Day Twelve

I'm scared. Petrified. Frightened. 

I've never felt like this with another person before. And I'm damn near panicking. 

I can't like Sana. No... I'm straight. And our relationship's a dead end.  I don't want to be hurt. I've been hurt before. Sure, I got over it after a few months, but this? I'm not sure I can recover from this. I'm falling for Sana harder every minute that we spend together. I can't... I don't want to be hurt. Or go to jail. 

I buried my face in my hands and went out of the house, already dressed for work. It's a bit early, so Sana still wasn't here. 

What do I do? What do I do? 

I don't know how long I was standing there until a horn blared, disrupting me from my thoughts. Then, Sana's car parked right in front of me. I didn't wait for her to get out of the car. I just went in. 

"Good morning, gorgeous. You're up early today." Sana greeted cheerfully. That is, until she saw my face. Her face became a picture of worry. "Hey, buttercup. Are you alright?" 

I didn't look at her. I'm afraid that if she'll take one look at me, she'll know what I was feeling. Doubt, panic, fear, longing... 

"I'm... okay. I just had... a nightmare." I replied, looking at anywhere but her eyes. 

I felt her kiss the side of my head lovingly, nuzzling my slightly wet hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to comfort you after your nightmare." 

See what I mean here? How can you not fall in love with someone who says sorry because you had nightmares? It's like it's her fault or something...

"I like you, Sana." I said. 

I felt her stop her breath. She just froze there, holding me partly. But then, she recovered, whispering softly. "I've waited for so long to hear you say that." 

I hugged her, already regretting my next words. "But I need some time away from you." 

"Why?" Her voice was tentative and worried. 

"Because I'm confused, scared and just plain clueless." I took in a deep breath. "I need time to think." 

I heard her sigh. "Time is something that we don't have right now." 

"But you see? I can't like you! This is wrong." I started to whimper. 

"But it feels so right." She added in a whisper. 

I nodded. "It does..."  

"Just don't think about it. Either way, we both know how this story ends." 

My heart started aching. 

"Let's just enjoy what we have now." She said, adding to the impending feeling of doom. 

After a while, I spoke. "Please just take me straight to work." I requested. 

She nodded in understanding. 

We both arrived at work, not saying much to each other. Then I watched as she went to the elevator, looking at me longingly. Even Dahyun seemed to sense my foul mood and decided to not say anything. Yet. After that, I went directly to Mr. Choi's office to file for a two-day leave. He seemed surprised, but he signed me off. When he asked if Sana knew my plan, I lied and told him yes. 

"You're leaving?" Dahyun asked me. 

I nodded slowly. "Just for two days. I need to clear my mind." And my heart. 

She hugged me instantly. This was one of the moments where I'm thankful that I have Dahyun as a friend. She seemed to know when to stop pushing my buttons and just be there for me. 

"Take care. Where are you going anyway?" She asked. 

"My mom. I need my mom right now."  She nodded in understanding.

"Tell Auntie Yubin I said 'hi.'"  

"I will." I let her go and immediately went home, not risking Sana to find out about my absence. I didn't bother packing my clothes as I still have some of my clothes at home. Then I went inside my car. It's been so long since I last drove my baby. After warming the engine up a bit, I headed off. 
 

I parked my car outside. Looking at our house, I couldn't help but feel a little comforted. 

I missed this house. And the neighborhood. And my siblings. 

I shut the engine off and went outside of the car. When I was just a teenager and still stuck here, I swore that I'd do everything in my power to leave and never go back. But of course, I outgrew it. I visit my mom every chance that I get. My father died when I was fifteen.

 I went inside, closing the low, wooden fence behind me, and walked up to the porch. Then I knocked. A second later, my mom opened the door, wearing a surprised smile on her face and a century-old apron around her waist. I rushed in to hug her. 

"Well, well, well. Now this is a surprise." She chuckled before hugging me back. "Why didn't you tell me or your brothers that you were coming home?" 

I pulled back, a sheepish smile on my face. "I wanted to surprise you." 

Her brow raised, not fully believing me. "Really? Well, come on in." 

She got out of the way and let me through. Our house still looked the same. I put my bag on the couch and followed my mom into the kitchen. I was instantly hit by the amazing smell. 

"Brownies?" I asked excitedly. 

She laughed. "Yes." 

I grinned and sat down on the kitchen chair, waiting for the brownies. I love it when mom bakes. 

A second later, she put a tray of freshly baked brownies in front of me and got some milk from the fridge. I reached out and snatched a brownie as she put a glass of milk in front of me. 

"Okay, spill it. What's wrong? I know you won't visit me unannounced if you don't have something bothering you." She asked. 

I didn't even try. Mothers have this sixth sense about their children. 

"I do have something bothering me, Mom.