I spent one whole day at home to rest. I cant face my patients with messy thoughts without affecting the conversation. So I decided to cancel all my appointments that was supposed to be held yesterday. I dont know if I recovered entirely since I have caught myself thinking of her. Do I have feelings for her? Do I like her? Is she more than a patient for me?

I need more time to actually confirm it. I need signs. I need to know myself more.

~

Time passed so quickly to the point that I am now having a session with my last patient before Taeyeon.

"Remember what I've said okay?" I said to Yeri, a young girl, my patient for almost one week. She has this problem about her friends that has something to do with change. Not a major subject, but for her, I know it is. I told her to just talk to them and sort things out since they are not going too well for her.

"Yes, I will. Thank you doctor." She smiled and stood up, I stood up as well "I'll text you again if I need to talk to you about something"

"Sure." I smiled back. I told her to take care on her way home before we bowed to each other.

I sat down on my chair and let out a heavy sigh.

Okay, she's next.

~~

"How are you, doc?" Taeyeon asked once she has settled down on my sofa
"I should be the one asking you that, Taeyeon." I said "Remember, you are my pa-" I was about to say patient, but she cut me off

"So what if I'm your patient? Is there something wrong with asking if you're okay?" she said with a straight tone. Is she mad?

"I'm fine" I lied. I am not. I cant stop thinking about you.

She paused for a while before answering "No you're not" she finally said

"I really am"
"Why dont you just admit that you're not?"

I sat there. Frozen. Speechless. That is what I told her when we had our first meeting, it was thrown back to me.

I huffed "Fine" then rolled my eyes "But I will be okay"

"It takes time" she nodded with her own words. Cute.
"Everything is getting thrown back at me, isn't it?"
"I learned from the best" she said with a smile. Stop that. I makes my heart beat like crazy.

"What happened?" She asked. My heart froze. A second ago, it was just beating like crazy, now it's frozen. I cant possibly tell her the reason why I need a extra day-off.

"Just thinking about stuff I guess."

"Is it that bad?"
"I dont know"
"Can you tell me?"
I stopped for a while. I really cant tell her.
"Give me time" Really Tiffany? Are you really gonna tell her?

"Take as much time as you want."

"Thank you." Great. You're making me feel worse.

I just realized that I'm the freaking doctor here. I should be asking her questions. Dumb. "My turn to ask" I bended the topic "how are you, Taeyeon?"

"Same old, same old"

"How do you feel?"

"Empty" I can really feel it with her words.

"Do you consider that feeling of emptiness as a feeling of numbness?"

She didn't answer. Silence took over the whole room. A comfortable silence, not an awkward one, but probably a sad one. I never knew silence could be comfortable.

"I see.." I decided to break the silence, to stop her on thinking too much. "Did something happen?"

"I can feel them fading." She answered, not looking at me
Them? "Who?"
"My friends"
"What makes you say that?"

"I dont know" she plays with her fingers while she spoke. "I can feel it. Visible change" she said. I want to smile because she actually kept the 'visible & invisble change' in mind seriously even if I just thought about that thing on that day itself.

"I see" I looked at her hands. Small hands. Like hands of a baby. Small. Fluffy. How does it feel...to touch her hand? I shook off my thoughts "can you tell me more about your situation regarding with your friends?"

"Just the normal type of 'fading'. Like they go out without me. Sometimes, I see them somewhere and when we bumped into each other, its like 'hey'. Just 'hey'. Like we've been through nothing. It's like I'm a temporary friend for them." She explained.

I understand what she means about 'temporary friend'. It is being friends with someone for a day, but not really a day. Like, you're close with them yesterday, and today its just 'meh'. But you've been together for so long. There are just days that you feel like a stranger to them.

"Did they find another friend or been in another group of friends?"

"I think the second one."

"I see." I paused for a while. A thought came to my mind.. "do you still have any friend left for you?"

"I have two" she answered. I sighed in relief, knowing that she still have someone for her.

"Who?"

"Sunny. She's been my bestfriend for 9 years. She's a two months younger than me, but her knowledge..her knowledge about everything is no joke. She has a mature personality. I even feel younger when I'm with her." She laughed at the last sentence. I chuckled. Finally. A laugh.

"And the other one?"

"Tiffany" a big smile appeared on her face. Her eyes lightened up when she said the name. My name. I dont know what to say. She keeps on surprising me. This girl is hard to predict. Of course, we're friends. Stupid! Always remember 27.

"I'm really thankful for her existence. She lifts up my mood" she continued, and I cant help but smile "she's like a vitamin."

"Vitamin? A drug?" I joked. She let out a small laugh, which made me smile.

"Vitamin. She gives me strength. Every word or advice that she gives, makes me stronger." She smiled at me again "a drug...and I think I'm addicted to it."

My eyes widened. What? What does she mean? What does "I'm addicted to it" mean? I closed my eyes for a quick two seconds to brush off my thoughts. It may just mean that she's getting addicted to the vitamin that gives her strength. Wait. What?

"Hey" she said, gaining my attention back "I thought you died for a moment there." I did. I silently blushed, feeling embarrased. Heart-fluttering at the same time.

"Why did you consult a therapist if you still have someone to help you? Someone who has a knowledge of no joke?"

"She told me that I've been becoming so depressed these past few days. She keeps on saying that she's useless and not enough. But she is helping. She told me to try theraphy, talk to someone who has a different perspective on life. She also told me that it would help me understand some things." She explained

"Is it having any progress so far?"

"Yup." she nodded "A lot." a smile appeared on her face "which also added, if it wasn't for my friend, Sunny, I wouldn't have a chance to meet you"

I can feel my cheeks heating up. She's becoming sweeter and sweeter each time we meet. If my heart is as fragile as a glass, it must be broken from these overwhelming feelings that I get, and fixed at the same time.

"You must thank her then" I joked. Not showing any signs of fluttering feelings

"A thank you will not be enough" she smiled. again. For goodness sake.

"You like smiling a lot, don't you?"

Her smile grew bigger, if it was possible. "you give me reason to smile a lot"

That's it. I cant take this anymore. I think I need a therapist my self.