It has been exactly a month since I last saw him, 30 days since I heard his voice, Four weeks since his smell hung around me, 720 hours since I felt his presence around me.

It's been a month since I left and every single second of it had been excruciating painful. It made me realize how much I longed for him. It wasn't supposed to go like this, I wasn't supposed to fall this hard, or maybe I was. Maybe it was supposed to be him, always and I hadn't realized it.

He had been in Japan when I packed my bags and came to France. It was better like that because had he been there I wouldn't have been able to leave. I left exactly a day before he was scheduled to come back and the moment he came home and found me gone, he had called me.

I remember how frantic his voice has sounded, how worried he had been and I was tempted to pack again and go back to him. But I didn't, it was a test of tolerance to the core and I had promised myself that I wouldn't yield. So I had told him the truth, that I was in France for my internship and I would come back soon and that it had been a rash decision, taken in anger and self pity.

The next day I had thrown away that number because hearing his voice had made me weak and I couldn't afford being weak.

So there I was drowning in my sorrows, and just trying to make it through.

And this had been the last day of hell because today I was going back, today I could finally see him, I could hear his voice again, I could run into his arms and be held again.

I just hoped that he hadn't forgotten about us, that he didn't get bored of me.

I  couldn't imagine what I'd do if he had moved on. Suddenly I remembered Wonho's words, "You do remember what I said right?" He had asked coming to visit me when he was sure Hyungwon wasn't home.

"Yes, I do."

"And?" He prompted.

"And what?"

"What do you plan to do about it?"

"Nothing. I know what I feel for him. I know what he feels for me. There is no room for questions."

"You know today he came in with hickies. He tried to hide them but well we saw," he informed and I didn't understand where he was heading with that.

"What are you implying Wonho?" I questioned, voice laced in irritation.

"You know when a man and a woman stay together like you two do, lust comes first and feelings after that. At times it becomes hard to differentiate between the two. I bet you couldn't help but want physical contact. Same goes for him."

I opened my mouth to interrupt but he held up a hand to silence me, "I am not saying you are wrong, I am only saying that you might be. And he has already been hurt once, I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen again."

So that has been the reason he was such a jerk to me.

"The first day you showed up I was sure it was either because you had the chance to come close to Monsta X or you were being paid. As I watched you and asked around, I found out it was niether, that you were telling the truth. I know I had been a jerk to you but Hyungwon is like a brother to me and I will do everything possible to protect him and that's why I am asking you."

"And what exactly are you asking me?" I knew the answer to that, I did and I also knew that whatever he said was correct. It was just that I didn't want to do it.

"Time," he replied, "I am asking you to give it time so that you both could know what is it you really feel."

And that had been the reason, well other than my passing certificate being on the line that I had left.

I didn't plan to rush into things, not like this. I had planned to wait and surprise him but the moment I opened the door and found the apartment empty, I threw my luggage in and ran out after finding out that he was in a fan signing.

Thankfully the venue wasn't that far and I found a taxi almost instantly. 

I reached the mall to see a big line of girls with cute gifts or photos or notebooks waiting for their chance to meet their idols.

My patience was running thin but I decided to wait. I had waited for a month, a few hours were nothing.

As the line moved forward, my eyes found him sitting at the very end of the table, clad in a white loose fitting shirt and it almost took my breath away. My reaction to his presence hasn't dulled a bit, instead it h