Almost- Jessica Jung (Originally sing by Tamia) 

(For YoonaForever0530) 

Can you tell me how can one miss what she's never had?

How could I reminisce when there is no past?

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy?

Could someone tell me how can this be?

How could my mind pull up incidents, recall dates and times that never happened?

How could we celebrate a love that's too late, and

How could I really mean the words I'm 'bout to say?

I missed the times that we almost shared

I miss the love that was almost there

I miss the times that we use to kiss

At least in my dreams

Just let me take my time and reminisce

I miss the times that we never had

What happened to us? We were almost there!

Whoever said "it's impossible to miss when you never had"

Never almost had you

I cannot believe I let you go

Or what I should say is "I should've grabbed you up and never let you go"

I should've went out with you

I should've made you my boo, boy

Yes, that's one time I should've broke the rules

I should've went on a date

Should've found a way to escape

Should've turned a almost into if it happened now it's too late

How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real?

And if it didn't happen, why does my heart feel?

I missed the times that we almost shared

I miss the love that was almost there

I miss the times that we use to kiss

At least in my dreams

Just let me take my time and reminisce

I miss the times that we never had

What happened to us? We were almost there

Whoever said it's impossible to miss when you never had

Never almost had you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessica could never fathom why Donghae's attraction towards her. 

She stared at her own reflection in the mirror intently, thousands of thoughts running in her mind. She had average skin, neither ghostly pale or charred tanned, a pair of twinkling nice, a delicately sharp nose and cherry lips. 

What did he like about her? 

"Everything, Sica, everything," a velvety, husky voice called out from behind. Jessica froze at the realization that she had been wondering aloud. Spinning on her heels, she came face to face with a handsome-looking man. He had a faint and gentle smile tugging at the corners of his lips, happiness and warmth radiating from his being as usual. Jessica grinned. 

That was Donghae. 

Her beloved Donghae. 

"Hello, oppa," she whispered, her eyes curving naturally into crescents as he pulled her into his embrace. She inhaled deeply, allowing the scent of his cologne to numb her senses. That was why she was attracted to him. Every single thing about him makes her heart flutter. It might be his unique scent, or the devious smirk he held at time-- they were enough to make her skin tingle. 

"Have you missed me?" He said, gazing around her room. "Things haven't changed at all since the last time I've been here."

"Nah-ah," she replied, refusing to loosen her grip on his hand. "Anyway, how did you get in?" 

Upon her question, uneasiness flashed across Donghae's handsome features, something that Jessica chose to be oblivious to. She had never been one to pry, the very reason why their relationship had lasted for years. 

"Well, I have my ways," Donghae suddenly piped up with a cheeky wink. Jessica laughed softly, her beige curls dancing as her head bobbed. 

"Stupid oppa." 

"Yah, I may be stupid, but I know you love me~" 

"Who said so?" 

"You're blushing! Aha! Stop denying it!" 

And their bickers continued, resonating through the room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey mom, let me help," Jessica said, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist as she stepped into the well-furnished kitchen. Her mother, who had been washing the dishes patted her head and ed a wet dish into her hands for drying. They stayed in comfortable silence until Jessica's mother broke it. 

"So, uhm, yeah, Sica, you know, it has been a while since the incident happened…Have you more or less gotten over it?" 

Jessica's hands shook. For a brief moment she was dazed, but soon snapped to reality. 

"Yeah mom, I mean, everyone that I love still loves me, and most of my memories are stil intact. And I believe I'll be able to retrieve the lost memories soon, so it doesn't really affect me that much." 

"Then… What about him?" Jessica's mother asked, her tone tender and unsure.

"Him?"

"You know… Donghae?" 

Jessica didn't miss the tinge of poignance laced in her mother's voice. It brought an unexplainable pinch of pain to her heart as tears started welling up in her eyes. 

"I'm sorry mom, I don't feel too well," she mumbled weakly, before returning back to her room. 

Gazing at Jessica retreating figure, her mother heaved a deep sigh before muttering softly, "Still, she hasn't gotten over it yet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessica ran back to her room, panting profusely as the ache in her heart aggravated. It felt like a part of her heart had been cruelly wrenched away, and the remaining portion of it was crying out in desperation. Flopping onto her bed, she closed her eyes, utterly exhausted. 

Donghae… Why would the mention of his name hurt her so much?

As if right on cue, she felt Donghae's breath tickling her face. Opening her eyes, she stared into the hazel brown eyes of the boy that she loved dearly, and it made her heart skip a bit. 

"Hello," she said softly, her eyes downcast. 

