Su Ji sat in silence, absorbing what she had just heard. Her thoughts weren't able to be processed into words – she felt as though this was all surreal. Her Yoongi... he was the one behind Mr Choi's death?

Numb horror and relief swirled around her at the same time – the latter because a part of her had been hoping that Namjoon would not have killed Mr Choi on purpose, that no matter how he had sounded when he said wolves were not considered as people, he respected and valued their lives.

Mr Choi's death had not been a murder which Namjoon had forced Yoongi to take part in – it had been an accident. Everything had been thought out with good intentions – taking Mr Choi away to an isolated and safe place so he didn't harm humans – but it had ended terribly.

This had happened three years ago. For three years, she was sure, Yoongi had blamed himself for someone's death. When you believe with all your heart that you have commited such a deed, an aura grows around you, there is an unsettling feeling about you – the people at school were afraid of him for that very reason. Before that, he had kept himself away from the others in order to keep his identity a secret, but after Mr Choi had died, the rumors had started and people began to fear him.

Without even realizing it, a tear gathered at the corner of her eye and rolled down her face.

A cold finger brushed it away, and a deep, soothing voice murmured, "I told you not to be afraid of him – it was an accident."
 

"I know." Another tear fell, and the same cold finger brushed it away. "I know, and I'm not afraid... it's just..." She struggled, not knowing how to put her emotions into words. "He must have been so scared..." Her last word ended with a squeak as she forced back a sob, feeling Yoongi's fear and guilt. Why had no one told him it hadn't been his fault? Why was he left on his own for so many years?

She glared at Namjoon. "You! Why did you... why didn't you tell him? Why did you guys fight?"

He dropped her gaze. "We both blamed ourselves for what happened... it was, in a way, my fault too – I should have tied the wolf tighter, and I should have paid more attention, and I should have stopped Yoongi. I suppose it just... it was too hard to face each other after that... and Yoongi... we said things to each other, terrible things – we hurt each other. But I think that hurting each other was a way to deal with the guilt – I think we felt that we deserved to be punished."

Namjoon was hurting too. Su Ji took a deep breath, and tried to assemble her thoughts into more than just feelings. She shouldn't blame him anymore for not sticking to Yoongi, since he also believed it was his fault.

But it wasn't – it had been an accident. Namjoon had been hurting, and she had hurt him more by thinking he had murdered Mr Choi.

His hands on his lap, Namjoon's fingers were clasped around each other tightly. Su Ji reached over and placed her hands over his. He seemed startled, but did not pull away.

"It wasn't your fault." Her voice was steady. "It was neither your fault nor Yoongi's – it was an accident. So just please... please stop punishing each other for what happened."

Namjoon shut his eyes, not saying a word.

"It wasn't your fault," said Su Ji again. "It wasn't your fault."

He suddenly got up, confusing her – had she made him uncomfortable? "I'm going to have some tea – do you want some?"

"I-" She hesitated, craving to find Yoongi.

"He won't be back tonight," said Namjoon. "I think... we should give him one night alone with his thoughts."

Reluctantly, she nodded – first thing tomorrow morning, she was going to find Yoongi even if she had to march into that forest and drag him out.

"So, do you want tea?" he asked again.

Su Ji nodded, and he ducked into the kitchen to make it. It was a bit late to drink tea – after all, it was almost midnight. On normal nights, she would be snoring at this time, but she doubted she would be able to get any sleep after what she just heard, and with Yoongi still missing.

It was a bit surprising that Namjoon asked her to stay for tea – perhaps he didn't want to be alone just yet.

"Ummm..." A very flustered Namjoon popped his head out of the kitchen. "I realized I didn't ask you how you want your tea. Do you like milk? And sugar?"

"Yup," she called out, and he ducked back inside as she burst into peals of laughter. There was nothing extraordinarily hilarious about this, in fact, it wasn't very funny at all, but there she was, laughing all by herself like some lunatic. Once she started, she couldn't stop, and then all of a sudden the tears from her laughing changed into tears of pain.

There was a rattle of a teacup being placed on the table, and after a moment's hesitation, Namjoon drew her to him, letting her rest her face against his chest, putting his arms around her and holding her.

He was cold, so cold – yet that didn't bother Su Ji. Rather than pulling away from his embrace, she found comfort in it. She didn't know why she would find comfort in the cold arms of someone who didn't even have blood running through their veins but she did – just like all those nights ago when she had run to him after Yoongi had hurt her.

Even after her sobbing had stopped, she didn't pull away from him – she just rested in his arms. It was him who extracted himself first. He didn't say anything about her outburst, and simply went into the kitchen to heat up the tea and was back in three minutes.

"Here." He handed her a steaming cup. "Milk and sugar, like you want it."

Sugar. The word made her think of Yoongi's white fur, and without realizing it, her lips went up in a tiny smile.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Namjoon.

