----Chapter Twenty-One-----

Lying on his bed that night, Jimin gazes at his ceiling, lost in his thoughts, in the same trance he's been ever since he came back from Chaeyoung's dorm. Hours ago? Who knows. He doesn't care. Time has become meaningless.

He expertly bypassed his other members as he shuffled to his room as soon as he returned, and hasn't moved from his bed ever since.

He keeps going over the day's events, again and again.

It still ends with Chaeyoung screaming at him to leave, her voice echoing in his head in an endless loop.

He wants to tear his hair out in frustration. Bash his head against the wall. Cut his heart out of his chest because it's burning like an inferno of pain and anger.

Anger all directed at himself.

Why are you this way?

When he came out of Chaeyoung's room, he crossed path with the three other girls who must've heard the yelling. Embarrassed, he tried to apologize for the disturbance, but they dragged him to their living room and sat him down on the couch instead, where he had to look up to the three of them, surrounding him.

But they looked at him with kindness, no sign of the glares he expected.

Instead, Jisoo had started talking, an apologetic look on her face, her voice as soothing as a lullaby.

"Chaeng doesn't want others to worry. She depended too much on us and felt weak because of it," she tried to explain, staring solemnly at him.

"Obviously no one thinks that, but it's like...she feels her kidnapping made her too dependant on us, and she wants to go back to how she was before, too fast."

And yet he remembers she still called him that one time when she was lost, alone, and scared. And opened up to him a little. His heart squeezes at the memory.

"Please don't give up on her," Jennie added, a pleading note in her voice.

The three of them then tried to cheer him up, telling him that 'everything will be fine'.

Jimin had given them all a smile before leaving, to stop them from worrying, but there's nothing to smile about.

He can't stop his pessimistic side from taking over.

He thought he understood her, but she showed him how wrong he was.

He never meant for her to feel unimportant, to the point she thought he didn't trust her.

He screwed up. He meant well, by keeping all his problems to himself. She already has so much on her plate, he didn't want to burden her, for her to carry the weight of his issues on top of hers.

That turned against him.

Breaking up with Seulgi had left him empty. The love between the both of them had simply faded, leaving a deep friendship. But her presence had still brought comfort to him, a solid constancy in his life. He'd feel lost without her, until he met Chaeyoung.

He'd wanted to make her smile forever. Instead, he made her cry.

The way she'd look when she screamed at him to leave had made his heart stop.

"You look constipated."

Jimin frowns at Hoseok as he steps inside their room, fresh from the shower he just took.

"How's that dance rehearsal coming?" Jimin asks instead, anything to avoid explaining his sour mood.

Hoseok raises his brow at him, but goes along with his unsubtle change of subject. "It's looking smooth. Everyone's in sync. We'll see at the dress rehearsal in a few days how it really looks, but I'm confident about it."

"That's good. Are you sure you don't want us to cheer on you during the show?"

"It's absolutely not necessary. I know one of you will try to embarrass me with a dumb banner and some weird-assed cheers. I'll bring you back a video instead," he states as he jumps on his bed, his phone in hand, and the conversation dies.

Jimin stares at his own phone, conflicted. Obviously he wants to text Chaeyoung, but he knows he should give her some space.

He hesitates a moment before tapping on Seulgi's name on his phone, and starts writing, carefully choosing his words before typing.

Did you ever feel like I haven't shared enough of my problems with you when we were dating?

Her answer comes a few minutes later, and a long breath leaves his lips as an unexpected relief hits him. Relief that she's free to text him, that he has someone to talk to.

Hmm. Sometimes. I never wanted to pry, so I never asked. I figured you preferred confiding in the boys.

He stares at her answer for a long time, shocked. Was he so self-centered that he never noticed, and simply thought it never was an issue because Seulgi never confronted him about it?

She sends him another message, and he forces himself to read. Why are you suddenly asking this?

Once more, he hesitates. Her opinion could be valuable since she has insight on both his and Chaeyoung's personality, but that would mean talking about things Chaeyoung might not want her to know.

Seulgi has always been discreet though, and he desperately needs someone to confide into before Chaeyoung drifts too far away for him to reach her.

Someone just said that I never share my problems.

Chaeyoung?

Of course, Seulgi would guess he's talking about Chaeyoung. He bits his lip, a whole debate raging in his head. But in the end, his desperate need for advice overrules his uncertainties. Yeah. I think I hurt her without meaning to.

I guess it makes the relationship unbalance if one shares her problems and the other doesn't...

That rounds up Chaeyoung's complains about him. Jimin isn't surprised. Seulgi has always been insightful. Why didn't bother you?

It takes her longer to send her reply this time, and his anxiety is making him sweat. He throws a look at Hoseok in hopes of a distraction, but his bandmate is wholly concentrated on his phone, with only his fingers and eyes moving.

Just when he feels he's about to combust from anticipation, his phone beeps.

Everyone feels differently. Besides, it's not that I wasn't bothered. But I also had things that I never talked to you about. So that made us even I think?

When described this way, their relationship sounds more superficial than he thought it was. But he was younger when they started dating, less mature. Hormones had led their relationship, and while they also had many long conversations, it always seemed light and superficial without depth.

They openly talked about their previous relationships, about their dreams and goals, but he never told her about his fears and insecurities. He realizes he doesn't know hers either. And it's fine. It was never an issue with either