Saving a Smile

By: genieforyou14

Requested: November 4, 2012

Completed: November 22, 2012

Review: Serious

Title [ 10 / 10 ]

Creativity: It’s a clever title that speaks to the theme of the story. At first, it’s a curious thing, but then, as the story progresses, it becomes evident why that is the title.  

Characters [ 35 / 50 ]

Development: Dongwoo’s development was impressive for a one-shot. The pacing and growth and change were well done, allowing for a believable approach to this story’s core idea. He has this very strange pattern of development that starts out with his innocence and then moves onto the maturity of becoming an idol, and then he reverts back to that innocent character when there’s a prospect of meeting the girl he loves. It’s all very intriguing and reflective of what the story is trying to say.

Voice: The voices are strong and unique. It’s apparent who is talking at what time.  

Proper Characterization: Since I personally have a limited knowledge of Jang Dongwoo as an idol personality, I cannot say much. What can be said though, is that the avoidance of inappropriate nicknames was good for the mood of the story. Many times, authors tend to use silly nicknames that never quite fit with the story he/she is trying to write.  

On the other hand, the characters are fitting these molds that have been set by prior stories, movies, etc. Dongwoo and Mina are character profiles that come straight out of a pure love story. He’s a man that has lost his smile therefore his ability to be sincerely himself. Mina, is the woman who pushes him to rediscover himself and succeeds due to her pure heart and gentle demeanor. Together, these two profiles act as the perfect pair in an ideal tragic love story – throw in exchanged letters, and there is a lovely rendition of innocent affections.

Grammar/Spelling [ 24 / 25 ]

Correct Usage: Wonderful.

Tenses: Superb.

Mark Downs: These are for any random typos and/or grammatical fumbles. Honestly, no one has perfect grammar, thus there really shouldn’t be any perfect scores in relation to this category.

Plot [ 40 / 75 ]

Intrigue: It’s a very heartwarming and painfully affectionate story.

Originality: It’s not in itself cliché. The different aspects of the story aid to the lack of originality though. For further details, refer to the Proper Characterization portion of this review. The plot has very interesting ideas, however, the formula used in the creation of the progression of scenes cannot be considered wholly original.

This is completely based on the plot, without consideration for how the story was written. From here, the story is lacking in terms of stunning situations and eye-opening moments that make any story stand out even more than it already can.

Story Structure [ 72 / 75]

Point of View Coordination: The P.O.V. is fine just as it is.

Realism (in terms of story setting): The setting is very well written and the way in which you had the letters get to Dongwoo was also reasonable. A lot of the time, people will think of some miraculous and/or ludicrous way for something like that to reach the hands of the main character.

Functionality: The set up was wonderful and left the readers slowly realizing what was happening in the story. It took the entire piece to finally realize what the title’s true meaning was and thus kept this fog that was a basis for the entire mood.

Style [ 51 / 60 ]

Personality: Your writing style is evident and strong throughout the entire piece.

Description: Every descriptor had a reason for existing, and thus furthered the plot as was necessary. Your story is mainly description; therefore the emphasis on concise wording is very obvious. There isn’t much to say since everything seems to be in order.

Dialogue: The dialogue is scarce and fine as it is. What is used has a strong purpose.

Clichés: As stated earlier, there are some clichés at the core of the story. Many of them have been taken and recreated to some extent, but the greatest cliché pitfall was certainly the use of cancer – any type of cancer, for that matter – to be used as the catalyst of tragedy. Yes, cancer is a powerful device, but in this case, the story was so pure and powerful throughout, when suddenly, just like many other fan fiction, it plummeted because of this one detail.

I do realize that cancer is one of the easiest diseases to use in writing, but it’s also one of the most common and overdone. Every single plot line has been used involving that sickness, which leaves no room for greater development of it. If there was some special reason as for why you personally chose cancer as the girl’s disease, then by all means, disregard my words. On the other hand, if it was just the most convenient disease, then it would be best to consider studying other sicknesses, or even inventing your own, so as to avoid joining the legions of cancer-plot-abusing writers.

“Flow”: The pacing of the overall story is reasonable. The way the description is used, effectively traverses lengths of time without any awkward skips.

Formatting: The formatting is good.

Literary Devices [ 5 / 5 ]

Metaphors, similes, alliteration, aphorisms, repetition, etc. : Yes

Extras/Bonuses [ 3 / -- ]

Readers Enjoyment: Your readers are very sincere people it seems. It would be great to always treasure them, as you appear to do already.

Particular Snippets of…: I’m definitely biased towards well done closers. This story had strong ending, therefore it was probably the best part of the piece to me.

Improvement: You’re pretty consistent overall and that’s a good thing.

Enjoyment: I enjoy reading mind-numbing fan fiction (as bad as that sounds) because I don’t have to be thoughtfully hanging onto every word. This story is one of “thoughtful” stories.

Total [ 240 / 300 ]

80%

Reviewer’s Comments:

I was asked to grade this as hard as I could, correct? Well, I think after doing this review, I’m adding a new section to the request form. The score that was received for this story is based on a completely serious scale that’s different from the one I’ve used for all previous reviews.

Instead of seeing this as fan fiction, I graded with the mind set of this being a legitimate short story – if that makes sense. If you do want to know your score based on the “Fan Fiction Scale” I can do so, just tell me.

I do want to tell you that this was a very well written story. Ignoring the grade above, I truly do think that your writing is lovely. The way each sentence and word is structured and chosen, respectively, holds a lot of meaning not only for the reader, but for you as an author, I’m sure.

Fanfiction Scale

Title [ 10 / 10 ]

Characters [ 47 / 50 ]

Grammar/Spelling [ 24 / 25 ]

Plot [ 60 / 75 ]

Story Structure [ 74 / 75]

Style [ 58 / 60 ]

Literary Devices [ 5 / 5 ]

Extras/Bonuses [ 3 / -- ]

Total [ 281 / 300 ]

94%

Reviewer’s Comments:

That score you see before you is the biggest reason I developed a new scale. Your story is great as fan fiction and I’m sure you already know that – therefore someone doesn’t have to verify such things for you.

It probably would’ve been nice had I developed this differentiating scale sooner. Oh well.