It was in the middle of the night that Kim woke up. Her room was empty - no Gerald in sight. She assumed he went home. Though she laughed today, smiled even, she could still feel the emptiness within her heart. Without a thought, she let her body and mind lad to whatever would happen next. Kim threw the bed covers over her and she slipped on her slippers and robe. The halls were empty, with minimal light on. She pressed the button for the elevator and before reading any of the other buttons, she pressed the first one she saw.

Outside the elevator, there was a door iluminating darkness. The door knob felt colder than usual, and she opened it before her feet could turn back.

There was a blanket of white on the ground and white snow falling on her from above. It must've been well below freezing but she didn't feel a thing. Her fingers grazed the moist ledge of the hospital rooftop, and she looked up at the empty sky.

Gerald got to the hospital room just after dawn and saw it abandoned. He saw a nurse, and grabbed her arm in panic. "Nurse, where's the woman who stays in this room?"

The nurse met his gaze, "I'm sorry, Sir, but my shift just started an hour ago. If I remember correctly, the room was still empty then too." She touched his arm, and walked away.Gerald's panic grew.

"What was she doing out of bed?!" A woman's voice rose as it got closer. "How long was she out?!" Gerald turned to the direction, only to see his worst nightmare before him - Kim was on a gurney, skin blue like ice and body shivering in a white robe. He ran to her side and grabbed her hand. It felt just like ice, cold and hard. He even saw ice crystals forming. "We need to get her to the ICU, STAT!" The doctor yelled. "I'm sorry, Gerald, but you're going to have to wait here. I'll be back soon." It was Doctor Lee who pushed the gurney to the east wing with immense speed.

Gerald obeyed, and saw Kim's mother, Lilly waiting, looking as distressed as he. "I thought I told you to stay away from her!"

"I was on the roof for some air, and saw her on the ground unconscious. I wasn't about to leave her on the snow shaking." Lilly sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Gerald. My daughter has been on that roof for God only knows how long, so I'd really like to focus on her right now."

"You're the reason she was there in the first place! And you're concerned for Kim? What about your youngest daughter whom you chose to save over your daughter's own child. She was only doing what you were doing - putting her child's life first, but all that mattered was what you wanted!"  He snapped.

Dr. Lee ran back and laid a hand on Gerald's chest, pushing him back from Lilly. "Okay, that's enough! Both of you. Kim would've suffered frorm hyperthermia if she stayed outside for five minutes longer, but she didn't. She's stable now, and because of this little stunt, I have no choice but to put a 24-hour nurse on her."

Gerald knew that was the last thing Kim wanted. She'd have to live with the fact that she lost her child, but with a constant nurse, the reminder will be added onto the fact that she can't be trusted."No. Please, I'll stay with her. I won't leave her alone." He promised.

"Well, I won't do anything yet, but I'm trusting you Gerald. Kim's been through a lot, and I'd hate to do that to her. So, I'll put her in your care. I have some paperwork to do, I'll be back to check on her soon. You can go sit with her." Dr. Lee permitted. "You need to keep her calm. When someone goes in there, any stress-related behaviour stays out."

"And that's the doctor ordering you to stay away," he said, walking away.

When he walked in, Kim was awake as the doctors put more IVs into her arms. She looked at Gerald and the first thing she noticed were the bags underneath them. "You look tired," she said lifeless.

"How do you expect me to get any rest when you have me worried about you being a flight risk?" He smoothed her hair away from her face.

She closed her eyes and let a single tear fall."When I was younger, I had my very own balcony outside of my bedroom. And every night, after all I've been through, whether good or bad, I'd step outside and look at the sky. I can remember there always being stars, even during cloudy nights, I could still it's brightness shining down." Kim took a deep breath. "And it'd let me know how small I was. How small everything that happened was in comparison to the bigger picture, and I'd feel better. It made things that I blew out proportion shrink. I'd feel at peace." She paused at looked at Gerald's hand as he squeezed it. "I wanted peace last night." She said. "I wanted to feel small, I wanted to feel better, so I went to the roof; or I ended up at the roof." Gerald nodded, understanding. "But I felt nothing." Her voice flattened. "There was nothing in the sky, no stars no lights. I couldn't even feel the wind or the snow. I felt nothing," she repeated. "There's nothing left inside," her hand pounded her chest. "I'm empty."

