Word count : 988

Pairing           : Sehun×Luhan

Summary      : Sehun wants to be happy for Luhan.

Stone cold.

It’s stone cold.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this, Luhan!!”

“I’m sorry, Seok-ah – is that – Sehun?”

“… he’s busy. I’ll let him know you said hi.”

You see me right here, through your phone screen. You see me standing, ready to turn around and leave. You see me walking away casually, as if I didn’t know you called, as if I never knew anything about what I’ve hears a few hours ago, but,

but I was dying on the floor.

It was the worst vertigo I’ve ever had. Jongin had to embrace me tight, Joonmyun hyung almost called an ambulance. I told them I was okay. I was okay. I knew. I was just tired. I knew. I ing knew.

I’m still dying on the floor, and it’s so cold. Stone cold

It’s stone cold.

“Sehun? Are you inside? You okay?”

Crying makes me think of you. Crying reminds me that I’m crying because of you. Crying reminds me that I never got stronger ever since you left. And I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of wasting my tears for someone who doesn’t even think of me anymore. I want to stop crying.

“Sehun, are you okay?”

“I want to die.”

“… the you’re talking about?”

I want to die. I said it clearly. I want to die. If I die, I won’t have to cry. And maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymore. Of course I won’t feel anymore, I’ll be dead.

Jongdae hyung’s punch doesn’t even sting that much like your words did a few hours ago when you told the world you found love, Luhan.

It’s ing cold. Stone cold.

It’s stone cold.

“Stop crying. Stop crying, you weakling!”

Is it nice, Luhan? To be able to have the person you love in your arms. You must love dancing with her. I heard she’s very pretty. Does she smile often for you? Does she cry with you?

She might cry with you, but I’m the one who cries for you, because of you.

It must be so ing nice to dance with her, while all I know is to stare at my phone. At the news. At all the bulls people threw at me. ‘I’m so sorry, Sehun’ someone said. ‘You can move on, Sehun’ others added. What is wrong with them? What is wrong with me? Have I not lived well enough to prove that I can survive without you even if I’ve been half alive ever since?

them. you.

The world is so ing cold. Stone cold.

It’s stone cold.

“Enough, Jongdae!”

“Then would you do something about this punk, Chanyeol?”

I was yours, Luhan, and you were mine.

I was the only one you held in your arms. I was the one whose growth you’ve watched with your own eyes, who also watched you become more mature day by day. We had each other back then. I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold. Now she’s the center of your universe, the gravity that pulls you in among the sea of people.

I still can’t believe, I refuse to believe, that a heart could change so much. I refuse to acknowledge how easy it is for you to throw away our days together. I refuse to think that you don’t spare any second to think of me, that you don’t see me when you see her. Why am I the only one left in the past? Why am I the only one who still hangs on that fragile thread you left me? Why am I the only one who can’t fall in love again if it wasn’t the one I’ve known for years since the edge my childhood?

You’re so cold, Luhan. Stone cold

You’re stone cold.

I hate being around everyone. They only know how to demand, how to ask, how to tell me what to do. They told me it’s time to move on. They told me it’s not good to keep this… longing, hatred, resentment inside my chest. A friend who listens, professional help, none could get this venom out of my chest.

“You won’t be able to go anywhere further if you keep being like this, Oh Sehun.”

“Jongdae, stop it.”

“He needs a reality check. Luhan has a chick now; face it. Don’t you feel ashamed of yourself for wanting to die because of it??”

But God knows, Luhan, God knows I try to feel happy for you.

“I’m trying to face it, hyung.”

It was a bull when I promised that your happiness would be mine. I’m not happy right now. You are happy, but I’m not. I’m suffering. I want to end my life because of you. But see? I’m trying so hard to be happy for you. Know that I am.

Know that I still want to try not to blame you for every wound on me, be it metaphorical or physical wise. Know that I’m still trying, even if I can't understand. I can’t ing understand. I’ll never be able to understand why did you do all of this. I’ll never understand why you left me, and why I was too afraid to ask you not to.

“Trust me. I’m trying to get through it.”

I'll take the pain. I’m an adult. I should be able to deal with it. Just… give me the truth. Let me know about your honest thoughts on us. Me and my heart, although it had died since three years ago, we'll make it through.

It was a total bull, when I promised that your happiness would be mine. And I’m not happy, yet I’m still trying to keep it.

“It’s just that – I need… I need time… and maybe some drinks… to forget.”

“Sehun –“

“Please, hyung, please… it hurts… just give me… it hurts…”

So if happy is her,

I'm happy for you

[A/N]

This was written after Luhan’s dating news went viral HAHA. Fused with Demi Lovato’s ‘Stone Cold’.