Word count : ~2.1k

Pairing           : Chanyeol×Baekhyun

Summary      : Every 17^th, Chanyeol and Baekhyun would meet. This time, for a proper goodbye.

 

 

Once, when he was twenty, Park Chanyeol had sworn to himself to love Byun Baekhyun forever, because he knew he would never be able to love someone else the way he had loved the other, because the other deserved to be loved properly and he knew he was the right person for it.

 

Two years later, when he was twenty two, Byun Baekhyun had told Park Chanyeol that he never looked for forever, because what mattered was the moment they created, and no matter how the future would turn out to be, he would always cherish the memories they made together inside his heart.

 

Ten years after, in an eerie Sunday morning, Park Chanyeol wakes up to his son’s excited face and his wife waiting patiently with a soft smile at the side of the bed, while Byun Baekhyun comes home to his apartment with body reeking of alcohol and .

 

Chanyeol checks the calendar to make sure that he still has a few days before his flight to Japan, while Baekhyun turns on the TV to set the volume to the maximum number to make it feels like he’s not alone in the spacious room. However, both didn’t expect to go silent over the date they see.

 

It’s the 17th.

 

=

 

The slow paced day goes well for Chanyeol. At one pm, he takes his five years old son to the nearest amusement park; he hasn’t been able to spend time with his little family lately. After all, he had promised his wife and himself that his child would be his first priority.

 

“Oh come on.” his son pouts at him after he told the child he’s not coming with them for the rides.

 

“I’m sorry kiddo,” Chanyeol grins sheepishly, ruffling his son’s hair, “you know I’m scared of the rides.”

 

His son sighs, making them laugh at the child’s antics. “One day I’m going to make you brave, Daddy.”

 

“Take a walk around, Chanyeol.” his wife adds. “You’ve been quite stressed lately.”

 

“Be safe, both of you.” Chanyeol offers a smile at her.

 

After making sure that his wife and son had gotten on their first rife safely, Chanyeol turns around and follows the suggestion. Everyone seems to be having a blast today. He scans his environment, looking at the variety of rides in the amusement park, and notices how different everything was from his memory from more than a decade ago. Twelve years ago, he was dragged here and there, from one ride to another, getting his clothes wet and all –

 

He shakes his head.

 

The past is the past.

 

But deep inside, especially at this date, he wonders what that person is doing.

 

=

 

Baekhyun ignores Jongdae’s calls and chats.

 

He chuckles when he reads Jongdae’s latest tantrum. ‘I’m your only friend, you tard, you better ing answer my ing call!!’. Baekhyun grabs his phone and tosses it into the bathtub filled with cold water. The whole situation calls for a new phone and new number. Jongdae would find it eventually anyway.

 

He looks at the number on the TV screen, glaring back at him in white. He really has no bounds to the 17th, not anymore. Whatever it is that had tied him to this date, he had been over with it since a decade ago. No dreams and nightmares. His nights have been as blank as the inky black painting he once had in his father’s house.

 

But even though nothing bounds him to the 17th anymore, every month at this date, he would go for an evening walk,

 

and wonder if that person remembers his promise from twelve years ago.

 

=

 

“Look at how he scrunches his nose up.”

 

Chanyeol laughs, eyes full of warmth on his son’s sleeping figure. “He had fun today, didn’t he?”

 

“He was quite sour that you couldn’t come with him, as always.” his wife chuckles. “But yeah, he had fun.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol murmurs.

 

They engage in a comfortable silence, and it’s five minutes from home when he asks his wife if he can get off at the corner of the street. His wife is silent for a while, before she nods. “Of course.” she says. Chanyeol offers a thankful smile.

 

After promising her he won’t come home too late, he heads downtown.

 

=

 

It’s still quite hilarious for him, stepping into a quiet, neutral bar like this when his usual playgrounds are the prestigious and a lot dirtier ones. Once a month, at this date, he would spend the night sitting quietly at the bar table, basking in the calmness of the place. The bar Heaven is not crowded with lustful jerks and chicks. Just a few people genuinely seeking for their inner peace with the help of an innocent amount of alcohol.

 

Baekhyun does not touch his drink yet. He opts to stare at the liquid inside the glass instead. He doesn’t drink yet, because he’s waiting. And he knows he shouldn’t be this hopeful, this foolish, but he’s waiting. Waiting for someone he shouldn’t be waiting for.

 

Truthfully, a Byun Baekhyun does not wait for anybody. Waiting is useless. He once waited for anybody to save him from the hellhole he was living in; it only got him more scars and drained his ability to trust.

 

But just for tonight, for this date, he waits.

 

=

 

Chanyeol doesn’t even spare a glance at the yellow LED sign that displays the bar’s name. He’s been here ever since it was opened a few years back. He never failed to visit once every month, at this date. Someone is waiting for him there.

 

He knows it’s wrong. That person is already a part of his past. They had agreed to be each other’s past since long ago.

 

But this date gives them the privilege to be selfish.

 

So he enters the building, walks into the room, and searches for that person.

 

He notices someone sitting at the bar table, maroon locks looking velvety under the lights.

 

That’s him.

 

=

 

They sit two chairs apart from each other.

 

And as always, silence is the first thing they share for the night.

 

Baekhyun finally takes a sip of his drink, while Chanyeol just watches him. It’s been a decade, and Chanyeol never lost his habit of staring at Baekhyun. There was a time when staring at Baekhyun gave him series of electrical jolts and fluttering feelings inside his stomach. Now all he can feel is bittersweet warmth and unfinished feelings which he doesn’t dare to understand.

 

“How’s Chanhyun?” Baekhyun asks.

 

It takes ten seconds for Chanyeol to notice that he was asked about something. “We took him to an amusement park earlier. He had fun.”

