I can't really discuss this with my parent's right now. Even if I did I wouldn't know exactly what to say. How do I even tell them? Should I even tell them? They've both been healing so well and I don't want this new information to upset them. I feel my chest constricting and this pressure I'm putting on myself is exactly how it started last time. This pressure to be strong, to be visible so the loss of a child didn't become overwhelming is gradually building back up. I just got over that and now I don't know what to do. I need time to process.

How did I not figure it out? I pride myself on my attention to detail. I should have paid more attention to the details. I should have examined their graves better maybe the fact that they all died on the same day or how they died would've tipped me off. I got distracted and not realizing makes it so much worse. I'm smarter than that.

I stop, scanning my brain for an answer...any answer. I get out of the car and it's as if my family had been waiting on my initiation of movement because they all follow me. I hold the door open for Doc to jump out. All my movements are robotic and I'm moving with no life. I sigh as I walk up the driveway to the house, Dalgom at my side. I close my eyes, picturing her face. I shouldn't have stormed off the way I did. It wasn't fair to her, it wasn't fair to all that we've built over this past month and a half. I feel like I don't have a right to be mad at Lisa, yet I am. She wasn't driving the car, hell she wasn't even in the car but I can't help to feel the way I'm feeling right now. Does that make me a bad person? She's been blaming herself for so long maybe I'm blaming her for the same thing. I don't even know what that thing is. Yeah, I'm a bad person.

I'm trying to force my brain to stop thinking about all this, but it's not working. I walk into the house, trudge up the stairs and close the door to my room behind me. I hear Dalgom whimper on the other side but I don't even have the emotional capabilities to soothe him right now. I just want to feel better and move on and the only thing that's helping is the thought of Lisa. My eyes shoot open as I quickly realize something. I need to get back to Lisa, we need to talk about this. Running away from her was an awful idea because as bad as I'm hurting right now, I know she's ten times worse. A guilt that she's been carrying for so long has now possibly worsened and I didn't make things better. I reach for my phone and attempt to call her but it goes straight to voice mail.

I berate myself. She's probably ignoring me. I would ignore me too if I blew up on me for something I didn't do, or didn't realize until that moment. I drop onto my bed, stare at my ceiling. She's already blamed herself and now this too. I try again...voice mail I try to reason with myself. It was the shock, she can't be mad forever. I didn't know how to handle it, where to put this new information, the people she knew are the reason my brother is not here. Then again if it were the other way around would I still be arguing the same thing? If Jin hadn't of gone out for a late night taco craving his car would have never been there, they probably wouldn't have gotten into an accident and they'd all be alive. Is that a stretch?

I call a third time, again her voice mail. I'm feeling pain for a different reason because now I just want to speak to her. I miss her. All these what ifs that are going through my head don't do anything. They just create new scenarios that would keep me in a depression I don't need to be in. I don't want to create new scenarios when Lisa leaves. Regretting the decision of not fixing things. I have to talk to her. I get up to grab my keys and decide I just need to go to Lisa. As I wrench the door open I jump slightly at my mother on the other side. I grab my heart and chuckle a little.

"Mom, you scared me." I finally get a good look at my mother and her face brings ice to my bones.

"Jisoo..."

My mouth drops open slightly. My throat dries quickly. She's only said my name like this one other time.

I look out my bedroom window waiting for Jin. He left to grab tacos. He was craving them and now he's out in the middle of the night grabbing an obnoxious amount of them I'm sure. I hope he hurries though because mom and dad will be mad if they know it's their car he took. I hear the house phone ring and some scuffling. I furrow my brows as I hear my mother shout hysterically. Her shouts become sobs and my father asks if she's okay in a panic. I walk out of my room to check on them. As I stand in front of their door my hand raised in midair I'm scared to move. I don't know what's waiting for me on the other side and I'm hoping Jin gets back soon because whatever is upsetting my mother this much she's going to need us all to comfort her.

I knock on the door and I hear hurried footsteps. My mother opens the door; her face red, tears streaming down her face.

"Mom are you alright?" I don't recognize my own voice. It's quivering with fear.

"Jisoo..."

"Mom what's wrong?" She reaches out for my hand but I pull back.

She's trying to comfort me. Why is she trying to comfort me? I wish she'd just answer me with something other than my name.

"Mom!" I shout. I don't mean to it just happens that way. She comes off surprised and honestly so am I. I don't yell at my parents.

