I smile and roll over, looking at the clock. It's still early so I can go for my run. I can't believe this leave is almost over. My smile widens as I think of everything I've gained since coming home. A stronger relationship with my little brother, my mom and I are closer than ever, I've gotten to spend quality time with my dad, mended my relationships with the Kims and the Parks, did I mention the amazingly beautiful girl that I now call my girlfriend? No? Well yeah there's that too!

I pull myself out of bed, get dressed for my run and head downstairs to the kitchen.

"Hey mom." I greet my mother with a kiss on the cheek.

She smiles and places an orange in front of me. "Good morning, Lisa."

I smile, peeling my orange as my little brother climbs on a stool next to me.

"Morning, Li. Is Jisoo coming over today?" He questions with a smile.

"Not today bud." I shake my head, putting a piece of orange in my mouth. "She's a little busy." I hop down off my stool as my mom places a plate of food in front of my brother. He pouts and I ruffle his hair. "I'm sure she'll come over to see you tomorrow. We'll be here when you get out of school okay?"

His smile returns as he nods then stuffs a forkful of food into his mouth. "Going for my run."

"Are you going to Jiwon's later?" My mother questions. I nod as I'm leaving the kitchen, she shouts an 'okay and she'll see me later.' I head out for my morning room.

–

Today has been amazing so far. I won't let the date get me down. This is suppose to be a celebration of Jiwon and Rose's life so I'm refusing to sulk. Plus I'm going by Jisoo's later and that thought alone is keeping me happy. She said she had a busy morning but wouldn't really discuss it. I didn't press her about it though. I know she's probably preparing for her brother's memorial, I think it's one day this week. She hasn't really liked to talk about it much, but I completely understand what she's going through.

I pull up in front of the Kim's house and Mr. Kim doing some light yard work on this sunny day.

"Hey Mr. Kim." I greet him with a wave as I make my way up to the house.

"Hello Lisa." He smiles. I step inside the house, an action that would usually bombard me with memories. Force me to remember that he's gone. Not so much anymore. Now I chose what to feel, what to see. I think I've finally gotten a grip on my emotions.

"Well hello there, Lisa." Mrs. Park pulls me into a hug. I smile, saying a hello. "Is your family stopping by? I didn't get a chance to speak with your mother this morning."

"Yes ma'am they're coming over after Lucas gets out of school." I nod as Mrs. Kim appears from the kitchen.

"Hello, Lisa.." She greets me with a kiss to both cheeks. "Your parents?" She questions. I'm starting to think they want my parents here more than they want me. I chuckle and nod.

"After Lucas gets out of school." The two women in front of me nod head back into the kitchen, talking to each other. I head up the stairs to the room I frequented in my childhood. It feels weird to be in here. But not like a strange weird, a good weird if that makes any sense. I run a finger over a few things on Jiwon's desk. His parents haven't touched the room since the accident. I think it helps them to come in and see it exactly the way Jiwon left it.

"I miss you guys." I say aloud as I take a seat on Jiwon's bed. "I really do." I curl my lips into a smile remembering the time we were jumping on Jiwon's bed and he fell off nearly hitting his head on the drum kit he got for his ninth birthday. I think we laughed ourselves to sleep that day. He said he saw his life flash before his eyes. I told him he was being dramatic and he damn near tickled me to death.

"Lisa." A gentle hand shakes me awake. I look up and see Mrs. Kim standing over me sporting a smile. I must have fallen asleep.

I didn't even realize that I was tired. I sit up, placing Jiwon's favorite bear back on his pillow. Yes, in case you're wondering, he still slept with a teddy bear. In his defense, his grandmother gave it to him when he was two and she died when we were eleven. It was all he had left of her so he dug it out of his closet and started sleeping with it again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She shakes her head, waving me off. "It's okay. I do it sometimes too." She smiles. "Dinner's ready." I nod and she leaves giving me a couple more seconds.

"I know you're watching over me Jiwon, I just wanna say thanks for putting Jisoo in my path." I smile at the prospect of my friends being the ones to push me towards Jisoo. Yeah, it probably makes no sense but the thought alone brings a smile to my face. I kiss my fingers then place them on a picture of the three of us on his desk. "Sleep well, dream dreams and wake up, for the love of God wake up tomorrow." I say quietly, closing my eyes. I smile as I think of all the times Jiwon said that before we got off the phone at night. It was corny then and Rose and I would pick at him for it, but what I'd give to hear him say it to me now. I leave his room, closing the door behind me and head downstairs.

"There she is!" My dad half shouts when I enter the dinning room. I shake my head as the group of adults all cheer for my arrival. Mr. Kim, Mr. Park and my dad all start talking about basketball stats while the women discuss the recipes to the dishes they've each contributed. Lucas looks up at me and shakes his head as I take a seat next to him. I feel you buddy.

This little makeshift family is crazy... every last one of them, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

–

"I've missed you today." I greet Jisoo with a kiss as she pulls me into the house.

