CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Insecure Feelings

The boy’s lips tighten as his eyes blankly stares on the television screen which is playing a movie that he is sure his friend will love to watch with him. His mind is completely off and his ears are keep on high alert, waiting for the small click on the door to show her figure entering the house in her tired form.

He even made dinner and at this time, he guesses he will probably have to reheat them seeing that she is not showing any sign of walking in anytime soon. Letting out a long sigh, Soonyoung leans his head on the sofa’s back rest before his body slowly slides down. Nothing showing on the TV interests him mainly due to the fact the particular animated film reminds him of Shinyoung as it is her favourite.

His ears and eyes brighten after minutes of boredom when his attention snaps towards the door. Smiling in the familiar fashion, Soonyoung rushes to the door and opens them. Immediately, his widened eyes decrease its size when not only the girl arrives late but the person she is laughing at is the one he dreads to see the most.

“Is there something I missed?” He uttered too quietly to a point of nonexistent. Shinyoung however steps in her home before turning to wave at Wonwoo for the night. Casually, the fellow bids his goodbye and it does not take much effort to notice the imaginary dagger being thrown by the other boy. It is only after she closes the door, she turns to face a slightly frowzy Kwon Soonyoung.

“I waited for you only to see you walking home with him? You were laughing too? Did you really go crazy or something?” Questions after questions fired over at her direction and she predicts this while her way back home. There was zero conversation exchanged. It was only when they were in the lobby that Wonwoo decided to crack a stupid yet very random joke that caused her to laugh.

“We made up, alright? I’ll spare you the details later.” Shinyoung said upon realising her body becoming lethargic from an eventful day. He should know that better than anyone else in and out of the house. He was literally with her most of the time until an hour ago since he left her to secretly meet up with the other lad. “No. I know that this is not important to you but-”

“It is important, Soon but not now I’m tired.”

“He treated you badly. How can you guys made up so easily? Did you guys have some sort of relationship I don’t know of?”

“Soon…”

“Seriously, he never had done anything good to you. Need I to remember how he constantly pushed you and-”

“Soonyoung…” Shinyoung muttered dejectedly when he is not dropping any hint of stopping any sooner. Rubbing her nape, she snaps her head back as she continues to listen to his rambling. “Maybe you guys never actually in a fight and I’m the only one not seeing any of this. I’m the dramatic one who sees bad things in people so-”

“Kwon Soonyoung!” The girl finally shouted, holding out her palm within his sight to stop him. He is a chatty fellow. She knew that since the day he moved in. It is the cheery aspect of him that he is a keeper in the house. She could use the positive vibes decorating her home after months of living in complete stillness. And she does not like the coldness that came along with it all the time.

“Look,” She signed for him to look up from the floor to meet her eyes. Those slanted eyes that always keep her sane at the most needed time and she is sure it is her turn to return the favour. He closes them for a brief while before opening them after exhaling. “Since you want to know it so badly…”

Shinyoung repeats her meeting with Wonwoo at RQS’s rooftop area. Upon knowing that, Soonyoung’s frozen body is visible to her and she felt that is unnecessary so she carefully places one hand on his shoulder. Thankfully, he appears to digest the information well though not entirely. That is probably because Shinyoung had been inking most of Wonwoo’s bad side in his mind which will need to be washed later.

“So…you’re saying he has long forgiven you? Are you sure he’s really cool with that?” Soonyoung questioned, still not buying whatever she is selling to him. It is too much to register so now he knew why she did not want to tell her from the start. “Apparently, he did.”

“If my instinct is right, he probably likes you to accept you even with all the stupid fights and insults and whatever tension this is with you two.”

“Why would he even like me?” Shinyoung scoffs at the assumption but deep in her mind, she is thinking about it. Is it even possible? Yes, Soonyoung answers her thought. Well, not straight on her face but his tiny voice did crack into her brain somehow. His verbal answer though shocks her even in the littlest bit.

“Who wouldn’t like you, Shin? Even I like you. Heck, it might be even more than that.” He appears calm when those escaped his mouth and that indeed freezes her consciousness instantaneously. She sees the corner of his lips shoot upwards, forming a smile. Something supposedly normal yet it is not because this one offers a different feeling.

A foreign feeling.

When she wants to pin point them down, Soonyoung’s eyes disconnect from hers before he easily pushes her hand off his shoulder. Nodding, he gently pats the side of her arm before turning around and before she can call his name, he shuts his bedroom door with a loud thud.

Suddenly the warm living room feels so cold as if someone just out the warmth of a sun and replacing them with the chillness of a moon.

“Good morning,” The jolly hearted Event Manager enters the performance hall and his greeting is immediately centralising the cast’s focus on him. Clad in neat semi-formal attire from head to toe, it is a wonder to many why the fellow is still single up to this day. A guy like him should at least have a line of fan girls trailing behind him. “Morning, Yanan.” He heard the Stage Manager’s reply the closest to him.

“How’s everyone doing?” Yanan friendlily starts their first day practicing at the hall by doing a quick briefing regarding the place since he is sure most of the cast joining them are first-timers and he rather not have an harm land on any of them.

“This is the Silver Diamond hall.” The Chinese boy halted on his speech when he sees Seungkwan’s hand in the air, waving manically for his attention. “Is there a Gold Diamond hall then?” The statement causes an eruption of laughter and they wonder where on Earth the actor gets such idea.

“There is.” The younger boy’s face sparks in interest though he does not expect an actual respond to his random question. Yanan adds on, “If you dig six feet deep into the ground, you’ll find one.”

“Six feet deep…wait a second-” Another round of laughing session fills the entire space when Seungkwan gradually realises the meaning behind Yanan’s statement, glaring at him while he has the chance. He is lucky he is in the same playful mood to openly welcome the laughs that are aiming in his direction. Apologising, Seungkwan gestures for the older male to continue.