He crawled to sit beside her. "Oh, baby. I'm right here," he said into her hair. "I'm right here."

In the evening, Gerald got a call about the final arrangements of the funeral the following day, and asked Darling to come and stay with Kim while he was away. She knocked on the door and walked in. "Hey," she whispered seeing Kim's eyes close. "How is she?" 

Gerald lifted his head from her hand. "She's been asleep for awhile now." He got up and hugged his sister. "Thanks for coming. I'll just be gone for a couple of hourse."

Darling nodded, "Take your time. I won't go anywhere."

It was around six o'clock when Kim awakened. Her weary eyes opened, and smiled at Darling. "Hi. Gerald put you on babysitter duty?"

She chuckled, "More like girl friend duty." Darling put her book away and reached down beside her. "So I come bearing gifts." She stood up next to Kim, and emptied out the woven basket, item by item. "I got bath and body products for relaxation - Vanilla and strawberry flavour. Some Cosmopolitan and Glamour. A little bit of Rachel Gibson,  Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Philipps and Danielle Steele - Classic Romance novels. Movies - mostly romantic comedies. And a girl's best friend," she pulled out a large 2-pound chocolate bar. "Chocolate."

"Got a baby in there?" Kim asked, her version of lightening the mood.

Darling looked down in shame as she set the basket on the ground. "I can't even imagine what you're going through. Gerald told me what happened with your mom and your sister."

"She's not my sister." Kim answered. "She's the little girl who my daughter saved. She's my mother's daughter, that doesn't make her my sister."

"When I was younger, I had a puppy. And it's not in comparison, but I remember that dog being in my first memory. His name was Cobalt and he was my first friend. He'd always make me laugh with his tricks and such. And then one day, Mom said he went to sleep. I remember being 12, and I remember crying and crying and locking myself in my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone." Darling gulped. "It was the first time I encountered death. That dog was my first and only friend." She took Kim's hand. "Losing Cobalt isn't like losing Ysabelle, I know that. And I may never understand what you're going through, but I know loss. And I know the pain overwhelms you, and when the wound is still fresh you wonder why bother go on. If life can be this cruel and this unfair, that they take away that one thing that you love most, what's the point? What's the point of laughing, of smiling, of moving on when you always have that burden, that knowledge of loss and that feeling in the back of your mind of pain? What's the point?"

"On a scale of 1-10?" Kim started. "Beyond 100. And it's not in the back of my mind, it's everywhere." She sighed. "It takes absolutely everything in my body to keep myself from screaming out loud. So I cry," she wept. "I cry and my body hurts from constantly shaking. Even thinking hurts. I can't make myself think because all I think about is her! And Gerald," she breathed. "He's been so great through all of this. He brings me coffee and muffins, and he tries to make me smile and he cracks jokes to stop myself from..." her voice trailed. "And he holds me. He holds me when I cry and he stops me from hurting." She wiped her eyes.  "I know he's hurting and he's doing everything he can to stop me from hurting, and that hurts. I'm making him take care of somebody when he needs to take care of himself."

Darling nodded. "Gerald called me when it happened, and he was crying so hard. He told me that he saw Ysabelle, that he held Ysabelle and that she look like you and was so beautiful." She smiled. "He told me that you didn't want to see anybody except for him. And...he didn't want you to see anybody but him. Kim, I've seen the way you look at Gerald, from our very first meeting. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he cares about you, the way he protects you. Your daughter isn't the only thing that the two of you share. And just because she's gone, you can't give up, especially what the two of you share."

"It's complicated," Kim dismissed.

