Jessica flips through her planner before setting it back down on her desk. She doesn’t have a single day free next week; good. Keeping herself busy is the only way she has been able to survive these past few months. It’s only been about three months since Krystal left, but it feels like so much longer.

    The first week without her had felt like Hell. Jessica couldn’t get Krystal out of her head, and she had too much free time to just sit around and think about everything that’s happened. After that she was determined to have as little time to herself as possible. From things as small as friendly but formal lunch meet-ups, to things as important as expanding her company into more cities; anything to keep herself busy. The moment her mind even starts to wander to Krystal, Jessica replaces the thought with something relating to work.

    Tiffany seems worried about her. However Jessica always dismisses her. After all, her business has literally never been as well off as it is now, and Jessica isn’t letting herself dwell on sad thoughts. She feels like Tiffany should be relieved rather than worried.

    A small part of Jessica’s conscience does nag at her though. She realizes that some of the habits she’s developed aren’t exactly healthy. Like working late into the night, and falling asleep at her desk as a result. In fact, she finds herself sleeping at work almost every night. If she doesn’t pass out at her desk, she sleeps on the small couch in her office. She has even gone so far as to keep spare clothes in her coat closet.

    It’s mostly caused by the fact that Jessica doesn’t like staying in her penthouse. She only pops in to shower, get clothes, and sometimes to eat. Her former home feels too alien to her; unwelcoming even. The atmosphere is too quiet, and the once happy memories it contains are just too much. The place doesn’t even feel like it belongs to her anymore.

    Jessica’s office, however, feels safe. There’s so many things to do to keep her mind busy. So much to accomplish that has nothing to do with her personal life. It’s like an airtight box; keeping all of her unwanted emotions and memories on the outside.

    Tiffany has also been chastising Jessica about her drinking. But unlike Her sleeping habits, Jessica fails to see where it’s a problem. It doesn’t affect her work, which is what Jessica has always considered to be the prime benchmark of addiction.

    Jessica taps a pen on her desk in thought. The clock is telling her that it’s close to 11pm. It’s Friday night, meaning no work tomorrow or the day after. She doesn’t even have to think about what she’s going to do with the rest of her night. She’s going to go to her favorite bar like she does every Friday night. She knows exactly who will be there waiting for her.

    Jessica enters her home only long enough to take a shower and get changed. After that she’s out of the building and on her way to the bar.

    It’s the feeling of sloppy kisses on her bare shoulders that wakes Jessica up. She sits up in bed and yawns; not bothering to say good morning to the woman lying beside her.

    Jessica feels like for a multitude of reasons, but that’s not much of a surprise. Her head has a dull ache, her body is fatigued, and her mind feels sluggish. Still, she reaches for the half empty bottle of beer on the night stand. Despite how unpleasantly warm and flat it is, she finishes the rest in just a few gulps.

    “Do you want to order breakfast from somewhere?”, The woman beside her asks.

    Jessica doesn’t, but she knows she should probably eat, “Sure. I’ll pay if you order it.”

    The other woman hums in acknowledgement before Jessica feels the bed shift as she stands.

    Finally Jessica faces her. The woman stretches and yawns; her familiar form illuminated by the light seeping through her tattered blinds.

    Taeyeon smiles when she catches Jessica staring, “I’m going to take a shower first. You coming?”

    “Go ahead. I’ll be there in a second.”

    Taeyeon nods before walking the short distance to her bathroom.

    Jessica sighs. She knew this is probably where she’d end up. For the past two and a half months she’s spent nearly all of her weekends with Taeyeon. They had met at the bar, and Jessica had went home with her fully expecting it to be a one time thing. Yet, she had ended up staying with her the rest of that weekend, and nearly all of the weekends that followed.

    They never planned their hookups. They just ran into each other at that same bar over and over again. Though at some point an unspoken agreement developed between them. They would both show up at the same time every Friday night, get wasted, and then go back to Taeyeon’s place where Jessica would stay until late Sunday evening.

    There is no love between them, but Jessica enjoys her company. Partially because Taeyeon seems like just as much, or even more, of a mess than Jessica feels that she herself is. Jessica’s never bothered to ask about Taeyeon’s past, but she’s positive it has to be awful. Her reckless behavior hints that, at least. Her drinking habits are unhealthy; even dangerous. The scars and fresh injuries that always mark her otherwise flawless arms and thighs clearly weren’t caused accidentally.

    Jessica can tell that Taeyeon likes having her around just as much. She imagines it’s mostly because she doesn’t ask questions or lecture her like many people would. Not that she doesn’t want to. There have been many times where Jessica has to fight the urge to have a heart to heart talk with her; offer to pay for her a counselor and anything else to help her.

    However, she knows that Taeyeon wouldn’t just refuse. She’d also abandon Jessica entirely. Even with their minimal amount of sincere conversation, she knows that the moment she shows even the slightest bit of interest in Taeyeon’s well being, she’ll be shut out of Taeyeon’s life in a fraction of a second.

    Jessica sighs and stands from Taeyeon’s bed, if a mattress resting on the floor can even be called that. She walks a few steps to the kitchen sink and fills a glass up with water before guzzling down the whole thing. She winces at the metallic taste of piping that the water always has.

    She finds it weird how comfortable she’s gotten with Taeyeon and her home. The apartment is scant in terms of furniture and decorations, the roof leaks, and you can clearly hear all the noise from outside. Despite how shabby it is, it feels warm and comforting. Jessica would have never believed that such a tiny, dingy, studio apartment could feel more like home than her own upscale penthouse.

    Jessica leans her back against the sink and grins when she sees the blurred shape of Taeyeon washing her hair through the frosted glass of her standing shower. She sets her glass beside the sink before making her way to the bathroom.

