“Tell me about the war,” she said as they say on opposite sides of the couch, drinking red wine. Kim noticed all his scars every time he wore something that showed his arms. “You don’t talk about it. You hardly even mention it.”

Gerald’s eyes looked down. “It’s not really something I like talking about.”

Kim sat upright so her back was against the armrest and she focused all her attention onto him. “Have you ever been shot?” She knew he wouldn’t give up the information she wanted easily, so she decided to help him out. Gerald nodded. Kim took his left arm and pointed to what looked like a once-deep cut, now just faded into a dark line against his mocha tan. “Where’s this one from?”

“When they shipped me to Germany,” he answered. “The rebels attacked out camp, wanting us out. It was in the middle of the night and they came with knives instead of guns. A bunch of guys were on the look-out, but since they didn’t have any gear on and the attack was spontaneous, most of the kids died.” She took his hand and squeezed it. “Well, a bastard came into our camp and attacked us in our tents.”

“I can’t even imagine you over there. You’re sweet and charming and gentle.”

He raised his eyebrows, not liking the way she described him. “Gentle?”

Kim smiled and laughed, “Okay, macho and masculine and tough,” she corrected herself.

“That’s more like it.” He grabbed her foot and started a foot massage. She relaxed back on the couching, stretching out her body. “You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, at the hospital. It’s already been one month. Are you nervous?”

“I haven’t thought about it.” She opened her eyes and reality set in. “Whenever I think about the hospital, I think about what happened, and well…” she shrugged. “I guess it’s time to go back there. Face the truth.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m going with you.” Kim met his eyes with curiosity. “I took tomorrow off. I thought you would like it if you weren’t alone.”

She grabbed her feet back, and curled them underneath her legs. She sat right in front of him and pressed her lips against his lightly. “And the sweet, charming, gentle, y man comes out.”

He smiled up at her. “So, how’s the real thing compared to dreaming about it?” He entangled his fingers within her silky locks of curls.

Kim paused, playing hesitation. He grabbed her by her sides and flipped her over so her back was on his lap and he tickled her sides. She gasped for air, and he dipped his head to give her what she wanted and needed.

The next morning, Kim walked out of her bedroom and met him in the hallway. They decided not to sleep in the same room until they couldn’t be without each other. But also because Kim wasn’t ready for that step yet. Yes, they kissed and she enjoyed it - and did she enjoy it - but a relationship with Gerald needed to hold off until later.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he said grinning.

She laughed, and quickly pecked him on the cheek. “I’ll just take a quick shower and we can go.”

Gerald waited in the living room preparing some breakfast on-the-go. He put slices of apples and strawberries and grapes in a medium-sized container. He brewed coffee and poured into a thermos and also took a small orange juice bottle from the fridge.

Kim walked down the stairs with her hair up in a high bun, sweat pants on and a tank top with a sweater over it. “I’m ready.” She said.

Gerald entered the living room and threw the bag with the food to her. “You’re eating on the way.”

She caught it before it hit the ground and groaned. Kim slipped on her Ugg boots and exited through the door. While in the elevator, she opened the bag and saw the container of fruits. “Are you kidding me? You couldn’t have made me a bagel instead?”

“Fruits are high in vitamins and fiber. You’re glad I didn’t wrap up some vegetables for you,” he retorted, and grabbed a grape.

“But bagels actually have taste and much more filling than this.”

“I just want Dr. Lee to know that I’ve been feeding you right,” he defended.

She rolled her eyes and threw a grape in , chewing with open and grossing Gerald out. He nudged her away and laughed.

They got to the hospital, and Gerald had his hand on the small of her back for support. She stopped at the front desk and smiled weakly.  “Hey Mary. Is Dr. Lee ready?”

Mary looked up with a sympathetic glance. “Hey Kim. How are you today?”

“Better than most,” she looked at Gerald and smiled more genuinely. “Is she ready for me?”

Mary typed something in her computer and then picked up the phone. She hung up the receiver and typed something again. “Kim, it’s just going to be a couple minutes longer. I’ll call you when she’s ready.”

Kim turned around and walked toward the waiting room. She took a seat on the chairs and sighed. “I’m going to be right back,” Gerald whispered before walking towards the men’s room.

