“I think acting is about forgetting yourself in order to give the best of yourself.

It's passing through you more than you're creating it.

You're not the flower, but the vase which holds the flower.”

–Juliette Binoche.

Jaelyn’s POV:

                I had a major hangover after I found myself awake on the sofa. I rubbed my eyes and looked around for signs of Junhyung and Kikwang, but they were already gone. The mess left on the floor yesterday night was also gone. I checked the time on my phone and found several missed calls from Hyuna. It was 9:15 A.M. Shoot, it was that late already? I quickly dialed Hyuna’s number.

                “Hello, Jaelyn?”

                “Hyuna, sorry I overslept!” I yelled through the phone.

                “Why are you apologizing?”

                “Because I didn’t pick up your call. I’m late for practice.”

                “Nonono, I called to inform you that you’re given a break today since you’ve put on a great performance yesterday.”

                “Oh, that’s it?” I sighed in relieve.

                “So how was last night?”

                “Last night…? Oh them! Yea I had a great time though I don’t remember most of it.” I yawned.

                “Well, I’m not going to question you anymore. Enjoy your time resting, Call if you need anything okay?”

                “Okay, bye.” Then, I hung up.

                I stretched my stiff back from sleeping on the sofa. After I showered up, I sat down in front of my computer and began to check the reviews on my debut performance.

“Her voice was amazingly beautiful!”

“I knew she was something special when Junhyung oppa praised her.”

“I didn’t expect much at all, but she shocked me kekeke~”

“Her dance style was unique comparing to the other artists.”     

“I’ve completely fallen for her voice <3”

                I laughed happily to myself as I read the reviews. It’s seems like I didn’t disappoint my audience. I looked at my album CD one last time before I placed it in the drawer. When I opened it, the corner of a transparent Ziploc bag was sticking out from under. I put my hand in and took it out. Inside the bag were a deteriorated rose and laurel. I almost forgot about them. I remembered that when I received these flowers, something told me keep them so I placed them safely in my drawer.  

                “Don’t admire it too much or it’ll end up ruining you.” That old man’s comment came back to me suddenly. What did he mean when he told me that half a year ago?

                Then I thought of how I met that old man. I was in Jeju Island because I wanted to let Junhyung believe that we were fated to be. My focus became clear again. He wasn’t supposed to be my friend to begin with. I was just using him. Now that I got what I wanted, what am I supposed to do? Do I leave him now? That thought made me feel uncomfortable, but I don’t think I can stay friends with him and act normal as if nothing happened. Every moment I’m with him, I felt like I’m still deceiving him.

                “If it’s dragged on for too long, the wound inflicted later would too deep to heal.” Yoseob’s voice appeared in my head. Do I listen to his advice and confess the truth? No, what am I thinking. I must be going crazy. If I do confess, it’ll be over for me. Song Jaelyn, what happened to you?

Junhyung’s POV:

                “To Jaelyn: Are you free? – Junhyung”

                “To Junhyung: No, I don’t think we’ll be able to see each other as much in the future. Been very busy. –Jaelyn”

                I don’t get it. Jaelyn has been avoiding me for a week already. Did something happen? I took out my phone again and texted.

                “To Kikwang: Up for a drink? –Junhyung.”

                “To Junhyung: Always keke^^ –Kikwang”

~

                “Let her be. She’s a busy girl now after the debut.” I can’t believe he can act as if it’s nothing unusual. He started blowing bubbles in his drink.

                “But don’t you think it’s strange? It seems like she’s avoiding me.”

                “Maybe.” He agreed halfheartedly with his attention still caught on the bubbles.

                “She’s been so cold toward me. Aren’t we friends.”

                “Friends?” He chuckled. “Maybe that’s what you think.” He pointed his index finger at me.

                “Huh?”

                “Well, what I mean is maybe she always saw as a sunbae, not really a friend.”

                “You think I would actually believe that?” I started poking the ice with my straw.

                “But, what’s wrong with you? Why are you getting anxious over this?”

                “Um…” I paused for a second. “Well, she’s a friend. It’s normal to be concerned for a friend right?”  I said quickly then I got up from my seat. “I made up my mind.”

                “What?” Kikwang looked up at me.

                “I can’t let this be going on without a reason. I’m going to confront her.”

                “If you’re able to even see her.” He murmured.

                “Studio A.” I said under my breath, and then I ran off.

                “Hey! The bill! Why me again??”

***

                I rushed to Studio A and slammed the door open. Emptiness and darkness was all I saw. Half of the lights were closed. I was disappointed. Yoseob appeared from the back door.

                “Oh, sunbae, you’re here.” He smiled.

                “Where’d everyone go?” I asked.

                “The girls have a special mission by the president today so they had to leave. I’m about to leave just now.”

                “Do you have time for a talk?” I asked before he left. It was always comfortable talking with Yoseob. I noticed that we haven’t really talked much since I got caught up with activities.

                “Sure.” He sat down next to me.

                “Let’s say if someone starts avoiding you, what could the reason be?”

                “Hmm… am I close to that person?”

                “Well, you can say that.”

                “Then the reason could be that the person avoiding feels guilty for something he or she did.”

                “What would you do?”

                “I would wait for the person to confess.”

                “So you’re not going to ask?”

                “Nope, if I ask, then it’s not going to be a sincere confession. I would give the person a chance to speak up. That way, both sides wouldn’t feel so bad.”  

                “I see. Another question. What does it mean when you feel uneasy not seeing someone for a few days?”

                “How about when seeing the person?”

                “Hmm…” I thought hard for a while. How do I feel when I’m with her? “Well… you feel nervous yet comfortable. Kind of hard to describe. And your heart starts racing really fast at times.”

