Word count : ~1.1k

Pairing           : Sehun×Luhan

Summary      : Luhan would’ve been loved.

This is a story

of a man who didn’t believe he was beautiful,

and another man who wanted to make the man feel beautiful.

=

Being a beauty throughout his whole life despite being a male, Luhan had lived twenty seven years of his existence on clouds. Mesmerizing, yet dangerous clouds. Ones he had wished he could hop off from, yet he never had the courage to.

Luhan always had some trouble with himself. The fear of being valued only for what he appears to be. The lack of faith in his own mind, which had told him for countless times to sober up and fight his demons. And, the tendency to fall for someone who loves to torture him for ‘being too pretty’.

Sehun, the foolish boy who owns this story, had always been there to help Luhan.

Luhan, however, always belonged to someone else; his step brother, Kris.

But Sehun went on planes, flew across the seas for miles and miles, only to wind up at Luhan’s door; it was always open for him whenever Kris wasn’t around. It was a routine for them whenever Kris wasn’t around. Sehun would fly to Beijing, Luhan would be waiting with silk robe draped around his fragile, porcelain body and a small yet hopeful smile adorning his face. Sehun didn’t even need to knock; it seemed like Luhan had memorized the sound of the motorbike Sehun always used whenever he was there. Even before Sehun’s feet could reach the pavement, the door would be open already. And Sehun would walk straight towards the porch, close the door behind him, and hoist Luhan by the bottom to erase the distance between them.

Sehun and Luhan, they’ve had each other so many times, but somehow they wanted more. They always wanted more.

And Sehun never minded, spending every day he was in Beijing, out on Luhan’s corner, in the pouring rain.

He didn’t mind to look for the man with the broken smile. And when the man was in his arms, he would ask him if he wanted to stay like that for a while.

Because he believed, Luhan would feel loved.

=

This is a story

of a man who considered his beauty as a curse,

and another man who didn’t believe in curses.

=

Sehun had wished Luhan freed himself from the house, from Kris’ destructive hands and bruises that they caused, and flew to Seoul instead. Sehun had wished Luhan had tapped on his window and knocked on his door.

And Sehun would’ve welcomed him with open arms. He wanted to make Luhan feel beautiful. Not for his looks, but for all that he was. The man who had tended Sehun’s wounds he got from a fight in high school. The man whose slender fingers had raked softly through his hair when he lost his mother. The man who was his first love, and whom he had believed to be his last.

Sehun knew that he himself has always been someone who tends to get insecure. Luhan, despite all the things he had done with Sehun, despite the countless times Sehun had proclaimed his love to him, despite the nights they shared tangled on his bed, had loved Kris so much that he foolishly bore the pain of loving him. Thus Sehun always thought back to himself that Luhan didn’t love him the way he had loved Luhan. Luhan would always love Kris more.

Yet it didn’t matter. It never mattered.

It wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies, bubbly giggles and kisses of freedom. He knew they were up to something dangerous. Their affair, it was full of risks. If Kris found out about them with his own eyes, God knows what he would’ve done to Luhan – and to him as well.

Yet it was compromise that had made them move forward from their base. Compromise and selflessness. Knowing that they were each other’s demons as much as they were each other’s saviors.

Sehun’s heart was full, of expectations, of hopes, of Luhan’s smiles. And his doors were always opened for Luhan to waltz through.

It was just the matter of Luhan’s courage to come to him, anytime he wanted.

Yet Sehun never minded, spending every day he was in Beijing, out on Luhan’s corner, in the pouring rain.

He didn’t mind to look for the man with the broken smile. And when the man was in his arms, he would ask him if he wanted to stay like that for a while.

Because he believed, Luhan would feel loved.

=

This is a story,

of a man who left too soon

and another man who came too late.

=

Sehun knew all the places Luhan would hide in. The empty room in the basement of his house. Inside his car. Inside Sehun’s car. Between the column of Sehun’s neck. Sehun knew all of Luhan’s hiding places.

Sehun knew all the things that made Luhan who he was. The struggles of growing up with a feminine face; his parents always felt cursed for having such child. The struggles of proving himself to the society, and end up failing in the end. The struggles of being married to Kris Wu, the most notorious business man in the whole China, the man who had caused the blacks and blues on his milky white skin. They all made Luhan the fragile, helpless soul he was. The one that Sehun loved nonetheless.

And Sehun knew that goodbyes never really meant anything at all for them.

Because even if it was Sehun who always came back to Luhan’s house, it was always Luhan who came back to his arms, to beg him to catch him when he fell.

But now, as Sehun’s cradling Luhan’s cold, lifeless body, a minute after he found him sprawled on the kitchen floor, surrounded by a pool of crimson red liquid with a knife stabbed right through his abdomen, Sehun wonders if Luhan ever thought about his suggestion. He wonders if Luhan ever considered about it; tapping on his window, knocking on his door, walking into his house and telling him he’s staying forever.

He wonders why he couldn’t make Luhan feel beautiful.

Because Sehun never minded, spending every day, out on Luhan’s corner, in the pouring rain.

He didn’t mind to look for the man with the broken smile. And when the man was in his arms, he would ask him if he wanted to stay like that for a while.

And he had believed, Luhan would feel loved.

=

“Oh, Luhan,” Sehun whispers shakily, fingers covered in Luhan’s blood, “why did you try so hard to say goodbye?”

[A/N]

Loosely based on Maroon 5’s ‘She Will Be Loved’.