She relaxed on the couch and shook off the jitters. When she was discharged, she was dreading the next time she’d have to come to the hospital. The starch white walls, the deafening silence, the strangers walking around. Kim rested her head against the back of the couch.

A little girl was already sitting on the chair beside the couch and Kim caught her eyes staring intently on the opened bag where the container of fruits was plainly visible. The child couldn’t be more than three or four and she was in a coloured robe with a hospital bracelet around her wrist. Kim smiled at the little girl.

“Are you hungry, sweetie?” Kim asked gently, knowing she needed gentleness and not any force. She took the container and opened it. Kim took another grape and popped it in . “You know, whenever I’m hungry I look for food too, and I hope that someone would be helpful to offer me some.” She held out the container, and could see the little girl hesitating, but also craving. “My favorite is strawberry, what’s yours?”

The little girl stared at Kim, “I like strawberry too.”

“Really,” Kim smiled. “Well, my friend put lots and lots of strawberries. How about you help me out and take on.” The child reached out her hand but then took it out. “Please? I won’t be able to finish by myself.”

The little girl finally gave in and took a big strawberry. “Oh, Claire, there you are. The Doctors told you not to leave your room.” A woman in her early thirties came and took the child’s hand. “I’m sorry, was she bothering you?”

Kim shook her head, “No of course not. She’s beautiful.”

The woman smiled, “Thank you. If you excuse us, my daughter has a couple of tests that need to be done.”

Kim stood up and smiled at the little girl who looked back at her as she walked away. Kim’s eyes filled with tears as she watched yet another child walk away with their parent and she was left without hers.

Right when she thought she was going to lose her balance and fall, Gerald’s arms came up from behind her and wrapped around her waist. Her eyes closed and she relaxed within his embrace. Her head rested against his the side of his cheek and she sighed, letting everything go.

“You’re going to be a great mother one day,” he whispered against her ear, kissing the side of her temple.

She wrapped her arms around his, and sighed.

“Kim, she’s ready for you.” Mary called out from behind the desk.

Gerald gave her another kiss, and then took her hand in his, leading her into the examination room.

“Hello Kim, Gerald.” Dr. Lee said, turning her chair around and looking at them. “How are you Kim?”

“Taking it one day at a time,” she took a seat on the examination room and Gerald stood beside her, holding on to her hand.

Dr. Lee nodded. “Any pains? Any bleeding?” Kim shook her head. “Okay, well, we’re going to do another ultrasound, and some more blood tests. Do you mind changing into the gown? Gerald, do you mind stepping out for a moment?”

“Gerald stays,” Kim insisted. She looked up at his face and he nodded.

“Okay, so I’m going to be right back in a couple of minutes. Just get ready.” Dr. Lee grabbed Kim’s free hand. “It’ll be over soon.”

Kim jumped off the bed and nodded. She looked at Gerald and chuckled. “I know I asked you to stay but…”

Gerald raised both his hands I surrender and turned around, facing the window. He crossed his arms. “Are you nervous?”

Kim ed her pants and slid them off. “I just want to hear one thing coming out of ?”

“And what is that?”

“I still want to be able to have kids,” she flipped her hair out from underneath the gown and looked at Gerald who was already meeting her gaze. “When I lost Ysabelle, I kept wondering, thinking about what would take this away.” She clutched onto her heart. “And today with that little girl; that little girl proved it. Having another baby, getting pregnant again to term, it’s not going to replace the daughter I lost, but it’ll lessen the burden, it’ll give me something to hope for.”

Gerald walked to her and took her into his arms. “Shh,” he said, combing her hair through with his fingers. “I thought I’d be able to help,” he let out a low chuckle.

She smiled and looked at him, “You did. You are. I just…I want to be pregnant again. I want to be able to feel it again, Ge. I want to be a mom for real.” She went on her tip toes and kissed him. Gerald pushed her hair back from the front of her face, and moved his lips onto her cheeks and her neck, pulling her into a hug.

“I’m back,” Dr. Lee announced her return when she caught the two of them kissing. “Kim, will you lie down and we’ll get started.”

Kim let go of Gerald’s waist and Gerald carried her onto the bed. She leaned back and Dr. Lee squirted the gel onto the stomach. Kim winced. “Sorry,” Dr. Lee apologized. Kim’s breath escaped shaky.

