Word count : 792

Pairing           : Sehun×Luhan

Summary      : Luhan left something for Sehun.

 

 

The tip of his index finger traces the outline of the tape recorder sitting on the table in front of him.

 

It’s quite dusty, which means it hasn’t been used for a long while. He peeks at the see-through plastic part of the surface, where a cassette is being attached inside.

 

His finger is already on the ‘play button’.

 

“It’s alright.” a voice says. “Just press.”

 

He looks up at the man beside him. A pair of round, gentle eyes stare back at his own.

 

“I’m sorry.” he whispers out. “I just-“

 

“It’s alright.” the man repeats again. No urgency and annoyance. Just a complete understanding. “Take your time.”

 

He nods at the man before he sets his eyes on the tape recorder again and presses the button.

 

‘Ahem. Ahem.’

 

‘One two, mic check, one two, is it on? I hope it’s rolling.’

 

He chuckles at the velvety voice panicking on its own.

 

‘Uh, okay. Hi there, Sehun. It’s… me. Who else. I hope you can tell.’

 

There’s a pang on his chest.

 

‘If you’re listening to this, then it means… I really managed to give you this. Or maybe it means that I’m dead already? Because I don’t think I’d ever be brave enough to face you and give you this myself. Maybe I, well, I could’ve given this to someone who can reach you, but who knows.’

 

‘Anyway, I want to wish you a happy birthday. I don’t think this would ever get to you, but I still want to say it. I haven’t been wishing you happy birthdays since twenty fifteen, and I admit my cowardice. Even if I say it here, it’s not like it would reach you anyway. So, yeah, I’m still a coward.’

 

Inevitably, he chuckles again.

 

‘There are so many words I want to tell you. Although they would never do justice to what I feel. There are too many, and I don’t think you would need or want to hear them. So instead... I decided to sing you a song.’

 

‘This is the song I released a couple months ago. Hope you’re still checking out my work. Or maybe not. You don’t have to.’

 

‘Fun fact, though, I wrote this song for you.’

 

He looks up again at the man beside him. The man offers him a soft smile.

 

‘Anyway, before I blabber too much, I’ll just start singing.’

 

‘The strings are a bit loose. Is this the right key? Ahem,'

 

‘My hand stopped in mid-air, unable to press send.

 

Wandering through unfinished dreams.

 

Even my pillows are lonely.

 

Memories pass by, overturning a thousand sentences.

 

The things I want to tell you are stored deep in my heart.

 

I write and delete those worded emotions.

 

Maybe the blankness best illustrates it.

 

Afraid of losing you, so I’m having doubts.

 

So I just escaped after embracing the fear of love.

 

Isn’t there only you?

 

Memories pass by, overturning a thousand sentences.

 

The things I want to tell you are stored deep in my heart.

 

I write and delete those worded emotions.

 

From beginning to end, I still have no courage to tell you.

 

What if I said don’t turn around and leave?

 

We were so happy, once.

 

If young love is destined to be separated,

 

should have I waited to tell you?’

 

Then there’s a deafening silence.

 

‘Sehun…’

 

His breath hitches at the mention of his own name.

 

‘I loved you. As much as you loved me.’

 

‘I still love you, even if you don’t love me anymore.’

 

‘And I will always love you this much, if not more.’

 

Wave of nausea hits him, urging his eyes to burn.

 

‘Please know that when I left, it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. It wasn’t you. It was all me. I took some decisions that forced me to give up some important things in my life. And I… I gave you up.’

 

‘I don’t deserve to be loved by you, but that won’t stop me from loving you.’

 

He shakes his head gently.

 

‘This is my punishment, isn’t it? Forever living in guilt and longing. It’s what I get for always taking your love for me for granted.’

 

His sob breaks.

 

‘Please be happy, Sehun-ah.’

 

‘You look the prettiest when you smile.’

 

‘Happy birthday.’

 

It’s the end of the recording. The silence comes once more, accompanied with his own sobs.

 

“Mr. Oh,” the man beside him calls gently, “I’ll give you another ten minutes.”

 

He nods, wiping his tears. “Thank you,” he whispers, “Officer Do.”

 

The officer nods before leaving the room. Once he’s alone, he immediately reaches for the play button.

 

The cassette might have failed to be a useful evidence for Luhan’s death’s case,

 

but it’s the only thing Luhan left for him.

 

 

[A/N]

 

It was a prompt given by a follower on my IG acc.