"I know. It's complicated, it's too soon, it's awkward. But your daughter - Ysabelle - lived an amazing life. It may have not lived long, but it had meaning. She changed you, and she changed Gerald. And that change brought about it in all of us. Kim, She saved a life, and you may not consider her your sister, but she saved your sister. She saved her aunt, Kim." Kim smiled and let the tears fall. "She lived a life worthwhile and will always remembered by me, by you, Gerald and anyone who knew her. She lives in all of us because of that. And the most important thing she did in her life was bring two amazing people together.

Kim smiled. "Thank you. This all seems unreal to me. Tomorrow is my daughter's service. You never think that'll happen, that you're going to have to bury your child before her first breath. Tomorrow's the only event. No baptism, no first day of school, no graduations, no weddings, just this one event. My daughter is gone.”

Darling took out the pounds of chocolate. “Your daughter is happy, and she’s safe, and she’s right here. So smile, and open your mouth, pop chocolate inside and let the chocolate do the rest of the work.”

Kim laughed and did what she ordered. “Gerald’s lucky to have such a good sister.”

“I’m lucky to have Gerald as a big brother, and you’re lucky to have him as a friend of boyfriend or whatever you guys are.” She took out the cosmopolitan magazine and began reading through it; who broke up, who’s having a baby and who’s hooking up.

It was right at midnight when Gerald got back. “Sorry I took so long.”

Darling shook her head, and saw Kim was out. “It’s okay, we had a…nice time.”

“You guys ate chocolate,” he motioned over to the empty wrapper. “It was a big wrapper,” he chuckled. “And read your little girly magazines.”

She smiled, “Well, it got her to smile and talk. She spoke a lot about everything, how she feels and such.”

“How’s she doing?” He crossed his arms and stared at a sleeping Kim. She had her arm tucked under her head, and hair covering her eyes. It might’ve been weird, but he already missed seeing the baby bump. He could remember her saying that she felt empty, and she looked empty. Her face looked tired and sad. However bad it sounded, it was a step up from what she did look like a couple of hours earlier.

“A mess. She’s tired, and physically in pain just as emotionally, but she talked.” Darling touched her brother’s arm. “I know you’re hurting, too. What have you been doing?”

Gerald sighed and took a seat on the chair Darling was sitting on. “There were so many forms about the burial and the release of the body. The priest wanted to know if there was a particular bible passage needed to say, and then I needed to call almost everybody about the service. I needed to get the tombstone ready; I thought Kim would want it to be ready. I just wanted to give Kim a free mind from thinking about all of this.”

“Okay. But that’s not what I meant. I meant how have you been doing? You’ve spent all your time here and trying to hold yourself together. Have you cried?” Gerald scoffed and turned away. “Kuya, it’s okay to cry. She admitted that she wanted you to be the father of her kid, you were. You lost your child also. You have to cry it out.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said.

Darling nodded, “I’ll pick up her clothes before I get here in the morning. I love you, so you need to take care of yourself also, ‘kay?”

Gerald nodded in response.

The next morning, Gerald came back into the room already dressed in an all black suit and holding a tray of decaf coffee. Darling followed in after him holding a garment bag. “Hey, you would’ve thought I came with you.”

Kim was already standing up, holding her lower back as she walked towards them. “Thank you so much.” She took the bags from Darling’s hand, but once she was standing without support, her back gave out, and she almost fell if it wasn’t for Gerald. “I’m fine,” she said, getting up, but holding his hands steady on her hips.

“Maybe we can just reschedule the service until you get a little better. It won’t be a problem,” he walked her to the edge of the bed where she took a seat.

“No!” She answered, anger flaring up inside. “I need to do this today. It needs to be finished today.”

Gerald nodded. “Darling, can you help her get dressed. I’ll wait outside.”

When she got back, Darling was gone and Kim was holding on to a pearl necklace. He walked to her and held out his hand. She obediently gave it to him and his touch grazed her neck when he pushed her hair away. His hands went to her shoulders after he attached the clasp, and could feel her shoulders quivering. He pulled her against his chest, and rested his head on top of hers. “Are you ready?” He whispered.

She shook her head, “Not really.”

“We’re in this together. No matter what.” He kissed her head. “You lean on me, okay?”

She turned around and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you.”