"It's Lisa."

My knees give out and just like that I'm on the ground. My mom's arms encircle me and just like a lot of things today; I don't realize the tears that are down my face until my mother wipes them away. I can't speak but the look I give my mother let's her know what I'm asking. She nods once calling for my father and Dalgom. My dad appears from somewhere, lifting me into his arms and carrying me downstairs to the car. I'm not a hundred percent sure what's happening right now. My mother didn't really give me anything but the way she said it's Lisa tells me everything I need to know.

Something has happened to Lisa and I can't help but feel guilty. If I hadn't of stormed off the way I did we'd both be back at my house, watching TV, holding hands and cherishing the time we have left together before she heads back overseas.

I'm in a car right now on my way to what I'm assuming is the hospital. I close my eyes tightly praying that this is all just a dream, this isn't happening. None of this is real. I wish, but I know it is. These are the same wishes I wished for Jin and we know how that turned out.

I close my eyes and pray as my parent's and I make our way towards the hall the woman at the desk just told us Jin was on. This isn't happening. It isn't real. I try to hold it together as we rush forward. I lose grip on my fathers hand as a crowd of people past us. In the back of that crowd a blonde.

"I'm sorry." She whispers as she bumps into me.

"It's okay." I shake my head and reply barely above a whisper. It doesn't even seem like the words left my lips but the subtle nod of her head lets me know she heard me. I don't get a chance to really look at her face because right now I have somewhere to be. I have to go be with my parent's and comfort them.

"She was in an accident." Mrs.M continues to explain to my parents. I can barely hear what she's saying though. Lisa ran a light and to avoid smashing into another car, to avoid hurting an innocent person she swerved her car into a tree. A head-on collision with a tree to possibly save the life of another person, she sacrificed herself. Her own safety.

"Where is she?" I open my mouth finally, forcing the words out. I look around at all the people that have gathered for Lisa. The Kims are sitting together in a pair of chairs behind us, the Park's standing up next to them, her parents trying desperately to comfort one another while her little brother is laid out on a few of the chairs asleep. It's good they didn't wake him, I'm not sure how Luke would handle this and of course my family standing, waiting for the doctor to return. She has no idea how much she's loved.

How much I love her.

I was so stupid to run away.

"She's in surgery, they won't let anyone up right now." Mrs. M shakes her head, dropping her head into her hands but not before I catch a glimpse of her eyes and I can see the tears in them. She's trying to put on a brave face, much like I did that night with Jin.

I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her. I'm not sure what comes over me, the gesture catching her a bit off guard as well. "She's gonna be fine." I glance up at the taller woman. "If there's anything I've learned about in the time that I've known her is that she's a fighter and she'll fight as hard as she can to get back to us. She loves you, every last one of you more than you'll ever know and she's grateful for all that you've done for her. She really is." I nod for emphasis as the Park's and Kims make their way over to us.

"Lisa is so lucky to have found you." Mrs. Kim nods, allowing a small smile to appear at her lips.

"No." I shake my head, looking around at the group of adults. "I'm the lucky one." I close my eyes as a tear falls down my cheeks. I'm trying to be strong but I can't. Not when it comes to her. A single tear turns into a wave and as I feel my knees get weak a set of arms wrap around me and then another set and another...

I'm warmed by the fact that so many people care for me, care for us. I barely know the Park's or the Kims, but because Lisa loves me they're comforting me. I tried to be strong for all of them but they took the role from me. They're comforting me and Lisa's family. We're all huddled together. Mrs. M's hand is gripping mine and her husband has his arm wrapped around her shoulder. We are just sitting quietly and I realize the connection we all have to each other and just how important Lisa is. How this probably doesn't affect me only. I'm the only one that knows though. I'm the only one that realizes that we've all been here before. That we've all lost someone this way. The universe has a real bull way of discerning déjà vu. I don't want to be here again. Waiting to see if someone I love is going to open their eyes again. Waiting to see if I'll hear their laugh again, or if I'll feel their touch again, it's not fair.

I look at each couple and then at Lisa's family. They don't deserve this, they don't need to know what it feels like to lose a child. They just got her back and I want to scream. I feel my face get red with anger. I let go of Mrs. M's hand and excuse myself as calmly as I can. Everyone just looks at me and I back away from the group.

I push my legs to the limit as I speed out of the doors of the emergency room.