"You have no idea." She smiles, hugging me.

"So what are we doing? You wanna go for a movie or something?" I ask, she drops her head looking timid. "Everything okay, Jisoo?" I question, pulling her head up to look at me.

"I know this is last minute and I know it's kind of selfish of me to ask but um... today is kind of the memorial for my brother's death and I didn't tell you because I know that you have a lot going on this week yourself and death is not really something that you're all that comfortable with, but I was wondering if you would come with us to go-"

"Yes." I cut her off, not even having to think about it.

A smile plays at her lips. "Really?"

"Yes." I nod. I pull her closer to me, taking her hands in mine. "Jisoo you've been there for me in ways you will never understand. I was broken, I was shattered to pieces and you fixed me. You put me back together piece by piece and I will never be able to repay you for that. Anything you ever ask of me I'll do. No questions asked. Do you understand?" I try to make her realize how serious I am about what I'm saying. Jisoo has been a Godsend. The least I can do is support her in a time of need, like she's done for me countless times.

"You're so amazing." She smiles, pulling me into a kiss.

"Ready to head out?" Her mom, dad and Dalgom appear from... somewhere.

"Mhm..." Jisoo nods. "Is it okay that Lisa comes?" She asks her parents.

"Of course." They nod. "Lisa is always welcomed."

"Thank you." I tell her parents as I grab Jisoo's hand entangling her fingers in mine.

"I'm gonna ride with Lisa." She tells her parents as we head out the door.

As I follow behind Jisoo's parents on the way to honor Jisoo's brother I realize she's never told me anything about his death.

"Jisoo." I say softly. She mumbles out an absentminded 'hmm?' as she plays with my fingers. "You never told me what happened to your brother." I say just as softly. I don't want to upset her or anything. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want, I was just wondering."

"No it's fine." She shakes her head, glancing up at me briefly. "He died in a car accident." She says after a moment. I sigh and shake my head. "What is it?" She questions. I turn to look at her briefly making sure to keep my eyes focused on the road.

"It's just my friends died in a car accident too." I purse my lips, feeling the sadness coming on.

"Curse these man made contraptions." Jisoo says after a moment of silence, hitting my dashboard for emphasis. I can't help but smile at her. She looks at me, returning the smile. It's amazing how in such a short time she can sense when my mood is changing, read my mind and then say the right thing to make me feel better.

"Easy with Jessie, she's sensitive." I rub the spot Jisoo just attacked. She turns to me with an amused look.

"You named your car, Jessie?" She quirks a brow. I alternate between her and the road.

"Yeah." I reply with a shrug. "And she's sensitive so I think you should apologize."

"I'm sorry Jessie." She rubs the spot she hit, leaning forward and kissing the dashboard. "Thank you so much for keeping my girlfriend safe whenever she drives you." She adds for good measure and I can't help but smile wider at the cuteness that is my girlfriend.

As we come to a stop I get this overwhelming feeling. Something isn't right. 

Jisoo and I get out of the car, walking up to Mr. and Mrs. Kim and Dalgom. This all feels too familiar.

"This is where your brother got into his accident?" I turn to Jisoo and ask. She nods sadly.

"He was hit by a drunk driver, they ran the light." She points to the intersection.

What is happening right now?

"Jisoo do you know who hit him?" I ask, backing away from her a bit. She moves closer to me, confusion and concern written all over her face. I watch as her parents pull candles from the backseat of their car. Lighting four, one for each year they've been without their loved one.

"No." Jisoo answers pulling me back to earth. I forgot what I even asked. "The records were sealed, something about protecting the identity of the people, I think they were minors or something." She shrugs as her dad comes over and hands each of us a candle. "Lisa are you okay?" She asks. I shake my head.

I'm not okay.

This street... this corner... this place... it's...

Oh my God!

–

This isn't happening, this can't be happening. None of this is real. It's a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from any moment now.

As I run into the hospital my heart is breaking. I know what's happened, I know cause it's all my fault. I left them, I left them and now.

"I'm sorry." I bump into someone, not paying attention to where I'm going.

"It's okay." Her voice comes out in a whisper but I can feel pain seeping from her. The same pain I feel. I glance up briefly, seeing a flash of blonde but I can't focus on the person I just crashed into. I can't focus on anything right now.

"Two teenagers just came in, they were in a car accident." I tell the woman at the first desk I come to, she points to her right. I look at the hall, the word Emergency written over the entrance. I close my eyes, my breathing erratic as I turn and run down the hall that seems never ending. I flashback to the party in my head. What I could have done differently. What I should have done differently.

I knew they were both drunk. I shouldn't have left them. No matter how mad I was at them, I should have stayed. They were my friends and I just left them.

I left them and now...

"Lisa." Mrs. Park's voice pulls me back to reality.

"Are they..." I trail off, unable to even think the words.