Just a month ago, went she was on this bed, she’d be able to hear her daughter’s heartbeat, but now, more silence. “How does my uterus look, Dr?” Kim tried to keep the mood light.

Dr. Lee turned the screen towards them, “You see this lining,” she pointed to what looked like a scar. “That is where the placenta tore away and caused the bleeding.” Kim’s eyes watered and she nodded. “The scar will continue to heal - again, it’s only been a month - but it’ll heal. There have been cases where a woman’s uterus is completely destroyed because the emergency operation and they’re left-”

“Barren,” Kim concluded. “They’re left barren.” Which was her worst fear. “So what do you see?”

“Your uterus looks fine. More healing, and we’ll give you vitamins to help, but everything looks okay…for now. Some effects of the operation aren’t visible or they don’t happen until later on. So if anything happens, pains, bleeding, prolonged stomach aches, even headaches, I want you to come to the hospital. Every precaution needs to be admitted.” Dr. Lee warned. “Now I want to take some blood, send it down to the lab, okay? Any questions so far?”

“How long until my body heals itself?” She asked.

Dr. Lee looked at Gerald and then to Kim. “There’s no way to tell. Someone women are faster, some are slow. Some don’t. It can two months, it can take two years. The vitamins are to help your body fight off anything left and it’ll help with your health, but it’s not going to speed the process up.”

“But I can still have kids, right? I can still get pregnant?”

The Doctor sighed. “Placental abruption is rare in most cases. Some cases aren’t as severe, and there are three levels of grading. Kim, you were at level three, which is the most severe of all. I understand that when mothers lose their child, they want another fast, but if it’s too soon, there’s a higher chance of the placenta rupturing again, or even side effects. The baby can get hypertenstion, premature births, low oxygen levels, low blood count or even stillbirths. You don’t want to rush into anything. For now, it’s too soon.”

“How long can I wait?” She persisted.

“I’d say a year minimum. You’re still young. You have lots of time.” Dr. Lee squeezed her hand and smiled, “I’ll be back shortly. You can get dressed.”

After putting her clothes back on and getting the blood results, they walked back to the front desk. “I need an appointment for next month,” Kim said,

Gerald stayed close, his lips light brushing the side of her head. “You did great,” he encouraged her.

Kim smiled and turned around, only to bumped into a little girl.

“Kelly!”

Kim looked at saw her mother taking the Kelly’s arm. Kim’s eyes widened at the sight of her little sister in front of her. She forced a smile and laughed, “Hey little one. Watch where you’re going,” Kim bent down at the little girl’s feet and smiled.

“Kim,” Lilly sighed.

She didn’t meet her mother’s eyes, only stared at the little girl. “I’m Kim.”

“Hi,” the little said shyly. “Kelly.”

“Hi Kelly. That’s a beautiful name.”

“Kelly, honey, we have a doctor’s appointment. Can you follow the doctor and I’ll see you in a minute, okay. I’ll be there in one minute,” Lilly held up a finger and smiled as Kelly followed the male doctor. “How are you?”

“Kelly looks good,” Kim said, still not able to look at her mother’s eyes. “Where’s her Dad?”

Lilly smiled at Gerald, but Gerald stayed behind Kim. “He’s at work. What are you doing here?”

Kim finally looked at her mother, “I came to see if I could still have children.” She said bitterly. Lilly’s smile faded. “It was a pleasant visit. Having the doctor tell me I could lose another baby and my chances are higher next time around when I decide to have another baby.”

“Kim…”

“It’s fine, Lilly.” Kim said instead ‘mom.’ “You got your daughter. Congratulations, she’s beautiful.” She grabbed Gerald’s hand and pulled him along behind her.

Gerald opened the passenger door and let Kim climb inside. “Are you okay?” he asked when he got in beside her.

“It’s different. I haven’t seen Kelly until today. She looks like Mom. Her cheekbones, her eyes,” Kim sighed. Gerald grabbed her hand. Kim forced a laugh,  “Can we go out?”

“Where would you like to go?”

“I don’t care, just out. I need to go out, I need to forget. Let’s just drive and keep on driving until we run out of gas.” She laughed.

“Let’s go,” he said. Knowing the perfect place to go.