He took her hand and enveloped it in his own, concern b in his eyes. 

"I know you're not okay," he said, "Tell me about it." 

A small smile graced Jessica's face as she her small hands being clasped in his warm, big ones. That was her Donghae, the man who loved her for who she was and never left her side. Who cared about what other people said? They were probably jealous of their romantic relationship, and the overwhelming happiness that she felt whenever they were together. 

"I love you, Sicachu," he whispered huskily in her ear, his breath leaving tingles on her skin. 

Donghae will never leave my side. 

Never. 

Never. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The glare of the headlights was blinding. 

"," Donghae mumbled under his breath, perspiration trickling down his forehead. He turned the steering wheel and the car swerved to one side, in a futile attempt to stop the imminent accident from happening. 

Jessica clutched her seatbelt tightly, trepidation seizing every inch of her body. 

No, it couldn't be happening. She was only so young, she had a life to live! 

Just then, she felt Donghae's muscular body covering her, like a powerful shield protecting her from the upcoming danger. 

"I love you, Sichachu" was all he managed to choke out. 

Then came the colossal impact. 

The tires screeched. 

The blaring horn screamed in her ears. 

The shattering glass shards sliced through her face and arms. 

And Donghae lay motionless on her lap, blood gushing from a large gash on his forehead. 

"NO! DONGHAE!" 

Jessica broke into cold sweat as she bolted up from her bed, shaking from the vividness of the dream. Everything felt so real, and the prospect of her losing Donghae made her shudder. In such situations, she knew that Donghae would definitely protect her even at the expense of his own life. However, that wasn't the ending that she wanted. 

She wanted a fairytale ending. She wanted both of them to live. Yet, given the harsh realms of reality, were the wishes a just a faraway dream?

Taking up her phone from the bedside table, Sulli took a deep breath and dialed Donghae's number. His voice would definite soothe her nerves. 

He didn't pick up the call. 

She called him again, more frantically this time, but still received no answer. 

Donghae, where are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jessica," Donghae called as he stepped into her room, but only to stumble upon a disoriented girl sitting by the window. 

"Sicaaaaaa" he called again, but she still refused to acknowledge him. 

"What happened, Sicachu?" He finally inquired, plopping down on the empty area beside her. 

"Why haven't you been answering my calls these days?" She asked,  tears glistening in her eyes. "I've been trying to contact you for days, nights, and all I hear is the operator telling me that you're unavailable! Do you know how afraid I am of losing you?" 

Donghae was at a loss of words. Circling his arms around her wrist, he replied, "There are some things that I can't explain to you right now, Sica. But I'm not leaving you. Not until you're sick of me."

Then, he leaned in and stole her lips, his breath faintly smelling like peppermints. 

There are some things that I can't explain to you right now. 

There are some things that I can't explain to you right now. 

Jessica tried to squeeze these echoing words away from her mind, but failing terribly. 

Donghae, oh Donghae, why do I feel like we're drifting apart?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sis, have you ever asked yourself, whether it's time to let go of Donghae already?" 

Jessica's head snapped up at her sister's question. Krystal shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Hey, I mean, I do feel that it's mighty time for you to let go! It's time to find a new life, sis, I'm sure Donghae oppa wouldn't want to see you living in denial too." 

Donghae won't want to see you living in denial… 

"What are you saying, Krys?" Jessica questioned with a feeble laugh, "I'm still going on strong and steady with Donghae! Why should I let go of him?" 

Krystal's eyes widened by a fraction. Then, she grabbed Jessica's shoulders and started shaking her vigorously. 

"WAKE UP, SIS, PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU!" She yelled, tears pooling in her eyes. "YOUR LIFE ISN'T A HALLUCINATION, IT'S REALLY TIME YOU SNAP OUT OF IT!" 

"Krys! Calm the f*** down! I don't get what you're saying!" 

"JESSICA JUNG SOOYEON! I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW THAT OPPA IS GONE! HE'S DEAD! IT HAS BEEN 1 WHOLE YEAR AFTER THE ACCIDENT ALREADY! IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO ACCEPT REALITY!" 

Donghae… Is gone? 

Donghae... Has left me…? 

The whole world spun. Before Jessica knew it, she felt herself being plunged into darkness and everything began to fade in front of her eyes. Her head was spinning and Krystal's screams and were ringing in her ears before silence finally engulfed her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sica. Sicachu~" 

Sulli opened her eyes, squinting a little in the bright light. Someone had been calling her name for the past 5 minutes and she had finally mustered enough strength to awaken and acknowledge the caller. 

"Donghae." 

