I settle down our suitcase in the living room as Haerin continues to walk to the kitchen. Every second she grows quiet my heart just aches more. She gets a glass of water and gives it to me, silently. Haerin picks up the suitcase and she walks up to our room. The silent treatment, of course. She hasn’t talked to me since I answered Byul’s phone call and I don’t know how to make her understand what I’m doing. She thinks it’s a bad thing, she’s worried about Byul—someone’s mistress—being around me, she thinks it’s wrong and that’s her opinion; that’s how she sees it. And unfortunately, we’re seeing the situation differently.

I know Joonmyeon isn’t ready for a kid, heck he isn’t even ready to admit everything to his wife. But I’ve seen the regret on his face when we talked in the plane on our way back to Seoul from New York. He wants to make things right and he wants to make it up to Ah Yeon. I’ve been nagging at him to do so and now that he’s doing it, I just want to cut my best friend some slack. He’s been ing irresponsible and miserable but he’s still my best friend and dropping this situation on him would be like feeding him to the wolves.

As for Byul’s baby—I really am genuinely concerned. As a kid, I longed for parents. I had them, but not for long. This baby will be born without a set of parents. I can just imagine what it would be like for him to grow up with a messed up family. Byul is stupid to let this happen and it was wrong for her to sleep with someone who was already married but now with a baby involved, pointing fingers isn’t going to make things better. I know Byul has been tough all her life, but at this phase of her life, she’s scared and she’s going through it alone and she has no one. I’ve been there; I’ve had no one so I get how she feels. And I wish Haerin can see past Byul’s wrong doings and know that the woman is trying to make something right not just for her, but for her baby, too.

I enter the room in hopes that I can talk to my wife, but she’s already in bed, cooped up in her space as she hugs a pillow and a comforter covering her up to her waist. I sigh and sink on the space next to her after removing my shirt and my pants. I scoot closer to her and hug her as I kiss the back of her head. I let my arms drape over her waist as I press my palm on the back of her hand and fill the spaces of her fingers with mine. I feel her fingers clip mine tightly but that’s all she does.

I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of her hair and hug her tight, “I love you,”

I hear a phone ringing and I frown, as I feel nothing on the space beside me. My body feels heavy and lazy and this is most likely from the trip. When I open my eyes I see Haerin’s back, she’s sitting up on her side of the bed and looking down. I look for the ringing phone, quite sure that’s mine ringing. But before I can find it, the ringing stops and a message ding follows. Haerin puts something on the bed—it’s my phone—and she stands up as I watch her walk away. When I reach for my phone, I see one missed call from Lee Byul and a message preview from her on the screen saying don’t forget our appointment with Dr. Kang at 10… and I look at the clock—it’s nine o’clock.

“.” I mumble as I let my upper body fall back on bed and look at the ceiling. Haerin saw her call and message. I wipe a hand over my face and stand up to follow my wife out of the room. Before I head for the stairs, I see the art room’s door lightly cracked open.

I walk to the art room and hear rummaging. When I open the door further, I see Haerin sitting on top of the short ladder as she looks at the blank white wall. I got it painted plain white so she can paint on it when she pleases but back then she was too busy to do so. I walk nearer and realize she’s holding a paintbrush and a paint pallet on the other. I lean on the doorframe with arms crossed against my chest and admire her back as she continues to observe the wall. She’s even more attractive in mornings she’s wearing my shirt and holding her painting tools and I haven’t even seen her morning face yet. I am one lucky bastard.

“I don’t know what to paint,” She mutters softly and I open my mouth to answer her, but someone has beaten me to it.

“Ah, this is what they call an art block right?” I frown upon hearing Jongin’s voice and I realize Haerin’s phone is lying on one of the steps of the ladder. Jongin chuckles at the other end of the line, “Try picturing something really cool to paint. We’ve just been to the beach I’m pretty sure you’ve seen something inspiring there,” He says encouragingly and the thought of him talking to her this way ties my stomach into knots.

Haerin doesn’t respond. She just lets out a breath, “Everything good with you, Hae?” The concern dripping from Jongin’s voice makes me frown even more, “You looked kinda off since Saturday. Is something bothering you?”

Haerin lets out a dismissive laugh as she shakes her head, “It’s all cool. It’s just…the art block and stuff. I’m not good with being unemployed and housewife duties aren’t being put to practice,” Her answer stabs me in the heart and I mentally apologize to her. The last time I ate dinner with her was last Monday and only because I skipped work. The weekend was spoiled and now I have to leave again for work…and for Byul’s appointment.

“Hey, if you’re cooking dinner and nobody’s eating them Chanyeol hyung and I will gladly come over to eat them all,” Jongin responds and I feel guilt rush over my entire system, “Sehun’s been working really hard these past few weeks and I know it to be waiting on him all the time, but I’m pretty sure he wants to be home a lot,” He tells her and I see Haerin shake her head but she doesn’t speak. My heart clenches at the thought that my wife had given up her job to take care of me but I’m barely around to be taken cared of.

“I get that he has a lot of work…but…there are stuff that just bothers me when he’s away, you know,” She sighs and shakes her head, “It’s pathetic, I know. I married a good man, nothing should be bothering me,” And my heart clenches at the dripping despondence in her voice.

She and Jongin have remained good friends over the years. In fact, Jongin’s the reason why I found her again. He never lost contact with her and he happens to know what was going on with her life so it was easier for me to find her. Their friendship has gotten deeper as time passed and it bothered me for a while but Haerin told me her friendship with Jongin is the kind of friendship she treasures too much to let it cross a line so I respected their relationship. But now, for some reasons, it’s starting to bother me again.

Jongin is silent for a moment as she looks down, “Hae, trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about Sehun. He’s pretty damn in love with you, it’s annoying sometimes with how cheesy he gets and how husband material he is to you, but you’re in good hands. Your heart is safe with him,” He tells her and I feel a bitter taste in my mouth, hearing my friend reassure her when it should be me. I’ve told her a million times I love her, she’s heard it from me every single day. I never not tell her that. It stings my heart to hear another person feeling the need to reassure her. It only means she doubts my words.

Jongin laughs softly at the other end of the line, “You’ll be fine,” He tells her and I’m taken back to that time at the hotel, when Haerin was upset about me leaving her after I kissed her. The tone of his voice is the same and I never forgot that because it was the same voice and same words that cheered her up.

“And if you really don’t know what to paint, just paint my face,” He adds and Haerin laughs at him and I frown.

“Jongin I’m not putting your face on my wall,” She tells him as she climbs down the small ladder and she finally sees me. Jongin says something about his face being a good subject but Haerin’s eyes are locked on mine and the smile on her face is slowly fading. She tears her gaze away from me and she picks up her phone as she tells Jongin she’ll call him back later.

Haerin fixes her painting tools and set the short ladder on the side of the room, “Do you want any breakfast?” She asks, continuing to clean up her stuff in the art room, “I wasn’t going to cook any because I figured you’d be late for your…appointment. But I’ll go fix you up something while you shower if you want to eat something before you leave or do you want me to pack you a sandwich?”

She almost walks past me but I grab a hold of her hand and she stops but doesn’t face me, “I’m sorry,” I tell her but she does