Gerald held onto Kim as they entered the Church. Michael was the first to encounter them. “Are you alright?”

“I needed to come.”

“Everyone’s inside.”

Kim paused before entering and closed her eyes, feeling warmth and peace overcome her. “She’s here,” she said to Gerald. “It feels like she’s here.”

When they walked to the doorway, she saw a number of people sitting at the pews – the owner of the diner, the receptionist Mary, a couple of friends she’s made in the nine months, Gerald’s family, and Michael’s family – immediate and extended. Marissa was even sitting beside him to show her respects.

Gerald led her to the front, the pew on the opposite of the aisle from Michael. “We’re here to remember a special child who left this mortal world to live in Heaven with God.” The priest said. “Lord God, ever caring and gentle, we commit to Your love this little one; who brought joy and love to our lives in such little time and wrap her in eternal life. We pray for her parents, Michael and Kimberly…who are so deeply saddened with the loss of their child. Give them courage and help in their pain and grief. May they all meet one day in the joy and peace of Your Kingdom. Let us pray the words Your Son Jesus taught us.”

The congregation started the prayer, and said it I unison. Kim closed her eyes and Gerald took her hand, and intertwined their fingers. Kim opened her eyes to see their hands and she met his gaze. Just being beside her made her feel comforted. After the prayer she turned her back, and saw the last person in the world she wanted to see.

Since Lilly wasn’t there when she walked in, she probably walked in late. Kim just stared at her or a minute before Gerald caught the direction of her cold stare. Michael also followed as well as Marissa. Though Kim wasn’t Marissa’s favorite person, she scoffed at the sight of Lilly. Gerald pulled Kim closer, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Lilly was getting all sorts of looks now from those around her, and decided to walk away. By the time Michael looked behind him again, she was gone. Kim didn’t bother on looking back. She was going on blind faith that Lilly would get the message.

“This child was a blessed gift. She brought us joy, and in memory we will keep that joy in our hearts. Life is precious and fragile. But life doesn’t end here on earth, it continues on in heaven for all of eternity. Kim’s baby touched the lives of everyone here. And even for a moment or two, she made us a little kinder, helped us treasure the gifts around us, and caused us to take one extra minute to love each other. And her life had that purpose.” The priest read a bible passage, and with one last prayer, he sent them back into reality.

Gerald drove Kim to the cemetery before heading back to the hospital. She was already buried, and a tombstone was already brought to the site. Kim set down the dozen long-stemmed white roses by the name on the tombstone and wiped her swollen eyes. “She would’ve been due one week today,” Kim said. “And instead she’s here.” Gerald grabbed onto her shoulders and held her steady.  “Is there a prayer we should say?” Kim asked.

“Maybe we could start by saying she was loved.”

“Can you start?” She breathed.

Gerald took her hand, and nodded. “Thank you…for being with us for the past nine months. I know it wasn’t long, but it changed my life. I got to watched you grow inside your mother, I got to feel you move. You were a miracle. And I want you to know, you will always be loved.” He said.

Kim tried to hold it in, but she shook her head. Gerald grabbed her, “its okay.” She sobbed, and held on to him. “She knew how much you loved her.”

They went back to the hospital shortly after, and he helped her get back into the bed. “You get released tomorrow, so I’ll be back to pick you up.” He said, kissing her forehead. “I’m just going to get some of the apartment ready.”

“Don’t pack her things.” Kim told him. “Please.” She added. Gerald nodded. “Gerald? Thank you for what you said to the baby. It was beautiful.”

He smiled, “I just said what I felt.”

Kim nodded, “I wanted to do that, too. You know, I wanted to say those words, but I couldn’t.”

“Maybe you’re not ready to say goodbye to your daughter just yet. It’s okay, Kim. Whenever you’re ready, you’ll tell her. But she already knows.” He smiled and walked outside.

HEY GUYS. I JUST REARRANGED THE CHAPTERS INTO THE PROPER ORDER. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE LAST DEPRESSING CHAPTER. KEEP READING, AND COMMENT PLEASE. THANKS!