"Jiwon was driving." She pauses shaking her head. "He didn't make it." I close my eyes, taking in her words.

"No." I drop to the ground, or at least I would have if Mrs. Park wasn't holding me up. "Rose?" I look at her, barely able to make out her face through the blurriness.

"She's in surgery. I barely got to talk to her before they took her up." Her face contorts in pain with the realization of her words. Her daughter, her only child is in surgery right now, clinging to life.

"This is all my fault." I tell her as the tears fall harder, because it is. "I left them, I just... I was so angry that I-"

"Don't you dare do that Lisa. This isn't your fault. You didn't force them to drink and drive. This is not on you!" Mrs. Park chides me. But no matter what she says it will always be my fault. Jiwon is gone and Rose is... she's... I can't force myself to say the words. I continue to cry in Mrs. Park's arms as Jiwon's mom and dad sob into each others arms. I need to go hug them, I need to tell them... I don't know, something. Something that would make them feel better.

My mind is blank.

I try to listen to the doctor that comes out a few moments later to talk to Mrs. Park but I can't hear anything. Everything is hazy. The shrill of a cry that leaves Mrs. Park's lips tell me everything that I need to know though. They're gone, they're both gone and there's nothing I can do to bring them back. There's no amount words I could string together that would make this okay. I faintly hear Jiwon's mom ask the doctor about the other boy that was involved in the accident, but I don't hear what the doctor says as I wrap my arms around Mrs. Park this time. Pulling her into a tight hug. Jiwon's mom and dad join us, all of us attempting to bring some sort of comfort to the other.

"The other boy didn't make it." Jiwon's mom tells Mrs. Park. I look up to Rose's mom as her face contorts in horror. Her daughter and our best friend killed someone. Now I feel extra guilty. Not only did I get my friends killed, I got another boy killed, an innocent person. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

I can't remember how long we stayed this way. Sobbing on the floor of the emergency room. All I remember is my mom and dad picking me up off the floor and taking me home. The days that followed would be the worst days of my life.

–

My eyes go wide with the realization. I hand Jisoo the candle back shaking my head. This isn't happening right now. Please don't let her read my mind... my face...

Her face mirrors mine and I know it's too late. She's figured it out.

"It was your..." She trails off, the words dying in as she stares at me, examining my face.

I hold a hand up, trying to touch her. She steps back. "Jisoo it's not-"

"It was your friends. They got drunk and ran a red light, crashing into my brother's car. Wasn't it?" I can feel the tears building in my eyes. No matter what I say right now I'm gonna lose her. So it might as well be the truth.

"Yes." I nod, dropping my head. "I think so." I whisper. Her face contorts in pain. Her jaw slack. She's trying to find the words to say, anything to say. Much like I was doing on that night. But nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out.

She shakes her head, backing away from me. "I can't be here right now. I can't be near you."

"Jisoo I-"

"Did you know, this whole time?!" She half shouts, causing her parents and Dalgom to turn and look at us.

"No!" I shake my head quickly. "Of course not, Jisoo. If I knew I would have told you. I swear I would have." I go to touch her again but she moves away.

"Jisoo, is everything okay honey?" He dad questions.

"I wanna leave dad." She continues to back away from me.

"Jisoo please. Let me explain." I don't know exactly what I'm going to explain but I need her to not leave me right now. I need her to understand this from my point of view. She's been so understanding up to this point, I guess there's a limit.

"No." She shakes her head. "Just go away." She waves me off, turning around completely and heading towards her parents car. Her parents and Dalgom stare at me, waiting for me to explain why their daughter/master is walking away in tears right now. But I can't speak. I don't want the first person I attempt to explain this to, to be her parents and dog instead of her. So I opt to shake my head and shrug then take off towards my car.

My heart breaks with each step.

I may have just lost the most amazing person in my life. And then another wave of guilt rushes over me when I realize I'm the reason for her and her parents pain all these years. Her brother... their son would still be here if I wouldn't have stormed out and abandoned my friends. If I hadn't of left them I could have saved all their lives. I could have... I close my eyes, stopping my movement for a moment. The night air whips through my hair, it's cool but not cold. I remember the breeze from that night as I walked away, as I abandoned two of the people I cared for most in this world.

I open my eyes, shaking it all away. Attempting at least. But it's still there and it's ten times worse than before. The guilt, anger and pain I felt before is now multiplied by a hundred. The thought that I'm the reason for her family's loss, the reason Jisoo was so broken all those years...

I get into my car, tears blurring my vision. I look back to see the Jisoo's parent's car is already gone. This can't be how it ends. I take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves. I need to figure this out. I need to find a way to make Jisoo hear me out. She has to hear me out. I can't go forward with my life without her. My mind spins as I try to put the pieces together. I'm so distracted that I don't hear the horn blowing; the horn telling me to stop, the horn warning me of impending danger. I don't hear it and now it's too late.

My head hits the steering wheel and darkness takes over.