"I don't want to live anymore"

"Stop joking around, Taeyeon" I said with tears forming on my eyes. She's broken, I can feel it. Her sadness, her pain; it's all coming out at this very moment and she's shooting it all out to me. It hurts a lot, hearing those words from her. This is not Taeyeon.

"I'm not joking" she said and tried to stand up from her bed, but the wire of the serum attached to her hand is blocking the way. And I felt shivers all over my body when she did something that literally surprised and scared the living out of me.

She pulled the serum off of her hand. Her loud scream filled the room after pulling it off completely, including the tape to hold the serum in place.

I don't know what to do.

"Taeyeon!! Stop!!" I yelled. I begged. She's breathing hard, she's out of control. She's mad and I can't calm her down. Maybe I am useless. Maybe I really didn't help her.

I watched her as her face turned pale because of the sudden detachment of the serum from her hand. She held the side of her body, where her kidney is located, and screamed even more. She's hurting. . I really didn't know what to do. So I decided to run out of her room to find a doctor. Thankfully, I bumped into one doctor while I was running.

"Hey, please calm down" the doctor said as he held my shoulders while I breathe uncotrollably. "What's wrong?"

"Room...*huff*...309..." I said, trying to catch my breath. The doctor looked even more concerned than ever.

"What? What happened?" he asked. I started to feel dizzy and my vision started to get darker. My chest feels heavy and I feel suffocated. I cant handle all this.

"...help...her..."

***

I opened my eyes, and God, it was so bright. Am I dead? I moved my hands and looked at it for a while. I pinched my arm and flinched when I felt pain. Nope, I'm still alive.

But where am I? My eyes cant seem to adjust to the brightness of the room. It's so white and the light is blinding me. I jumped a little when I felt someone's hand against my right arm, I look over to who it was and I saw Sunny looking worried.

"Finally, you're awake" she said with a sad smile.

I sat up and looked around, the room seems different. This is not Taeyeon's room. I'm on a small bed, enought to fit one person, and Sunny is sitting on a single chair beside the bed.

"What happened?" I asked with my hand place on my head because it hurts.

"You fainted from stress, the doctor that you bumped into sent you here" Sunny said. Wait, what? Did he take care of me instead of Taeyeon? And what about my hospital bill for cheking in on one of the hospital room? "Don't worry, Taeyeon's doctor already helped her. And the doctor that sent you here took care of everything, we have nothing to pay for" she said as if she just read my mind.

"Is she okay?" I asked, Sunny frowned. I have a bad feeling about this.

"When the doctors got into her room, she was already on the floor. Unconcious. Her body had a negative reaction when she had an episode, her kidney got affected" Sunny said, I listened carefully. "The doctors said that they should do the operation immediately" she added, I sighed.

"This is my fault, I didn't calm her down. I didn't help her I–"

My eyes widened when Sunny covered my mouth with her hand. "Shh, stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong" she added before retreating her hand back.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Sunny tilted her head to the side and her face looks utterly confused. "What?" I asked again.

"You're the one who fainted, I should be the one asking that" she said and frowned. I smiled, she misunderstood me.

"No, I mean about earlier" I said, her face turned sad. "...about...you know...what happened back at Taeyeon's room" I added. Sunny smiled this time and helped me as I sat up.

"I'm fine" she said, fixing the pillow on my back so I can lean comfortably. "She was just mad. It is best to understand her than be mad at her too" she added.

I'm really thankful that Taeyeon has a friend like Sunny, someone who understands her well without any help from others. Without me. Taeyeon is a very lonely person, she shouldn't be alone at times. That's why I want to thank Sunny for being there when Taeyeon is alone.

Sunny smiled when I shared my thoughts to her and nodded. "Yeah, she is a lonely person" she said. "I always tell her not to stay on a corner and wrap herself with a blanket while listening to sad music. She's making herself even more sad than she already is" she added. I find it sad but cute at the same time. I wish I could make her happy at all times.

Sunny told me that she ordered a fast food delivery for dinner. I was shocked when I looked at the time, it was 7:30 in the evening. I didn't know that the nap that I had took that long. Sunny insisted that it was fine since the doctor adviced that I should get plenty of rest.

The doctor that sent me here came for a quick check up right after I ate dinner. With his presence, I asked him about Taeyeon. A sad smile was painted all over the doctor's face.

"She's still in the middle of the operation right now" he said, making me hold a pillow tightly. "The doctor in charge and his team are working hard and carefully to remove the tumor. It's so big and it's so hard to take out, so they work as careful as possible to avoid any mistakes. Again, this is a 50/50 chance. Your friend might survive or not" he added, my heart tensed. I start to feel chest pains again by just thinking about the chances of losing Taeyeon. No, I won't lose her, right? She won't leave us. She won't leave me.

I felt a hand run up and down on my back. It was Sunny, comforting me with another sad smile when I looked at her. She held my hand and gave it a little squeeze before whispering "It will be okay" she whispered.

I sighed and said "I hope so"

The doctor then excused himself after a few minutes of asking me about how I feel. Aside from feeling nervous and worried about Taeyeon, I am actually feeling physically better than before. I didn't know that I was that weak to handle stress.

Time pass and it's almost 9 o'clock—still no news about Taeyeon.

I hope she's doing well right now. I hope the doctors can succeed on this operation. I cant afford to lose Taeyeon. I want to be with her for a very long time.

She's a very kind person who made me enjoyed my job as a therapist. I look forward to our daily appointment. I still feel excited everytime she asks me out to eat or just go somewhere with her.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard someone let out a fake cough.

"Let her rest" Sunny said. I looked at her, confused. She smiled. "She's been running through your mind a lot, let her rest" she said again. I smiled and tried to hide my blushing face.

She was talking about Taeyeon.

And it's embarrassing to admit that she's right, Taeyeon is indeed running through my mind a lot.

"You really like her, don't you?" she said, I looked at her again with my eyes widened. "It's kinda obvious. But don't worry, she really likes you too" she added, making me blush more. "She talks about you a lot. She's madly in love with you"

I bit my lip as I try to stop myself from showing a fluttered smile. I held the bed sheet tightly to avoid any unnecessary actions that I might regret later on.

I heard Sunny laugh. "She'll be fine" she said in a rather assuring way. I let go of the bed sheet that I was gripping tightly and let out a deep sigh.

But we both jumped when someone blasted the door open.

"You friend...."