She had never seen him in such a state before. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot, a clear sign that he hadn't been sleeping for days. On his cheeks were tears stains and his mouth was set in a down curve, a stark contrast to the usual bubbly, cheerful Donghae. 

"Sulli, I'm so sorry," Chanyeol suddenly apologized, tears welling up in his eyes. 

At the moment, Krystal's words started ringing in Jessica's mind as she clutched the hem of her skirt tightly. Krystal had said that Donghae was… Gone?

Gone. Never coming back. 

"I'm so sorry for leaving you," Donghae started, his voice in broken sobs. "But I had no choice. I had to leave so that you could stay." 

Flashes of the gruesome incident began to cloud Jessica's mind. 

She remembered feeling his body go limp on her lap as she fervently tried to stop the blood gushing out from his forehead. 

She remembered the last longing look Donghae gave her. 

She remembered his last "I love you". 

"But oppa, you've never left me! I still see you at times, and you were always there whenever I needed you!" Jessica cried out, her agonized expression mirroring Donghae's. 

"Both of us weren't ready to let go, Sica, and it actually caused more harm than benefits." 

Jessica bit her lower lip so hard till she felt the metallic taste of blood in . 

All those times, the Donghae who had accompanied her through her darkest days had been nothing but a mere illusion. 

"So… You were just an… illusion?" Jessica asked, her voice quivering. A slight nod from Donghae confirmed her worst fears. 

"Hae…" 

Donghae reached out and took her hand in his, his brown eyes boring into her coal black ones. The sense of familiarity surged up to the both of them as they took in their very last moments together, unwilling to let go. 

"Krystal was right, Sica, it's time to let go." 

"But Hae… What if I don't want to?" 

"It's not your choice, Sica. If I had the option, I wouldn't have left you all alone," Jessica chuckled bitterly. "But you know what? I'll be here. Right here." 

He pointed to Jessica's left chest area where her heart was, and for a while they were quiet, listening to her heartbeat. 

Lub dub. Lub dub. 

Their heartbeats could no longer be in sync. 

"Hae..." 

"Sssshhh.. Baby, don't cry." This time, Jessica smile was warm. 

"When I say let go, I'm not saying that you should forget me completely. As much as I would like that so you can lead a happier life, I know it's not possible. However, Sica, it's time to snap out of your illusions and get a grasp of reality… I'll still be living and loving you, in the deepest part of your heart and in your memories. I'll still be there when you laugh, or when you need someone's shoulder to cry on. Remember, I'll still accompany you through thick and thin, just in another way." 

"But Hae, I don't want to be alone!" Jessica wailed, finally breaking down into tears. 

"You're not alone, Sica, you'll never be alone. We're now inseparable, since I've become a part of you. All of us have to die someday, it's just that my turn came unexpectedly early. Now dry your tears and replace that frown with a smile. I want to see my Sicahu leading a happy life. Live your life to it's fullest, Sica, and accomplish the dreams that both of us shared last time." 

Then, cupping her face with his big, warm hands, Donghae kissed Jessica fervently, his lingering kisses filled with sadness, love and expectation. 

"I love you, Sicahu," he breathed in her ear, "And nothing will change my love for you." 

With that, Donghae gradually faded away, his fingers slowly slipping off from Jessica's hands. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(5 years later) 

"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me." 

"Now, the groom may kiss the bride!" 

With that, Onew immediately crashed his lips against Jessica's ones. She smiled beneath the kiss. That was the impatient Onew that she fell in love with. He was understanding to her pain, and he took the place of Donghae as her loyal knight in armor. 

Finally, she was his. 

"Jessy, are you sure you're okay about marrying me?" As the guests began to disperse, Onew suddenly asked. 

"Heyheyhey, no backing out now!" Jessica joked. Upon seeing the seriousness on Onew's face, she grinned and replied, 

"Yes, I was sincere when I replied 'I do' to your proposal." 

"What about… Donghae hyung?" 

"He's inside here," Jessica said, pointing to her heart, "And he will always be. He's now my guardian angel, watching me from above. Do I love him? Yes, I still do, and I'm sure he loves me too. However, all of us have to move on, right? Despite him being irreplaceable, now, you're the one who has my heart. So, be good to me, Onew Lee Jinki, or else I'll call back Hae's spirit to haunt you." 

"Thank you, Hae" Jessica thought as Onew happily linked his arm with hers, "You were my guardian angel on earth, and now, you are my guardian angel in heaven."

P.s. I'm sorry, I couldn't really think of a suitable storyline to fit the lyrics, so I decided to play with the meaning of 'almost' a little. Hopefully, you'll still enjoy the story! :)