Everyday is a Sunday Evening

By: Maudmoonshine

Requested: November 1, 2012

Completed: November 21, 2012

Review: FF

Area of Help: Feelings of Readers

Honestly, it’s incredibly creepy and shiver-inducing. The story causes the readers to feel exactly what this story is trying to make them feel – if that makes sense. There’s this strange sensation and heightened imagination that has been caused by the way this story was written.

To ask for help in this area is a bit needless. The story is fine all on its own and the feelings invoked in readers are exactly what you, as the author, would want, right?

Title [ 7 / 10 ]

Creativity: This is a very eerie title that just catches the eye. There’s something attractive about it and considering this is supposed to be a somewhat creepy story, it’s a very appropriate title. Furthermore, it’s a title that has the readers thinking all throughout the two chapters of this story – making connections and letting their imaginations run wild.

Mark Downs: Then again, from a separate point of view, it was derived from a song title, and although a song can inspire, a story should still be a standalone entity.

Characters [ 42 / 50 ]

Development: Based on how the story was written, development of the characters should have been addressed prior to the two-shot’s current plotline. That means the characters are already developed and therefore there wouldn’t be much description that builds them up. In this story’s case, it’s fine that the characters weren’t given much room to grow, because it wasn’t really a character based story.

It’s hard to explain, but it’s pretty much apparent that the main character, Sunri, was meant to be written in that crazed, delusional way that was perfect for the writing style.  

Voice: There is so much voice; it would be odd to say that there isn’t.

Proper Characterization: This may be a new category after reading your piece. Although everything was well written, there’s this consistent popping up of inappropriate references to characters. Since this story has set a mood and tone of darkness, there shouldn’t be any use of nicknames that would be more appropriate in a light hearted story.  

Also, please do not think that it is solely because of your piece that this new category is going to be developed. It is just that I came to realize that this is a considerable issue in many stories on this site. So, thank you.

Grammar/Spelling [ 23 / 25 ]

Correct Usage: There are minor errors, but nothing terrible.

Tenses: The tense usage is fine as well.

Plot [ 65 / 75 ]

Intrigue: This story is absolutely fascinating. The fact that it is written post-kidnapping is very eye-catching.

Originality: You appear to be aware that you drew on a lot of published authors’ works; therefore it can be assumed that the level of originality falters slightly. This is perfectly fine. Seeing as how I have never personally read many of the things you wrote about – thus not allowing me to understand certain allusions – I could say from an ignorant standpoint that I’ve never read anything like this.

Then again, from someone else’s perspective, this is probably a standard in the horror-fiction genre.

Story Structure [ 66 / 75]

Point of View Coordination: The use of P.O.V. is well done without the need to bluntly state who is talking. Your command of this portion of writing is fine.

Realism (in terms of story setting): It’s a two-shot that has been formatted in a consistent way.

Functionality: There is so much room for interpretation, that it becomes exciting to read the piece. There were a few instances where things were expressed too blatantly though. As if speaking to the readers suddenly, you break out of the story’s context to explain something that was previously alluded to. That isn’t necessary. Leave the readers to keep their own assumptions because they don’t need direct verification.

Mostly, this is in reference to part two of the story. The voice is still eerie, but you have taken to explaining some mysterious aspects of the piece written in part one.

Style [ 44 / 60 ]

Personality: Your writing style resonates throughout the piece. With more writing, it will just continue to grow from where it already is.

Description: The description is based on the character’s thoughts and therefore builds the story up. There’s nothing particularly useless about any of the description. On the flip side, some of the description was unbalanced. Although it was good description, the level of severity was irregular.

 For example, when Eunhyuk was screaming and the chainsaw was being held above Sunri’s head as she prepared to hurt him, there was this assumption that she was planning to attack him with fatal intent.

But then, suddenly, she only took off his pinky. All of this description had built readers up to expect a severe death, and instead, they were all let down and left somewhat confused.

It’s important to consider just how dark certain parts of a story should be. The entire story can be dark, but levels of darkness and setting up the scene is equally, if not more important.

Bottom line is to keep in mind what is appropriate for description and knowing when and how to properly evoke the right reaction from the readers.

Dialogue: The dialogue was fine and useful. In fact, the naturalism of the dialogue was a major factor in creating the mood of the story. The characters, especially Eunhyuk, were best expressed through what he had to say in those moments of panic.

Clichés: If there were any clichés, I couldn’t pick them out. Perhaps the “beautiful psycho fan” could be considered a cliché, but the way in which she was portrayed completely destroys that concept.

“Flow”: Here is probably where most things fell apart. The first part was well paced, but the second part was terribly rushed. In your author’s note, you told readers that it was meant to fulfill what wasn’t expressed in part one, but the problem had to do with the actual speed of part two. The content was fine, though.

Formatting: It had a very nice format.

Literary Devices [ 4 / 5 ]

Metaphors, similes, alliteration, aphorisms, repetition, etc. : Yes

Extras/Bonuses [ 4 / -- ]

Readers Enjoyment: Your readers seem sincere.

Particular Snippets of…: The Eunhyuk torture scene was definitely my favorite.

Improvement: Oddly enough, the flow the piece faltered in the second half, yet the dialogue finally bloomed in the second half.

Enjoyment: I would probably subscribe to this story.

Total [ 255 / 300 ]

85%

Reviewer’s Comments:

This story was absolutely wonderful. Personally, I enjoyed it immensely, not only because I’m Super Junior biased, but because of how it was portrayed. The horrific factors of this story did so much for the genre and I do believe I’m blabbering now.

Anyway, If there is anything I could tell you to work on, it would simply be paying attention to appropriate language – not as in appropriate-censored language – but just words and descriptors that match the tone and mood of the story.

Well actually, one more thing, congratulations for being the fourth person to make it on the 85% or Higher list at this review shop.