That Bastard

By: MissTangerine

( 6 Chapters - Completed )

Requested: October 27, 2012

Completed: November 4, 2012

Area of Help: Style

It’s not that you write “too much” consistently, it’s that you’ve developed a style. I do recall reviewing an older story of yours and all I can say is that you’ve reached that epitome of personality in your writing. The reader who noted that you describe too much is simply expressing their preference in story-telling.

For you, it has always been about precise detailing of every breath and move – even back in your other piece “I’m Yours”. The only difference is that now you’ve fully embraced your writing. If what you want to do is give the readers the story in an exact, rigid way then that’s perfectly fine. I mean, Fitzgerald did just that as well.

Bottom line, you don’t have to be concerned. Some readers won’t like your writing and some will adore it. That’s normally the point at which you realize that you’ve truly come to write in a unique way.

Chapter 3: Specific Notes

The chapter was very abstract. It was unfocused and reflective which is just fine for the scene being portrayed. I’m assuming that this is the chapter in which you received that remark about over explanation?

It’s an exaggeration to say that this chapter was too descriptive. The expression is just hazy. Your manipulation of the English language is clear here and your experimentation is also very prominent.

The only thing I could say you should be careful about is how you word things. Even though it’s obvious that you’re using structure and repetition to get across your point, the specific words chosen and the sentence structures themselves are somewhat off-kilter. When you’re this precise, you need to be sure that every single mark and word is perfect as well. This is probably due to your experimentation, actually.

A big difference in this precision style writing is that you have to be aware of even the slightest flicker. Everything becomes important and there are no throw away lines.

Switching Back and Forth

There’s nothing wrong with it. You italicize and do page breaks to signify a clear difference between the time periods.

Title [ 6 / 10 ]

Creativity: The tone of your story doesn’t reflect the tone of your title. Although it’s an appropriate title, it lacks the darkness that your story so thoroughly possesses. Something richer and sadder would have added deeply to your piece which is incredibly powerful in terms of style.

Characters [ 48 / 50 ]

Development: I don’t have specific things to say about them. They’re dynamic and rich. In fact, they make this story what it is. As you may already know, stories are character-based or plot-based. This story is definitely character based. Their lives reflect everything beautiful about this tale.

Voice: They are surely their own people, especially Jiyoung. He has the strongest voice in this story.

Grammar/Spelling [ 24 / 25 ]

Correct Usage: There’s nothing to say about your grammar.

Tenses: Your tense usage is also fine.

Mark Downs: Well, the point off would be for any random misplaced commas or errors. In general, a story will never have perfect grammar, especially a piece that’s experimental like this one.  

Plot [ 38 / 75 ]

Intrigue: This story is absolutely fascinating based on the description. Personally, I was caught by it. The interest of your readers is immense as well. The reinvention of the arranged marriage was rather stunning since it isn’t AU. Rather, it’s Dara of 2NE1 and G-Dragon of Big Bang.  

Originality: The plot is almost surely enjoyed because of the situation that has been used many times over. The cheating, loveless marriage, broken woman, and cold man are all cornerstones to an angst-filled story.

Mark Downs: As stated above, it’s sort of apparent that this story is character based. Therefore, the plot ended up lacking.

Story Structure [ 70 / 75]

Point of View Coordination: 3^rd Person POV is used consistently.

Realism (in terms of story setting): Your depiction of the world beyond the KPOP glitter and glam gives the readers a fictitious but very possible reality. There isn’t anything wrong with it as far as I’m concerned.

Functionality: Although you do write in such a strict manner, there’s still a lot of room for the readers to decipher what is going on. The only problem that could possibly interrupt this is that since your writing is so stylized, it’s hard to incorporate the necessary information. Throughout the tale, there are random spats of abrupt information that don’t quite fit in with the established style of writing.

Style [ 51 / 60 ]

Personality: Refer to style notes in Area of Help section.

Description: As stated in the Area of Help, make sure your description reaches an entirely new level. It is fine as it is, but with the style of writing you have, your description needs to be even more intricate.

Dialogue: Your dialogue is relatively appropriate. Some minor characters have weaker voices, but the two main characters diligently follow their personalities. There’s nothing much more to say concerning this aspect of the rubric.

Clichés: There are numerous clichés present in this story. The structure of the story screams cliché, but that’s a conscious choice you made as the author. Although that is understandable, you have still relied on a plot that’s filled with worn out incidents. After all, clichés aren’t bad, they’re just something everyone would enjoy avoiding if on a quest to write a truly fascinating, unique tale.

“Flow”: Your chapters are lengthy and detailed which allows for proper pacing.

Formatting: Your formatting is fine.

Literary Devices [ 5 / 5 ]

Metaphors, similes, alliteration, aphorisms, repetition, etc. : Wonderful.

Extras/Bonuses [ 4 / -- ]

Readers Enjoyment: Your readers are just lovely.

Particular Snippets of…: I’m a er for angst, therefore I absolutely adored every terrible, painful moment.

Improvement: You’re rather consistent throughout the story which is a good thing.

Enjoyment: If this wasn’t already completed, I would have definitely subscribed.

Total [ 246 / 300 ]

82%

Reviewer’s Comments:

I thought you improved a lot. I have no idea why your score isn’t higher. Really. I’m not kidding. I went over the rubric numerous times. Perhaps I scored harder on the plot because there are so set scenes that occur in your story that it becomes like a cycle that you’re just waiting to finish with the greatest anticipation.

There’s never been anything particularly bad about your writing ability, that's why I cannot fathom the scores you receive.

Honestly, I really loved this story. The style and situation is very enticing and you should be pleased with your work.