TITLE (5/10)
       I’m really not quite sure what the title has to do with the story other than the “Devil” part. What does it mean that he’s “Not So Black”? Black is a shade, not a moral alignment, so if you wanted to say that he’s not so evil, then use an adjective. But even then, the Devil barely has anything to do with the story, so why does he deserve a spot in the title?

FOREWORD & DESCRIPTION (6/10)
       So you’ve got this chunk of text in large letters that doesn’t really say anything about the plot, then in like point 12 font separated from the rest and in a colour that blends into the background, you actually give a story description. I don’t believe that you need to give as much detail pertaining to the characters themselves, rather focus on drawing people’s attention by giving a brief description of the plot while allowing room for mystery. Either forgo the personality descriptions, or make it a lot shorter since that’s not what you want to focus on in your foreword.

SPELLING & GRAMMAR (8/15)
      I highly suggest that you get yourself a beta reader if ever you feel like doing a re-write. You seem to have all sorts of spelling mistakes, the most frequent being discordances in verb tenses (“…but he didn’t bring her in the conversation so Jinyoung won’t be jealous again.” Chapter 12) Here, ‘didn’t’ and ‘wont’ belong to two different tenses, so you have to be extra careful with those. I did notice typos, but verb tenses are probably the biggest issue to deal with here.

CHARACTERIZATION (9/15)
       It’s good that you try to reinforce the character’s personalities through their actions, but be careful not to get too excited in their development. You even told the readers some of their characteristics, yet sometimes you didn’t follow through with them, and changed their personalities here and there to fit the mood of the scene. I would say that your characters are two dimensional, and, even though I can begin to picture them in my mind, I have yet to establish a vivid image of them. Try to make them better-rounded, and keep working on letting their actions define who they are.

      There was one more thing that irked me was how the demons didn’t really act like demons. What I mean to say is, if Mark, for example, spends time doing his demonic activities in hell, it would be nice and kind of funny to witness his confusion upon arriving on earth. Take The Devil is a Part-Timer, when Satan and Alciel appear in Tokyo after leaving their dark kingdom, they don’t know what’s going on and try to resume their usual demonic activities, however, they can’t since a) that’s not what the common citizen does and b) they lack the necessary magic powers.

     I believe that Jackson’s and Mark’s struggles, had they been more in-depth, would have allowed more of an impact to be left from their punishment, and therefore readers might relate to the demons and allow the fictional characters to seem more real. Though the thing that bothered me the most is how you full on told the readers how they acted, yet throughout the story I just got the feeling that Mark is a soft-spoken, sometimes irritated mother-hen figure while Jackson is sometimes angry, sometimes a little less angry, both of which don’t exactly fit their predispositioned qualities.

PLOT (24/30)

    I don’t have much to say here because I absolutely love these kinds of plots where supernatural beings have to pretend to be human and so on. However, it’s like you tried to cram too many things into 16 chapters, without allowing the readers to familiarize themselves with all the different scenarios.

FLOW (4/10)
     Possibly the most noticeable thing is that your sentence structures are weak, so the flow felt as if it was full of holes. It seems that you also stumble over your words a lot, as if you get so excited to write that you forget to make it understandable: slow down, take a breath, and make sure that what you’re writing can be followed by readers.

      Also, try and tease the readers more with the whole romance thing. Don’t give them what they want right off the bat. Build up the tension and excitement, and place little romantic bits here and there so that when they finally confess their feelings to themselves or each other, it’s that much more emotional and satisfactory.

       Also, if you slow down and look at the romance from either character’s point of view, you’ll write the romantic scenes according to how the character would react given their individual personality. What you seem to have done, however, is write such scenes from your own perspective, therefore missing the opportunity to bring depth to the characters and the story.

WRITING STYLE(2/5)

      I'm not sure how to describe it...if anything, I'd say your writing is like a ghost writing, or a cobweb writing: you lay down the foundations, but then just don't finish the project through. You leave the foundations by themselves, and even though this part supports everything built around it, when left alone it becomes rather brittle.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT (2/5)
   As I said before, I love these types of plots, but the flow and grammar issues hindered my enjoyment of the story.