 

“Let me guess. You didn’t get on the rides.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Scaredy cat.”

 

Chanyeol knows Baekhyun understand that he never got on the rides anymore because everything about it would remind him of what they used to have. “Yeah.” Chanyeol says instead. “Guess I’m too old for that.”

 

Baekhyun flashes a genuine grin at Chanyeol. Somehow he feels thankful that Baekhyun has developed this kind trust in him, in them. It’s like Baekhyun trusts him not to ruin the fragile thread the both of them has been holding on for the last decade by hoping for things that would never happen.

 

It’s enough for Chanyeol. Seeing Baekhyun being comfortable enough around him is enough.

 

“How was your month, Baek?” he asks quietly.

 

“Less boring than before, I guess.” Baekhyun stares at his drink. “Ever since father had stepped down from Bronze completely, suddenly more tons of work came to my desk like a damn river flow. But I liked it. I like being busy.”

 

‘I like being distracted from pain’, Baekhyun seems to mean.

 

“You’re not less busy than I am, I bet.” the soft smirk catches Chanyeol off guard for a moment. “Serves you right for ever thinking that being both dentist and the CEO to Golden Parks is a piece of cake.”

 

He chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. “Never said it is.” he defends.

 

“How do you do it?” Baekhyun asks almost inaudibly. “Living your dream and doing your duty as a son at the same time, I mean.”

 

Chanyeol rests his elbows on the bar table.

 

“I gave up my biggest dream for them,” he murmurs, “remember?”

 

=

 

He can taste the bitterness in the gentle smile Chanyeol offers to him.

 

It’s probably reflected on the pain in his own eyes.

 

It always feels so funny and ridiculous for Baekhyun, whenever he takes a look at the both of them now and thinks back to their college days. They went through so many things in such a short span of time, things that had tied their hearts together. Hell, they even willed to give up their lives to save each other. They had basked in each other’s bright smiles and wiped away each other’s tears. They even bared their souls for one another, showing each other their deepest fears.

 

But even after all of that, they still end up like this.

 

Life loves sickening twists.

 

“Are you still mad at me,” Baekhyun mouths out, “for asking you to give me up?”

 

Chanyeol has never been good with facades and hiding his feelings. He wears his heart at the tip of his sleeves, always bare for Baekhyun to see. And in Chanyeol’s eyes, he can see the longing and resentment, mixed together like a deathly drink.

 

“I don’t know.” Chanyeol answers, and Baekhyun knows it’s an honest one. “I just know that I can’t blame you for not trusting that I was able to get us through everything back then. You were right. I wanted to embrace the entire mountain so badly, not realizing how short my arms were.”

 

It sounds like Chanyeol is accusing him for not having enough faith in the both of them, but Baekhyun can see the way Chanyeol blames himself as well for being weak, for not being strong enough to make a decision.

 

“I’m sorry, Baek.” Chanyeol breathes out. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong like you were. I’m so sorry, for being useless, for always depending on you to put me on the path I couldn’t choose.”

 

Chanyeol, after all these time, is still so full of compassion and love, that even when he was the one who got hurt, he would still apologize for getting hurt.

 

“I’m sorry too,” Baekhyun murmurs back, “for not giving you the chance to make your own decision back then. I’m so sorry for walking away, for being too scared that I’d have to watch you walk away first.”

 

‘I’m so sorry for being afraid of ruining your life. I’m so sorry for ruining us instead.’

 

=

 

Chanyeol gulps down his emotions, trying not to spill any single tear tonight. He’s tired of showing Baekhyun how weak he is.

 

“So finally you admit it?” he softly. “You admit to walking away from me first?”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t answer, downing his drink in one go instead.

 

“But what to do?” he continues. “I’m going to walk away further.”

 

His breath stills when Baekhyun looks at him.

 

“I’m moving to Tokyo.” he finally announces. “It’s going to be for a long time.”

 

Baekhyun still doesn’t say a word.

 

‘Say something.’ Chanyeol screams inside. ‘Say something. Anything! Curse at me. Ask me not to go. Tell me you still lo –‘

 

“Good for you.” Baekhyun whispers instead.

 

Somehow Chanyeol had expected it.

 

“Does that mean I won’t see you around for a long while?” Baekhyun flashes him a crooked, bitter smile. “Not even once in a month, hmm? You’ll be… really gone.”

 

Chanyeol is the one who is mute this time.

 

“Huh, it’s always been fated for us.” Baekhyun chuckles. “We were never meant to be together, I suppose.”

 

“Baek,”

 

“But,” he stays silent when Baekhyun cuts him again, “I’m not going back on my own words. I do cherish everything we had, Yeol. I’ll forever be grateful for them, for you, for ever having you. I… I will always keep our memories inside. They would never be my nightmares; I’d dream of them dearly. So no need to worry.”

 

Chanyeol lets the stubborn tears fall on his cheek.

 

“You don’t need to worry about me anymore.” Baekhyun smiles at him again. “I may not be happy, but I’m not suffering. Not anymore. You saved me once, and it was all I needed. I’m living, Chanyeol. I’m alive.”

 

“But I’m not.” Chanyeol finally spills. “I’ve always been half-alive, Baek. For the last ten years.”

 

He could see the shock in Baekhyun’s face.

 

“But it should be alright.” Chanyeol is the one who smiles bitterly now. “At least one of us is living.”

 

It’s after a whole minute of silence that Chanyeol stands up from the bar stool and starts to walk away.

 

But he does spare the last glance at Baekhyun.

 

“I’m not going back on my own words as well.” he says, and Baekhyun closes his eyes, somehow already knowing what he would say.

 

“I’ll always love you, Baek.”

 

 

[A/N]

 

This was based on the after stories for The Faults In Byun Baekhyun, chapter 10. Read it and be angry.