I don't care who is around or that they may end up looking but I run towards the grassy area and drop to my knees letting out a large long scream. It's agonizing. It rips through my throat, my chest is constricted, my fingernails dig into the palm of my hand. I run out of air and the power of it finally dies down. I sob. I thought I was done with that but apparently my emotions still have to reveal themselves in some way. My body shakes as I sob heavily. I feel a pair of hands on my back. I quickly turn around and though I didn't care if anyone saw me like this, this one matters most.

"Hey Lucas." I try to say as cheerfully as I can. He gives me a soft smile. His innocence in this whole thing makes it even harder to hold back my tears. They fall freely. "What are you doing out here bud?"

My voice is hoarse as I address him. I'm still on my knees and I attempt to get up but he just walks in front of me, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"You can keep crying if you want Jisoo."

I choke out a pathetic laugh. A seven year old comforting me, how cute is he? That's too much responsibility at that age. Before I can do or say anything he drops into my lap and I instinctively wrap my arms around him.

"It's okay buddy I think I'm all cried out." I lie because there's a lump in my throat that's growing by the millisecond and it hurts the more I fight off the tears and attempt to talk. "How'd you get out here your parents must be worried."

I turn to look behind me to see if the his parents are searching out here for him. The last thing they need is to panic about another child. He grabs my face and looks me in my red puffy eyes.

"I told them I was going to the bathroom. I woke up and saw that you weren't with everyone. I came outside first to check because my dad says the best thing to do when you're upset is to get some fresh air, and I saw you." He looks at me deeply in the eyes and I swallow the lump in my throat. It's killing me.

"Do you know what's going on Luke?"

He looks at me as if I asked the stupidest question in the world.

"I'm smarter than people think I am. I know Li is hurt but I also know that she's the strongest person ever. She also always keeps her promise, she told me she's coming back and I know she won't let us down. She won't let you down."

I assume he's referring to when she discussed her departure for her last tour with him but the level at which this kid thinks is extremely dumbfounding. Deep down I know Lisa is going to pull through. I believe in her. I believe in us.

"Thank you Lucas, that was really sweet of you to come out here and check on me."

"You'd do the same for me." He answers nonchalantly.

I smile and nod in agreement. I muster up the little bit of strength I have and push us both from off the ground. I keep him in my arms and we both hug each other tightly. I put him down and we walk back hand in hand into the hospital.

We make it back to the waiting room and take my seat back next to Mrs. M. Lucas climbs into my lap and rests his head on my shoulder. I fall into this peace when I realize I have so much of Lisa around me. Her little brother and her parents are pieces of her. They don't make up for who she is to me but for right now they'll do until I get her back.

I feel a gentle hand on my thigh and my eyes slowly open. I must've fallen asleep, drained from the myriad of emotions from this day. Mrs. M is looking at me and she turns her head. The doctor is coming. His white coat, green scrubs, and blank look on his face sends me back to that night.

"Who is here for Jin Kim?" My parents' and my head snap up in unison. The doctor is finally here to say something. After hours of not knowing anything, I debate if it's better to be ignorant. He has a blank look on his face and in that moment I despise the ability a doctor has to build suspense. Smile, frown, do something instead of looking like you have no ability to muster up an emotion. I swallow as we all get up and make our way over to the doctor with an amazing poker face. I shake my head again, wishing this moment away. I don't have to hear the words he says. When the scream leaves my mothers lips I know... I know that my brother is gone. Twenty-four years old and he's gone. I wanna cry. I wanna fall to the floor and break down but I know that I have to be strong for my parents because they've just lost one child, they shouldn't have to bury their emotions to comfort another. So I do the comforting as the doctor explains what happened.

A drunk driver ran a red light and smashed into his car, the doctors did everything they could but his injuries were too severe.

My face contorts in pain as I realize that I'll never see my big brother again. He just went for tacos. He was hungry and wanted some stupid tacos. I fight the tears that threaten to fall as I wrap my arms around my broken parents.

No... right now I can't be anything but strong for them.

Lucas fell back asleep in my lap and I wonder if he woke up just to be my emotional savior. My father takes him gently and easily cradles him. I imagine how I must've looked when he carried me out of the house earlier. I stand up and Mrs. M is holding her hand out for me. I take it and we all three walk closer to the doctor.

"What's the verdict doc?" Mr. M starts and I swear I hold my breath. I may pass out if he takes any longer to answer.

"Well..."