Word count : ~1k

Pairing           : Jongin×Kyungsoo

Summary      : After sixty days of misery, Jongin can finally be with Kyungsoo.

 

 

‘Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you’re the best’

 

=

 

Jongin’s arm spreads like a broken wing. A gracefully broken wing.

 

He spins around, swishing through the thick summer night air that filled his living room, rocking the glass of red wine in his left hand, spilling the liquid down over the wooden floor. Red. The color of his silk dress shirt is also red. Burgundy red. Wine red.

 

Kyungsoo’s favorite color aside of black, as the fragments of his memories tell him.

 

Moonlight shines through the thin, white, fragile curtains of his windows, lightening up the dark space of the apartment. His messed up thick black locks dance along the movements of his body. Bare feet pressing against the floor, heels spinning round and round. Silent music guides him rhythm by rhythm, cue by cue, note by note. He’s a breathing arpeggio, a living staccato.

 

After sixty days of being dead, he finally feels alive. More alive than he thinks he has ever been.

 

His cheeks tingle with blazing warmth. No, he doesn’t think it’s the wine. It’s something else, something like a huge revelation, something dangerous which he’d rather not know of, and he feels it in the air around him. He feels it like a blanket of a treacherous decision wrapping his frail, intoxicated body. He doesn’t blame it on the wine. He’s done blaming anyone else but himself.

 

Everything sizzles in his ears, as much as his hallucination allows him to hear. Everything is sizzling, ringing, hissing like snares being caught up in a growing flame.

 

He feels it; the scorching sensation. ‘Hey, Soo, I’m on fire. I’m burning. I feel it everywhere!’

 

And with a smirk, and an almost empty wine glass, he welcomes the flame.

 

Nothing scares him anymore.

 

=

 

‘Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you’re the best’

 

=

 

Some time after he finished his bottle of wine, he sprints down the building, not forgetting to snatch his car key.

 

As he jumps into the driver’s seat and presses the on button to bring the engine to life, he feels thousands, millions, billions, zillions of electric bolts buzzing through his veins. He feels like he might burst any time.

 

Shifting the gear, he stomps on the gas pedal recklessly, like a man sentencing himself a death penalty. The car jolts forward in a matter of second, creating moment of inertia, which causes his laughter to bubble up his throat.

 

He feels rebellious and powerful. He’s racing, not against another car, but an intangible existence that is lurking around behind him, ready to pull him away from the car any moment. The same intangible existence that had taken Kyungsoo away that night, sixty days ago, leaving a red stained knife next to Kyungsoo’s paling fingers.

 

Life played him. Death mocked him. Tonight, however, he challenges the both of them, face to face, still with a smirk.

 

“Slow down, Jongin.”

 

Or maybe they’re retaliating at him.

 

He glances at his side. The car swerves side to side. Kyungsoo’s snow-white face gleams under the midnight’s moonlight.

 

“Why.” Jongin croaks out, eyes on the road again.

 

“You’ll crash.”

 

Jongin laughs, almost shrieking. “That’s the point!” he exclaims excitedly. He eyes the brightly lit speedometer behind the wheel. 99 kilometers per hour.

 

He feels so alive.

 

“Is it okay?” Kyungsoo’s angelic voice asks, almost ethereally.

 

“Calm down.” Jongin shouts without any reason. “I’m fine - as long as I got you by my side.”

 

At the corner of his sight, the belladonna smile blooms on Kyungsoo’s plump, almost white lips. And Jongin smiles triumphantly. Finally, finally, finally, tears aren’t the only thing he can cause on Kyungsoo’s face.

 

Even if he leaves tonight for eternity, he won’t mind. At least, likely, he would go with a proud grin right before the dawn. As another car zooms in, he welcomes the flame once more.

 

Because, really, nothing scares him anymore.

 

=

 

‘Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you’re the best’

 

=

 

Everything slows down. One second eventually equals to one minute. Traces of lights stretch around him as everything goes silent. Void of air. Nothing conducts any sound.

 

And he thinks, he’ll miss Kyungsoo forever.

 

Like how the stars always miss the sun whenever the morning comes, he will always miss his chance with Kyungsoo.

 

He missed it that day in the practice room, when Kyungsoo looked at him longer than he should have.

 

He missed it that night on their way back to their dorm, when their fingers linger around each other dangerously.

 

He missed it that time when he cried, when Kyungsoo had hugged him so tight.

 

One sentence, three words. It would’ve changed his whole fate with Kyungsoo if only he was braver, if only he didn’t waste his time waiting for Kyungsoo to take the first step instead. If only he didn’t hold a child’s play by trying to love back the girl who had loved him first even when he knew his heart already belonged to someone else. If only he wasn’t such a coward who could only demand and demand from the person he should’ve given his entire being to. All of them; it would’ve kept Kyungsoo by his side - alive.

 

Why did it feel so difficult for him to admit his feelings?

 

Why does it only feel so easy now, after he found out that it could’ve saved a life?

 

He is always too late.

 

But then, maybe, later is better than never.

 

It’s better to die being aware that he is in love with Kyungsoo and that he is catching up with him to the other side, than to live and to struggle keeping his own pieces intact.

 

Even if Kyungsoo has been long gone before him, he’s still going to drive. All the way to the end of the horizon, until he pulls aside and stops right in front of the waiting Kyungsoo.

 

Maybe Life had handed him right to the hands of Death tonight, but that doesn’t mean they won over him.

 

He won over them.

 

He went against their will.

 

And now he’s meeting Kyungsoo.

 

It’s a little bit late; sixty days late, but he is going to meet Kyungsoo.

 

And nothing.

 

nothing scares him anymore.

 

=

 

‘I got that summertime,

summertime sadness’

 

 

[A/N]

 

This was written after KaiStal’s break up news hahahaha.