ANALYST-AGENT CONSTANTINE
DATE- JUNE 25, 2016
FILE- REVIEW 
AUTHOR- PERFICTION
"THE MARIONETTE FROM STARDUST FOREST"


NOTE
    Constantine is a bit of a blunt reviewer so I apologize in advance in case this review rubs anyone the wrong way. But do know Constantine still means no harm. If you have any remarks or concerns you may contact Constantine or myself or the agency. I do hope this review is helpful for you however. - SpyMasterBang

 

Overall grade: D

Title: The Marionette from Stardust Forest

This title comes across very childish, and not catchy at all. It seems that you want this to be a fantasy story, and usually the titles in fantasy are attention grabbers, and definitely more mature than this came across. From the title of the story I knew from the start that I could not take this story seriously.

Description and foreword:
I feel that more can be done with this, all there really was, was a list telling the characters and their name changes. I think you should take the time to expand more and give a bit of a backstory with the whole thing.

Spelling and Grammer;

Spelling was on point. Good job! There are a few flubs here and there but, everyone is entitled to a few mistakes.
Your grammer was decent, it's something that you can build on and improve the more you write.

Characterization, Plot, Flow, and Writing Style;

Now, I grouped all of these together for a reason. You really need to work hard on improving all of these. You over explained things that didn't need to be so specific to the point that it was almost hard to read (i.e the canopy scene at the beginning), and where there needed to be a more in depth look at things( I.e. character development, a richer character interaction, to the way that the scenes jumped from one to the other without a better blend) there was none.
Your writing style needs a little improvement, but that comes with practice and time.
The flow goes with what I said about the way the scenes jumped; you need to find a better way to transition.
Now I do believe that you have something going for you with the plot, I think that you could definitely build it into something that could be an amazing read, but I suggest maybe getting a co-author or a beta reader.

Personal Enjoyment;

I did not enjoy reading this. It was taxing to read because of how clumsily it was thrown together. I do think that you do have a great idea, but I think you need to take sometime to expand more on it. Take some time to maybe write out some lists of plot order and character development and how you want to go about it. Building a backstory for the characters also helps with the flow of the story and interesting little tidbits that can be thrown in as fillers. It also helps in understanding the characters and makes the story (even if it's fantasy) a little bit more believable.

LAWS

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