STORY LINK

(17 Chapters - On Going)

Requested: March 2, 2012

Completed: March 30, 2012

Review Shop Criteria

Title [ 7 / 10 ]

Creativity:It’s rather blatant what you mean to write about. Your title fits the style of writing though and therefore is, for the most part, alright.

Mark Downs: There’s always a way to add a spark of intrigue in a title, even when the writing style and story style is meant to be bubbly and closer to fluff than angst. It would be helpful to consider what the underlying message is and from there, create a title that can encompass that message.

Characters [ 29 / 50 ]

Development:You have laid out what all your characters are supposed to be like. When profiles are put out in the description, the readers are robbed of the right to meet and grow and learn to love your characters. Although it’s easier to organize your thoughts by giving them set personalities in the beginning, it leaves no mystery.

Furthermore, many readers I have come across have expressed their dislike for having to memorize the character personalities before reading. By giving them profiles, it does not eliminate the tedious task of developing characters, instead, it stops the development of characters.

Voice:They’re clearly individual.

Grammar/Spelling [ 24 / 25 ]

Correct Usage:There’s nothing wrong with your grammar except for your lack of periods. Although there are multiple paragraph break, eliminating periods isn’t grammatically correct. They’re there to end a sentence and therefore when you do not have one, it keeps the thought running into the next line. Paragraph breaks will not make up for missing periods though.

Tenses:You have control over your tenses.

Plot [ 22 / 75 ]

Intrigue:The plot if well-worn and therefore a good base for writing a story. Your readers appear to be excited by the plot as well. But in terms of execution, there could have been a stronger impact. The story has good support but the way in which it was written leaves readers lacking a spark for it.

Originality:As stated above, it’s a well-worn plot and the execution was also well-worn. With that said, this story did not particularly reinvent the idea of high school with idols and thus lacks that excitement and originality.

Since this is the plot you have chosen, there aren’t any real pointers I can offer you. For the future perhaps, it would be a good idea to write a plot that you want to write, but write it in such a way that your style and voice and character bring life into the storyline.

Story Structure [ 60 / 75]

Point of View Coordination: You don’t switch constantly which is good but when you do switch it comes off a tad random and somewhat unnecessary. Your story would read just fine without changing P.O.V.s to be honest.

Realism (in terms of story setting): Everyone is incredibly friendly and welcoming at the school. I’m not positive if that is what you were going for, but if it is, then you wrote it well. It can be a bit worrisome though, since your characters start to lack fire and each new day simply reads like an idealistic world.

However, if you aren’t trying to write drama, then this style is fine.

Functionality: A lot of the information and relationships are laid out for us. For the future, it would be beneficial to consider giving us less information and slowly feeding it to us chapter by chapter so we can slowly warm up to the characters.

Style [ 39 / 60 ]

Personality:There’s room for you to grow in this respect. You have the basic of writing down, however it’s almost as if you don’t wish to waste time and simply want to push the plot forward. Readers will no longer pay mind to your writing but instead to how quickly you can carry on with the story. That’s alright, but from a purely writer’s standpoint, it should be important to spend some time and develop your personal way of writing.

Description: There is no real description. Please refer to the above remarks on “Personality”. Description is a very important and beautiful part of writing. It’s where you, as a writer, can bring forth your wit and style.

I do understand that it is frustrating to sit there and type paragraphs of scenery or emotion but at the same time, it gives your characters depth and evokes emotions from your readers. Many people will say that description is useless, I having been one of them a long time ago, but in reality, it’s very meaningful and fascinating.

Dialogue: Your dialogue is strong and understandable.

Clichés: There are several clichés and it appears that you would be aware of that based on your choice of plot as well as characters. You have reinvented some common characters and common situations so that is impressive.

“Flow”: The flow is sort of confusing. At times you’ll progress quickly and at others, things will slow down. For the most part though, you have chosen a fast-paced style and there is nothing wrong with that.

Formatting:Again, it is mainly dialogue. Therefore there’s nothing particularly bad in terms of formatting because there needs to be paragraph breaks for each new spoken sentence.

Literary Devices [ 1 / 5 ]

Metaphors, similes, alliteration, aphorisms, repetition, etc. : None, really

Extras/Bonuses [ 2 / -- ]

Readers Enjoyment: Your readers could be a bit more thoughtful but there are some who are interested and really give nice comments.

Particular Snippets of…: Yoseob and his little brother attitude was very cute.

Improvement:N/A

Enjoyment:Yoseob was rather cute and it was interesting to see how he and the main character communicated.

Total [ 184 / 300 ]

61%

Reviewer’s Comments:

If there is one piece of advice I could offer, it would be to focus on description. I am no expert on getting readers so this is just my personal opinion.

Perhaps spending time on description would increase the popularity of this story. Many people enjoy fast paced stories but many people also respect and seek stories with emotional depth and exploration. If you can hook one of those readers, you will receive longer, sweeter comments that will surely express just how much description can do for a story.

But again, you don’t have to take these words. This is your story and you may do with it as you please.