"It's just... you know how white Yoongi's fur is?" said Su Ji. "I have a nickname for him then – Suga."

Namjoon snorted. "Ever called him that?"

"No..."

"Do it, and then tell me his reaction."

She laughed. "Why? Do you think he'll hate it?"

"You'll be lucky if he doesn't bite you."

She laughed again – honesly, what was with her, laughing and crying and then laughing again. Her emotions were all over the place, and it felt surreal that she could even laugh right now.

She took a sip of the hot liquid – it was sweet, and it's warmth slipped past and settled in her stomach.

That's when Namjoon started to speak again.
 

"It isn't always easy to be a wolf," he said, in his soft, even tone. "It can be very difficult to control themselves in overwhelming situations – when they feel threatened, their animal instincts completely take over. Or when it's a blue moon and their mate is near by – they don't realize what they are doing during times like those.

"When wolves are born, they're in human form, but after they turn one year old, it's possible that they phase into a wolf – Yoongi did. When he turned five, he became human again, and it wasn't until he was thirteen that he could phase at will – some wolves are stuck in one form until they reach puberty, or change form every few years.

"Young wolves, once they attained the age to phase at will, were watched very carefully in their packs and put through a specific training process by matured wolves – which, needless to say, Yoongi has never had. I tried my best to help him learn to control his instincts, but it isn't the same."

"Is it really that hard?" asked Su Ji, knowing that it was but saying it just for the sake of saying something – her mind had suddenly lost the ability to convey her thoughts into words. "I mean... are the instincts that strong?"

He gave her a wry smile. "It is. To supress your wolfish instincts is like trying to suppress a part of who you are – it's nearly impossible to do, and you need incredible mental strength. Yoongi is the first wolf that I saw phase for the first time, when he was almost thirteen years old – it wasn't a pleasant time for either of us. He couldn't control it yet, and it was painful to phase back into a human being, so of course he wanted to spend more time as a wolf.

"And you know... three years ago he was still a very young wolf... he was fifteen, so he had only been phasing for two years when the... accident... happened. Two years is a very short time to learn to control yourself. He's still a young wolf, but when it happened, he was pretty much a baby in wolf-terms."

A silence settled over them, broken after a moment by Su Ji. "That must be so difficult," she said softly. "I guess... until tonight, I didn't know exactly how hard it was – to be a wolf. I mean, I knew it was lonely and hard, but not to such an extent."

He nodded. "I know what you mean. That was why I'm telling you – I want you to be able to understand Yoongi."

"But I do," she said, slightly stung by his assumption that she didn't.

"Don't take it that way," he said, noticing her expression. "I mean, I just want you to know more about being a wolf, that's all. Also... I think maybe you should know something else about him – about us."

"What?"

"Well... I was sent with a group of Protectors to a village – it was during the Purge, and that was one of the last wolf villages. Yoongi... he was the only survivor. Originally though, it was his father who was supposed to survive – he had told the Protectors exactly where their village was, but in return, we had to spare his life."

"You mean... his father betrayed them?"

Namjoon nodded. "Wolf villages were getting wiped out left and right, it was only a matter of time before that one did, too. Like everyone else, he wanted to live. But then at the last moment, he made a deal – he offered his own life to save Yoongi's."

"Is his mother-"

"She didn't survive the Purge," he said.

Right. She knew that. Only Yoongi had survived, and that was only because his father had betrayed the village in return for not getting killed. He must have had some remorse though, since he switched places with Yoongi.

They sat in silence, each occupied with their own thoughts – hers revolved around Yoongi, Protectors, the Purge, and most importantly, where he would be right now.

Finally, when they finished their tea, she decided to go home – it was very late, and if Grandmother checked on her and saw that she was gone, she would panic.

"I can take you home," said Namjoon. "You were a bit scared when you came alone."
 

"Thanks, but it's ok, I can go alone."

"Do you have a torch?"

She shook her head.

"You came here alone in the dark?" he demanded. "Do you have any idea of how dangerous that it? Wait right here, I'll get you one."

Su Ji hung her head as Namjoon rummaged in the drawers of his desk – his scolding made her feel like a little girl! He pulled out a torch, and gave it to her. "Any sign of danger, you scream as loud as you can and I'll come."

She took it and rolled her eyes. "Ok, I don't really appreciate you thinking that I can't take care of myself – like I told Yoongi, I'm not one of those stupid girls who-"

"Whatever," cut in Namjoon. "If you see something odd though, don't go near it – control your curiousity."

"I will, I will," said Su Ji. "Bye, and thanks for the torch!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" said Namjoon, his tone suddenly soft again.

"Thanks, but I can really go home alone," said Su Ji, and with a wave, she headed back home, the only light the one from her torch.

Namjoon stood leaning against the doorframe, watching her half-illumin