                Yoseob started chuckling so I stopped describing. “That’s the feeling of love.” Love. That word struck me hard. It never came to mind before. Was that the reason why I felt suffocated every time I see Kikwang with her? No, I can’t. I absolutely cannot fall in love.

Jaelyn’s POV:

                “So you’re planning on avoiding him forever?” Kikwang was busy playing around with the teddy next to my bed.

                “Why not?” I was sitting on legs crossed on my bed.  My attention was caught on the screen of my laptop reading the new netizen’s responses about me.

                “You know this wouldn’t work out right? You’re bound to meet up with him. We’re all under CUBE after all. Why can’t you just continue to do what you normal do?”

                “You don’t get it. Every time I’m near him I still feel as if I’m acting even when I’m not.” I turned to look at him. His attention shifted away from the teddy. Then, he started poking at the stuffs on my desk.

                “Well, isn’t acting your specialty? Don’t tell me you’re feeling guilty now.” He looked at me with roguish eyes.

                “Of course not! Who am I? I’m Song Jaelyn.” I quickly turned back to the screen clicking and scrolling pointlessly on the web. I was glad he didn’t question me further.

                “What is this?” He asked. I found Kikwang looking through my drawer. Then, he pulled out the Ziploc bag with the rose and the laurel. I got up from my bed and snatched it away from him.

                “Stop being so nosey!” I yelled furiously.

                “Woops, my bad.” He raised both of his hands surrendering.

                I noticed that it was almost midnight. “Wait, why are you still here anyway?” I asked.

                “Cause I’m bored.” He came close to me and looked playfully into my eyes. My phone started vibrating on my bed. I quickly went to get it. It was from my mother.

                “Hello? Umma?” I greeted.

                “Junhye ah, you have to come here right now!” Her voice was trembling.

                “What happened?”

                “It’s your dad, he got hurt! Come quick, come quick!”

                “Okay, I’m going to head there right now.” I hung up then turned to Kikwang. “Did you bring your car?” I asked.

                “Yea, why?”

                “I need a ride.”

***

                “Um, where are you going?” I asked when he got out of the car.

                “With you of course.” He smiled hopefully.

                “I think you should stay in your car, I don’t want them to misunderstand.” He frowned as I said that. “You can drive around or something. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I made sure he drove off before I pressed on the doorbell.

                “Junhye, you’re here!” My mother was really excited to see me. So was I.

                “How’s dad doing?” I asked as I followed her in.

                “He’s in bed right now. He hurt his back. No matter what I say he refuses to go to hospital.”

                I went into the bedroom. “Appa?”

                He looked up at me in surprised, and then he immediately changed his stubborn expression.

                “Why are you here? I thought you were never going to come home again.” He didn’t look at me as he said that.

                “How’d he get hurt?” I asked my mother.

                “He was changing the light bulb today. He lost his balance and fell on his back.”

                “Appa, you should go to the hospital.” I felt awkward speaking to him.

                “I told him that so many times already.” My mother sighed.

                “I told you that I’ll fine after I rest.”

                “Just a moment ago, you said you couldn’t move your back!”

                 “What kind of nonsense are you talking about?” My father refused to back down.

                “Appa!” I couldn’t help but be concerned. He’s my father after all.

                “I’m not going anywhere. I know my body the best.”

                “What can I do to make you go?” I begged.

                “Quit your job.” He said.

                “Appa! You’re unreasonable. I’ve already debuted, I can’t just quit now.” Why’d I even bother asking?

                “Then, I’m not going anywhere.” He crossed his arm.

                Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

                “I’ll get it.” My mother said. “You friend is here.” She came back with a smile. Kikwang appeared from behind.

                “Hi, you must be Mr. Song.” He smiled politely. My father seemed astonished by his appearance. I shot Kikwang a “you’re so dead later” look.

                Kikwang started walking toward us. He had a bag in his hand. “Junhye told me to go to the pharmacy to get some medicine for you before.” He placed the bag on the table.

                “Who are you?” My father asked curiously studying his face.

                “Oh, I work at the same place and Junhye. She’s a really hardworking girl. You must be really proud to have such a good daughter.”

                My father shifted his body uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

                “So what happened here?” He turned to my mother and me.

                “He hurt his back and wouldn’t go to the hospital.” My mother responded.

                “Mr. Song, why are you refusing to go?” Kikwang kneeled down in front of him as if he was talking to a child.

                “I’m fine. I don’t need the hospital.”

                “Do you know that hurting your back is a serious matter? If not treated correctly, then you may not be able to move your back ever again.” Kikwang’s eyes looked serious.

                “Really?” My father seemed worried.

                “By looking at your hands, you seem to be a construction worker. How are you going to continue with your career if something happens to you back?” Lee Kikwang, you’re not doing a bad job after all.

                “Then, what should I do?” My father asked.

                “You should get your back scanned to check. If it’s anything serious, you’ll be able to get treated right away.”

                “Junhye’s umma, let’s go to the hospital right now.”

                My mother’s eyes widened in relieve.

                “I’ll call the ambulance for you.” Kikwang got up and winked at me.

***

                “You and Jaelyn should come and have dinner with us some time.” My mother said. I noticed her hands on Kikwang’s so I pulled them apart.

                “I’ll find time.”

                “What’s your name again?” Her hands were on his again.

                “I’m Lee Kikwang.”

                “Oh, Kikwangshi! I’m going with Junhye’s appa now. Have a safe trip home.” Umma, stop smiling so much, you look like a fool. Kikwang waved as the ambulance drove away.

                “Thanks.” I said smiling.

                “Anytime.” He smiled back. It was different this time, not flirtatious at all, just a friendly smile.

                “How’d you manage to convince my dad?”

                “Maybe I’m just that good.” He laughed. “Come on, let’s go back.”              

***

                When I turned my laptop in the morning to check my mail, the headline of an article caught my attention: