I’ve seen it.

When I was at my brother’s house, I’ve spent time with his family. Their household is crazy. The twins are always arguing, their baby boy laughs when Jaejoong hurts himself and Eunhee talks to her kids like she’s talking to grown ups. It’s not the typical household; it’s exactly like what I’ve witnessed growing up. My parents raised us like that. It’s beautiful to see that my brother is doing really well with his family—and to think he said he couldn’t do it.

Spending time with them, looking at them gather around for dinner, talk just about anything, the kids enjoying time with their parents, enjoying their bond with each other, it made me want one. It made me see Sehun and I with our future children. During that night, I’ve seen Sehun and I sit together for dinner but we aren’t the only ones around the table. It’s like a flash of imagination. For a moment, Sehun was there, talking to our kid—a young boy—and he’s talking to him about trying out for the school’s soccer team or joining extracurricular activities. Sehun’s there listening to a young boy talk animatedly about the game he had just discovered and Sehun’s very attentive. His attention is all on him. And I’m there, feeding our little baby girl, talking to her like she can understand me. It’s like a peek on a farther tomorrow with my husband. We can be a family. I want us to be a family.

The thought of bearing a child for nine months is scary. Heck, being a mother is scary. I don’t think it’s a job I can fill. I’ve seen my mother through the years do well and raise her kids well. I’ve seen Eunhee with her twins and baby boy and she’s doing an incredible job. I’ve seen Soomin around her own son and she’s a terrific mother to him. I’ve seen Eri cherish her unborn baby and I can tell she’s going to be a sweet mother. I don’t know if I can be anything like them. I’m terrified. What I see though, is trying. I’m not sure how I’m going to be a mother. I don’t know if I’m good with kids. I don’t know if I can make the cut to Mother of the Year with my future kids. But what I do know is I’ll die trying to be one.

My fear decreases when I think of how amazing of a father Sehun will be. He has so much love to give me and I’m excited for our future children to receive the love their father could offer. I know he’s determined to be a good dad. Sehun has been raised in a rather broken household and I know that gives him more motivation to make sure ours don’t mirror that. I know he will love our family enough to make sure it will and always will be whole no matter what. Just the thought of my husband fathering my children makes my heart flutter.

“You’re lost in thought again,” He mutters behind my ear as he spoons me closer towards his body.

“Sehun, how many kids do you want?” I ask, looking over my shoulder and see him smile lazily with closed eyes.

“One.”

“Just one?” Really? Not that I’m disappointed, but I thought he’d want more.

“One basketball team,” Oh there it is. I furrow my brows and think of how can women conceive as many times. Well, there are families with twenty kids, “You’re actually considering?”

“No. But not shutting down the thought either,” I tell him honestly, “That’s going to be a lot of names. Will you keep up? You’re kind of bad at names,”

“Hmm,” He hums, “You’re right. Maybe two would be good. We’ll call one kid and we’ll call the other one other kid,” His suggestion makes me laugh and I feel his chest vibrate on my back.

“Poor kids,” I say.

“Or we can wait for them to grow up and ask them what name they want. It’s easier that way and they get a say in it,” He says and I laugh at him again.

Soon enough we both fall into silence. I can already imagine a happy household. With Sehun thinking like that, I can just imagine our kids either rolling their eyes or laugh at him, either way, it’s going to be a funny sight for me. Thoughts like that washes the fear of not being able to fill in the shoes of a world winning mother.

I look over my shoulder and I catch a glimpse of the bruise on Sehun’s face. There’s a bitter taste in my mouth and I feel my brows furrow, “Sweetie,” I call softly and Sehun hums in response as I feel his breath on my hair, “You still haven’t told me about the bruise on your face,” I turn to him.

Sehun keeps his eyes closed, “I got into a fight.” He says, wrapping his arms tighter around my waist and pressing me against him even closer if that’s possible.

“Yes, I think I figured that one out myself Captain Obvious,” My response makes him chuckle and a lazy smile forms across his face. I stare at him, thanking the lights are off and only the light from the moon is giving me access to seeing his bruise clearly. I know he’s a man and he can take a hit, but I hate it very much when my husband gets hurt. Any wife who loves their man would be feeling the same thing.

Sehun prolonging my curiosity only answers it. If this were just someone, he’d blurt out a name without a second thought. But the fact that he’s taking his time to tell me, if he even plans on saying a name, I know it’s not just anyone, “What did you two fight about this time?”

The thing with Sehun and Jongin’s friendship is that they think they hate each other but the world knows they’re the best of friends. Even after everything they’ve been through, they think they’ve fallen apart, but at the end of the day, they know each other like the back of their hands and they will always have each other’s back. They’re practically like brothers and their friendship is something I know they both treasure. Both of them keeps each other in check and both of them can bring back each other down to earth when one of them has their head up somewhere.

My question doesn’t make him open his eyes, instead, he just leans in and rests his lip on my forehead, “Sehun,” I urge, “Tell me.”

“He was mad at me because you went away. I deserved the hit, honestly. I know it was my fault why you needed space and he’s right…if you’re sleeping with those thoughts in your head, then I’m not doing my job,” He says, still with closed eyes and I frown at him. The thought of Jongin hitting him leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I appreciate he’s concerned and he still is protecting me but I never liked it when they would be all physical against each other.

“Do you guys really have to punch each other? Have you two ever heard of the word talking?” I ask.