“Anyway,” The Manager shakes his head and continues explaining, “Safety precaution first. Even though Junhui and I already pasted the instruction on several places around the place and backstage, I am sure no one will probably read them.” Yanan’s words sure have the fellow cast members stiffen, feeling as if they are being exposed. Where is the lie to his reminder though?

There are three doors on both sides of the Silver Diamond performance hall, respectively. The doors will be closed and locked throughout the show in a week time. The only working double door will be the one they used to enter the hall beforehand. In case of emergency, escape route is simple with the single lane in the centre in between two sets of sitting areas leading to the same double door. Aside from that, there is also a door for backstage members and everyone should gather at the parking lot situated right outside the main building.

“Extra note for the boys. The male restroom door is not working properly so please don’t close it strongly otherwise you’ll end up trapped. I’m trying to get someone to replace them sooner. Any other questions?”

The lines of actors, dancers, and other extra crew members bob their heads simultaneously. Yanan also mentioned how they are more than welcome to land a helping hand on set painting since he heard from the leader of that department in need of additional hands if they wanted to finish before rehearsal day. They are two days behind mainly due to a mutual decision to get a break over the weekend and made way for people who still has papers within the week.

“Are you sure that is it?” Junhui asked Yanan when the boy dismissed the cast to let them venture on their own. To get comfortable of the space, he said. For a reason, he feels uncomfortable when he is glancing over at Seungkwan and Eunha who are chatting playfully about trapping the younger boy in the restroom if he is trying to get her nerves again. “I’m sure that is it. If there’s something else, you and Sungjae should let me know. I’m leaving them to you until Seungcheol arrives.”

His disturbed mind makes him double checks on the mentioned door. He does not have to be told twice to know it is one for the production team. The production team’s restroom door is not working like it is supposedly do. The knob can be twisted yet the latch does not follow every turn he makes. Just to ease his heart, mentally notes to put up some sort of warning since there are people that have yet to know about it.

Once he is confident of the pasted A4 paper against the door, Junhui makes his way out of the backstage and reunites with Seungcheol who is apparently standing at the audience space. His mind seems to be wandering, probably evaluating the set they have built so far. So the Stage Manager joins in as well.

“Where’s Wonwoo?” Junhui asked when he realises his friend is not tagging along. “He has to submit his final assignment for one of his classes. He’ll be here with Jihoon, I assume.”

“That’s understandable. Soonyoung will come too when he’s done with his final project for his dance class. All in all, most of the cast and department teams are here already. Obviously, except for a few people.”

“I hope Myungho keeps his fast-learner trait in check. He’ll need it. Anyway, when is the electrician coming in?”

“Oh, about that…” The younger spoke and his glance immediately flies all over the place only to land on a face he learned to recognise less than three hours. She is not hard to find when she seems to happily chat with her fellow classmates up at the technical area on the second floor.

“Yein!” He screamed her name which manages to catch the girl’s attention almost instantaneously. Well, Hyunggu is the one who pats her before pointing at Junhui who is waving for her to be at their spot. Returning the same movement with a bigger gesture, the girl runs when the SM signals her to be with them.

“Your first big production?” Seungcheol beams cheerfully once Yein is finally standing within the same circle as him and Junhui. She good-naturedly nods, excitement makes up most of her face and he is glad to know it is a genuine feeling. “All this while I’m only doing it as an in-class thing. Shinyoung invited me to join her and I was more than happy to help.”

“Just like how Shinyoung was happy to get an invitation from Yoongi.” Junhui too smiles at the memory when his friend told him about that moment. It was the story she once told Minghao yet unlike Junhui, he heard and learnt more than just the invitation part. The girl was ecstatic to a point that the curve formed on her lips lasted even after a week after the show lowered its curtain.

“Did she or Soonyoung give you the lighting technical drawing yet?”

“Both of them did.” Yein answered before briefly looking at the technical spot where her two audio friends are still in their own world. They are probably talking about the new song releases this week – a very typical conversation between two music minors.

“They even passed the colour codes and cue sheets for it. All Soonyoung asked me to do is to make sure the technicians install them according to the plan. That is if he didn’t make it on time.”

“That’s good to know.” The director spoke in relief. Similarly, Junhui thanks the girl for the great cooperation. Once she walks back to her friends, the two males meet their eyes with their own friends who have entered the scene after submitting their assignments.

“That is the end of Poetry and Lyric Writing class.” Jihoon loudly announces, stretching his limbs which brings short laughs to Seungcheol and Junhui. They notice the positive vibe shining from the small fellow and it is bright enough to start questioning his reasons behind such level of happiness. And there is Wonwoo…

“At least one of you is in a good mood.” Seungcheol noted and adds on, “Soonyoung is not with you? Is he still in his final assessment?” The Music Director shakes his head and obviously the Assistant Director does the same. He unlike the other does not exactly care enough to know the dancer’s whereabouts.

“He probably got caught by the instructor or something. I heard his senior is the one evaluating for their Creative Movement studio assessment.” Jihoon puts out more information. “Either that or he decided to send Shinyoung off because poor girl is supposed to be at the train station by now.”

“It’s not Shinyoung to be late to such important stuff.” Wonwoo mumbled unclearly. Or so he thought it was unclear but Seungcheol always open his attention wide to gather all his friends’ words. He has been throwing her name more than he usually does much to Seungcheol’s surprise.

“I hope that’s not the exact case.” Junhui’s worry washes over for a moment too long when he realises Wonwoo is right. He hopes for his friend to go to Ilsan and return to Seoul in good shape. Instead of bothered by the fact she is the production’s Artistic Director, he is more concern from a friend perspective.

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