    “You didn’t eat much.”, Taeyeon says nonchalantly, “You never eat very much.”

    “It’s just how I am, I guess.”, Jessica says plainly. Now a days she doesn’t eat like she knows she probably should. Most of the time she accidentally skips meals, and on the occasions that she doesn’t she can’t get down a complete meal.

    Taeyeon only hums in acknowledgement. That’s about as deep as their conversations ever get, and that’s how Jessica likes it.

    When Taeyeon finishes eating, she wraps her arm around Jessica’s shoulders and directs her attention to the movie that’s on TV. Jessica doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to Taeyeon holding and touching her. Not that she doesn’t like it, something about it just seems… off. Jessica knows exactly why, but she hardly wants to admit it to herself.

    It’s simple; Taeyeon isn’t Krystal. Their bodies, touches, and even smells are completely different from each other. Jessica had grown so accustomed to the way Krystal held her, caressed her, and made love to her. Even after over two months Taeyeon’s body still feels foreign, and her touches still feel off somehow. Part of Jessica knows that no one’s body, and touches will ever feel perfect the way Krystal’s did.

    However, Jessica also knows that she can’t keep thinking that way. What had happened with Krystal was something that was never supposed to be. It’s something that she just needs to let go of, but she can’t.

    Jessica finds herself sobbing in Taeyeon’s arms. Sadly, it’s not the first time she’s done this, and it probably won’t be the last. Just like always, Taeyeon remains silent; pulling Jessica closer and her back comfortingly. Occasionally she’ll give Jessica’s forehead soft kisses.

    Taeyeon never asks questions and Jessica is beyond thankful for that. She does the same thing for Taeyeon often. When she starts crying seemingly out of nowhere, Jessica doesn’t ask why. She only consoles her with physical affection.

    Jessica will willingly admit that their friendship, if it can even be called that, is odd. They’re still basically strangers to each other, and they don’t plan on changing that. They’re both broken for reasons the other is unaware of, yet somehow they understand each other’s emotional needs perfectly.

    Sniffling, Jessica nuzzles her face into Taeyeon’s neck. She’s silently wishing that it was Krystal holding her instead. No matter how hard she tries to push her unorthodox love for her little sister away, it stays ever-present. Despite all of Jessica’s efforts, she still aches just as much as the day they found out about their blood connection. Her love and pain feel like they’ll never change. It seems like the only thing she can do is distract herself from it. And, obviously, even that fails to work.

    Krystal walks from the dinner table straight to her room, where she flops down on her bed with a sigh.

    It would never cease to amaze her how quickly a once lifeless spare bedroom had become her own. Or how quickly two strangers had become loving parents that Krystal never wanted to live life without.

    “And how suddenly the girl you were in love with became your sister. Don’t forget that.”, The unwanted thought makes Krystal grumble. Regardless of all she had gained from finding her biological parents, she hates that it meant losing the love of her life.

    A large part of her wishes that she could go back in time and tell herself to never begin looking for her parents in the first place. Not because she values her relationship with Jessica over her parents, but because life would have been so much easier. She hadn’t known her birth parents, and hadn’t known what she was missing without having them in her life. However, she knows all too well what’s missing in her life without Jessica.

    Thankfully Jessica had been on Krystal’s mind less and less as the weeks went on. That is, until her parents brought up the idea of all four of them going on a family vacation. As soon as it was mentioned, krystal’s heart felt like it was being crushed all over again. She couldn’t be around Jessica yet. It’s way too soon.

    Her pent up emotions are easy enough to deal with when Jessica is out of sight and out of mind. However, if Jessica was right beside her for days on end, Krystal wouldn’t be able to deal with it. In fact, she’s almost positive she’d go insane.

    Inwardly Krystal curses herself. No matter how much she wants to deny it, she knows she’s still in love with the woman that’s supposed to just be her sister. It makes her feel so disgusted with herself.

    Tears well up in Krystal’s eyes as her brain goes to places that it’s been avoiding for weeks. She knows she would barely resist if Jessica made a move on her. That knowledge makes bile rise up in Krystal’s throat. She’s always had high self esteem, and a good self image, but right now she absolutely hates every ounce of her being.

    She’s repulsed by the idea of slipping up and venturing back into a romantic relationship with her sister. Yet, it’s still so appealing. When they were together everything had seemed perfect. Of course, they were also clueless of their relation to each other back then.

    Krystal sniffles and stares at her cell phone. She’s thinking very seriously about texting Jessica.

    “Maybe… Maybe if we start trying to build our relationship as sisters now we’ll be alright when we see each other in person…”, Krystal had wanted to wait longer, but it might be better to start now if they really are going to have to spend time together as a family. She chews on her bottom lip as she goes over all of the pros and cons.

    After many long minutes of thought, Krystal searches through her contacts for Jessica’s number. When gets to it, Krystal just stares at the screen trying to build up courage. She wonders if Jessica would even respond.

    It takes a few minutes, but eventually she starts typing. However, she keeps deleting and retyping her message; none of it sounds right.

    After nearly five minutes she settles on: “I’m ready for us to start talking again if you are“

    As soon as she hits send Krystal’s heart starts racing something awful. She stares at the screen hoping to see when Jessica opens the text.

    After waiting for what feels like an eternity, Krystal’s getting a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Jessica always read her messages as soon as she got them. She can only assume that Jessica saw who the text was from and ignored it.

    “Maybe she changed her mind about us talking again…”, Krystal thinks dismally.

    She sighs in defeat and tries her best to fight back tears. As if not being able to have Jessica as a girlfriend wasn’t bad enough. Now she doesn’t want to talk at all.

    Krystal keeps checking the message to see if it’s been read until she finally falls asleep with her phone in her hands.